One moment I’m in Jaxon’s car the next I am floating on a cloud. A soft, warm cloud that wraps me up in its cloud arms. “You smell good.” I tell that cloud and burry my face in it. When the cloud tries to float away I hold on to it as tight as I can. I snuggle up to it and plea, “Don’t leave me.” I think I hear a whisper back that sounds like, “I won’t leave you. Not tonight.” but it's too far away for me to be sure.
I wake up sometime that night, or maybe I am still asleep. I think I’m in some kind of limbo where I am neither. Wherever I am, it is dark. I can’t see anything, but know I am curled up on Jaxon’s chest, my head resting where I can hear his heartbeat and he is lazily stroking my back. This is nice. I could stay here in this limbo world forever.
Chapter Nine
Jaxon
Her cheek is on my chest and I her soft breathing tickles my skin, sending shivers down my spine. This could be a perfect moment. She is content and safe, laying in my bed, wrapped up in my arm. Too bad that this isn't real, she did not come here of her own free will. I carried her here after Colt slipped her a drugged drink. Thinking he was doing me some kind of sick favor, or at least that's what he swore up and down when I called him. I have been friends with Colt and Hunter for years and I never been so angry with either one of them. We basically grew up together and we have been through a lot. They are the only two people that even know about Elisa and how I feel about her. At least I thought they knew. Now I think Colt has no idea what Elisa means to me. Maybe he just can’t understand, we are the closest thing he has to a family and all of his other relationships consist of one-night-stands.
I should have never left her side. Actually, she should not have been there at all. She shouldn’t be anywhere close to me. I let it happen again. My selfish need to have her close put her in danger.
In her drugged haze she wants me close, cuddling up to me, begged me not to leave her but she doesn’t know what she is saying. She doesn't know what kind of person I really am. The kind of business I deal in. That I know exactly what kind of stuff Colt does but I choose to look the other way for my own gain. If she knew half of it, she would run the other way.
Chapter Ten
Elisa
When I first open my eyes, I have no idea where I am or what day it is. I am so disoriented that I freak out for a few seconds. I take in my surroundings one by one and realize quickly that I am in Jaxon’s bedroom. Relief washes over me as I sit up in the bed. I’m alone in the room and I am glad because I'm not quite sure what happened last night. I try to remember everything but only come up with bits and pieces. Did I drink alcohol last night? I don’t think so. I slowly get up and notice that I am a little dizzy and I feel like I haven’t had a sip of water in ages. When I grab the bottle of water sitting on the nightstand and start chugging it I also realize that I am fully clothed. Another plus, at least I didn’t have my first time without remembering it.
That’s when I hear Jaxon from the other room. He is yelling at someone. I don’t want to intrude but my curiosity is getting the better of me and I open the door slowly so I can hear him more clearly.
“I don’t care! Today, not next week. I don’t care how you do it. Just do it, or else your wife is going to find out about your extra-curricular activities.”
Hearing him yelling into the phone gives me flashbacks of last night. How angry he was at the club. Just like how angry he still is now. What happen? What did I do wrong?
When he sees me standing in the doorway he only looks at me for a brief second.
“Drink that.” He demands, pointing to a glass. He made me the same chocolate protein shake he made me the other day. I obey and drink the shake because I really don’t know what else to do or say.
He doesn’t talk when he drives me home. He barely even looks at me when he parked in front of my house. I sit there for a minute waiting, hoping he would say something, anything, but he never does. I get out of the car and walk into the house without looking back.
When I walk in the house things go from bad to worst. I expect my foster parents to be angry because I didn’t tell them I was going to be out all night but they are not angry with me at all. Instead of me apologizing, they are the ones apologizing and it takes me a minute to even understand what they are saying.
“Elisa, we are so sorry. We don’t know what happened. Or why this is happening. We told them you were happy here and that we are glad to have you but they insisted that you will move into a group home. They said it will be in your best interest to go as soon as possible and that there is an opening today.” Christine says the last part with tears rolling down here face.
“What?” Is all I can manage to say.
“We don’t know why you are being moved so quickly and why they are sending you so far away. This place is at the other side of the state,” Brad tells me while swinging his hands in the air like he just can't believe how this is possible.
I still don’t know why this is happening but I have a pretty good idea who is responsible for sending me packing.
I gather the few belongings I have and wait for the car to pick me up. It's a three-hour drive to the new place. I won't particularly miss my old school, mostly because I don’t have any friends there, but I will miss my last foster family. Brad and Christine have been nothing but nice to me. I have never been in a group home before, so I am not sure what to expect when I get there. Right now, I expect the worst. I don’t know how or why he did it but I am almost certain Jaxon had me moved. Judging by the way he treated me this morning he hates me. I wouldn’t be surprised if he sends me to the worst group home the state has to offer. The drive stretches on, we stop a few times, get lost once and by the time we get there it is late at night. A young woman, with brown, shoulder length, wavy hair, is waiting at the door for us. She greets me with a warm smile and kind eyes.
