by TC Rybicki
“This isn’t funny. You were friendly at breakfast the other day. I thought my granddaughter could use a friend, but I’m not happy about the late nights.”
“We’re just watching stuff on TV, having dinner, hanging out. I’ll pay attention to the time from here on out.”
“There’s that word. ‘Hanging out.’ Your generation uses it to cover up the truth.”
“Josie, Sydney’s 18. She’s just a friend. I’m an honorable man. Not sure if you’re aware, she’s taken, a guy named, Grant.”
“Hogwash. If she was so taken, then why can’t she stay away from you more than a day?”
I swallowed hard. Maybe Sydney should be listening to this. I’d asked myself something similar. “I swear I’m not Dad.”
“I’m hoping that’s true. I said I’d give you a chance, but don’t overstep or test my trust. Sydney is simple. I don’t mean that in an ugly way, and it might seem hard to believe with the servants and all the excesses she grew up with. I mean her heart. She loves easy, but forgiveness is not her strong suit. She holds things in. I can’t get her to talk about her parents much, especially her mother. I’m just saying she’s a vulnerable young woman and well, look at yourself in the mirror. You might guess where I’m going with this.”
“I want her to be happy, maybe enjoy her time here. That’s it. I don’t have nefarious plans. I swear it. In fact, Cora made me swear on the Bible already.”
“Good ole’ Cora. She would do that. Well, now you’re accountable to me, Cora and the Lord. I’m going to trust you another day until I sense otherwise.”
“Josie, I know about Dad and Marlene.” I don’t know why I blurted it out.
“You know nothing.”
“Well, I don’t know everything, but I found some letters. Dad doesn’t know I read them.”
“You read ’em? Those weren’t yours to read.”
“I know, so I stopped, but I’m nothing like him. I mean maybe in business I’ve tried, but I don’t want The Groves.”
“You ain’t getting it, and neither is your Poppa.”
“I know.”
“How much do you know, Dane? I need you to be honest. Does my granddaughter know?”
“No, Ma’am. I thought she had enough complications lately. Look, they were kids. It was first love. It seemed intense that’s as far as I got.”
“Well, it went a little deeper than that, but it’s a lifetime ago. He broke her. My daughter was never perfect, but she was more like Sydney than anyone knows. Those parts of her vanished after Paul. She’s barely recognizable to me now. I don’t want that for my Sydney.”
“You know how Dad is and these letters don’t reflect the man I know, so maybe Marly broke him instead of the other way around.”
“Fine, they broke each other, but don’t ever speak of this again and don’t call her Marly. He’s the only one to do that.”
“Okay. I should go.”
“Yes, you really should and Dane, don’t come over every day. I don’t think it’s for the best.”
I left The Groves and drove home. Josie was too damn strange about her daughter and my father. I was determined never to look at those letters again, but I broke my promise to myself and Josie when I got back home. I pulled out the shoe box. I decided to organize them by date. That was my new plan. I’d read one a day unless it was too much. A thought came to mind. What if another box of letters existed? It wasn’t completely unheard of, and if they did, I bet they were practically right under Sydney’s nose. I think they still might be in her room, her mother’s old room. But then again, maybe Marlene set them to blaze when she said goodbye to her home and old way of life. Maybe she tossed them in the Frio River when she left my dad.
The voices that call are from within.
The noises you hear torture your soul.
The mind ceases to close its doors.
Torment taunts, lingers, and settles down.
Unhappiness and sorrow are your two best friends.
Loneliness is the last comfort you possess.
Voices echo as the new day begins.
You swear not to listen, lie that you’re over them.
And then just as before, you are consumed.
“Good God, woman. Can we please read one that’s uplifting? The last ten or so made me want to drown myself in the Frio.”
“Sorry, you wanted to read my poetry journal. These were my thoughts for a long time when I knew I would lose my father forever.”
