Next To You

by Sandra Antonelli

  Once upon a time he’d liked uncomplicated and comfortable.

  Not anymore.

  Screw that they were neighbors. The frustration, the impediments, her hesitancy, his thuggish compulsion to intimidate another man, Will wanted it all. Being accommodating was something he’d grown accustomed to, and he was strangely at ease with the fact he could do it again. Whether that made him a sucker or a numbskull, he didn’t care.

  His fingers traced the contour along the exposed part of her shoulder and lingered behind her neck. His thumb outlined her earlobe. He wanted to do more, but settled for this because he could be patient.

  He could be very patient.

  ‘I know we’re both a little drunk,’ he said, ‘but I understand how it is for you. I know it’s hard, I know how you’ve been hurt, but don’t condemn yourself for having a little fun at my expense. Am I complaining? Do you hear me complaining?’

  ‘You never complain.’

  ‘You think it still sounds like gin talking?’

  ‘I don’t know. It could be Chianti.’

  ‘I didn’t have any Chianti, and if I did don’t you think there would be more of a wine to my voice.’

  ‘You think you’re pretty funny, don’t you?’

  ‘Don’t you?’ he said.

  ‘You’re a regular amusement park.’

  ‘So what ride would that make me?’

  ‘Anything but a rollercoaster.’

  ‘Don’t you like rollercoasters?’

  ‘My life’s been enough of one, thank you very much.’

  ‘Then pick a ride you like.’

  ‘The carousel,’ she said.

  ‘Oh, that’s great. I’m going around in circles all the time.’

  Her hand moved back to his chest. ‘I see it this way; you know where you’re going, where you’ve been, and you always come back to the same place.’

  Will tipped his head so he could see her better. His thumb moved from her ear to touch her bottom lip, and he half-whispered, ‘So here I am again. Should we wait and see if I come around a third time, just to be sure?’

  A metallic click-clack jerked his attention to the right. He dropped his hand as the door to his apartment opened. Son of a bitch … ‘I see you found your keys, Vonnie.’

  ‘I thought I heard somebody out here,’ Yvonne said. ‘Yeah, yeah, the keys were in my car. I hope you had a nice birthday, Caroline.’

  ‘I did, thank you.’

  ‘Well, goodnight then.’

  ‘Yes,’ Caroline nodded. ‘Goodnight.’

  Yvonne held the door wide. ‘You coming in, Willie?’

  ‘In a minute.’ Will picked up the bag of Caroline’s birthday presents.

  Vonnie went back into the apartment.

  Caroline unlocked her door. Batman ran out and flopped over in front of Will. He bent to rub the dog’s belly, and Caroline took the bag. The dog darted inside, Will rose, and moved forward across the threshold to pick up where he’d left off.

  ‘Goodnight, William,’ she said, her eyebrows drawn together.

  Will leaned in to kiss her. She turned her head so his lips touched the corner of her mouth.

  Frowning, she stepped back and closed the door, not quite, but almost in his face.

  Forty minutes later, he sat in front of the TV watching the end of Hogan’s Heroes, bundled up in his bathrobe, a mohair blanket over his lap, trying to work out what went wrong.

  When Yvonne stumbled into the living room squinting, he wondered how the hell he’d been so blind.

  ‘Willie, are you ever coming to bed?’ she said. ‘It’s after two.’

  ‘When this is over.’

  Yvonne slid beside him on the sofa and pulled the blanket over her legs as well. She snuggled up against him, a hand on his chest. ‘What are you doing out here?’

  ‘Watching Sergeant Shultz and thinking.’

  ‘About what?’

  ‘Caroline and you.’

  She lifted her head. ‘Caroline and me?’

  ‘M-hm. Why don’t you like her?’

  Yvonne sat up, hand slipping from his chest. ‘I do like her.’

  ‘Something about her bothers you.’

  She shook her head. ‘She doesn’t bother me.’

  Will rose and turned off the TV. ‘Come off it, Vonnie. I see you watching her, I catch the slightly disapproving looks, I hear the remarks you make, the ones that sound like compliments, but aren’t. She bothers you for some reason.’

