by Julian May
“Don’t they fuggin’ ever,” said Richard gloomily, squinting through the glass of Grillet. “I suppose the soil would be different back then, too. But you might be able to come up with something halfway decent. Let’s see. Grapevine cuttings of course, and definitely yeast cultures, or you’d end up with moose pee for sure. And you’d have to know how to make some kind of bottles. What did they use before glass and plass?”
“Little brown jugs?” Stein suggested.
“Right. Ceramic. And I think you can make bottles outa leather if you heat and mold it in water, Christ! Will you listen to me? The hung spacer carving out a new career as a grape-squash moonshiner.”
“Could you get a recipe for akvavit?” Stein was wistful. “It’s just neat alcohol with a little caraway seed. I’ll buy all you can make.” He did a double take. “Buy? I mean barter, or something… Shit. You think there’ll be anything civilized waiting for us?”
“They’ve had nearly seventy years to work on it.”
“I guess it all depends,” Stein said hesitantly.
Richard grunted. “I know what you’re thinking. It all depends on what the rest of the fruitcakes have been up to all this time. Have they got a little pioneer paradise going, or do they spend their time scratching fleas and carving each other’s tripes out?”
The host came up with a dirty old bottle, which he cradled like a precious child. “And here… the climax! But it’ll cost you. Chateau d’Yquem ’83, the famous Lost Vintage of the Metapsychic Rebellion year.”
Richard’s face, furrowed with old pain, was suddenly transformed. He studied the tattered label with reverence. “Could it still be alive?”
“As God wills,” shrugged mon hôte. “Four point five kilo-bux the bottle.”
Stein’s mouth dropped. Richard nodded and the host began to draw the cork.
“Jeez, Richard, can I hit you for a little taste? I’ll pay if you want. But I never had anything that cost so much.”
“Landlord, three glasses! We will all drink to my toast.”
The host sniffed the cork hopefully, gave a beatific smile, then poured three half-glasses of golden-brown liquid that sparkled like topaz in the lantern light.
Richard lifted his glass to the other two.
A man may kiss his girl goodbye.
A rose may kiss the butterfly.
A wine may kiss the crystal glass.
But you, my friends, may kiss mine ass!
The ex-spacer and the cafe proprietor closed their eyes and sampled the wine. Stein tossed his down in one gulp, grinned, and said, “Hey! It tastes like flowers! But not much sock to it, is there?”
Richard winced. “Bring my buddy here a crock of eau de vie. You’ll like that, Steinie. Sort of akvavit without the seeds… You and I, landlord, will continue to bless our tonsils with the Sauternes.”
So the evening wore on, Voorhees and Oleson told each other edited versions of the sad stories of their lives while the proprietor of the café clucked in sympathy and kept refilling his own glass. A second bottle of Yquem was called for and then a third. After a while, Stein bashfully told them what Georgina’s other farewell presents had been. His new friends demanded that he model them; so he went out into the darkened egg park, got the stuff from the boot, and stalked back into the café resplendent in a wolfskin kilt, a wide leather collar and belt studded with gold and amber, a bronze Vikso helmet, and a big steel-bladed battle-axe.
Richard toasted the Viking with the last of the Chateau d’Yquem, which he chugalugged from the bottle.
Stein said, “The horns on the helmet were really like ceremonial, Georgina said. Vikings didn’t wear ’em in battle. So these are demountable.”
Richard giggled. “You look perfeck, Steinie ole rascal! Jus’ perfeck! Bring on th’mashtodons ’n’ dinosaurs ’n’ whatall. All they hafta do’s look at you and they’ll piss blue.” His face changed. “Why din’ I bring a costume? Everybody goes back in time needs a costume. Why din’ I think? Now I’ll hafta go through the time-gate in fuggin’ civvies. Never did have no class, Voorhees, dumb damn Dutchman. No fuggin’ class never.”
“Aw, don’ be sad, Richard,” begged the caféman. “You don’t wanna spoil yer meal ’n’ lovely wine.” His beady eyes lit with an expression of drunken craft. “Got it! There’s guy in Lyon runs the flickin’ opera. Comes up here ’n’ eats himself shtooperuss. An’ this guy’s au ciel du cochon over one kinda wine, ’n’ I gotta whole case you c’d use t’bribe ’em if y’could stan’ the tab. They got any kinda, costume y’d want at the opera. Merde alors, it’s not even two hunnerd hours yet! Guy might not even be ’n bed! What say?”
