by Gabrielle G.
“I’m sure Chris is going to be delighted having one of your exes working at the event,” Luke jokes.
“Two, if Calvin comes, right?” Oliver teases.
Dex’s icy blue eyes are still scrutinizing me.
I swallow hard, ignoring his gaze.
“Well,” Oliver continues. “If it’s okay with your boyfriend, I’ll take the help. I didn’t want to freak you out, but two of my barmen quit this week. They fell madly in love years ago and decided that now was the time to go travel in a van around the country for a while. I’m really thinking of imposing a non-fraternization clause at the bar.”.
“Okay, I’ll call Reed and ask for a favor.”
“Chris is going to be pissed.” Luke smiles. Dex sends him a stern look. As usual, these two don’t need words to communicate. Luke turns back to me.
“Again, Sal, where is Chris?” I know I can’t avoid the question a third time. I also understand my answer will start a war in my family. Luke against Aaron. Aaron against me. Me against my mother. It's going to get ugly.
“Gone.” I sigh. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I didn’t sleep much last night, and I can barely hold on right now. Please update me as soon as possible?”
I stand and walk away.
“Sal!” Luke shouts, but I don’t turn back. I know Dex is already telling him to let me go. I’ll explain later, once I can wrap my head around the fact that I’m raising the child I was having with the man I love, all by myself.
Once home, I’m not surprised to find the apartment empty. All his things are gone. Again.
It feels like he wasn’t there long anyway.
If I could stay here the first time he walked away, I can’t do so now.
I can’t have a nursery set up where his room used to be.
I can’t watch TV where we used to cuddle, and I can’t sleep where we used to fuck. Looking around, I make a mental list of what needs to change before the baby arrives.
Apartment hunting just became a priority.
On the kitchen counter lies an open ticket for LA and a check for two million dollars. Having no strength left, I push them away and go crash on my bed, wondering why Chris chose LA and what makes him think I would ever join him there.
Hearing my phone chime, I force one last stretch to spread out and see who’s trying to reach me.
I regret it when I see Jordan’s mother’s name on the screen.
I know I shouldn’t be mad at her, but her timing sucked last night.
Even if I know that Chris and I would have indeed crashed and burned sooner than later, she threw gas on the fire and lit the matches for us. Or was it Jordan and his stupid letters?
What should I do with the envelopes?
I take a screenshot, send the picture to Chris and forward him Cassandra’s number so he can take care of it.
I don’t want to hear about Jordan or Cassandra anymore, maybe not forever, but at least for a while.
Of course, Chris doesn’t answer. I didn't expect anything else from him.
I don’t want to read mine. I’m sorry. I don’t know what Chris thinks. Here is his number, you can contact him.
Petty? Certainly.
But he made it clear I’m not to worry about him or take care of him, so I don’t feel guilty.
All I feel is loneliness, but sadly, I’m used to it by now.
30
Chris
“Chris?” A young guy approaches me outside the airport. I recognize him from the breakfast Bella had at Sal’s place a few months ago.
Even if I didn’t know who he was, he’s easy to recognize with Dex’s blue eyes and demeanor.
“Asher, right?”
He nods. “My uncle asked me to pick you up and give you the keys to Luke’s place.” He indicates to follow him with a jolt of his head.
I drag my bag over my shoulder.
The sun feels good on my neck, and I already feel more alive than ever.
The conscience of being alive and happy weighing less on my shoulders here than in New York.
“So how do you know Uncle D?” he asks, sizing me up.
“I’m Luke’s brother’s best friend,” I answer coldly.
“Interesting…” I don’t think so, but again, I’m not a twenty-two-year-old fuck boy anymore.
“Is there a place we could grab a coffee? Barely slept in the last two days.”
Asher smirks. “Oh, there is a place alright. I just hope you’re ready for it.” I don’t know what he means, but my lack of caffeine is too great to read between the lines of the enigmatic Asher. We drive in silence through Los Angeles. Traffic being the bitch that it always is in this city, no matter whatever the time and place.
Thirty minutes later, we stop in front of an industrial building and enter the Black Heart coffee shop. It’s a fine place, very West Coast. Nothing like the dive bars in New York or the clubs in Miami.
There is something peaceful about it.
In a way, it feels like home.
It’s mostly empty.
Two men are discussing something heavily.
I recognize them right away from movies.
I guess I’d better get used to it. This is LA, after all.
It was the same when I arrived in New York.
Streets closed because of movies, celebrities clubbing or out strolling the streets with a coffee in hand and beanies on their head. In LA, this is even more common.
“I tell you it’s fucking perfect, Ian. Seriously, we all fly to New York, and Luke’s mother can babysit,” Ryan Marley says. He’s speaking with Ian Porter, one of the most talented actors of his generation. These people are Dex’s family. Ryan is Asher’s stepdad and Ian, his uncle.
“I don’t know, I mean we met her like twice, I don’t think Gia will be comfortable.”
“Come on Ian, Bella is the nicest woman I know. She’ll take care of them better than anybody else.”
