As soon as he spots me in the crowd, he starts heading in my direction. Every step I take to get away from him, he takes one to get one closer. His eyes are fixated on me and he looks anything but emotionless now. He looks like he is in a turmoil of emotions. Angry, afraid, worried, all at the same time. I'm in a heap of emotions myself, so many I can’t stand to be in here anymore. I feel like I am suffocating. I need to get out, get away from here and most of all get away from him. I turn around and start running. He has a lot more people to go through than me so I have a good chance of getting out of here without having to talk to him and that’s what I am counting on. I run upstairs, through the hallway and out the door. Ignoring anybody who is looking at me. Once I’m out the door I take a deep breath but I don’t stop running. I am crying so hard I can barely see but I keep running down the sidewalk, away from the club. I keep running when I hear Jaxon screaming my name and I keep running even after the sidewalk end and Jaxon’s screaming gets louder and sounds more urgent.
The last thing I see through my tears are blurry headlights heading straight for me.
Chapter Fifteen
Jaxon
My worst nightmare has come true. Elisa saw me fight, saw the darkest part of me. Saw all the ugliness of the business I do in the club. I never wanted her to know any of it. I knew she would hate me and now she does. I need to explain everything to her. Tell her I would never hurt her. That I would do anything to keep her safe.
I shove people out of the way but everybody wants congratulate me while Elisa is getting further and further away. Finally, I make it out of the crowd and sprint upstairs in record time. I see her at the door and shout after her but she keeps running down the street. A car pulls out of a side road and my heart stops. Elisa doesn’t see the car until it's too late. I hear tires squeaking but the car can’t stop in time. Elisa is thrown onto the hood and into the windshield. I run to her so fast I can’t feel my legs move, I can't feel anything besides the ache in my chest. She got hurt and It’s my fault, again. I kneel next to her motionless body. Her eyes are closed and there is blood dripping out of her mouth. No, no, no is running through my head on a loop. She can’t be dead, this can’t be happening. I can't move a muscle, I feel frozen in place, can’t breathe, can’t think. Random people are gathering around us, someone is on the phone with 911. Another women comes up to help and she tells us she is a nurse. I hear someone asking about her breathing. That’s when I snap out of it. “Is she alive?” I ask the nurse.
“Yes, she is breathing and her pules is strong but she needs to go to a hospital. She could have internal bleeding.”
It seems forever until we hear the sirens and the ambulance finally gets here. I watch them as they put her on a gurney, hook her up to machines and put an IV in her arm. They won’t let me ride in the ambulance so I tell them I’ll be right behind them in my own car. When I run back to the club I find Colt and Hunter arguing at the door. I hear Hunter yell, “Why did you even bring her here, dude?” That's all I needed to hear to see red. I don’t give him a chance to explain. I grab Colt by his shirt and slam him against the wall. He looks at me with wide eyes, his mouth hanging open in shock.
“You brought her here?” I manage to say through my teeth.
“This is your fucking fault! You are out, do you understand. If I ever see your face here again I will kill you.” I am surprised at myself how much I meant what I just said. Maybe even more surprised than Colt. I want to punch him so bad but I know I probably won't be able to stop myself once I start so I peel my fingers away from his shirt and step back. My body is vibrating with anger. Colt still looks at me with utter shock on his face and when I turn to Hunter I find him equally as shocked. Before I can ask he says, “I didn’t know about any of this, I swear.”
Good, at least one of my friends hasn’t lost his mind. I run around the building to my car ignoring everybody I see. I drive to the hospital breaking every traffic law there is. I’m surprised that I didn’t get pulled over or get into a wreck. When I get to the emergency room they of course give me the family only line which I saw coming so I tell them without missing a beat that I am her brother. It helps that I know all her information when they asked me to fill out paperwork. A nurse tells me they are doing a CT scan and they will get me once she is in a room. While I sit in the waiting room I call Sarah and try explain to her what happen. As expected she doesn’t take the whole thing well, giving me all the fault, which is perfectly fine with me. I really don’t give a damn what she thinks about me and I don’t want anyone to be mad at Elisa, I just need Sarah to be here for her.