“Elisa, I am Sarah, I'm so glad you made it. Sorry this all happened so suddenly, but we are happy to have you and I'm sure you going to fit right in with us.”
My face must show how surprised and relieved I am by her genuine friendliness because she takes me into a big hug and holds me there for a few seconds while rubbing my back. When she releases me, she keeps her hand on one of my arms, squeezing gently.
“You going to be alright here, Elisa, I promise I will do anything I can to make you feel welcome here.” Her voice is so warm and honest it almost makes me cry. She takes me upstairs to show me my room while explaining some of the house rules and telling me about the school I’m going to start attending on Monday. When she opens the door to my new room I’m surprised to see two beds inside. One of them is occupied by a girl my age with long brown hair pulled up in a messy bun. She is sitting with her legs crossed on the bed, literally grinning from ear to ear.
“Elisa, this is your roommate Jenna, Jen this is Elisa. I think you two will be perfect for each other.” Sarah turns to me while Jenna is frantically nodding her head.
“See Elisa, where you don’t like to talk, Jenna likes to talk enough for two people.”
Jenna must see that as her cue because she jumps up and embraces me into a warm hug just like Sarah had done a few minutes ago.
“I'm so excited to have a roommate! We can share clothes and makeup and we can do your hair and you can do mine. We can stay up all night and talk, well I talk you listen. I’m completely fine with that.” She says without taking a breath but managing to keep the big smile on her face the whole time. Her smile is so infectious I can’t help but return the gesture.
I don’t know about the hair and makeup thing but the rest doesn’t sound that bad. I never had a roommate or a close friend to do any of those things with. I never had the chance, but now that I have the opportunity the thought is welcoming. I think I am actually going to like it here.
Chapter Eleven
Elisa
It’s my sixteenth birthday and I can’t believe I let myself be talked into getting my hair and makeup done. Where I have my way without words, m
y now best friend Jen has her way with words. It’s almost like a superpower, she talks so much about something that by the time she is done you don’t even remember your own thought. I'm sitting in front of the vanity mirror in our room while Jen is buzzing around my head with all kinds of tools and brushes I have never seen before.
“You probably wonder how I am so good at this stuff? My mom taught me most of it. It was a game we used to play. Kind of like dress up.”
Jen doesn’t talk a lot about her mom but I know that she had been with her mom her whole life and only got put in a group home a few months ago. She actually still gets to see her every other weekend while she is in some kind of mandatory rehab. This happens to be one of those weekends and Jen Is supposed to leave in a few hours. She told me a few times she was going to cancel but kept waving her off. I would never expect her to stay here for me and miss an opportunity to see her mom.
“My mom played dress up with me every day before she went to work as an exotic dancer.” She draws out the last two words and makes air quotation marks with her fingers.
I imagine that most girls would be ashamed of their mom being a stripper but in an odd way you find myself envious of Jen. I never knew my mother and I would prefer what Jen and her mom have, however messed up it might be. Anything is better than not having a mother at all. I am sad that I don’t know any part of my family. I never knew my parents or my grandparents. I don’t know if I have siblings or cousins. I mourn all of the people in my life that I lost and will never know, but nothing is quite as strong as the longing that I have for my mother.
When Jen is finally done and I look in the mirror I am pleasantly surprised and relieved that Jen didn’t go overboard. She curled up my hair into big loose curls and sprayed some kind of spray into them that shimmers golden in the light. My makeup is done light, only insinuating my features not changing them. She reads my expressions and yells, “See I knew you would like it!”
After I put on a dress that Jen picked out from her closet I look at myself in the bathroom mirror for a long time. I look good I realize and it’s not just the hair and make-up. I have gained some weight since I moved here and the few extra pounds make me look less like a scrawny kid and more like a young woman.
“Come on Cinderella, time for dinner!” Jen yells through the door.
When we go downstairs everybody is already there. Two of our caregivers including Sarah and four others kids that live with us in the house. I’m pretty comfortable and relaxed here, because I know all of them as well as my surroundings. We eat dinner and afterwards Sarah brings in a cake while everybody sings happy birthday.
Today, I am happy and heartbroken at the same time. Happy because this has been a great birthday, probably the best birthday I ever had. Heartbroken because as everything in my life, this is only temporary. I am heartbroken because there is no one here I can ask ‘hey remember my last birthday’ and there is no one here I can tell ‘you know what I want to do for my next one’.
Jen pulls me out of my thoughts when she gives me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. “I’m sorry I'm leaving on your birthday. I love you and I will miss you and I promise I will make it up to you when I get back.”
I hug her back and tell her, “Love you too” before she walks out the door and I walk up the stairs. Back in my room I take off my dress and pull on shorts and a tank top. Next, I wash off the makeup and brush my teeth. Before I lay down in bed I do what I do every night before I lay down. I go to my dresser, open the top drawer and check the phone Jaxon gave me. It is stupid to keep checking it or even keeping it charged. Nobody besides Jaxon has that number and I don’t even know if this phone still works. He probably forgot he even gave it to me. I shut the drawer and walk to my bed when I hear the buzzing noise. I freeze and listen. Another buzzing noise. I go back and open the drawer once again but this time the screen on the phone is actually lit up.