Dane covered my hand. I was used to the physicality of him now. We’d been friends over a month. He was by far the best friend I’d ever known. He passed Ally the first week. We were inseparable. That seemed to stress Gram out, so sometimes we sneaked around like we were being bad. We weren’t. Unless thoughts could be considered bad. I was human. Dane gave me thoughts and he dropped hints often he had his own thoughts. He was worse than I was. I chalked it up to the weakness of a man. We knew where we stood. I hadn’t broken things off with Grant, but things were different. That’s what long distance relationships did. It was still nice to settle down and talk to him about old times. He was living how I used to live and I couldn’t leave my old life completely behind, at least not yet.
Dane kept saying some crazy line about calling Grant. I never did when I was with him. He brought up the call at the oddest times, usually during our silent moments. I could be quiet with Dane and he was still listening. Attention like that was rare. I’d never had it elsewhere. Growing up with money and servants meant I got plenty of attention. Life at The Groves was different. I thought I would despise it, but I didn’t. I never could hate the place my grandmother grew from the ground up with her unique vision. She was a pioneer in my mind. Sure, the trees were here before her, but she made nature work for her like no one else could.
Dane alleviated any opportunities for boredom. We swam in the river and his pool. I took heated soaks in his hot tub until I got dizzy and Dane made me go inside. We cooked ridiculously elaborate meals as a competition, binged on Netflix series and rode horses. Cash was my secret boyfriend. I never told Grant about him. I meant Cash, but also my friend, Dane never entered our conversations no matter how often he asked how I stayed this busy. He was convinced Gram was a slave driver. She was tough, but I was off and running most days by four. There were times I surprised Dane at his desk when he was still hard at work.
On Mondays and Fridays, Gram allowed me to clock in a little late. Dane and I had coffee and books at Cora’s shop. She and George were the best, and Cora promised to take me to a book auction soon. Hooray, a trip longer than the few miles into town or Dane’s ranch. I truly was excited about the little things more often. Gram said, “good job” to me yesterday and it felt almost as good a pay raise. Nina was tolerable unless she looked at me or got in my way. We did our best not to say much to each other. Dane’s warnings about her were always in the back of my mind.
Dane, in general was in the back of my mind. He made me feel better, and for some reason, I got the hint, I had the same effect on him. It was nice to matter.
Dane rubbing his thumb across my knuckles reminded me I was not alone. There’d been entirely too much pondering tonight. He had the fire pit going on the deck. It was the weekend and I’d finally convinced Gram to stop waiting up for me. I wasn’t going to feel pressured to be home at a certain time.
“You okay?”
“Yeah, just thinking. I’ve been writing a few happier sentiments lately, but they’re in another journal. And guess what buddy? You’ll never find it.”
“Is that a challenge? Because you know by now, I love a good challenge,” his voice trailed off, “obviously.”
“No challenge, just stating a fact.”
Dane tickled my side. His outdoor furniture rivaled his inside stuff. We were comfy on his loveseat next to the fire. Summer was blazing hot, but a small fire next to us in the evening was a nice touch, and we’d just made supreme smores. Neither of us would settle for regular ones. I suggested
toffee chips. He stuck an Oreo in his, and the sugar rush multiplied as we tried to outdo each other.
I pushed Dane off. “Stop it. I hate tickling.”
“I know. That’s why it’s so fun, and it got you smiling again after I made you sad.”
“You didn’t make me sad. I make myself sad. He’s been in over six weeks. Don’t you think he could write a letter by now?”
Dane didn’t know prison rules and neither did I, but Daddy might be avoiding me on purpose. He barely looked at me the last week before he was sentenced.
“Sorry, Syd. I’m sorry he hurt you.”
“He didn’t on purpose.”
“Well, he was reckless and greedy. That’s on him. You had plenty of money.”
“Your family seems pretty damn greedy too. I don’t need a lecture.”
“I’m not lecturing. I agree. Greed is a sneaky bastard. I understand your father in a way, but you should have been reason enough not to take a risk or maybe your mother if he still loved her.”
