“Oh, Carley,” I breathed, “that’s so awful.”
“I know,” said Carley. “I can’t believe it. I saw her on Saturday morning and she was so excited, and then we saw her at the party and she was so happy that she and Nate had finally gotten together.”
I grabbed Carley a tissue off my nightstand; she took it and blew her nose, then sat there dejectedly.
“Is there going to be a funeral?” I asked. The article hadn’t said.
“I heard that her family wants to take her body home. I think they might have a quiet dinner or something for all her friends here, just so they can remember her, but that’s about it.” I knew that Carley and I wouldn’t be invited; we weren’t that close to her. But it was still sad to hear about it.
“Anyway,” said Carley, taking a deep breath and trying to calm down. I rubbed little circles on her back. “I thought maybe you, Nick, and I could go swimming. I don’t really want to be alone, and he said he would come over. Not anywhere near where her body was found, but maybe at the beach somewhere.” She looked at me hopefully. I knew what she wanted. I’d been hard to get out of the house since mid-June.
“Alright,” I said reluctantly. “But if we see any of the Cheshires, I’m leaving.”
“I wish you would tell me why,” said Carley, exasperated. She knew that Holt had left, but she didn’t know all the stuff about Fairies and feuding.
“It’s a long story,” I replied.
It wasn’t actually that long. Holt Roth wanted to marry me, while Samuel Cheshire wished he’d never laid eyes on me. They also both happened to be Fairy princes. Holt was a prince in the Summer Court, while Samuel was a prince in the Winter Court. They weren’t exactly enemies, but they weren’t friends either. It was an uneasy truce, and having me walk into the middle of it didn’t help. The problem was that Samuel and I were supposedly destined for each other, but Holt was the one who actually wanted me.
Each prince had a Rose, known as the One Black Rose, to give to his future queen. If she accepted the rose she was his queen forever. If she wasn’t able to accept it, then no matter how in love she was she forgot about her Fairy prince forever. Accepting the Rose was a risk. Even though Samuel wanted nothing to do with me, he didn’t want me with Holt either. After the Solstice party I had reached the conclusion that the only solution was for me to become a Fairy. But before I could talk to Holt about it, he left.
When I spent the early part of the evening dancing with Holt at the Roths’ big Solstice Party in June, Mrs. Cheshire, also known as the Winter Queen, had become enraged.
It took the combined strength of all the Roths, plus Samuel’s help at the last minute, to subdue her, since most of the people at the Solstice Party were innocent Castleton residents who knew nothing of Fairies or Winter or Summer Courts. Almost everyone at the party was Glamoured – meaning that they were made to forget all about it. A useful trick, I had said to Holt. I told him I’d like him to use it on my high school math teacher sometime, so I wouldn’t have to do homework when school started again. I suggested that maybe every year the Roths did that and never even had the actual party. Holt had just laughed. I hadn’t realized that it would be the last time I’d hear him laugh.
The Glamour meant that Carley and Nick remembered nothing of Mrs. Cheshire and the appearance of the Fairies. All they remembered was that they had had a really great time at the party.
A few days later I had wanted to see Holt and the Roths. I wanted – needed – to know how they were doing. The day had been gray and threatening rain, but I didn’t care. Without so much as a call to Holt, I headed for his house. I ran almost all the way, so desperate was I to see how he and his family were holding up after almost having to go to war with the Winter Court over me.
When I got to his house, however, Susan had come out the front door to meet me and hand me a letter. I tried to keep her from seeing my hand shaking while I took it, but I knew she saw me tremble. I remember her face perfectly. It was the first time I’d seen her sad. Her eyes were overcast and her face was drawn and pinched. She had none of her usual laughter and smiles.
After she handed me the letter, she turned on her heel and walked back into the house, closing the door firmly behind her. I wondered if it would turn out to be the last time I’d ever see her.
I stood there for a long time, hoping against hope that Holt would come out and put his arm around me and tell me that everything was all right. But I knew he wouldn’t.
Standing there in the rain, I felt like my heart was filled with lead, like a part of me had withered and died. The letter was in an envelope, and though there was no writing on the outside I knew it was from Holt. I didn’t want to wait til I got home to open it, so I found some cover under a tree and sank down against the trunk. The rough bark bit into my back, but I didn’t care.
Dearest Autumn,
I’m sorry I can’t say this to you in person. It is my sincerest wish to see you again. But I do not think it would be wise right now. I am sorry for all the pain I have caused you. I feel like the Winter Queen’s attack on you is my fault. Now that she has attacked my family as well, everyone I love is in danger. Why does love have to bring so much pain? How can it raise us so high and then sink us so low? I hate that caring opens you up to hurt. The last thing I want in the world is to hurt you. I will miss you until I see you again.
My family is going to continue on in Castleton for the rest of the summer. But I cannot. If my leaving will keep you and them safe from the Winter Queen, I must go. I can’t live with the thought that my actions have put everything I hold dear at risk.
Autumn, I promise I will see you again. I don’t know when, I don’t know where, but as long as I know that I will, that’s all that matters.
Enjoy your time in Castleton and with Carley.