Finally, the doctor walks into the waiting room. I jump up. “Is she ok?”
He raises his hand in a calming manner. “Yes, she is fine, the head scan showed no bleeding in the brain. She had a nasty cut inside her cheek that needed a few stitches, a bruised rib, a sprained wrist and a mild concussion. We’ll keep her for observation overnight. You can see her now; the nurse will take you to her room.
I walk into the room as quietly as I can. She looks like she is sleeping and I don’t want to wake her. I sit on a chair next to her bed and her eyes flutter open. She starts to cry and turns her head away from me. I grab her hand but she pulls it away. Her lip and her cheek are so swollen I don’t think she could talk to me anyways. “Elisa please, you don’t have to talk, just listen. I know I kept a lot about me a secret. I did it because I thought I was protecting you from that part of me. I didn’t do any of it to hurt you. The opposite. I tried everything not to get you hurt and believe me the irony is not lost on me. Not telling you the whole truth is exactly what got you hurt. I'm sorry.” I wait for her to response but she doesn’t. “Do you want me to leave?”
I’m about to get up when she doesn’t response, but then she shakes her head the tiniest bit. She still doesn’t look at me but it's a huge relief that she doesn’t want me to leave. Of course, I have no illusions that the only reason she doesn’t want me to go might be that she doesn’t want to be alone. I'm sure when Sarah gets here that they’re both going to want me gone. I don’t say anything else, partly because I don’t know what else to say and partly because I don’t think she wants to hear anymore right now. I just enjoy the time I can at least sit next to her. The nurses come in sporadically to check on her and bring her ice packs to keep on her face. I don’t think the nurses like me very much. I can only imagine what this looks like to an outsider. Elisa doesn’t even look at me, I'm almost as beat up as her and all I’m wearing is shorts and a wife beater since that's the only thing I had in my car. I can handle the dirty looks they give me but when they look at her with judgmental eyes I want to tell them, in a very un-nice way, to leave and never come back.
Chapter Sixteen
Elisa
The next time the nurse come in it is early in the morning, she brings me apple juice and holds it to my face with a straw. My one hand is in some kind of brace laying on the bed and with my other I’m holding an icepack to the side of my face. “You think you are ready to eat some Jell-O? Or do you want anything else?”
I just shake my head a little and take a sip of the apple juice. She rolls her eyes and says a little annoyed, “You know you could write down what you want, you can write can’t you?”
“Keep your condescending bullshit to yourself.” Jaxon says through his teeth.
The nurse slams the apple juice on the little table next to my bed, spilling half of it and startling me in the process. Then she turns around on her heels and leaves the room without saying another word. Jaxon grabs some tissues, walks around the bed and stands in the same spot the nurse was just standing in. He wipes up the spilled liquid, picks up the apple juice and holds it up so I can continue drinking it. This is the first time I really look at him since the club. He looks horrible. His eyes are swollen and he looks extremely tired, like he hasn’t slept in three days.
I didn’t plan on talking to him at all, I am so angry with him and this is the only way I know how to retali
ate. The way he just stood up for me to the nurse reminded me why I felt so drawn to him in the first place. He is the only person who has ever had my back, who watched out for me when no one else would. Most importantly he did so because he wanted to, not because it’s his job or the state pays him.
When I’m done drinking I lay my icepack down and grab his hand before he sits back down. My hand is freezing from holding the ice. He puts the juice down and wraps his other hand around mine as well. Covering my one hand with both of his, in a warm cocoon. I break my silence with question that has been bothering me. “Did you drug me?”
His face twist, like he is pained by the question.
“I didn’t, Colt slipped you a drugged drink at the club. I swear I didn’t know. As soon as I saw what you were drinking, I took you to my place. Nothing happened that night, I just let you sleep it off.”