“Mother. Yeah right. She’s the reason he always had to make more. She’s the greedy one, and she can write letters no problem. She couldn’t stick around or make sure I made it to college, but she always loved to write letters. Gram probably has a stack of them filled with empty promises.”
Dane stiffened beside me. “Um, you never said you had letters from Marlene. What did she say?”
“I have no idea. You don’t think I actually opened them, do you?”
“Why not? Don’t you think you should? Maybe she has word on your father, or maybe she is truly sorry for once in her life.”
“Whoa. Slow your roll. You act like you know my mother or something.”
“No, I never met her. I was merely speculating. I’d read the letters if I were you. We can read them together if you want. You didn’t trash them, did you?”
“No, I filed them in a box labeled: I don’t care.”
“Syd, she’s your mother. I’m sure you care.”
“I should go home.”
Dane wrapped his arm around my shoulder. This is when the nature of our relationship blurred. He was my best friend. I told him that often, but I relaxed into Dane’s touch. I enjoyed his arms more than I should.
“Stay. It’s barely ten. We’re off tomorrow. I won’t talk about your parents again unless you bring it up. Let’s do something different tonight.”
“Like what? We’re as predictable as an old married couple.”
Dane’s hold on me tightened. “Oh, do tell. If you think we’re as good as married, when do you plan on performing a few wifely duties?”
He got a hard elbow to the ribs for that comment, but I was up for something different with Dane, no matter how much that made me flush from heat during our close moment. It was the hot fire in the summer, not his dimple shining in the dark like a star in the night.
I jumped up and pulled him with me. “Come on, creep. Show me what you have in mind.”
Dane linked his fingers with mine and took the lead indoors. “I can’t show you what’s in my mind, or I’ll get slapped for sure, but how about a friendly card game?”
“Like Go Fish?”
“A little edgier since you’re almost 19. Do you know how to play poker?”
“Not really. I’ve watched it, but if you think you can teach me, I’m willing to try.”
“Sydney, if you don’t stop the dirty talk, I’m going to end up taking you home.”
“Oh my God! I was right. I knew you would be the type to cheat at poker.”
“I’m not cheating. You’re just terrible, and we’re out of dimes. Care to make this interesting?” Dane reached across the table and touched my hair tie. “I’d let this count as an article of clothing to be fair.”
“Stop it, jerk. I’ve won exactly one hand out of thirty. I’d been completely naked in ten minutes if you conned me into strip poker.”
Dane swept all the cards off the table with his arm, and they scattered in every direction. “Time to drive you home. That’s enough Dane and Sydney time for today. Unless…”
“Unless, what?”
“Where’s your cell? Call Grant.”
“I left it by the pool. It’s dead already.”
“Like me.”
“Stop it, Dane.”
“Gather up your stuff. I’m taking you home.”
“I didn’t help clean up tonight. There’s melted chocolate and gooey marshmallow on the counter.”
“Not helping my current dilemma out a bit with more dirty talking. Forget it. You made fresh squeezed lemonade for our dinner. You don’t have to clean tonight.”
“Are you coming up?”
“Nope. We already read.”
“We could read more.”
“Sleep, Sydney. Cash prefers early morning rides.”
“Fine. I’m coming at sun up then.”
“Good. I’ll be ready for ya.”
“Dane, you’re my best friend.”
“I know.”
I couldn’t help it. I had to tell him all the time. Sometimes, he acted like I made his day and other times I felt like I was hurting his feelings. Tonight, was one of those times I wasn’t sure.
Before I closed my eyes, Dane texted.
Dane: Is your Gram making a big deal next week over your birthday?
Sydney: I doubt it. I shouldn’t have told you. I’d rather forget it for once.
My father used to plan elaborate parties for me, but this year nothing was the same. I didn’t feel like celebrating, not to mention I had no one to invite, but Gram, Frisco and Dane. That was one sad little party and it was better to go without.
Dane: Nonsense. Plan on your mind being blown. Don’t accept any other invitations. I’m freeing my entire schedule that day. Night, princess.