  ‘Look, she’s very sweet, kind-hearted, but I guess I hate how she’s so quiet.’

  His hands were cold. He stuffed them into the robe’s pockets. ‘That’s a pretty dumb reason to dislike someone.’

  Yvonne got off the couch and stood in front of him. ‘All right. I hate the shrinking violet thing. That whole shy girl shtick sets feminism back to the Stone Age. I saw her this afternoon, at the store where she works. I went there to get her a twin-set for a birthday gift. This skinny blonde cow was screaming at her, screaming abuse, and Caroline just stood there. She didn’t say a word. She didn’t stand up for herself. She just stood there, all meek, Willie, and then she cried at her own birthday party. Who cries when people sing “Happy Birthday?”’

  ‘Being introverted sets feminism back to the Stone Age? Really?’

  She looked at him a long moment and then crossed her arms. ‘Is there something going on between you two?’

  ‘Not exactly.’

  ‘But you’d like there to be.’

  ‘She’s married, Vonnie.’

  She sniffed. ‘So what. You like her, don’t you?’

  ‘Yes,’ Will sat on the arm of the sofa. ‘I find her terribly likable, and she’s quiet because her son died, and she’s married to a malicious bully who’s knocked her around. I imagine that’s pretty draining, and a good reason to be guarded with people you don’t really know yet, don’t you?’

  Yvonne smiled wryly. ‘And it’s why you’re out here thinking, hmm, should I or shouldn’t I? You’re always so morally upright, aren’t you? It’s a good thing you’re not the type of man to have an affair with a married woman. It wouldn’t suit you to do such an untidy, convoluted thing.’

  ‘I had an affair with you, didn’t I?’

  ‘You mean after I threw Keith out for banging his secretary?’ Yvonne sniffed again. ‘That doesn’t count.’

  ‘That doesn’t count?’

  ‘No. By the time I came to see you the marriage was well and truly over, the divorce papers had been filed for a month, and they were signed by the end of that week.’

  Will rubbed a spot where stubble itched beneath his chin. ‘I wonder about that sometimes. Would it have been just as easy for you to walk out if I had an affair with my secretary?’

  ‘You having an affair with Bea? Uh, sorry it’s a little hard to see that one.’

  ‘Just supposing.’

  She gave him a little push and he tumbled back onto the couch. Then she looked down at him. ‘Willie, you’re my best friend. You’re loyal, honest, and generous with your time. I like that I’ve always been able to count on you. You’re as dependable and solid as your body.’ She moved to lie on his chest, nuzzling her face to his as she tugged at the sash of his bathrobe, pushing it aside to slip her hands beneath.

  What had been comfortable and familiar for so many years was now out of place. Her Chanel No. 5 smelled stale. Her sweet breath was overripe. The weight of her curvaceous body was as sexy as a plastic bag of potting mix sitting on his chest. ‘Vonnie, I don’t want to.’

  ‘Yes you do. You always want to, even when you say you don’t.’

  ‘I really don’t want to.’

  ‘Little Willie’s arguing the contrary.’

  And there it was, the perpetual dick joke his ex-wife always insisted on making every time they had sex. He got a stupid dick reference every time she said his name, and for the first time in thirty-some years Will didn’t tolerate it. ‘Yvonne. Honey. Please stop.’

  ‘Why?’ s
he said, her hands sliding southward through the trail of white hair that started at his navel.

  ‘Because I want you to.’

  She pulled her hands away. ‘What’s wrong, Willie?’

  Will rubbed his forehead. ‘I’ve had enough. I’m tired.’

  ‘If you’re that exhausted, maybe you need to take a vacation. We could go somewhere together again, but not a cruise. I never want to take another cruise.’

  He groaned. ‘No Vonnie. I mean I’m tired of this. I don’t want to do this anymore.’ He gestured, moving a hand back and forth, touching her sternum and his own. ‘I know I’m your fallback position. I’ve always been your safety net when anything’s gone wrong. I put myself there. When you left Colin, when you threw Keith out, I’ve been there for you to lean on in every way imaginable, and I’ll always be here for you, I’ll always care for you, but I don’t want to do this anymore. I can’t. I’ve had enough, so why don’t we finally, really call it a day.’

