by Tamara Black
The only thing I was concerned about was that she didn't want a typical relationship with me. She was a successful businesswoman because she took care of business, which meant long hours of working. On more than one occasion she'd had to leave right after we fucked because she had to finish a report or do something business related.
Noise from downstairs invaded my attempt at a solitary world so that I could think. Resigned to living in a house with four other guys and all the college aged women they attracted, I got up and headed back downstairs, but not before locking my door from the outside. The two women I'd talked to in the kitchen were both gone, but three others had replaced them.
Additionally, alcohol was thrown into the mix. They tried to get me to stay, but I left the house and walked toward campus to clear my thoughts. The fresh air was nice and walking always helped me sort out my thoughts for some reason. I knew what I wanted out of life, a real relationship with Serena, but I wasn't sure how to go about getting one without scaring her away.
When my phone rang, the personalized ring tone that I'd given her, my spirits lifted almost immediately. I had no idea what she wanted, but I'd get to talk to her. She probably just wanted to have sex or something, but I was more than willing if that was all she wanted from me. After the third ring, I swiped my finger and answered.
“Hey, Serena, what's up?”
“Hey, Luke. You got time for coffee?”
“I told you I'm not into that public sex.”
“What?” She laughed. “No, I mean meet for coffee so we can talk.”
I was intrigued. “Sure. You mean right now? I'm on campus if you can make it over.”
“That works. I'll drive there now and see you in about ten minutes if that works?”
“Yeah. I'll be outside.”
She hung up without saying goodbye, something she swore saved so many minutes or hours of her time over a lifetime. I would rather hear the words, the different combinations that could be used. After crossing the street, I switched directions and headed toward the Full Cup coffee shop. They were overpriced, but it was where everyone went on campus.
I ordered a large coffee then filled the cup they gave me from the self-serve station. The sugar caught my eye, but I passed it up as I was trying to cut down. Holding the cup with both hands, I went back outside to the terrace and sat at one of the empty tables to wait. I took a sip of the coffee then set it down on the metal table and began to look around.
The scene was the same as it had been for the last five years of my life, at least for the most part. Some changes had been made, but everything was pretty much the same. Then Serena walked around the corner of the building and came into view. A smile came over my face. I stood up as she approached the table. She looked tired, like something was wrong.
THREE
Serena
As soon as he saw me, I could tell that he knew something was bothering me. I'd told him I wanted to talk, of course, but it was like Luke could read my mind sometimes. Well, not literally, but in a way that was meaningful, that he could use to make me happy or help me in some way. I returned his smile and sat down across the table from him, still unsure of how I was going to tell him.
“You want something to drink?”
“No, thanks. I shouldn't.”
He cocked his head to the side and stared at me. “Okay. What's up.”
I laughed nervously. “I'm not sure how to say this really.”
“Just say it.”
“I'm pregnant.”
His eyes widened ever so slightly, but for the most part he didn't show any emotion at all. This wasn't surprising as he was usually very guarded emotionally. He didn't let me into that big brain of his very often. Gradually, his head began to nod, as if he was processing the information I'd just dumped on him. Should I have waited a little longer? Or not told him at all?
“When?”
“I'm pretty sure it was that Saturday at my place about two months ago.”
“The time we...”
I nodded as his voice trailed off, not wanting to broadcast the fact we'd made love all night on a beach when I took both of us on vacation.
“You don't seem happy.”
“It's not that, okay?” he snapped.
“Don't snap at me.”
“Look, this is a lot of information to drop on a guy, okay? I need time to process. This isn't how I thought things were going to work out.”
“And how did you think they were going to work out?” I asked.
“I don't know. Not like this. I thought I would have some say in it maybe.”
“I thought you wanted to be in a real relationship. Isn't that what you're calling it all the time.”
“That would be better than using me as a booty call whenever you get horny,” he said barely above a whisper but still with a lot of emotion. “I meant a real relationship not an I'm pregnant we have to hook up and get married now...”
“Hold on,” I interrupted. “I didn't say anything about marriage.”
The conversation wasn't going the way I wanted. No planning could have prepared me for the way he was acting. I knew it was a lot for him to digest, but I was certain that he would be happy at the news, or at least supportive toward me and not so mean. His passive aggressive nature really got to me sometimes.
