by Gabrielle G.
“It’s okay, Sal.” Calvin raises his hand. “Who am I to delay the wedding of the century?” He smirks, taking a sip of his coffee. Looking at Chris and then Jordan, he smiles at them.
“You’re Jordan, right?” He continues, “I heard so much about you, even back when Sal was in Cali.” He puts his hand out to shake Jordan’s, who takes it, beaming at him. Chris looks at him as if Calvin had two heads. I take the opportunity to introduce him.
“And this is the other groom, Chris, Aaron’s best friend.” Chris’ eyes narrow for a second. It’s brief but enough to make Calvin frown. There is a moment of wavering between them, but when Calvin smiles, my hand finds the back of his neck, and I rub it slightly, appreciating how he’s not trying to make it awkward.
“Nice to meet you, man,” Calvin says, giving Chris a little wave. I never spoke about Chris to him, except to tell him that my friend was dating my older brother’s best friend and that I was organizing their wedding.
Jordan being my groomzilla, it’s normal I talk about him, especially when we hang out with Dex and Luke, and I regale them with the requests Jordan makes.
It comforts them in never getting married.
I came to the conclusion that organizing the wedding of friends or of family members should be forbidden. As if we were doctors. If surgeons can’t operate on people they know, you shouldn’t be able to plan weddings for your entourage.
Some friends are great and easy, others are a pain in the ass, thinking you owe them any minute of your time and any space of your brain. Jordan is a certified pain in the ass, considering I’m at his beck and call whenever he has an idea.
“So, what is it, J?” I scoot closer to Calv and meet Chris’ eyes. He smiles and rolls his eyes, unquestionably knowing what crazy demands J is up to and hoping I will be on his side.
“I think we should arrive by helicopter,” he says in all seriousness, “and I believe couples shouldn’t come together, not to outshine us.”
Calvin laughs, but I squeeze his neck slightly for him to stop. Wedding planning is no joke, and such wishes are part of the job. I once had a bride who wanted her bridal party to either dye their hair or wear wigs so the women’s hair would match the pastel green theme of the event.
“Hmm, J. You can’t ask your guests not to come as a couple if they are with someone. I mean, do you think Luke is going to come without Dex or Aaron will leave Alane at home?”
“I get that, but maybe they could not look at each other?”
“No, not possible… As for the helicopter, I’m saying no as well.”
“We could hire another wedding planner, you know…”
I don’t have time to open my mouth when Chris cuts into the conversation.
“Nope, Jor, it’s Sal or nobody, already told you so…”
I turn to him to see his eyes bored into mine. He’s trying to tell me something, but I don’t understand what.
“Yeah, I know, but she can be so annoying,” Jordan says, shattering our connection.
Calvin turns to me, shooting his eyebrows to his hairline. I appease him by taking his hand under the table to show him I’m not taking Jordan’s jabs personally anymore.
In the two months since I started to organize this wedding, Jordan has switched from charming to asshole, depending on what he wants, needs me to do or what I say.
“Have you chosen your best men yet, and how many people will be in the bridal party? You don’t have to give me names, but I’ll need to have a number soon. And I know I’m organizing the thing, so don’t worry about me” I’m not assuming anything anymore.
“It’s not…” Chris starts, but Jordan jolts, and Chris shuts up.
“Not yet,” Jordan says. “We’re kind of disagreeing…”
“Well, Chris, I assume you’ll ask Aaron, won’t you?” Jordan stiffens next to him, and I can feel I’m walking on a minefield. Even Calvin grows tense beside me.
“Certainly.” Chris sighs, looking at me apologetically. I’ve given up and don’t ask Jordan whom he’ll ask. I know he would love his brother to come, but Jason won’t if his parents aren't invited, not wanting to rock the boat or some lame excuse he has given Jordan over the years. Jordan’s parents kicked him out when he came out and never opened the door for reconciliation. Becoming a lawyer, being a good person, respecting others couldn’t redeem whom he loved in their eyes. He tried to reach out a couple of times before giving up and living his life as he wanted. I know that all the extravaganza of this wedding is just a way to compensate for the absence of his parents. I reach across the table and take Jordan’s hand.