  Yvonne rolled off him and stood beside the sofa, frowning, chewing the inside of her cheek. ‘You are sleeping with Caroline. Quincy said you’ve been acting kind of off lately. Are you having a midlife crisis, is that what this is all about?’ She fluffed her hair and laughed. ‘Why don’t you go and buy another motorcycle to satisfy yourself, because she’s at least fifteen years younger than you, you know?’

  ‘Ten years, and I’m not sleeping with her.’ Will sat up.

  ‘Oh, please, Willie!’ She held up a hand. ‘You don’t have to lie to make me feel better. I saw this coming. I knew you were interested in her the day she came madly blushing into the middle of your living room. You sent her flowers. I watched you at the country club. You couldn’t keep your eyes off her, and I know I interrupted something when I opened the door. You two were out there looking a little more than neighborly.’

  ‘Vonnie, she’s married, remember?’

  ‘So where’s her husband?’

  ‘I told you. He’s a little worm. He comes and goes.’

  ‘And she’s the shy and lonely, neglected, battered little wife next door and you’re the big white knight. Isn’t that convenient for you.’

  ‘It’s complicated for her Vonnie, but that’s beside the point. What I’m saying has nothing to do with Caroline. Nothing.’

  ‘Then what is it?’ She squinted, one eyebrow arched. ‘If you’re not screwing her why the hell are you saying you don’t want to sleep with me anymore?’

  ‘Because, Yvonne, this ex-husband no longer loves his ex-wife.’

  Chapter 14

  Things were hectic for a Wednesday. Caroline ran all over the store, collecting items for clients, finding stock and the right sizes. Clothes were separated, tagged with the client’s name, and placed in the large storage wardrobe that lined the back wall of Personal Shopping. She’d barely had time to pee, and rushed back from the ladies room to her desk before her eleven o’clock arrived.

  Waiting for her, instead of Mr. Leung was Alex, his white chef’s shirt pristine, his checked pants recently pressed. He’d cut his hair even shorter. It suited him better, softened him.

  He smiled when he saw her.

  She couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen him smile, and she’d never noticed before that the dimple in his cheek was on the opposite side to Drew’s.

  ‘Hi,’ Alex said rather sheepishly. ‘I tried to call first, to see if it was okay, but I couldn’t reach you here. I kept getting some guy named Stuart.’

  ‘Yes. I got the message you called. You did the right thing, but I’m very busy today, Alex.’

  ‘I understand. I am too, but I need to see you. There are some things you need to know, some stuff I want to try to explain. I’ve been seeing a therapist. Can you give me five minutes?’

  She peeked at her watch. ‘I’m sorry. I have an eleven-thirty.’

  ‘Please. You owe me that much. I just want you to listen. I want to say—to admit a few, things okay?’

  She glanced past his shoulder, to the Asian man approaching the Personal Shopping Suite. ‘You’re right. We do need to finish this, but I don’t have time right now. I’m sorry. Mr. Leung is here.’

  His arms went around her. ‘I just need five minutes, Caroline. Ask your client to wait.’

  She pushed his hands away. ‘These are busy people. They’ve made appointments. I can’t ask them to wait.’

  ‘Jesus Christ,’ he said through his teeth. ‘Do I need to make an appointment to have some time alone with you, or do you only do that for clients and that sideshow freak?’

  ‘You can’t be nice, can you?’ Caroline turned her back on Alex and his muttered apology. She welcomed Mr. Leung, a businessman from Hong Kong. Smiling, she led the chubby man to the back where his clothes were prepared.

  An hour an a half later, she received a call from the store’s personnel manager, and suffered what Julie would call a ‘setback.’

  An hour after that, she was sitting at home, pouring over her bank account, trying to work out just how long she would last before her money ran out.

  Julie had a well-rehearsed psychiatrist’s therapeutic line about work adding a sense of purpose to people’s lives. Therapists always looked at things in positive terms, but a corkscrew slippery slide of panic began twisting through that rationality.