I had started crying before I even finished reading. My tears mixed with the raindrops that were still falling. My eyes would blur on the page and I would have to stop reading to wipe away the tears. I tried to hide the letter until I got home, because I didn’t want passersby to see me and report to Carley that her friend was in hysterics. But as soon as I got home I raced up to my room, flung myself on my bed, and let out all my sadness and anger.
The difficulty was that after the events of the Solstice party, I had realized that I was causing problems because I wasn’t a Fairy. I was in danger from attacks, like the ones from the Cheshires, because I was human. If I became a Fairy would become part of the Court, and I could take care of myself. Maybe then everyone would see me as less of a problem.
Since that fateful day, my summer had taken on a pattern. It turned out that I did see Susan again, including at the searches for Katie. When she was alone she would even say hi to me, though she peered at me whenever she did, as if I was about to collapse and disintegrate in front of her eyes.
I would work, hang out with Nick and Carley, see Carley’s mom, when she was around, and sometimes see Samuel.
Samuel was a surprise. I hadn’t wanted to see him, mostly because seeing him stirred feelings in me that I didn’t want to deal with, especially with Holt gone. I couldn’t avoid him forever, though, because he and Nick were friends.
One night Nick had him over without telling me ahead of time. At first I was furious, and I went on a rant about people respecting what I wanted. But eventually I calmed down.
I had been the one to answer the door. Even now it took my breath away to see Samuel. Maybe it was true that I was destined to marry him, or maybe he just always looked really good. Either way, this time was no different. I could see the tip of his collarbone peaking out above his open shirt collar. He looked good. I gulped and looked away, resisting the pull I always felt when I saw him.
“Hey,” he said. His eyes were cold, but it was more of a guarded cold than an I can’t stand the sight of you cold.
“Hi,” I said. I left the door open, turned on my heel, and walked away, proud of myself for not going to pieces in front of him. It wa
s the first time I had seen him since right after the Solstice Party. He hadn’t tried to contact me, and I hadn’t tried to contact him, so I had started to wonder if he was even still in town. He must have known that Holt was gone, but instead of taking advantage of Holt’s not being there, he had stayed away so resolutely that he might as well have left with Holt. Every day I had thought I would see him around, would just run into him somewhere. Castleton wasn’t a big place. I even tried to plan what I would say. But I never saw him. Instead I had wandered around in a daze, wondering what I should do with myself now that my life had turned upside down.
“How’s your summer going?” he asked as he followed me to the kitchen.
“Wonderful,” I shot back over my shoulder.
He laughed softly. I couldn’t take it anymore. I turned on him.
“And just what is so funny?” I demanded.
“You,” he said. “You’re mad at me. I don’t know why. And you’re sad, but you are also clearly tough.”
I glared at him. I wasn’t sure that was a compliment. “I’m just fine,” I said.
“I know.” His cool eyes gave nothing away. I wished I knew what he was thinking.
“Hi, Samuel,” Carley said, coming out of the kitchen wearing one of her mother’s aprons, covered in bright yellow and red flowers. With her blond hair pulled up off her neck, she was the perfect example of domestic bliss. She never went to that much trouble when it was just Nick and me.
“Hey,” he said. He handed her a package he was holding. “The cupcakes from down the street, just as you asked.”
“Aww, Samuel, you shouldn’t have,” she said, taking the cupcakes from him and fluttering back into the kitchen.
Glaring at Samuel I muttered, “You don’t have to be nice to my friends on my account.”
“What makes you think it’s on your account?” he asked softly, then brushed past me and went into the kitchen.
I was left standing breathless in the hall.
For most of dinner Samuel ignored me. He wasn’t rude about it, but he didn’t speak to me once. If I said something he would listen politely, then he would usually say something to Carley or Nick.
“This is nice,” said Nick at one point. “To have the four of us together again. It’s been awhile.” He gave me a pointed look. Nick had seen how unhappy I had been since the Solstice Party, but he, like Carley, had no idea why. He had realized that I was avoiding Samuel, but he hadn’t asked about it. I wondered what Carley had told him.
“Yeah,” said Samuel, turning towards me. “It’s wonderful.” I saw the corner of his mouth turn up. He was making fun of me. After dinner we played cards. I was still terrible at Hearts, but I had fun trying.
When Samuel was ready to leave he turned to me and asked, “Can I talk to you?”
My face reddening, I followed him out. Nick and Carley were both watching.
Once we were outside, the night air cooled my hot face a little, but I was glad he couldn’t see me blushing.
“How are you doing?” he asked, turning towards me. His face was cast in shadow, but I could still see his ice blue eyes clearly.
“I already told you, I’m fine,” I said.
“Right,” he said. “That’s what you said. But Nick says you’ve been moping around ever since....” he didn’t say Holt’s name, but I could see it on his face.
He pursed his lips. “Is there anything I can do?”
I was surprised. Samuel had shown about as much caring for me as most people show batting away flies. Some of my uncertainty must have shown in my face, because he stepped forward. He didn’t touch me. He never would; there was too much power in his touch. But his physical closeness was like a blow to my stomach. I didn’t know where to look.
