by Noelle Adams
“I’m glad you stayed.” He shouldn’t be saying that. He absolutely shouldn’t be saying that. He really needed to start holding her at arm’s length so he’d be able to walk away from her at the end of the week.
He didn’t have any other choice.
It felt like she was smiling above him, but his eyes were closed so he couldn’t see her.
***
When he woke up, Brie was stretched out beside him on the couch, and he was holding her in his arms.
He lifted his head and saw that it was after seven in the evening.
Brie had been asleep too, but his motion must have woken her because she shifted against him and opened her eyes. “How are you?” she asked groggily.
“I’m fine. I’m good. How about you?”
“I’m great. I haven’t had a nap like that in ages.”
“Me either.”
“You still look tired.” Her eyes were gently scanning his face.
He was. The morning had completely leveled him, and he felt like he could sleep for another ten hours. He just gave her a little smile and kissed her.
For a long time they just kissed, slowly sliding their lips and their tongues against each other. He loved the feel of her against him like this, slow and mild and not at all urgent. His body responded to her closeness though—not intensely but enough to make him harden about halfway. He was afraid he wasn’t up for sex. He wasn’t sure he had the energy or focus to manage intercourse at the moment.
If Brie wanted it, however, he would figure out some way to give it to her.
They were still kissing when he felt her hand sliding beneath his waistband until she was stroking and holding his half erection.
“Brie,” he rasped, trying to get his mind to work, his body to work, this languid spell that had come over him to disperse.
“Shh.” She kissed him again, smiling against his lips and stroking his head with her free hand. Her other hand kept pumping his erection, holding it up against his lower belly as he hardened a little more.
Her lips clung to his, and she remained in his embrace. Her hand was firm and skillful as she worked him up to climax before he was ever fully hard. Cyrus felt his muscles tightening and a familiar coil of pressure. He kept giving Brie clumsy, unfocused kisses all the while.
It took only a minute, after the pleasure had faded, for his breathing to even out again. Brie grabbed a tissue to clean up his come, and Cyrus let his body soften with a kind of relaxation he rarely experienced.
He opened his mouth to suggest a way of pleasing her now, but Brie spoke before he could. “Don’t you dare suggest something silly. You need to sleep. That’s all I wanted to do.”
His eyes were already closing again. He was never like this. Hopefully tomorrow he’d be more himself again. “Thank you. Take care of… tomorrow.”
He knew—without doubt—that if Brie hadn’t been here, he wouldn’t have gone to sleep tonight at all. He would have stayed awake, mentally torturing himself all night. And he never would have felt this good.
He couldn’t remember ever feeling this good.
He’d never felt cared for like this. Not once in his life.
As Brie got up to go to the bathroom, Cyrus wondered in a wave a vague dismay how he would ever survive after they parted ways on Friday.
Only a few more days. Then he’d have to remember what it felt like to live his life alone.
Six
On Thursday morning, Cyrus sat with Brie at a bench in one of the squares off Bull Street.
They’d gotten up early so they could wander the streets during the quietest part of the day, before tourists started to swarm the shops and sidewalks. The day was clear and brisk, and there was a nip to the air that hadn’t been there earlier this week. The shops and streetlights were all decorated for the holidays, but it still didn’t feel like Christmas to Cyrus. It was too warm. Not nearly festive enough.
It felt more like the end of summer as they sipped the last of their bottled water and sat in soft silence, watching the city come to life.
Cyrus’s arm was draped around Brie, pulling her snugly against his side. She leaned against him, occasionally stroking his chest in a fond, idle way that made him ache behind his ribs.
Cyrus had been to this city many times before. His sister had lived here since she’d gotten married. But he’d never breathed in the city like this before, and he knew he’d never be able to come here again without thinking about Brie.
Tomorrow was Friday.
Tomorrow he’d have to leave her for good.
Almost unconsciously, he lifted his hand to brush along her long, soft hair, burnished now by the sunshine
Cyrus had a crazy, passing thought. He wondered what she would say if he blurted out a proposal—if he asked her to marry him. Right here. Right now.
He wanted to ask her.
He wasn’t so foolish as to do it though.
He’d known her for less than two weeks. He was far too old for her. And he could hardly burden her with everything that came along with being Cyrus Damon. Even with all he’d poured out to her in the hot tub earlier that week, she would have no idea of the baggage he brought with him.
Plus Brie would never say yes.
“It’s a golden sort of morning, isn’t it?” Brie’s voice broke the stillness. It was soft, strangely resigned.
“Yes. It is.” He knew she meant the sunlight, which was streaming in through the bare trees, burnishing everything it touched with an almost overpowering gold. Summer or winter, Savannah could still offer them this.
“Life sometimes sucks, doesn’t it?”
“Yes.” Intuitively he understood that her thoughts had followed the same paths as his over the past few minutes.
“I guess there’s no way to stretch out today any longer—I mean, make it last for a few more months.”
He let out a long breath, oddly touched by the hesitant, half-teasing statement. “I think that’s more than I’m capable of doing.”