Stein whacked his new buddy on the back and Voorhees clutched the edge of the bar. “Come on, Richard! I’ll pop for halvsies!”
“I c’d call the guy up ri’ now,” said the smirking host. “Bet he’d meetcha at the oper’house.”
So they did work it out, and in the end Stein piloted the egg with the half-conscious Richard and a case of Chateau Mouton-Rothschild ’95 down to the Cours Lafayette of sleeping Lyon, where a furtive figure guided them into the parking subway and then through a maze of turned-off walkways to the opera’s backstage rooms and costumery.
“That one,” Richard said at last, pointing.
“So! Der fliegende Hollander!” said the impresario. “Never would have pegged you for that one, guy.”
He helped Richard to put on the seventeenth-century garb, which included a rich black doublet with slashed sleeves and a wide lace collar, black breeches, funnel-top boots that folded over, a short cape, and a wide-brimmed hat with a black plume.
“By damn, that’s more like it!” Stein whacked Richard on the back. “You make a pretty good pirate. So that’s what you’re like deep down inside, huh? A reg’lar fuckin’ Blackbeard?”
“Black Mushtash,” said Voorhees. He collapsed, out cold.
Stein paid off the impresario, flew them back to the darkened cafe to transfer Richard’s luggage from the rented egg, and then hopped it for L’Auberge du Portail. By the time they got there, the ex-spacer had revived.
“Let’s have another drink,” Stein suggested. “Try my oh-dee-vee.”
Richard took a swallow of the raw spirit. “Not mush bouquet… but consider’ble authority!”
The two costumed roisterers went singing through the rose garden and pounded on the oaken door of the inn with the blunt side of Stein’s battle-axe.
The staff responded unperturbed. They were used to having clients arrive in a more or less fuddled condition. Six powerful attendants took charge of the Viking and Black Mustache, and in no time at all they were snoring between lavender-scented sheets.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Felice Landry and the psychosocial counselor strolled into the flagged courtyard of the auberge, down an open passage, and into an office that looked out at the fountain and flowers. The room had been copied from the study of a fifteenth-century abbess. The stone fireplace with its bogus coat of arms had a huge bouquet of scarlet gladioli fanned between dog-headed andirons.
“You’ve come such a long way, Citizen Landry,” said the counselor. “It’s a pity that your application has encountered such difficulties.”
He leaned back in the carved chair, forming a church-and-steeple with his fingers. He had a pointed nose, a perpetual half-smile, and tightly curled black hair with a flashy white blaze in front. His eyes were wary. He had read her profile. Still, she looked docile enough in that gray-blue gown, twisting her poor little fingers in anxiety.
Kindly, he said, “You see, Felice, you’re really very young to be contemplating such a serious step. As you may know, the first custodian of the time-portal”, he nodded to an oil portrait of the sainted Madame that hung above the fireplace, “set a minimum age of twenty-eight years for her clients. Now, we may agree today that Angélique Guderian’s restriction was arbitrary, based upon antiquated Thomistic notions of psychomaturation. But nevertheless, the basic principle does remai
n quite valid. Fully formed judgement is essential for life-and-death decisions. And you are eighteen. I’m sure you are far more mature than most persons of your age, but nevertheless, it would be prudent to wait a few more years before opting for Exile. There is no return, Felice.”
I am harmless and afraid and small. I am in your power and I need your help so badly and would be so grateful. “You’ve studied my profile, Counselor Shonkwiler. I’m rather a mess.”
“Yes, yes, but that can be treated, Citizen!” He leaned forward and took her cool hand. “We have so many more facilities here on Earth than were available on your home planet Acadie is so remote! It’s hardly to be expected that the counselors out there would have the latest therapy techniques. But you could go to Vienna or New York or Wuhan, and the top people would certainly be able to smooth out your little SM problem and the male-envious hyperaggression. There would be only the smallest bit of personality derangement. You would be quite as good as new when the course of treatment was finished.”