I smiled at his offer. He knew damned well I’d get no other invitations. I said I didn’t want to celebrate my birthday, but now I was curious. Dane could be extreme. He said that was my job, taking things to the extreme, but I knew better. He was way more over-the-top than I ever was.
Dane and I cut our ride short. Gram said there was an emergency, so we got the horses settled in the barn, and made our way back home. She never said what the emergency was, so I was worried. Gram didn’t overreact. An emergency text was for real.
Our staff was low on the weekends except around the B&B. We were shocked to walk in and find almost everyone sitting around Gram’s huge table reserved for guests. Dane and I never expected to see Nina sitting there. She usually worked her waitressing job all weekend long. We were keeping our friendship hidden from her, but Dane’s hand was on my back when the whole crowd turned toward the entrance to stare at the late arrivals.
“What’s going on?”
Gram’s face reflected sadness. I didn’t see that on her too often. “It’s Frisco.”
I covered my mouth. My eyes quickly scanned the room, and I didn’t see him. Normally, Frisco never left this job, or so it seemed. He was here more than anyone other than Gram and me. Where was he? I adored Frisco. In the beginning, I was a bit rude to him, but I made my formal apologies weeks ago, and he even offered to give Rusty a new paint job. I told him only if he had the time; Rusty and I were used to each other by now.
Gram continued. “Frisco and his family were in a terrible accident last night.” The whole room gasped. “Hold on. Let me finish. No one died. Thank the good Lord, but one of his kids is in bad shape. As you know, Frisco works hard. I’d say harder than all y’all put together. His wife stays home with four little ones. They don’t have much extra; I’m going to do what I can for them financially and he’ll keep his job no matter what. I provide the best insurance plans I can, but hospitals and doctors are expensive even with insurance. The littlest girl broke her leg in three places. She’s in surgery. Frisco says it’s the first of many, so I’m hoping to start a collection for all the back-and-forth costs. They air flighted her to San Antonio. Anything will help. If you can babysit or cook to fill their fre
ezer, I’d appreciate it and so will they. I just wanted you all to know from me before you heard secondhand around town.”
I knew nothing about children, but I raised my hand. “Dane and I will start cooking. Are the other kids home?”
“Yes, Frisco’s mama is there, but she’s older and not going to be able to keep up with these kiddos full-time. Nina, you know a thing or two about kids. Could you help out?”
“Yes, Ma’am. I’ll stop over and give her my number and my schedule. I’ll see how I can help. I cook too, but Sydney and Dane seem like they want to head that up.”
Nina might be sympathetic to Frisco. We all loved Frisco. No one could help not being his friend. He was just one of those people that got along with everyone. I didn’t miss the glare. Nina’s hatred for me tripled, and she hated me steady before she saw me with Dane. That secret was out, and I didn’t care. I wasn’t hiding from her or anyone else.
Grant.
Yourself.
Check. Got it, stupid inner voice. Some days, she needed a muzzle.
Dane and I escaped to the kitchen. He pulled me into one of his signature hugs. I’d put on a little weight living at Gram’s and cooking with Dane, but his arms still swallowed me whole. I like the spot against his chest.
“You okay?”
“Yes, I’m glad it’s not worse, but the whole thing is so scary. It puts life in perspective, doesn’t it?”
“Yes, tragedies have a way of doing that. Hannah is in good hands. She’s young and vibrant.”
“I know. I’ve seen them all in the back of the van before when they bring Frisco lunch. His family is so cute. Gram’s going to take care of him; she’s just not announcing it to everyone.”
“I’m sure she will. So, what do you want to do? You want to go to the store, cook here or back at my place?”
“Don’t tell Gram, but your kitchen is my second home. If she ever kicked me out, I’d go live in front of your double oven.”
Dane’s hands were still on me even though we’d separated our hug. “Oh, come on. There’s a bed or two at my place you’d be welcome. I wouldn’t make you sleep on the cold, hard floor.”