JAXON: OPEN UP
Open up? My excitement turns into disappointment. He must have messaged the wrong number. I'm about to slam the drawer shut when the screen lights up again.
JAXON: LET ME IN OR I’LL BREAK YOUR WINDOW
I walk to my window, slowly, scared to find him outside, even more scared not to find him. I finally get there and look down, I think my heart skips a beat when I see him. He is really here. I open the window; my heart racing and he starts climbing up to me. I'm on the second floor but there is a ledge on the wall and he uses it to get up here with ease. I step back when he stumbles in my room. He looks so out of place its comical.
He looks at me with his dark blue eyes which are a little glassy and red today.
“Happy Birthday,” He says slurring just a little.
When I don’t say anything back he steps closer and takes my hand.
“Please talk to me. I know I messed up. I'm sorry, OK? Please talk to me.”
“Are you drunk?” Is the first question that comes to my mind.
“A little,” he admits.
“How did you get here?”
“I drove.”
“Drunk?”
“No, I drove here, then got drunk. I was just gonna come, bring you a cupcake and leave but then I saw you through the window and…” he trails of.
“Where is it?” I look down at his empty hands.
“Where is what?”
“The cupcake?” I ask with a giggle.
“I ate it. I'm sorry I'm an asshole.”
My giggle turns into a quiet laugh.
“I thought you hate me,” He says all serious.
“I thought you hate me,” I say back.
“Why would I hate you?”
“I don’t know, you seemed so mad at me that night and then the next morning, you didn’t talk to me, you didn’t even look at me.” I can't even say it without my voice cracking. The reminder of the day still hurts.
“I’m sorry. I was never mad at you. I was mad at myself.” He looks so sad when he says this. I don’t know why he is angry with himself but I can see that whatever it is it’s eating him up and all I want to do is comfort him. I let go of his hand, wrap both of my arm around him and press my face into his chest. He wraps his arms around me and lays his chin on the top my head. It’s not until this exact moment that I am sure I didn’t dream of laying on his chest that night. This is too familiar. The sound of his heartbeat, his smell, the warmth and the safe feeling, I'm back in my limbo world.
“Since I ate your cupcake, anything else you wish for?” He says into my hair.
I lift my head slightly so he can hear what I am saying. “Stay.”
I'm surprised when he agrees with a low “OK” and starts walking me backwards towards my bed. He kicks his boots off before laying me down, covering me up with my blanket and climbing in the bed next to me so we are looking at each other. He doesn’t get under the blanket with me, just lays on top. My bed has never felt this small before. My heart is racing as he traces the outside of my face with his fingers and whispers, “So pretty”.
He is looking at me like I’m the most precious thing he has ever seen. His hooded gaze combined with his touch and the fact that we are laying so close to together turns my insides to mush. I don’t know what has gotten into me but I want to be even closer to him, I want him to touch me everywhere and not just my face. The few inches of space between us seems too much, the air between us seems too much and before I know what I am doing, I inch myself towards him and touch my lips to his. At first, he freezes and I think he is going to push me away but then he starts kissing me back and all I can do is melt into his arms.
Chapter Twelve
Jaxon
It’s still dark outside when I wake up. Elisa is curled up in my arms breathing evenly. I should leave. I should leave before she wakes up. It would make this so much easier but I can’t bring myself to carefully move her arm from my chest and her leg that’s laying across mine, so I can sneak out. A few more minutes, I keep telling myself. I lay awake like this for a long time. It f
eels like hours. I don’t mind. I could stay like this for a many more hours. Unfortunately, I need to get out of here before anybody notices that I am here. Elisa would get in trouble for having someone in her room, an older guy never the less. I know she likes it here and I don’t want to mess things up for her.
I lift my head and start kissing her face ever so softly, over her eye, her cheek, next to her mouth, and then I make my way down her jaw and the nape of her neck. I know she is awake now by the way her breathing changed but her eyes remain closed.
I lay my head back on the pillow and whisper, “I gotta go.”
She answers me by tightening her grip around my body and shaking her head.
I kiss her forehead one more time before sitting up. “I really need to go. I don’t think Miss Sarah would appreciate you having nightly company.”
She frowns, still holding on to my arm and I can’t bring myself to pull away.
“Also, I have to be at the club at noon.”
“What do you do there anyways?”
“Tell people what to do.” I say with a grin. “I pretty much act like I own the place.”
“Take me with you,” her voice is small and sweet, almost like a plea. It kills me that I can’t give her what she wants. I need to make things right. I need to get my shit together so I can give her what she deserves. So that I can give her who she deserves.
“You can’t stay with me. I don’t even want you anywhere near me right now.” The words come out harsher than I intended and I can see the disappointment and the pain of rejection on her face. Two feelings she is very familiar with by now and I hate that I am the one causing them this time.
The Quiet Game Page 5