He hadn’t loved his job, but he’d relied on it. It was the thing holding his weird little patchwork family together. Without the benefit of Owen’s health insurance, Jude had no reason to stay.
Without Jude, and without a job, Owen didn’t have a whole lot of hope of getting Kayla back. He was relying on the fact that he had a stable home environment to offer her, and now… well, now he didn’t. It was all about to fall apart.
Panicked, Owen stood. He couldn’t stay in the house. He couldn’t think here.
He headed out the front door without even thinking about where he was going, leaving the car in the driveway and just walking toward town, his feet carrying him automatically.
Eventually, they carried him right to the library.
Charlie was as good a person as any to hide behind for a while.
The moment he walked inside, Charlie stood up from behind his desk.
“Let’s go through to the back,” he said, holding open the door to the staff room behind him.
Owen’s stomach sank again. He must have looked as panicked and awful as he felt.
He followed Charlie in, not in the mood to argue with him. What he needed right now was a hug, and Charlie seemed like the person most likely to give him one, no questions asked.
As predicted, Charlie practically tackled him the moment the door was closed behind him, wrapping his arms tightly around Owen’s chest and squeezing him. “It’s okay,” he said. “Whatever it is, it’s going to be okay.”
“I lost my job,” Owen blurted out. He hadn’t meant to open with that, but he didn’t want Charlie worrying that someone was hurt. Charlie didn’t deserve to have him coming in here and spreading his panic around.
“This calls for tea,” Charlie said, letting go of Owen and pulling a chair out for him. Owen sat, since he really didn’t want to do anything else right now.
“It’s not the end of the world,” Charlie added as he got out mugs. Owen had never been in this room before, but he did know that Charlie was the only full-time staff member, and glancing around, he could tell that Charlie had made most of the decisions about what went in.
No one else would have a portable hot plate just for a tea pot.
“No, obviously, the world goes on no matter what happens to my life,” Owen said, bitter. He knew Charlie was trying to help, but he was in wallowing mode right now. Problem-solving came later.
“What do you think is going to happen to your life? Aside from a quick job search that your severance pay will cover?” Charlie asked.
Owen looked up at him. “Jude doesn’t need me without my medical insurance,” he said. “Without Jude, without a steady job… no one’s gonna let me have Kayla back. I’ll lose both of them.”
Behind him, Charlie sighed. “I’m guessing you’re not going to listen if I just say you’re not, are you?”
“That job was the only thing keeping my family together. Without it… I’m no good to anyone.”
“Now that, I’m not letting you say. Have a cookie,” Charlie said, putting a tin of them down in front of Owen.
He wasn’t really in the mood to eat, but having something in his mouth would stop him from talking about the disaster he was headed directly into right now. Maybe if he wasn’t talking about it, he wouldn’t freak out as much.
He picked out a chocolate chip one and took a bite, barely able to appreciate the crunchy, buttery deliciousness. Jude didn’t really eat sweet things, and Owen had stopped as a side-effect.
Charlie put a cup of tea down in front of him that smelled like ginger. Maybe that was what tea was supposed to smell like. Owen only ever drank coffee.
“This will soothe you,” Charlie explained, sitting down opposite him. “Jude won’t leave you.”
Owen looked up, raising an eyebrow. “Why wouldn’t he? I practically forced him into this and now he has every excuse to go.”
“He won’t leave you because he loves you. With all his heart. Believe me, I know.” Charlie smiled wryly. “And you won’t lose Kayla, because you’ll have another job before anyone realizes you lost this one.”
“I was on a performance improvement program for months. But no matter how hard I worked, I couldn’t meet this last target. And I thought maybe they were giving me another chance, and the meeting felt… I dunno, not awful? But now this… no one’s gonna hire me if they ask for a reference.”
“A good company will know that performance improvement is code for trying to fire you without giving you severance pay. This started after Lisa died, right?”
“Right,” Owen said. He’d had to take all of his saved-up time off, and then some, and when he’d come back he’d immediately been put on the program. He’d assumed it was because he’d missed so much time.
“So they took advantage of you while you were grieving and looking after a baby by yourself. And then they worked you so hard that you lost custody of your daughter. And when you didn’t quit, they fired you after setting what was probably an impossible goal. You don’t want to work for people like that.”
Owen swallowed. “How do you know all this?”
“Librarians don’t just organize books, y’know. I run a job search afternoon on Thursdays. People come in and get their resumes checked over by volunteers, we have a career counselor… and sometimes, they tell me their stories. And a lot of stories go exactly like that. Some of them quit before they get fired because they can see it coming and they’re hoping for a better reference.”
“I don’t even know if I do get severance pay,” Owen said. “I didn’t read the whole letter. Just the part that said I was fired. I couldn’t focus on the rest.”
“Do you want me to read it for you?” Charlie asked.
Owen hesitated. On the one hand, he didn’t want to lay his shame out for his little brother. On the other hand… he did need to know exactly what the letter said, and he wasn’t up to reading it himself right now. He wasn’t sure he ever would be.
