William stopped walking. Caroline’s hand was still in his, and he stiffened the same way she did. Turning, he lowered his head, slid his tinted glasses down, and looked at the older woman without blinking. ‘Madam, kindly take your hand from my arm and leave us be.’
Recoiling, Bethany drew her fingers back, nostrils flaring as she inhaled. Her hands shook. ‘Did you tell him, Caroline? Did she tell you? No mother should outlive her child. No mother should outlive her own child! You should still be locked up. You should still be put away. Other people do it all the time, but you couldn’t kill yourself right, could you? It’s not fair. You should be rotting away in the ground, not Drew!’
‘Bethany, go home to Gus,’ Caroline said, without looking back. ‘Please, William, let’s go.’ She squeezed his hand. He began walking, leaving the jittery, distraught woman behind.
‘Go home to Gus? Go home to Gus?’ Bethany shrieked. ‘Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That’s right, you better run, mister!’ Bethany shouted. ‘Get rid of her now before she gets rid of you!’
Will led Caroline through the Webb & Fairchild’s front entrance. ‘Come on, Squirt. Let’s go upstairs and have lunch. If you don’t want to eat yet, then you can pick out something casual for me to lounge about in.’
‘She’s going to follow us.’
‘No, she won’t. I think I scared the hell out of her.’
Caroline tried to make light of what had happened. ‘I’m scared of being called madam too.’
‘Whoa.’ Will halted suddenly, removing his hat. ‘That was weird.’
‘Calling someone madam?’
‘No, I mean that was the first time I was actually glad someone was afraid of me. The first time I wanted to scare someone.’ He took off his glasses and shook his head, with an odd, thin laugh. ‘I sort of liked it. No, truthfully, I should say, I enjoyed it. What’s her problem anyway? Does she need to up her anti-psychotic meds or did she wander away from some mental hospital?’
Hair spilled across her face as she looked down at her feet, and exhaled, ‘She’s my mother-in-law. Or was.’
‘Ah, the Ball-Breaking, Dragon Lady, Mother-in-Law from Hell. You hear jokes, you hear stories, and how very unfortunate for you.’ Will shifted the hair from her face. His hand settled on the nape of her neck, and he gave her a gentle, reassuring squeeze.
She didn’t say anything for a few minutes. Neither did he. He followed her to the Maple Room, where they were ushered to a table.
The recessed, overhead halogen café lights were bright for his sensitive eyes. Will slid on his tinted glasses and looked at Caroline. She knew he was looking at her, but he didn’t press her to talk. He simply sat across from her in their booth, sipped water the hostess had given them, and smiled softly when she finally spoke.
‘Have you ever worn purple, William?’ she said.
‘I don’t think so.’
‘You would look really nice in a deep shade of purple. It would make your eyes really pop.’ She locked and unlocked her fingers before she shoved hair out of her face, and folded her hands together. After a huff, she licked her lips and drank half a glass of iced water. Finally, she took a breath, and then she was off, Bonnie Chesterman-style. ‘You know I said I’ve been in a sort of suspended animation? I think I can trust you, William. I think I can tell you anything. My uncle’s told you stories, but I don’t know if he ever mentioned that I spent time in a psychiatric hospital. My parents, my husband, and the baby, it all fell apart. I fell apart and I guess tried to kill myself. The funny thing is, I don’t remember. I don’t remember a lot about the things that happened, and I’m trying to move on with my life. I’m trying to start over. There’s a shirt downstairs in sportswear I’d like to put you in. You can wear it with jeans or a pair of flat fronts.’ Caroline swallowed and reached for her water again. ‘I can trust you, can’t I?’
‘Of course you can trust me. I’m an attorney.’
The glass paused at her mouth. ‘That has to be the best lawyer joke I’ve ever heard.’
‘No, this one is; you’ll like it, it’s clothes related. What the difference between a lawyer and a buzzard?’
‘William.’
‘You can trust me, Caroline. I’m your friend. I’m really your friend.’