“J, have you called your parents?” Jordan sends me daggers, and it seems that, once again, I made a faux pas. I’m so damned tired of never knowing what to say anymore and how to act. I really believe Avery should take over this wedding. As much as I’m flattered, they wanted me to organize it, I much prefer the corporate event world.
“Listen, if you want, I can try to contact them,” Chris says, taking Jordan’s hand in his.
“I don’t want my family there, yours will be enough, baby,” Jordan says. I suppress a scoff, knowing the Harbors are the worst pains in the ass ever, especially Chris’ sister Patricia. But again, maybe they’re speaking about my family. They spent so many weekends at the farm, I won’t be surprised if my parents would have transformed my old bedroom into a shrine to the fabulous couple.
“Back to the planning, Sal. I want a grand entrance. Can you make it happen?”
“Horses?” I say jokingly, knowing Chris is afraid of riding.
“Perfect!” Jordan exclaims, and when Chris doesn’t pipe in, I let it roll.
Months ago, I would have told Jordan that Chis is terrified of horses. I would have also tried to reason with Jordan and appease Chris. But after a few months apart, I know it’s not my place anymore. If his fiancé doesn’t know Chris suffers from equinophobia since he fell from a horse when he was seven, I’m not the one who should tell him.
I won’t stand in the way of Jordan’s dream wedding with his dream man, even if I thought for so long, he was mine too.
Chris
6 months later
“Shit, I never thought I would see the day!” Aaron adjusts my bowtie and brings me in for a hug.
“Is that a tear in your eye, Aar?” I make an effort to rail my emotions in.
I’m getting married today, at the farm, where I experienced my first blowjob, where I spent most of my free time, where I met Jordan.
It’s fitting.
There is no other place I would have loved to be married.
Sal did a beautiful job creating an elegant country chic wedding and included all the insane demands that Jordan made. I wondered if he did it to torture her, or to have her quit, but she’s too professional to do so. And now I’m getting ready in the guest room over the garage, Sal’s former bedroom, Aaron’s old quarters before that. Jordan is on the other side of the farm, in the main house, in Sal’s childhood bedroom, with his brother and his mother.
They agreed to come, after months of discussions and persuasions.
Sal’s parents made it happen. I arrived last night in Springs Falls, had supper with my parents and sister while Jordan had supper in the city with his family. He came up this morning. We haven’t spoken yet, he was all about no communication before the wedding.
I’m getting choked up.
In one hour, I’ll be married.
I agree with Aaron, I never thought I’d see the day.
“There is still time to run, Chris. You know I’ll help, if you need,” Luke jokes. I roll my eyes at his stupidity.
“Would you run from Dex?” I ask him to make a point.
“I did, then we came back to each other, right babe?”
Dex still groans every time Luke calls him babe. It makes me think of Salomé when I call her Snot. My heart gets heavy at the thought that I haven’t called her that in a while. As if she heard me, she peeks her head through the door.
“Nothing to tell me, Sal?” She looks at me, but like she doesn’t see me. I hate this distance between us. For a second, I see a flash of pain and confusion, then she plasters a fake smile on her face and tilts her head.
“Congrats.” She turns back to her brother-in-law. “Dex?”
“Thank God, Baby Cakes, you’re saving my ass. Aaron and Chris were having a loving moment.”
“You’re such a tin man, babe,” Luke tells his boyfriend, chuckling. Dex sends him a pointed look.
“I prefer steel, you know, like my dick?” He kisses Luke and walks out of the room.
“Shit, I love that guy, Luke!” Aaron says, definitely taken by his brother-in-law.
“What’s that face for, Chris?” Luke asks, “You don’t like my man?”