“I know you didn't, but you know what I mean.”
“No, I don't. That's why I thought we should talk.”
“Look, I don't have time to argue right now. I'll call you later, okay?”
He stood up and walked off, leaving his cup behind. I shook my head, not believing his reaction even though I'd seen it with my own eyes. Was he upset with me? Did he not want a relationship? I had told him time again that I didn't want one because I had my career to think about. When my job popped into my thoughts, I sighed deeply then stood up to walk back to my car to go home.
FOUR
Luke
I walked away from the coffee shop, turned the corner and went into the Thirsty Tomato, one of the oldest drinking establishments on campus. It was early in the day, but I needed a drink and I knew not a lot of students or other patrons would be in the place. In the dark quiet with a beer or two, I would be able to think about what Serena had told me.
The old saying about being careful what you wish for flew through my mind as I paid for a beer then went to sit at a table in the corner. How the fuck could a man with a degree in 20th century literature be a good father? I thought as I took a long drink. The Doors played faintly in the distance from the jukebox across the room.
Serena had surprised the hell out of me, but I was starting to regret just walking away. She had her life together. Was she mad that I'd gotten her pregnant? To be fair, she had been a willing participant. Without her there wouldn't be a baby. I wasn't the only one to blame. After I finished the first beer, I ordered another and then another. The fourth was the best as I felt myself start to buzz.
As I sat with my fifth beer and thoughts in the darkness, a group of frat boys walked in. Their noise and bright clothes really rubbed me the wrong way. I did my best to try to ignore them, but one of them walked up and put his hand on my shoulder while laughing along with his buddies. I didn't know what they had been talking about, but I didn't care.
I stood up and pushed the red haired frat guy. His expression changed immediately. Then his brothers ran over. At this point the bartender took notice, but he was an older man who looked like he didn't want anything to do with a fight. I hadn't had a lot to drink, but I wasn't a heavy drinker and I was really buzzing as the group of five guys turned into at least eight or twelve.
“What the fuck if your problem,” the ginger asked me as he stroked his neatly trimmed beard.
“Nothing. I'm leaving. Step aside.”
When I stumbled forward, the ginger pushed me, causing me to fall to the floor. All of the others laughed as I slowly got to my feet. I wasn't usually a violent man, but a rage burned inside me quickly burned out of contro
l. Before I knew what was happening, I lunged forward and decked the surprised man in his face, knocking him out of my way.
The others backed off a little. I felt a bit like an outlaw as I made my way out of the bar. As the sun set, I made my way back to my apartment to sober up and think a little more. With each step, I became more determined to go back to Serena and apologize, admit to her that I wanted a real relationship with her, that I wanted to be a father to our child even though we hadn't planned for her to get pregnant.
I wasn't sure if she wanted to keep the baby or have a real relationship with me, but I had to finally tell her my real feelings. At my apartment, I turned the stereo on and tried to come up with the best way to explain and apologize for what had happened, for leaving her at the coffee shop after she'd dropped the news on me like a ton of bricks.
FIVE
Serena
When I got back to my apartment, I checked my email to make sure I hadn't missed anything big at work. Taking off a half-day was a really bad idea, especially if I had to take maternity leave. Would my job even be available when I got back? I knew there were laws that were supposed to protect mothers, but I also knew how the business world really worked.
I made a cup of green tea then sat at the kitchen table to call my mama. She would be surprised to hear from me, but I had to let her in on my news and get her advice. As a single mother she had worked hard to raise me and give me the opportunity to make my life better. Whenever I felt tired and unable to continue, I just thought about all she had sacrificed for me over the years.
“Hey, mama, it's me,” I said into the phone.
“Serena? You okay?”
“Yeah, I just needed to tell you something.”
“Well, you normally just call when something's wrong.”
I frowned, but I knew she was right. Would I be able to be half the mother she had been to me?
“I'm pregnant.”
She didn't say anything for a moment, but I knew that was how she handled big news.
“How far along?” she asked.
“A little over two months.”
“Can I ask about the daddy. Do you know?”
“Mama, I'm not a whore.”
“You're a modern businesswoman, right? Please, dear, I'm too old to bullshit anymore.”