She chugged the water, set the glass on the table, and gazed at him for a long moment. ‘Yes, I think you are. You showed me more kindness and friendship in the first week I knew you than people I called friends for twenty years. I know I made it hard for them. Actually, I shut most of them out, but when your closest friends heard words like anxiety disorder, major depressive episode, post traumatic stress, and postpartum psychosis bandied about, they probably thought I was nuts. I’ve always been a little introverted and socially anxious, and that may have set me up to some degree, but this was beyond that clumsiness I feel in a group of people. It’s the twenty-first century and there’s still a stigma attached to mental illness, however minor. I must buy into that too because I don’t like to say I was mentally ill.’ She gave an absurd laugh. ‘But I was. And I’m not any more.’
Will waved the approaching waiter away.
Caroline exhaled. ‘I lost my footing scaling some very rocky parts of my life, and I needed help to find a toehold. It’s taken a while to climb back here. I’m sorry I made you feel like you wanted to frighten someone, and I’m sorry you got caught in the middle of Bethany’s shit slinging. I just wanted to have a nice lunch with you.’
‘We’re going to have a nice lunch.’
‘I feel a little bit like Bette Davis in Now Voyager. She and I both of came out of a kind of hibernation, but I’m wishing I had a note pinned someplace on my jacket to tell me what I should to do next, like she did. Jesus, I almost wish I smoked. You could light one for both of us, like Paul Heinreid does for her. You don’t smoke, do you?’
Will simply reached across the table and took her hand. ‘No, I don’t smoke, and buzzards don’t have removable wing tips.’
***
The coffee table water rings were gone and Julie’s glass sat on a coaster. Julie still looked the same. Flavored coffee was still her brew on offer but the Olympic ring stains had disappeared. Caroline wanted to know how long it would take before the stains had finally vanished from her life. She sighed. ‘Did you use mayonnaise?’ she said, touching the tabletop.
Julie chuckled. ‘No, I rubbed in white toothpaste and baking soda. When it was dry I used furniture polish. Can you smell it?’
‘All I smell is the hazelnut coffee you made. Thank you for not offering me any. Hey, do you think toothpaste and baking soda would get nicotine stains off skin they way it does teeth?’
‘Nicotine stains?’
‘Yeah, like Phillip Seymour Hoffman had. Did you ever notice that? He was a phenomenal actor and he had these awful, nicotine-stained fingers. Like Bethany has.’
‘I think lemon juice would probably work on that. So you saw Bethany?’
Caroline sat back and tucked her feet under. ‘Yep. I was with my friend William. I was glad he was there.’
‘William’s the guy who lives next door to you, the one friend you told me about before?’
Nodding, Caroline said, ‘We’ve become quite good friends. He’s introduced me to his friends. They’re nice people. My neighbors are all really nice people. I’m living in a nice community, and William is a very nice man.’
‘You still smile when you talk about him.’
‘I like him.’ She nodded again, trying hard not to smile. ‘Everything feels so normal, you know, ordinary when he’s around.’
‘And he was with you when you saw Bethany?’
‘Bethany.’ Caroline rolled her eyes. ‘She’s nuts you know. I’m the one that got put away. I’m the one who had the acute stress disorder, the postpartum depression, but she’s always been histrionic, psychopathic, and borderline.’
Julie arched her brow. ‘Spoken like a million daughters-in-law.’
‘She’s just so horrid—and
William is so nice. I told him about what happened. I told him I was in Linden Oaks and he was totally fine with it.’
‘He’s your friend.’
Caroline smiled. Again. And she didn’t care. ‘I’ve made one really good friend. William likes movies and loves Batman. He’s easy to get along with and I’m comfortable around him. I can be myself. I’m not worried—well, not too worried—that I’ll say or do the wrong thing. But …’
‘But what?’
Her smile turned into a frown. ‘What’s it mean when you notice your friend is really good looking?’
‘What do you think it means?’
‘Oh, I hate when you do that.’
Julie didn’t say anything. She simply peered over the top of her glasses and waited.