The melting and submissive brown eyes began to brim up. “I’m sure you have only my best interests at heart, Counselor Shonkwiler. But you must try to understand.” Pity, aid, empathize, condescend to help the pathetic little ones “I prefer to remain the way I am. That’s why I’ve refused treatment. The thought of other persons manipulating my mind, changing it, fills me with the most dreadful fear. I just couldn’t permit it!”
I wouldn’t permit it.
The counselor moistened his lips and suddenly realized that he was stroking her hand. He gave a start, dropped it, and said, “Well, your psychosocial problems wouldn’t ordinarily preclude transfer into Exile. But besides your youth, there is the second matter. As you are aware, the Concilium does not permit persons having operant metapsychic powers to pass into Exile. They are too valuable to the Milieu. Now, your tests show that you are possessed of latent metafunctions with coercive, psychokinetic, and psychocreative potentials of extremely high magnitude. No doubt these were partly responsible for your success as a professional athlete.”
She showed a smile of regret, then slowly dropped her head so that the now limp platinum hair curtained her face. “That’s all over now. They wouldn’t have me any longer.”
“Quite so,” said Shonkwiler. “But if your psychosocial problems were successfully dealt with, it might be possible for the people at the MP Institute to bring up your latent abilities to operant status. Think what that would mean! You would become one of the elite of the Milieu, a person of vast influence, a literal world shaker! What a noble career you might have, spending yourself in service to a grateful galaxy. You might even aspire to a role in the Concilium!”
“Oh, I could never think of doing that. It’s frightening to think of all those minds… Besides, I could never give up what I am. There must be a way for me to put through the time-portal, even if I am underage. You must help me find the way, Counselor!”
He hesitated. “The recidivist clause might have been invoked if the unfortunate MacSweeney and Barstow had elected to press charges. There is no age restriction for recidivists.”
“I should have thought of that myself!” Her smile of relief was dazzling. “Then it’s all so simple!”
She rose and came around to Shonkwiler’s side of the desk. Still smiling, she took both his shoulders in her cool little hands, pressed with the thumbs, and snapped his collarbones.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Cicadas buzzed in the branches of the old plane trees that shaded the dining terrace. The scent of mignonette distilled from the gardens in the noontime heat and mingled with the perfume of the roses. Elizabeth Orme toyed with her fruit salad and drank minted iced tea while she marveled over the list that slowly glided over the surface of the plaque-book before her.
“Will you listen to these vocations, Aiken? Architect, Daub-and-Wattle. Architect, Log. Architect, Unmortared Stone. Bamboo Artificer. (I didn’t know bamboo grew in Europe during the Pliocene!) Baker. Balloonist. Basketmaker. Beekeeper. Brewer. Candle and Rushlight Maker. Ceramicist. Charcoal-burner. Cheesemaker. Dompteur (-euse)… What in the world is that, do you suppose?”
Aiken Drum’s black eyes flashed. He leapt to his feet, reddish golliwog hair abristle, and cracked an imaginary whip. “Hah, sabertooth kittycat! Down, sirrah! So you defy the commands of your master? Roll over! Fetch!… Not the ringmaster, you fewkin’ fool!”
Several of the nearby lunchers gawked. Elizabeth laughed. “Or course. Wild-animal tamers would be very useful in the Pliocene. Some of those large antelopes and things would be valuable if they could be domesticated. Still, I wouldn’t want to tackle a mastodon or rhino on the strength of a quickie sleep-course in the art.”
“Oh, the people here will do better than that for you, candy-doll. What happens is, you sleep-soak a very basic education in neolithic technology and general survival. Then you’ll at least have the wits to dig a latrine that won’t swallow you whole, and you’ll know what Pliocene fruits aren’t going to send you pushing up the daisies. After you sop up the basics, you pick one or more of the japes on that little list to specialize in. They give you a detailed sleeper on it, and lab work, and reference plaques for the tricky bits.”
“H’mm,” she mused.
“I imagine they try to steer you into a field that isn’t already overcrowded. I mean, the folks on the other side of the gate would be apt to get testy if you sent ’em eighty-three lutanists and a taffy puller, when what they really wanted was somebody who knew how to make soap.”