“Yeah,” she said, raising a hand to cup his cheek briefly. “I know.”
He nodded to let her know he understood, but he couldn’t think of anything to say.
“It’s just that two weeks doesn’t seem long enough,” she continued, slouching against his side again and staring out at the drooping oaks. “I mean, it seems like we have something good here, and it’s too bad that this is all it can be.”
She’d voiced his own feelings so perfectly that there was nothing he could add.
“Not that I’m assuming it was serious,” she added hurriedly, evidently misunderstanding his silence. “I mean, we both knew it was temporary going into this. I’ve just had such a good time.”
“Me too,” he said softly. “I know what you mean.”
She paused. Then took a shuddering breath and asked very softly, “I guess… I guess keeping in touch is… is out of the question?”
His breath hitched at the tentative question. He knew exactly what the question meant. She was sending out a little test balloon to see how he’d react.
To see if he was at all open to extending their relationship.
It hurt. So much. That he’d have to kill the slightest bit of hope he could hear in her voice. “I don’t think there would be any good in doing that,” he murmured gently.
He felt her slump against him, wounded that he’d had to wound her.
But there was no way. Absolutely no way. He’d been someone else these past two weeks—someone different, someone just for her. But that person couldn’t last—not when he had to go back home and be who he’d always been.
If he’d had a minor breakdown on Monday at being so close to her, it would only get worse if he really considered a life with her.
“Okay,” she said rather hoarsely.
He kissed her hair. “I’m sorry, dear heart. But it would never work.”
“I understand.”
He doubted she did understand, but there was no way for him to make it clea
rer—not without sharing with her exactly who he was and everything that came with it.
He’d known—he’d known—they had no future. He’d made conscious choices when he’d agreed to spend the week with her and then a few more days beyond that. He was an intelligent adult who knew how to weigh options. And now he could live with the consequences.
He just hadn’t realized twelve days ago how completely Brie would disarrange his whole world.
“It’s just bad timing,” Brie concluded, obviously taking some comfort in finally articulating what both of them had clearly been brooding over. “Really bad timing. Just one of those things. I’m going to miss you like hell when you leave.” She slanted a shy look up at his face at this confession. “But I still don’t regret this time we’ve had together. Do you?”
“Never.” To his embarrassment, he heard his voice crack a little, so he kept his response to one word. But he tightened his arm around her, determined to enjoy the time they had left and not dwell on the misery that would wait for him when he left.
“Never,” she repeated in a whisper.
They didn’t speak again. Didn’t need to. After a few minutes, Cyrus couldn’t hold back the need to kiss her. So he rearranged her body and found her lips in a slow, thorough kiss.
She kissed him back immediately, opening her mouth to his advances and gently caressing his hair, his head. The embrace was more tender than erotic, and it went on for a long time.
He didn’t know how long they would have kissed—on a public park bench in the most popular part of Savannah—had they not been interrupted by a rowdy group of tourists. A couple of the young guys hooted at them playfully.
Brie giggled as she pulled away from him, rubbing her rosy mouth self-consciously. “I guess we should probably stop.”
“Yes,” Cyrus agreed, heaving himself to his feet. He had very little time left to kiss Brie, to touch her, to talk to her, to feel her beside him. “I guess it’s time.”
***
They spent the day wandering aimlessly and occasionally stopping at cafés to eat or drink coffee. When they got back to the house that evening, they had a quiet dinner, and Brie went to take a bath before bed.
As she soaked in the tub, Brie kept telling herself not to be sad.
She’d had an amazing couple of weeks. She’d told Cyrus the truth when she’d said she didn’t regret the time she’d spent with him. But she realized now she’d been holding on to the slightest glimmer of hope—that he’d want to stay in touch, that there might be some potential for a future after all.
She’d been foolish. She’d been wrong. And now she had to live with the disappointment.
She told herself she’d feel better when she went up to Eden Manor and had Christmas with Mitchell and the others. She’d feel more normal then. She wouldn’t feel like her heart had been ripped apart and trampled on. But she was seriously considering just going home this evening instead of spending one more night with Cyrus. Since she was going to leave him forever tomorrow anyway, maybe she should just get it over with quickly so it wouldn’t hurt so much.
It was going to hurt like hell either way.
She was still trying to decide as she got out of the tub and dried off. When her phone rang, she glanced at it and saw the caller was her mother.
Her first instinct was to let it go to voice mail since she wasn’t in the mood for chatting right now. But her mother had already called twice this week, and Brie hadn’t taken those calls either. Her mother had raised Brie and Mitchell alone since she hadn’t been married to either of their fathers. A few years ago, she’d moved to Florida to live with her sister, so Brie only saw her a few times a year. She didn’t want her mother to be worried or hurt by her ignoring her calls.
So she took a deep breath and connected the call. “Hi, Mom.”
“Brie, is everything all right?”
“Of course it is. Why wouldn’t it be?”
“Mitchell said there’s a guy.”
Brie managed to smother a groan. “Mitchell had no business telling you that.”