“It’s true,” I pipe in, knowing I should probably mind my own business. “She kind of raised me.” I give my hand for Ian to shake. He pauses.
“Chris, right?” He takes my hand. “Nice to meet you.”
Ryan scoffs.
“I’m sorry to have interrupted. I heard you talking about Bella, and she’s like a mother to me. I mean, she’s more a mother to me than my own mother.” Asher chuckles behind me. Something in the back of my head tingles. A warning that the atmosphere has changed, that I’m not welcome here.
It’s something I learned to recognize fast, living the life I live.
When you kiss men in public, you need to identify the signs of overstepping your welcome.
I never back off though.
I will never apologize for who I love and who I am, and I won’t start at almost fifty.
“So, you’re in the habit of fucking your almost sister, knocking her up and running away. Yeah, nice to meet you,” Ryan snarls.
There it is.
It was coming.
His face is hateful but not because of who I am, but because of me leaving Sal.
He knows.
They all know.
They just don’t understand my pain.
“Ry,” Ian raises his voice, “Dex asked us to be nice to the guy, he’s going through some shit and needs to get his head cleared up.”
Interesting, from what I heard through the grapevine, I thought Ryan would be the most understanding. Ian always seems so unforgivable of other people’s mistakes. But again, I know them through their friends and magazines, as well as they know me through Luke and Dex.
“And Luke asked to borrow some of your ropes and tie him up on his bed until someone can beat some sense into him. To each our loyalty, brother.”
Asher’s laugh behind me helps me to walk away.
I could argue, but there is no need. I’ve known Luke for so long.
He’s mad.
I would be if any asshole had done the same to Sal.
I would hate the guy as much as I hate myself.
And, knowing Sal, she just said I was gone and didn’t explain anything, and because I didn’t reach out to Aaron, so he wouldn’t get mad at her again, I’m the asshole of the story.
I get it.
Asher gets behind the bar and starts the coffee machine.
“Just so you know, my mother, Virginia, will think like Ian, and Julie, Ian’s wife, will think like Ryan.”
“And what do you think?” I ask him, sliding up on a stool.
“I don’t give a shit,” he deadpans. “How do you like your coffee?”
“Dark and strong.”
“Coming right up.” He turns his back, and I’m left alone. Ian and Ryan continue bickering about their behavior toward me.
What the effing fuck do they care?
“Look,“ Ian slides next to me, “we met Sal a few years back, and as Luke and now Dex’s little sister, she’s kind of our little sister as well. I’m sorry about Ryan, he doesn’t take walking out on people the best.” He shrugs.
“Let’s make one thing clear, Ian, I don’t give a shit what you guys think, but get your facts straight. I asked her to come with me, she said no. If your fiancé committed suicide in a city you hate and you find yourself drowning, would you stay there?”
“I don’t know.”
“That’s what I thought. So you can judge. Marley can judge. For all I know about you two, you have no fucking clue what I’m going through and what I need. I’ll stay away from your life, don’t worry.”
He winces. “I feel like an ass. Look, you can’t stay away, Dex asked us to take care of you and welcome you. I can’t break a promise I made to him.”
“It’s fine, just tell him I didn’t need your help. I’ll drink my coffee, and I’ll go to a hotel. I don’t need Luke’s house if he’s mad at me. I’m good.”
“Nonsense,” Asher says. “If Uncle D knows I didn’t bring you wherever he wants me to, he’ll have my ass. I didn’t have all the facts either, and I thought it would be funny to send you into the lion’s den.”
“So you did have an opinion, you just didn’t want to share it,” I tell him, annoyed. Playing with people’s emotions is such a childish thing to do.
“I just thought it would entertain me. I’m sorry.”
“I know you don’t know him, but my nephew literally never apologizes, so this is fucking big.” Ian laughs. Asher flips him the bird.
“Don’t be a dick to my son, Ian,” Ryan comes next to me. “And I’m sorry for what I said too. I might not have had all the details in my hands. And I understand more than you think about leaving a city where someone you love committed suicide.” His gaze gets lost for a second, regret filling his eyes before he blinks it all away and pats my shoulder.
I shrug him off. “It’s okay, guys, I appreciate you defending Sal. And Bella will be glad to babysit. Maybe she can do it at Sal’s place?” We get into a natural conversation, and the more I talk to these guys, the more I appreciate not being alone in LA.
By the time we’re done, they referred me to several friends, and I can start getting clients here. I worked it out with my former employer in New York, and they would love for me to still work for them, but in LA. It seems that the money I brought in the year I was with them is worth me doing whatever the fuck I want as long as I don’t quit. The months of sabbatical I took made them hungrier for me, and it was exactly what I needed to give me the last push to start a life on the West Coast.
I was thinking of going back to my life in Miami until I spoke with Dex.
He thought it would be a better idea to go somewhere I never had a life before, to start something new. I can see why he proposed LA. He has people to keep an eye on me. I appreciate the gesture. Contrary to what I said before, I don’t think I can get out of this hole on my own.