I know he is telling the truth because I still have some faded memories about that night. My next question is even harder to ask, because the answer might be scarier than anything else. “Do you like hurting people?”
He doesn’t seem surprised by that question. I’m probably not the first person who has ask him this. He doesn’t have to think long before he answers.
“I like being stronger than other people. I like being hit and being able to hit back harder. I like fighting, I like everything about it and I guess that includes hurting whomever I fight.” He adds in a softer voice, “I don’t like going around hurting people and I would never hurt you, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
I guess some part of me already knew that he wouldn’t hurt me, but it's still good to hear him say it out loud. The door opens a second after we hear a knock. Sarah pokes her head in first, she smiles in relief when her eyes meet mine and as she walks in she clutches her chest like she is trying to hold it together. I feel so guilty for putting her through this, making her come out in the middle of the night. She is the sweetest person and she doesn’t deserve any of this.
I think she expected Jaxon to leave or at least move when she steps closer but he doesn't move a muscle. He is still holding on to my hand. Sarah frowns and moves around to the other side of the bed. She touches my thigh gently.
“How are you feeling?”
“OK. I’m sorry.” I say and I mean it, both.
“Don’t worry about anything right now. You just get better.” She tells me as she takes the seat next to my bed.
“You can go now that I am here, I think you’ve done enough.” She tells Jaxon, in a tone I did not think possible from sweet Sarah.
Jaxon doesn’t seem offended by her statement or by her tone. He just turns to me and asks, “Do you want me to go?”
“It depends. Is there anything else? Other secrets you’ve kept from me?”
I can hear Sarah gasp next to me, she never heard me say anything but a few single words here and there, and she doesn’t know about the deal that I made with Jaxon. He looks at me with his dark blue eyes and I know right away that there is more.
He closes his eyes like he can’t bear to look at me when he says this. “Yes, there is more.”
I want to pull my hand away and tell him to leave, but I cannot bring myself to do it. Maybe because I am too curious or maybe because he looks so heartbroken right now. Either way, I can’t let him go.
“Tell me everything.”
The moment he opens his eyes again he starts talking. “We didn’t meet three years ago. We’ve known each other for much longer. You just don’t remember because you were so little. I think three, I was seven. We were put in a home together. I had been there for a while by myself and then they brought you one summer. The foster mom was a raging bitch who just kept kids for the money. I took care of you mostly, you stayed with me in my room.” He sits next to me on the edge of the bed and takes a few deep breaths, like it's hard for him to talk about this.
“I knew you weren’t safe there, I knew once I went back to school, after the summer, you would be in danger. I didn’t tell anyone, even when I had the chance and then you got hurt and it was my fault.”
It’s hard for me to process what he is telling me. But the way he looks at me right now, with so much guilt and pain is simply heartbreaking. “Jaxon, you were seven. Whatever happened, it wasn’t your fault.”
He shakes his head. “Yes, it was my fault! I knew and I didn’t tell anybody. I knew exactly what was going to happen and I didn’t say anything. Not because I was scared or didn’t think they would help. I didn’t say anything because I was so fucking lonely. I just wanted you to stay with me no matter what.”
I don’t know at what point Sarah started crying next to us but she is full on sobbing now. I hate seeing her like this but even more so, I hate seeing Jaxon like this. He looks so broken. I just want to hold him and tell him everything is going to be alright.
“So, you own a nightclub and all you bring me for my sixteenth birthday is a lousy cupcake?” I hope he knows I really don’t care about money or a present and that I just said that to lighten the mood. Apparently, it worked because he looks up at me with a little smile.
“I told you I was an asshole.”
Sarah stays a little bit longer, seemingly warming up to Jaxon a bit after his confession. Even making a little small-talk. When she is about to fall asleep in the chair she suddenly gets up. “I booked a room at the hotel across the street. I only slept about an hour last night so I’m going to lay down for a few more hours if that’s ok with you Elisa.”