  A setback. Caroline took a deep breath, one of many to follow in the next three minutes. The setback of getting fired would not spiral her out of control. She was capable. She was intelligent. She would find another job. She wouldn’t have to sell this apartment like she had her three-bedroom bungalow. She wouldn’t have a mountain of legal fees to pay. She wouldn’t have to deal with Bethany.

  Except what if she didn’t find a job?

  What if she had to sell the apartment?

  What if … what if … what if …

  The what ifs were all so vivid, all so possible, all Caroline could think positively because they were positively going to happen, and why the hell was it that fear was something she had no trouble identifying?

  Caroline pulled herself together, but when all that deep breathing and positive self-talk wasn’t enough to hold off fear completely, she went running.

  She ran until her throat burned.

  She ran until her lungs were ready to burst.

  She ran until she was numb with cold, and her brain was simply numb.

  ***

  Four days had passed and neither one of them had mentioned their little trip to the amusement park. But Will had thought about it. He’d thought about it a lot.

  Those few minutes they’d shared had been a bit like a rollercoaster. She’d been drunk, he’d been drunk, and they’d raced up that slope, to the crest, slid over the top, and hurtled toward temptation—until Yvonne interrupted—and the rollercoaster turned into a log ride with a sobering splashdown.

  Patient, confident, Will did not press the matter because he knew the moment would come around on the carousel, and Caroline loved the carousel.

  He let himself into her place and moved to the kitchen where coffee perfumed the air. Caroline stood on a step stool, pulling a container from a high cupboard. She was still in her pajamas, the green flannel ones with the daisies. Her hair was pinned up with a clip.

  ‘You running late, Squirt?’

  She turned and held out the container. ‘No. I’m not late. I’ve got nowhere to go today, and I won’t be the one to bring you the tuxedos you asked to see this afternoon. Stuart, the Menswear associate will.’

  He took the container. ‘How come?’

  She climbed off the step stool. ‘Well,’ she sighed, ‘I sort of got fired.’

  Will set the container on the breakfast bar and pulled off his glasses. ‘What? When?’

  ‘Yesterday afternoon.’

  ‘What happened?’

  ‘Someone had a grievance.’ She folded up the stool, put it aside, and opened the container. It was full of dog food.

  ‘About what?’

  Batman trotted in and
had a look in his bowl. Caroline filled it, doggie kibble tinkling against the metal of the bowl. ‘Apparently I’ve behaved inappropriately.’

  ‘That’s ridiculous.’

  She watched the dog gobble his breakfast. ‘No, actually it’s not. I’ve been accused of consorting with a client.’ She closed the lid on the container. ‘On more than one occasion.’

  Frowning, Will shook his head, not quite believing. ‘What client?’

  ‘I was told I had acted unprofessional with a gentleman the personnel manager described as very fair-skinned.’

  ‘Me?’

  ‘Well, as you once told me, you are rather fair-skinned.’

  ‘So who described me to the personnel manager? The blonde who made the fuss that day you tried to convince me I’d look good in pink chiffon? Yvonne said she saw a bitchy blonde laying into you. My guess is it’s the same woman.’ Will pulled out a stool and had a seat.

  ‘I don’t know. It could have been her. It could have been the Asian client from this afternoon, it could have been …’ Her mouth drooped open.

  ‘What? What are you thinking?’

  ‘Alex,’ she said.

  ‘You think Alex had something to do with your getting canned?’

  She shrugged, throwing up her hands. ‘Anything is possible with Alex. He came in and asked me to give him five minutes, to tell me he’d been seeing a therapist, but I didn’t have time to see him.’

  Jaw clenched, Will poured her a cup of coffee and handed it to her. ‘Drink this.’

  She took the cup. ‘I don’t exactly believe he’d have me fired, but then again I can’t believe a lot of things about him anymore. He’s a different person. I guess we both are, but maybe he … I don’t know. I can’t figure it out. We seemed to be reaching a point where we understood each other, where we could be … but he’s jealous.’ She made an absurd sound in her nose and sank onto the barstool beside his. ‘He’s jealous again. He’s jealous of you, William. He was jealous of Drew too. Don’t ask me why a man was envious of his own flesh and blood, but he was.’ She scrunched up her face for a second. ‘William, did you say anything to him the other day? Did you … did you … threaten him again?’