‘All right.’ Caroline let out a huff. ‘It means he’s a handsome man. I noticed a man was handsome. I noticed my friend, William, is good looking. I’m not reading anything into it beyond that fact, and I not going to consider that noticing he’s attractive is an indication that I’m interested in anything other than the friendship, and support he’s given me. I don’t even want to go in that other direction.’
‘Why not? You’re grabbing life by the balls, aren’t you?’
Caroline snorted. ‘I can’t believe you of all people would be suggesting that I … wait. Are you suggesting that I …’
Julie did the peering over the top of her glasses thing again. ‘Maybe it’s time.’
‘Come on, Julie. You know I get confused sometimes, all jumbled up by how I’m supposed to feel or not feel. I have to ask myself if that quivering thing in my stomach means I’m happy, exited, terrified, or that I need to eat lunch like it did the other day. Really, like I need to complicate matters with a romantic relationship.’
‘Okay. I know you’re not ready and trying to do the right thing.’
‘Yeah. The right thing. I did the right thing, but it was the wrong thing, and people got hurt. Then I did the wrong thing, which was the right thing, and people still got hurt. I don’t want to hurt anyone.’
‘What makes you think that will happen again?’
‘Alex. Bethany.’
Julie pulled off her glasses and gestured with them. ‘Wow, Bethany really pissed you off. And you said you didn’t know how you felt.’
With a shrug, Caroline said, ‘Well, anger’s easy to label.’ She got up and went to the little refrigerator that was hidden in the credenza beneath the coffeemaker. She took out a small bottle of water and twisted off the cap as she toed the fridge door shut. ‘Know what I don’t get?’
‘Nut-flavored coffee?’
‘Ew.’ Caroline wrinkled her nose. ‘That and the idea that certain things have to be significant, and people thrust that “significance” on everyone, whether it means something to them or not. Like certain birthdays, that “Oh my God, you’re forty” crap that mandates because you’re wigged out by turning forty then everyone else must wig out too. And the idea that I can move beyond the pain and shit of my past, but have someone like Bethany demand that I have to live it, or be crippled by it, or have it color everything that I do because she does.’
***
‘Obviously the harpy hasn’t mellowed with time. Gus is one poor bastard to be married to that.’ Her uncle grumbled, shaking his white head as he tossed the two-toned, tasseled saddle shoes she bought him back into the box. ‘Thanks for these. That was sweet.’ He had the last mouthful of his Scotch and soda and signaled the college-aged barman who wore white jacket with a Foxhollow Country Club emblem stitched on the left breast.
‘I saw them and I had to get them for you. I’m glad you like them.’
‘Who said I liked ’em?’
‘They’re an exact match to those shoes you used to call your hole-in-ones.’
‘That’s because there was a hole in one, you know,’ Reg said with a laugh. ‘I had a bunion on my left foot and I had to split the shoe open so I could play.’
‘If you don’t like them, I’ll take them back and get you something else. They’re too flashy for this ultra-conservative country club anyhow.’
He held up his hands. ‘I didn’t say I didn’t like them, did I?’
‘You’re getting crotchety, Uncle Reg. Maybe I should fix you up with Bethany.’
‘And I thought you loved me.’
The young barman arrived. As her uncle said something about a Scotch, the barman bent his fair head forward slightly, similar to the way William often did.
Had teenaged William Murphy ever been a bartender or waiter? Had he’d spent his summers working in a stuffy country club like this kid? Knowing William, odds were he worked for a judge or congressman and had started wearing tailored suits when he was fifteen.
Uncle Reg poked her.
She looked at him, dragging her eyes from the fair, freckly barman. ‘What?’
‘My very rude niece will have a tonic and lime.’
‘Oh, excuse me. Yes, thank you, a tonic and lime, please.’
With a nod, the kid left to get their drinks and her uncle said, ‘Your M-I-L spooked you, didn’t she?’
‘No. My mother-in-law embarrassed me. She followed us, screeching, and I wanted to hit her. It would have been six-guns a-blazin’ if William hadn’t been there. Jesus, he just looked at Bethany and she shrank away, just like Bonnie Chesterman does. Did you know Bonnie presses herself against the wall when she sees William. I thought she was just trying to give him room to pass by on the stairs, but you’re right; she’s terrified of him. Bethany was afraid too. I hated that I put William in that situation. I finally have a friend I can trust, and my past is back, trying to fuck things up.