“No, I like him. Just wondering if you guys will ever love Jordan that way. You like him, right?” I sound like an insecure bastard, but I kind of am. I can’t lose these people.
“Of course, we like him,” Aaron reassures me. “I don’t know him as well as Dex, and I haven’t seen you much since you started dating him. But, he makes you happy, so that’s the most important thing.” Aaron is sincere, I’ve known him for long enough to tell if he was bullshitting me. Luke clears his throat.
“Luke, don’t start,” Aaron warns his brother in a commanding voice. His phone chimes and he excuses himself, not sharing what he was about to say.
“Aaron, what’s the matter with Luke?” He tightens his tie, his blue eyes finding mine in the reflection of the mirror.
“Let’s just say, you freezing out Sal, and Jordan’s disloyalty toward her weren’t accepted by everyone.”
My face falls.
In the past year, we never discussed the issue.
Aaron turns around. “Look, Chris, you haven’t done anything I haven’t done to upset her, or Barn doesn’t do to her every time he finds a new pussy to distract himself. I did the same when I met Alane. As awful as it is, she’s used to it. It only makes you more of a brother to her than you already were. What changed now is that Dex kind of decided to protect her, so Luke sees things he never cared about before. Don’t worry.” He slaps my shoulder. “She’ll survive.”
It only makes you more of a brother to her than you already were.
I scratch my jaw. That hurts. I always tried to be a better brother to her than those dickheads were. I failed her. Jordan and I both did. My stomach feels strange, and it’s not butterflies. It’s more like worms, rotting from the inside for the girl I love so much.
I’m such an ass.
“Do you think I could talk to her before the ceremony starts?”
Aaron grimaces. “She’s pretty busy making your day come true, but I’m sure she can spare you a few minutes, if she wants to.”
I sit on the bed. “I was an asshole to her, wasn’t I?”
“We all are. That’s what makes us Gritts, Chris. I’ll go get her.”
Aaron leaves me alone. My chin lowers to my chest, and I look at my too expensive Italian shoes. “What have I done?” I mutter to myself. I really thought things would get better. I was sure I was a good boyfriend; I was certain I was doing the right thing, but I hurt Sal. And hurting Sal is not what I do. I’m the one who consoles her. I’m her shoulder to cry on. I’m the guy she told things she couldn’t confide to her brothers.
“You wanted to talk to me?” She’s wearing a pencil skirt and a blouse, like if she’s at work, not like a guest at my wedding.
I wanted her so much to stand by us, but I didn’t fight for her to be there, to stand beside me, to hold my hand when I needed it.
I hunch forward, my elbows resting on my knees.
She keeps her distance. A tear falls down my cheek.
Last year, she would have crouched between my legs and asked me what was wrong. Now she just waits for me to tell her why I summoned her here.
“I’m sorry,” I barely articulate, not being able to look at her.
“Okay, can I go now? It’s almost showtime, and…” She doesn’t want to be here. She won’t tell me, but she doesn’t want my apologies.
I’ve lost her.
She steps back, rushing away. There might be a problem, but it’s okay, I know she’ll fix it.
I trust her with my life.
Aaron’s back, but he has closed off entirely.
That guy is not easy to read, but I know all of his moods.
Something’s happening.
I’m hoping those fucking horses got run over on their way to the farm, or maybe the pricey ice sculpture broke.
Some shit I don’t care about.
He brought a bottle of scotch with him, the excellent stash of his dad’s.
Only him, Dex and Adam are allowed to drink it.
“Did your dad give you that for me?”
“Stole it. My wedding gift.” He smirks, but it falls fast.
“What’s the matter, Aar. Seems like someone died out there…”
He pours the drink and shoves the glass in my hand.
“Nothing, Jordan is running late.”
I laugh. “I’m not surprised, he’s always late.”
Aaron gulps his drink faster than any best man should.
“It’s okay, Aaron, we’ll be late.” I can feel something isn’t right. “He’s not here yet, is that it?” Aaron nods. He pours more scotch into my glass.