“Okay.” He shoved his hand in his coat pocket, where he was sure the letter had been. Then he shoved his hand in his other coat pocket when he didn’t find it there.
He swallowed as he realized that it wasn’t in either pocket, and that meant…
“I left it on the kitchen table,” he said, standing. “Jude’s gonna see it when he comes downstairs.”
“He won’t care,” Charlie said, but it was way too late for reasoning.
Owen knew he’d have to break the news to Jude eventually, but he needed time. Ideally, he needed to have found another job so it wouldn’t make any difference.
Jude had just gotten back to normal after everything. Owen couldn’t do this to him, not now.
He couldn’t lose Jude.
He walked as fast as he could without running out of the library, and then broke into a sprint as he got outside, narrowly avoiding a pack of teenagers on his way out of the courtyard in front and out onto the street.
If he was fast enough, Jude wouldn’t see the letter. Everything would be okay.
Everything would be okay.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Jude’s heart sank for Owen as soon as he finished reading the first paragraph of the letter on the table. He didn’t need to read the rest of it to know what it said. Owen had lost his job.
He’d hated his job, so it was probably a good thing, but Jude knew Owen well enough to know that he wouldn’t see it that way, at least at first. He’d see it as a failure.
Owen had changed a lot as he’d aged, but not in that. He still pushed himself too hard, held himself to standards much higher than anyone else. Being the middle child had done to him what it seemed to do to all middle children. His constant need to prove himself was at the core of his personality.
It didn’t matter that he’d been loved just as much. He’d always been in the middle, almost all of his life.
Just as Jude turned to start on making something for dinner—something Owen would enjoy, to lessen the sting—the front door burst open.
>
Owen came in, panting like he’d just run a marathon, wheezing for breath. His face was bright red, and his eyes were wide.
“Did you read that?” he said, pointing to the letter on the table.
“Only the first paragraph. But, uh, I can extrapolate from there. I’m so sorry.” Jude took a step toward Owen, planning on wrapping him in a hug, sitting him down, and soothing him.
Of course he’d be upset. Anyone losing any job would, no matter how much they hated it. But Jude was fairly confident that Owen would walk into another one, and be a happier man for it.
They’d look back on this in a few months and celebrate.
Owen’s glare stopped him in his tracks. “What the hell, man? That’s not your mail to read.”
Jude blinked at Owen, shocked at his tone. He never raised his voice like this. He was a calm man, sometimes too calm for his own good.
“I didn’t realize it was yours until I read it,” he said. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry isn’t good enough,” Owen growled. “That was private. I don’t go snooping through your mail.”
“I wasn’t… Owen…” Jude swallowed. He could see that Owen wasn’t himself, but he also didn’t want to stand there and be shouted at.
He owed Owen a lot, but he didn’t owe him being a verbal punching bag.
This wasn’t like him at all, but that didn’t mean Jude was going to stand and take it.
“I can see that you’re upset,” he said, keeping his voice calm and even. “But I’m not going to talk to you about this until you calm down.”
Owen stared at him for a few moments, and Jude took that as an opening to turn and leave the kitchen.
If his heart wasn’t already breaking for Owen, it was definitely breaking for both of them now. He believed, deep down, that Owen would calm down in just a few minutes, realize what he’d done, and come to apologize.
Or at least, he wanted to believe it. Sometimes it was stupid little things like this snowballing out of control that ended a relationship. Especially one that was so delicate right now, with both of them opening up and showing each other their squishy undersides.
The thought that he might lose Owen over this, this silly little thing, made Jude feel sick.
He didn’t want to lose Owen. He didn’t want this to escalate or turn into a big deal.
That didn’t stop him from being afraid it might.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Owen sat at the table moping, still refusing to read the letter. He knew what it said, more or less. He could find out the details later. Colorado was an at-will employment state, so if they thought he intended to work any kind of notice, they had another thought coming.
He shouldn’t have yelled at Jude. Jude hadn’t done anything wrong, and as afraid as he was that Jude was going to leave him, he hadn’t needed to give him a better excuse.
The first thing he had to do was apologize. Jude was probably still upset, and he wasn’t exactly at his best right now, either, but they needed to talk about this, clear the air. This was the kind of argument that could fester and eat at a relationship from the inside.
And it was all on him. He’d left the letter on the table for anyone to see, and Jude had said he only read a little of it. Just enough to get the gist.
Jude hadn’t been yelling at him for losing his job, or jumping in with worries about the future. He’d been sympathetic.
Owen had started shouting, and that was wrong. He had all the reasons in the world, but none of them excused it.
Taking a deep breath, Owen got up and tucked the letter in his pocket. Maybe Jude would read it for him.
Just as he was heading for the stairs, the doorbell rang.
It was probably just Charlie, but Owen couldn’t leave him standing out there. He’d left pretty suddenly, so it would make sense that Charlie was worried about him.
Owen opened the door, expecting his little brother, but finding someone entirely different.
“Brenda,” he said, looking between her and Kayla, who she was holding in a baby carrier. “I, uh. I wasn’t expecting you.”