I nod and smile at her. Well as much of a smile I can give with half of my face swollen. I probably look like a pufferfish.
Jaxon stands up too, letting go of my hand. He stretches and I realize he has been sitting in an uncomfortable position on my bed for a long time. For a second I think he is going to leave and the thought fills me with dread but he just walks around back to the chair. He scoots it all the way next to the bed so I can touch him even if he sits in it. “You should go to sleep too. You need the rest. I’ll be here in this super comfy chair making sure the mean old witch nurse won’t fly back in here on her broom.”
I take his hand and give him a light tug towards the bed. “Lay with me.”
He looks to the door like he was estimating how much trouble we would get in if the nurse or the doctor sees us. He must decide it's worth the risk because he gets up and moves me over just a few inches and tucks in the blanket around me. He takes off his shoes and I roll onto my good side so he has room to lay behind me. He gets in the bed like I am made out of eggshells, trying not to touch me anywhere I am hurting. It takes us a minute to get situated but then I am very comfortably cuddled up. He slides one arm under my head and rests his other on my hip. I’m already feeling better now having him so close and it doesn’t take long before I drift off.
♦ ♦ ♦
By the time I wake up again daylight has lit up the room. My head is throbbing and my whole body feels stiff and sore. I don’t want to move, partly because Jaxon is still spooning me. Breathing loudly into my ear. I don’t mind. I’m glad he is asleep, he probably needed rest just as bad as I did. There is a tray of food sitting on the nightstand next to my bed. I wish I could have seen the nurse’s face when she walked in here and we were laying in bed like a pair of sardines. I slowly reach over with my good hand and grab the water from my tray. My throat is so dry it hurts. I drink the whole cup of water and put my head back on the pillow. A few minutes later Jaxon starts to wake up behind me. Half asleep he pulls me closer, nuzzling his face into my hair and tightening his arm around me. Then he suddenly pulls back.
“I’m so sorry, did I hurt you?”
“No.” My answer doesn't seem to satisfy him because he gets up from the bed. Losing his warm body next to mine leaves a void. When I carefully roll onto my back and stretch out I realize I really have to use the bathroom. I'm hooked up to machines and an IV and I'm not sure how to unhook myself so I hit the nurse button. A minute later the door opens and my favorite nurse walks i
n. I look over to Jaxon and he is already glaring daggers at her.
“How can I help you?” She says in an overly nice and obviously fake voice.
“She needs to go to the bathroom.” Jaxon answers for me.
“Alrighty.” She starts unhooking something from my arm and moves the IV bag to a portable stand I can push around. She walks me to the bathroom, even holding the back of my hospital gown shut. “You got it from here, Sweetie?” She asks me, still in her pretend high pitch voice.
I give her a nod and she leaves me.
After I use the bathroom I wash my hands and for the first time since the accident take a look in the mirror. I look like crap. My face is blue and swollen, I have dark rings under my eyes and my hair looks like a bird nested in it at some point. I try to get some of the tangles out with my fingers but give up very quickly. When I walked back into the room Jaxon is on the phone.
“Yeah just bring it here. I don’t want to leave her. Room 408.” He lays his phone on the table and sits on the chair.
“I have someone coming by to bring us some extra clothes, toothbrushes and stuff.”
I walk over to him and sit on one of his knees.
“So, what's going to happen next.” I hate even asking because I don’t want to be disappointed again.
He puts his hand on my lower back.
“Well, what do you want to happen? Where do you want to live?”
I relax a little after his answer. I was afraid he would push me away again like he had before but his offer sounds more like an invitation. It dawns on me that this is the first time someone is asking for my opinion. Until now I have been moved around to wherever a bed was available. Now he is asking me where I want to live. I can make my own choice of where to go. The sudden freedom that is presented to me, excites and frightens me equally. I don't have to think long to know that I want to stay close to Jaxon. He has been the one constant person in my life and I didn’t even know it.
The Quiet Game Page 7