“Did Sal try to call him?” He nods again. “And?” I start to pace the room; the worms in my stomach are now assaulting my throat. It’s itchy, full, blocked.
His silence says plenty. Jordan didn’t answer.
“Look, maybe he’s driving, and he can’t talk right now?”
“He was with his brother and mother last night, aren’t they here?”
“They are. He told them he had something to do in town this morning, and he would take your car and come here.” I fidget with my phone and pull up Jordan’s number. It goes to voicemail. I try again, and again, and again, but it’s always the same shit. Voicemail, over and over. His happy voice telling me to leave a message or try again later.
“I want to talk to Sal, now!”
I’m angry. I’m scared. Where the fuck is he?
Aaron leaves and comes back not even a minute later followed by his sister.
Her face tells me what there is to know.
She has no fucking clue where my fiancé is. I still ask her to explain.
“Where is he, Sal?”
“I’m sorry, I don’t know. I’ve called him over and over. I called every police station and hospital from the city to here, and every tow truck, thinking maybe his phone was dead. Luke sent one of his guys to your apartment. We can’t find him.”
“And you waited all this time to tell me?”
“I thought he was running late or didn’t check in with me when he arrived. I didn’t want to alarm you for nothing.”
I laugh with an edge and stomp toward her. “You didn’t want to alarm me for nothing?”
She flinches and steps back. I’m so mad at her.
Aaron steps in between his sister and me.
“Chris, it’s not Sal’s fault, okay. She followed the same protocol she always has when something like this happens. I just heard it myself when I stepped out. Breathe.”
“Breathe? For all I know she said something, or did something to him!”
I regret right away what I just said. I look at her above Aaron’s shoulder, trying to see her reaction. I should apologize, but the words stay in my throat.
Eyes wide, brows furrowed, her mouth falls open, and her chin trembles.
I wince.
Shit.
I’m really the worst asshole.
Shaking her head, she steps back.
“Sal, wait.” I want to go after her, but Aaron stops me.
“No, Chris, I know you’re hurt, but Sal is not your punching bag. Jordan not being here is not her fault. That’s where I draw the line
on friendship. You’ve hurt her over and over. You’re done. You’re going to sit here, drink that bottle and let her, Dex and Luke figure this shit out. I’ll stay with you; I’ll do anything for you, but you’re not blaming my sister for your asshole of a fiancé.”
So we drink, and we drink, and I don’t eat anything.
I don’t speak to anyone.
I let Sal take care of everything.
Jordan never shows up.
Hours later, when I’m curled up on the bed, still in my suit, crying, I hear Sal’s soft voice whispering to Aaron.
I open my eyes. It’s dark.
It might have been hours I haven’t moved.
“Snot?” I weep, stretching my hand for her to take it. I hear footsteps coming around the bed. She bends to be at the same level as my face. I look at her, hoping for answers. But she has none. There is no distance in her eyes anymore, only hurt and a pinch of pity. Her hand dries my wet cheek. She’s shaking. My hand covers hers, and I bring it to my mouth to kiss her palm. “Barn drove to your apartment; he’s not there either. He found Jordan’s phone but nothing more. The car is in the garage. I don’t know where he is.”
She’s crying, and all I can think about is that even with my pain swallowing me, I want to ease hers.
“Stay,” I whisper. She sighs and looks behind her, assuredly looking for Aaron's confirmation if it’s a good idea.
I’m not sure what he does, but he pats my shoulder, and I feel him getting up.
My eyes are lost in Sal’s, waiting for her to take the decision.
She nods, removes her shoes and slides onto the bed, positioning my head on her lap she starts to stroke my hair.
I hold her thighs tighter than anything that I have ever possessed.
If Jordan left me, I can’t let her go.
She tries to appease me with words when it’s her touch that pacifies me, and her scent of warm spices that slows my heartbeat. She starts to hum the song I always sang to her while she was upset when she was a little girl.