How red were his eyes right now? Would she notice he’d been crying?
Owen really didn’t want to have to come up with an excuse for himself right now. He didn’t have the necessary brainpower to make it a good one.
“Can I come in?” she asked, taking a step forward to make it clear that it wasn’t the kind of request that Owen was free to refuse.
“Of course,” Owen said, taking a step back. He wouldn’t have refused anyway. Not when Kayla was there.
He wanted to hold her right now more than he ever had in his life.
“Can I get you a cup of coffee?” Owen asked as she made her way into the kitchen without having to be directed.
“I’m not staying,” Brenda said, putting Kayla’s carrier down on the table. “I’m giving your daughter back.”
Owen stared, not entirely sure what that meant.
“Uh…”
“For good,” Brenda clarified. “She belongs with her father. Jude was right.”
“Jude…”
“He said things to me that I needed to hear,” Brenda continued. “About doing the right thing, about not punishing you for Lisa’s death. No one talks to me like that anymore.”
“Jude’s great like that,” Owen agreed, stunned by this turn of events. He’d expected to get Kayla back one day, but not today.
Not because of Jude, either. Not so directly.
Jude really did love him. He’d gone to bat for him even when Owen wasn’t there to see it.
“He is. And you deserve to be happy, and I shouldn’t be standing in your way,” Brenda said. “I just… I miss her so much, Owen.”
Before Owen could respond, Brenda teared up, covering her face with her hands. Owen reacted automatically, stepping forward and wrapping his arms around her. Tears pricked at his eyes again, his emotions still raw from his fight with Jude, from the whole day.
“I miss her, too. But putting our lives on hold won’t bring her back, and if she knew, she’d be mad that we did. We were lucky to have her around for the time we had. And I’m so sorry she’s gone.”
Brenda sniffed, not exactly giving in to the hug, but not trying to move away, either. “She was my baby, and I know how much it hurts not to have her anymore. Kayla is your baby. I don’t want to do that to you.”
“She will always be your granddaughter,” Owen said. “I want you to know that. You’re always welcome here.”
Brenda sniffed again, pulling away from Owen. “This way I get to spoil her,” she said, wiping at her eyes and smearing mascara everywhere. “Like a real grandma.”
Owen smiled at that. “I don’t think she’ll mind.”
He cleared his throat, took a deep breath, and decided on what he was going to say next. “Thank you for looking after her for me,” he said. “I appreciate it.”
There was no point in arguing anymore. It was time to move on and fix their relationship. Owen didn’t want Kayla to have a set of grandparents that he wasn’t comfortable around, that he couldn’t bring himself to leave her with.
It might take a while, but he needed to forgive. This was the first step.
“You’re a good boy, Owen Jules,” Brenda said.
“Thank you.” Owen cleared his throat, not sure he deserved to hear that right now. He’d screwed up today.
Especially considering Jude had gotten him his daughter back. He doubly needed to apologize now.
“I’ll get out of your hair,” Brenda said, wiping her eyes one last time. “And bring you the rest of her things later in the week.”
“Do you want me to walk you out to your car?” Owen asked.
Brenda shook her head. “No. It’s chilly out. You stay here where it’s warm. Give Kayla a hug for me. I’ll see myself out.”
Owen hesitated, but nodded a moment later. He wanted to give Kayla a hug much, much more than he wanted to take Brenda out to her car.
“I know,” Brenda called back, heading down the hall and letting herself out as she said she would.
Owen went over to look at Kayla in her carrier. Her eyes lit up when she saw him, and she started babbling happily.
Needing the contact, Owen lifted her out of it and held her close, bouncing her lightly. “Hello, beautiful,” he murmured. “I’m glad you’re here, because I need to apologize to Jude. You gotta help daddy fix his mistakes, okay?”
Kayla squealed delightedly. She didn’t understand, but she still helped.
Hopefully, Jude would be in the mood to forgive him.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
A knock on his bedroom door startled Jude out of his increasingly panicked thoughts about how his whole relationship with Owen was about to end because he couldn’t mind his own business.
It could only be Owen. For a moment, Jude was tempted to tell him to go away. Owen had never shouted at him like that before, and while he knew why it had happened and he knew Owen wasn’t perfect, it had still startled him.
On the other hand, he wanted things to be okay between them again. He wanted peace. He wanted a hug.
He couldn’t have any of those things if he didn’t let Owen in.
“Come in,” he said, sitting up and swinging his legs over the edge of the bed so Owen would have somewhere to sit down, if he wanted to.
Owen opened the door and entered the room. To Jude’s surprise, he was carrying Kayla.
“She wanted to come tell you the good news,” Owen said. “I didn’t know you’d talked to Brenda about this.”
“I didn’t want to get your hopes up,” Jude responded, looking between Owen and Kayla. “Does this mean…?”
“She’s here to stay,” Owen said, taking a step closer to the bed. “Did you, uh… do you wanna hold her?”
Jude held his arms out automatically, eager to cuddle Kayla. He needed the comfort right now.
Owen handed her over gently, hovering in front of Jude and looking like a lost puppy.
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