“You know, that’s not really so funny, Aiken. If there is any kind of organized society on the other side, they’d be entirely dependent on the gate operators to send suitably trained people. Because the women timefarers are sterile, there’d be no young apprentices to replace workers who died or just wandered away. If your settlement lost its cheesemaker, you’d just have to eat crud and whey until another one popped through the gate.”
Drum finished his iced tea and began to chew the cubes. “Things can’t be too shabby in Exile. People have been going through since 2041. The vocational guidance thing hasn’t been perking for anything like that long, just the last four years or so, but the older inmates of the nut-loft must have got something going.” He thought for a minute. “Figure that most of the ones who went through were macroimmune and maybe even rejuvenated, since that was perfected in the early Forties. Barring the expected attrition from accidents, getting eaten by monsters, emigration to the Pliocene Antipodes, or just plain human bloody-mindedness, there ought to be quite a crowd still knocking around. Eighty, ninety thou easy. And like as not with a barter-style economy operating. Most of the time-travelers were damn intelligent.”
“And crackers,” said Elizabeth Orme, “even as thee and me.”
She made an unobtrusive gesture toward an adjoining table, where a great blond man in a Viking outfit drank beer with a saturnine, well-used wayfarer in floppy seaboots and a ruffled black shirt.
Aiken rolled his eyeballs, looking more gnomish than ever. “Do you think that’s weird? Wait till you see my rig-out, lovie!”
“Don’t tell me. A Highland lad with bagpipe and tartan and a sporran full of exploding joints.”
“Pissy patoot, woman. You certainly were telling the truth when you said your mind-reading powers were washed up. Ah-ah-ah! Don’t plead with me! It’s going to be a big surprise. What I will tell you now is my chosen vocation for the Land of No Return. I am going to be a Jack-of-all-trades. Scottish-style Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court!… And how about you, my beautiful burned-out brain-bender?”
Elizabeth’s smile was dreamy. “I don’t think I’ll take a new persona. I’ll just stay me, maybe in red denim, and wear my farspeaker’s ring with one of Blessed Illusio’s diamonds in remembrance of times past. As for the vocation…” She speeded up the book so that the list of occupations raced past, then turned back to the beginning. Her brow furrowed in concentration. “I’ll need more than one trade. Basketmaker, Charcoalbu
rner, Tanner. Put them all together, add one more that begins with B… and guess my new profession, Aiken Drum.”
“Balls o’brass, woman,” he howled, slapped a hand on the table delightedly. The Viking and the pirate stared in mild surprise. “A balloonist! Oh, you lovely lady. You’ll soar again in one way or another, won’t you, Elizabeth?”
There was a soft chime. A disembodied woman’s voice said, “Candidates in Group Green, we would be most pleased if you would join Counselor Mishima in the Petit Salon, where a most interesting orientation program has been arranged for you… Candidates in Group Yellow…”
“Green. That’s us,” said Aiken. The pair of them drifted into the main building of the inn, all whitewashed stone, dark heavy beams, and priceless objects of art. The Petit Salon was a cozy air-conditioned chamber furnished with brocaded armchairs, fantastically carved armoires, and a faded tapestry of a virgin and her unicorn. This was the first time that the group, which was destined to pass through the time-portal in a body after five days’ training, had come together. Elizabeth studied her fellow misfits and tried to guess what exigencies had driven them to choose Exile.
Waiting for them in the otherwise empty room was a lovely pak-haired child in a simple black cheongsam. Her chair was separated from the others by a couple of meters. One of her slender wrists was fastened to the heavy chair arm by a delicate silver chain.
The pirate and the Viking glanced in, looking bashful and truculent because nobody else was yet in costume. They clomped forward and sat down precisely in the center of the row of seats. Another pair that seemed acquainted entered without speaking, a milkmaid-hale woman with curly brown hair, wearing a white coverall, and a stocky man who appeared to be middle-aged, having a snub nose, Slavic cheekbones, and corded hairy forearms that looked able to throttle an ox. A quasi-academic personage in an antique Harris jacket arrived last of all, carrying a briefcase. He looked so self-possessed that Elizabeth found it impossible to imagine what his problem might be.