Once settled at Luke’s, I call Dex to check on Sal.
“How is she?” I ask when he picks up the phone.
“Pretending to be fine. The family isn’t the happiest with you right now, even Aaron, but they’ll come around once they know why you left.”
“Dex, don’t put her on the spot. I understand her wanting to stay in New York. Her career is there. She just started it not long ago; don’t be a dick to her.” I open their fridge to see it’s filled with beer and healthy shit I don’t want to eat tonight.
“You two are morons. You’re always protecting each other, always telling others to take care of the other. Now, if you could get your shit together…” I laugh. It’s funny to hear Dex say that after what Ian and Ryan told me about his story with Luke.
Those two were a fucking mess, trying to keep it a secret that they were together when it was clear to all but Ryan’s wife.
“It’s good to hear you laugh, man.” Dex’s voice is more sympathetic than usual, and there is an openness I’ve never heard before.
“Let’s stop fucking around for a minute. Why are you helping me, Dex?” There is silence on the other end of the line. I think I hear Luke mumbling something.
“Dex?” I insist because I need to know. I don’t think it’s because he loves me more than Sal or because we’re friends. I know where his loyalty lies, and it’s with the Gritts, especially with Sal and Aaron, and Luke of course.
“After my father died, I fell into depression. It wasn’t pretty, and I needed to see something else, I needed people, I needed Luke. I can see all the signs in you, I know you need to leave New York. I hope Sal gets it, but even if she doesn’t, you deserve a life without a constant reminder of Jordan. I hope I can help you with that.” Dex is not the kind of guy you would think could go into depression. He calculates every word he says, every move he makes. His life is a giant chessboard. The only unpredictable thing about it is Luke. He’s too laid back to make plans. So Dex falling and crumbling to get back up is not what I had in mind.
“Well, I appreciate it, even if you might be in the doghouse with Sal for a while.” I try to keep it light.
He scoffs. “I don’t give a shit, Chris. I do what’s best for the people I love. That’s what you do and will always do. Ask the Scooby gang while you’re in LA. My friend Virge ended up with the man of her dreams while being mad at me for months. I don’t care if people get infuriated with me as long as they get what they deserve, good or bad.”
“And he’s a fixer,” Luke screams from the back. “He can’t help it!”
“Shut up, Beardy!” Dex growls. “What are you doing tonight?” he asks me, bringing the conversation back to me.
“Staying in, I guess. I have meetings set up in a few days, and I need to check out my new office and stuff. I also need to find a place to live. I would love to chill a bit.”
“Hmmm… Well, call me if you need anything.”
Once we hang up, I try to see what Dex saw in me that was so alarming, that he decided to help me. Of course, it makes me think of Jordan and Sal and gloom takes over the beautiful afternoon I was spending by myself. As if the universe could feel I needed a little push in the positivity aisle, my phone rings and Ryan’s name appears on the screen.
“Hey, I heard you love hockey?”
“I’m from the East Coast, of course I do. Why?”
“I got an early copy of the latest NHL game, and my friend Riley Raebok is in town. We need a fourth player to play with Ian, Riley and I on my son Logan’s Xbox . Interested?”
“Riley Raebok, the defenseman of the Kings?” I’m giddy.
“Yes. Man, don’t fangirl, it’s going to be seriously uncomfortable...” Ryan chuckles.
“No problem, let me shower, and I’ll be there in fifteen.” I laugh, getting in the shower, wondering if I could take a picture and send it to Ridge. He’s a bigger fan of hockey than I am, he was my high school coach after all, and I’m sure he would appreciate it, or maybe a signed jersey or a cap?
As usual, Dex was right, being in LA, hanging out with guys playing NHL on Xbox is a good way to start a new life. As I borrow one of their cars and drive to the address Ryan texte
d me, I’m almost not thinking about why I left New York, practically not wondering why Jordan jumped, and almost not missing Sal and the peanut. Almost.
31
Salomé
I’m not really sure why I rent an office space anymore.
I mean, I need it for meetings, but I mainly work from the bar and when I need to get out of there, from the coffee shop around the corner.
The last several weeks have been challenging, and I haven’t spent one night in the apartment since Chris left.
I thought I would start apartment hunting today, but Dex insisted we take a walk through Central Park.
“One overly expensive and disgusting iced kombucha coffee,” I hand Dex his drink, gagging while approaching him at the corner of 5th and 65th.
“Thanks, Baby Cakes. Don’t judge it before you try it. It’s good.” He gestures for me to sit down.
“I don’t even understand what it is and how it could be coffee. I thought kombucha was tea. And it wasn’t easy to find, even in New York. You West Coasters are the worst. Can’t you have a plain cup of coffee like everybody else?”
“I’m from Michigan, and your mother got me hooked on this shit,” Dex retorts, offended.
“Well, you’ve been in LA for too long when you drink things like iced kombucha coffee and let my mother manipulate you to do it...”
Dex’s eyes infuse me with affection.
“You seem to be better,” he says while we start walking.
“I am,” I take a sip of my normal black brew, “but not always.”