“Autumn, if there’s anything I can do, just let me know.” I saw his hand twitch, like he wanted to reach out, but he didn’t. Instead he sighed. Without another word he turned around and walked to his car.
It was that night when Samuel lost some of the iciness he’d shown towards me since the very first time he’d seen me. I knew it didn’t mean that from now on he would be all nice and cuddly, but at least he didn’t hate me anymore.
“Autumn,” Carley yelled down the hall, drawing me out of my memory. “Are you coming?”
Quickly I put on shorts and a blue tank top, grabbed my bag, and headed downstairs.
Carley was waiting for me by the front door. “Mom, we’re heading out,” she yelled.
Mrs. Hightower, who looked like an older version of Carley, appeared out of the kitchen. Her hair was just as curly blond but shorter, and she carried more weight on her hips and middle. Today she was dressed in pink Capris and a white t-shirt.
“Have fun, girls,” she said. “I’m going to have lunch with Mrs. Fritter and then maybe some shopping, but I should be home later.”
“Okay, we aren’t sure what we’re doing, but I’ll let you know if we aren’t coming home for dinner,” said Carley, giving her mom a hug. Despite the fact that Carley would complain about her mom, I knew they were very close to each other.
As we headed out Carley said, “Nick texted me and said he’d meet us at the beach.”
Perfect, let’s have fun! I thought sarcastically. It had been hard for me to have much fun that summer, since the Roths weren’t speaking to me and the Cheshires still hated me. I hadn’t seen Mrs. Cheshire since the Solstice party, but I had a feeling she had left town. I’d had the bad luck of running into Leslie a couple of times. Happily for me, though, each time she had acted like I wasn’t even there.
Carley and I headed for the water. It wasn’t a long walk, and the day was gorgeous and sunny. Unfortunately, it was days like today that made me miss Holt the most. He would have loved this weather and how it made all the flowers glow with deep color. Stop it, I chided myself. He had left and I needed to focus getting on with my life. My mom always said that no one was going to take care of me but me (and my parents) and now I knew what she meant.
“How’s your mom?” asked Carley. “Heard anything from your parents?”
“No,” I said. “She said they’d call when they get to Africa. I don’t know if it was her idea or Dad’s to go on a safari, but she seems really excited about it.”
“I’m glad they’re doing better,” said Carley happily. “Maybe that will cheer you up a bit?” As we walked I noticed all of the tourists with their cameras and their sun hats. Everyone looked so freaking happy.
Poor Carley. She thought that most of my upset had to do with my parents. Granted, I hated that they fought, but soon after the Solstice party Mom had called to say that after talking it through all summer, a trip to Africa was their way of trying to reconnect.
“She said they won’t be able to be in touch while they’re on the safari; there’s no phone access. But yeah, I’m doing fine,” I lied. I felt dejected and torn almost all the time. I felt like I had ruined the Roths’ lives and the Cheshires’. If not for me, none of this would have happened and they would still be on good terms instead of about to go to war with each other.
While I was busy wallowing in self-pity we reached the water. Since it was late morning, there were already tons of people on the beach. The breeze felt wonderfully cool on my hot skin as we strolled around looking for Nick.
“There he is,” said Carley, pointing to a lone figure struggling with a towel.
I grinned as we started walking towards him across the hot sand. Nick was the nicest guy I’d ever met and head over heels in love with Carley. Unfortunately, her feelings for him weren’t as strong as his feelings for her. Since the Solstice party, things had been weird amongst the three of us, but I wasn’t sure why. I blamed it on my bad mood.
“Hey, Nick,” I said, smiling. This was the first time I’d seen him since he’d dropped us off after Nate’s party.
“Hey, Autumn. I’m really glad you came,” he said, looking up from his towel. “Thought you might not want to.”
“Of course she’d
want to go to the beach,” said Carley, spreading out her towel next to Nick’s.
“Not lately she hasn’t,” Nick answered.
I flinched. I knew my bad mood had affected my friends too. “Of course I’d come,” I said. “Everything’s great and I want to enjoy my summer.”
Nick looked at me skeptically for a second, but didn’t say anything.
Once Carley and I were both comfortably on our beach towels, Nick said, “So what’s going on tonight?”
I was looking at a magazine, but I could see that Carley shot me a meaningful look out of the corner of her eye.
“I don’t know,” Carley said. “Autumn, do you have any plans?”
I shrugged. “I might just stay in, or I thought about seeing if Susan was free if you two were doing anything.”
“Oh, I don’t think we’re going to do much,” said Carley.
“Naw,” said Nick. I looked from one to the other of them. I felt like something odd was going on, but I was missing whatever it was.
“Okay….” I said.
Changing the subject, Nick said, “Sorry about Katie. It sucks.”
“It just doesn’t make sense,” said Carley. “She was an awesome swimmer.”
“It was a party,” said Nick.
“So?” asked Carley. “First of all, just because she was there doesn’t mean she drank too much, and second of all, parties are awesome.”
“I KNOW that,” said Nick. “I’m just saying it might explain….”
“No,” said Carley, folding her arms over her chest and looking grumpy. “She wasn’t.”
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