‘Language, Caroline!’ he said.
‘Sorry.’ Caroline made a face, and shoved hair behind both ears. ‘I know confrontation is a natural consequence. I know some people have a need for revenge, and some people don’t, like Gus.’ She sipped the tonic water the young waiter had set down. ‘I had that dream again last night,’ she said. ‘I’ve gone months without it and one event brings it all back.’
‘The dream when you’re the only one who hears Drew crying?’
‘M-hm. I used to wake up bawling, but this time it pissed me off. I asked Julie why it would piss me off now. She said, “It’s just part of restoring equilibrium to your life.” Equilibrium.’ She snorted. ‘You know what? I don’t cry about it any more. Ever.’
Reg leaned back in his chair, grinning. ‘If you really want to get your mind off all this, instead of going to see your shrink, why don’t you get yourself a lover?’
‘What?’
‘I said, get yourself a lover.’
Caroline squinted at her uncle. ‘Uh-huh. And what is that going to do for me?’
‘Are you kidding? Do you really need your old, yet still very active uncle to tell you exactly what a man can do for a woman?’
‘You always did well with the ladies. Better than I have with men.’
With a little flip of his hand he said, ‘Puddin’, not every man you choose is going to end in disaster.’
‘I never said that would happen.’
‘All right. So, what about Will? You like him.’
Caroline barked out a short laugh, and shook her head. ‘Have you been talking to Julie?’
‘No, why?’
‘She said something sort of similar. All right, yes. I like William. He’s a lot of fun to be with. He makes me feel good about myself, but I want to keep things friendly and neighborly, and not have it get awkward when the ex-wife he carries a torch for comes over to spend the night—again. Most importantly, and I mean that it’s the most important thing, I’m still settling on my feet here, finding my ground and balance. Why would I go and toss it all away by doing something stupid like sleeping with William, just because he smells good?’
‘Ah-ha! You’ve noticed he smells good!’
‘You smell good too.’
‘I know. That’s what Joni Hodgson told me last night,’ he uncl
e said, a wicked gleam in his eye.
Chapter 8
Caroline tucked The Final Confession of Mabel Stark under her arm. She shouldered her purse, and stepped off the bus behind a man plugged into an iPod that cost more than his black polyester suit and genuine imitation leather shoes combined.
She knew she had a bad habit of finding fault with the clothes some people chose to wear. It was an occupational hazard. Julie confessed she did a similar thing at dinner parties her friends threw—only she diagnosed each guest with a mental disorder. So maybe having your profession influence your daily life was commonplace.
And maybe it wasn’t. However Caroline looked at it, the woman walking alongside Polyesterman was dressed abominably. Everything she wore was three sizes too small. A roll of flesh bubbled like melting pizza cheese over the top of her bright orange high-waisted jeans, and as she walked that cheesy roll wobbled. The banded sleeve of her crop top cut into her skin. Her bra was the wrong size, and far too tight; it pinched her back into a shelf of flesh that make it seem she had breasts below her shoulder blades.
She wished that every woman knew that, no matter what her shape or size, she’d look best in clothes that fit her, not in clothes that were trendy—although trendy clothes worked just fine—as long as they were the right size.
Mesmerized by the fashion disaster, Caroline walked up the street, watching the woman, doing a fashion-rescue makeover in her mind. As the girl moved out of sight, Caroline turned the corner and smacked into another pedestrian, stepping on feet. ‘I beg your pardon,’ she said, channeling William’s good manners.
‘Hi,’ Alex said.
‘Aw, no. Not today.’ She stepped around him, going back the way she’d just come.
After a few steps, anger kicked in.
Why should she run away? She had every right to live unhindered by his harassment.
Spinning, she walked back the way she’d been going, and kept walking, knowing he’d follow. ‘All right. Your mother told you she saw me,’ she said, when he fell into step beside her.
Alex licked the corner of his mouth and nodded. ‘What the hell did you say to her?’
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