“Well, I hadn’t been able to reach you, so I called to ask him what was going on. And he said there was a guy, and he thought it might be serious.”
“I told him it’s not serious. I’ve told him more than once.”
“He doesn’t believe you. I guess he’s been picking up serious vibes, and he’s worried that you won’t tell him anything.”
Brie sat down on the bed in the master bedroom, the towel wrapped around her. She felt worse than ever, her stomach churning at the thought of Mitchell, her mother, everyone thinking and wondering about what was going on with her. “I told him everything there is to tell. I’ve been hanging out with someone for the past week or so, but there’s… there’s no potential for anything long-term.” Her mother had never been particularly traditional or conservative, but Brie was still slightly uncomfortable talking openly about sex with her.
“How do you know?”
“We agreed on that from the beginning.”
“And did you mean it?”
Brie started to reply automatically, but then the question hit her strangely. “I… I did mean it.”
“But you don’t now?”
“It doesn’t matter. Nothing is going to happen. I’m keeping everything in perspective. I’ve got this under control.”
Her mother actually laughed. “Brie, do you think I don’t know you? Since when have you ever been able to keep your heart under control?”
Never. Brie had never been able to keep her heart under control. Never in her life.
And it felt more out of control with Cyrus than it had ever felt before.
“Mom, please,” she said, her voice slightly hoarse. “I’m an adult. I know I’ve done stupid things before and lost my heart over things, over men, that I shouldn’t have. But this is different. You don’t have to worry about me.”
“Is it different?” Her mother paused for a moment before she continued, “Brie, you wouldn’t be you if you didn’t go all in with your heart. Giving your heart isn’t wrong. The only mistake you’ve made in the past was giving it to men who didn’t deserve it.”
Brie swallowed hard, her emotions so raw after trying to hold them back all day with Cyrus that she just couldn’t contain them anymore. “But I don’t want to make that mistake again. It… it hurts too much. And this is obviously the wrong man since he doesn’t want things to continue.”
“How do you know he’s not going through exactly what you’re going through? If he’s really different from those other guys, you’re going to be able to tell pretty easily. The problem with Chase and the others is that they cared more about themselves than they did about you. If he cares more about you than he does about himself, then your heart is going to be safe.”
Brie sat for a minute, silent and shaking slightly as she processed the words and all the feelings that came with them. Finally she said, “I… I don’t know.”
“You will, Brie. So you made a few mistakes. Everyone does. You’re not as foolish as you think you are. You’re going to be able to tell if he’s really different.”
Despite her emotional state, Brie felt better as she hung up with her mother. She never would have been able to talk like this with Mitchell, but it actually did help to share a little bit with someone who really knew her.
After a minute, she stood up and went to change into a nightgown. She chose a pretty white one that looked slightly vintage that she thought Cyrus would like.
She wasn’t going to go home. She was going to stay with him as long as she could.
Her heart was already in this, so it wouldn’t do any good going home now. She might as well savor every moment she had with him.
Cyrus wasn’t like the other men she’d fallen for in the past.
He was so much better.
***
While Brie was taking a bath, Cyrus had gone downstairs to give his e-mail a quick scan. While he was doing so, Gordon came into the
room and stood wordlessly in front of the desk until Cyrus looked up. Since Cyrus had a pretty good idea of what Gordon wanted to say, he was tempted to simply ignore him. But he knew how futile an effort that would be.
Gordon would just stand there—for a full hour if necessary—until Cyrus finally acknowledged him.
“Thank you for dinner tonight,” Cyrus said. “Did you need something?”
“I was wondering if there have been any changes to the plans for this weekend.”
Cyrus let out a small breath. He’d known he wouldn’t be able to escape having this conversation. “No. None.”
“You’re still heading to Eden Manor tomorrow morning? Alone?”
Cyrus met Gordon’s gaze and pondered the irony of feeling so much like he’d let his employee down. “Yes.”
“You didn’t offer her an alternative?”
Leaning back in his chair, Cyrus felt a twist of annoyance in his chest. He knew Gordon wanted only what was best for him, but the man could be endlessly stubborn. “This was always the plan. What exactly did you expect?”
“There are any number of possibilities,” Gordon said mildly, “other than saying good-bye to her for good.”
The conversation was making him feel even worse, so Cyrus said in a voice that brooked no opposition, “This was temporary. Both of us are agreed.”
It was a sign of Gordon’s commitment to his cause that he didn’t back down, even given Cyrus’s tone of voice. “I am not convinced such an agreement is genuine on both sides. Nor am I convinced it’s in either of your best interests.”
“Damn it, Gordon,” Cyrus snapped, his control breaking because the man was needling so close to the core of pain at his heart. “What do you expect us to do? Elope and live happily ever after?”
“That is one possibility, and it’s not as implausible as you imply. But there are other possibilities somewhere in between marriage and never seeing her again. Have you suggested the possibility of keeping in touch, at least just to see what happens?”
“Such a suggestion would be useless.”
“I don’t understand why it would be useless. You’re not letting yourself consider possibilities, and I can’t help but think it’s because you don’t believe you deserve to be—”