“I told him today. It's a guy I've been seeing off and on for about a year and a half.”
“Just a guy, huh? Not your boyfriend?”
“I guess he's my boyfriend. In some ways.”
“Ahh, he's your booty call. I get it. Like I said, no time for bullshit anymore.”
“Mama, you're something else. You know that?”
“I raised you on my own...”
“I know,” I said, interrupting her before she could give the entire rant. “Any advice? He didn't really take the news well.”
“What did he do?”
“Ran off and told me he would call me.”
“Well, that's good. Wait for the call. He was just shocked.”
“You doing okay, mama?”
“I'm fine.”
“You still talking to Mr. Jones next door?”
“You calling me a whore now?”
She laughed, which caused me to laugh. Somehow, she always made it seem better no matter how dire the circumstances. Her strength was a big part of why I'd been able to do so well in the business world. I didn't have time for bullshit, and I got things done.
“Just be sure you're ready for a baby,” she said, suddenly serious again.
“What do you mean?”
“You know damn well what I mean. A baby is going to take over your life. I know your job means a lot to you.”
“I have options.”
I didn't want to say the word abortion out loud, but it had been something on my mind. After Luke's reaction to me telling him, I was beginning to think it might be the best course of action. I would make a horrible mother on my own.
“You do, dear. Just think long and hard. You know I love you, right?”
“I do. I love you too.”
“I have to go now, dear, but come and see me soon.”
“I will. Bye mama.”
After the call was disconnected, I set the phone down on the wooden kitchen table and took another drink of my tea, which had cooled to the perfect temperature that wouldn't last long. Was my perfect life about to change? I really wanted to talk to Luke, but I knew he would call me when he was ready to talk. In the meantime, I just had to let the tears flow, something that hadn't happened in years.
SIX
Luke
I knocked on the door to Serena's apartment and waited. We had joked about getting me my own key before a few times, but I'd never pressed the issue. If she just wanted me for my body, who was I to complain? Hopefully, she would change her mind and want a more. All in all, we were a pretty good match. She had been cautious about my skin color at first.
Or maybe it was just curiosity. Whatever the reason, I'd gone home with her. We had fucked almost the entire night, taking breaks in between. That first time, I knew she was more than a one night stand. I'd hoped for more than a friends with benefits type of situation, but I didn't want her flying out of my life. I kept my mouth shut and enjoyed whatever she gave me.
The mind blowing sex was great, but I liked the moments after when we talked or just laid together in silence, our bodies still touching. She was a smart woman who had worked her way up in the world while I was a white man who'd had everything given to me. Why wasn't she answering? I thought to myself as I knocked again.
Finally, she opened the door. I could tell right away she'd been crying because her makeup was running. Streams of black were on each of her sweet cheeks. She looked at me, not inviting me in but not saying anything. I knew she was waiting for me to talk, but I still didn't know the words to use to get her to understand me.
“Are you okay?”
“Come in, Luke.”
She stepped aside, still holding on to the door. I walked in and waited for her to shut it. When she turned around, I saw a sadness on her face that I thought only existed in certain novels from the 18th and 19th centuries.
“Why are you crying?”
“I was talking to mama.”
“Yeah? How's she doing? Everything okay?”
“Don't be so dramatic, please. Let's just sit. I've been crying because of the way you reacted to my news.”
I followed her to the couch. We sat on opposite ends, both of using a formal posture.
“To be fair, you've been keeping this from me for two months.”
“I know it was wrong,” she snapped. “I'm sorry. It's just...”
“I understand,” I said, looking directly into her eyes.
“How can you?”
“How can I not? I mean, it's my baby too. That's why I was so mad you kept it from me. I just needed to think and clear my head for a bit.”
“And?”
“I'm still thinking about it.”
Part of me wanted to tell her about the fight in the bar, but I knew it wasn't the right time.
“Me too. Don't worry.”
“I'm not worried. You're going to be a great mother. I'm just wondering if you want me to be in your life at all.”
“What?” She scooted next to me on the couch. “Of course I do. Haven't I made that clear?”
“About as clear as mud, to be honest. I mean, I thought you just wanted my sexy vanilla body.”
“Well, I do, but I've been thinking about us a lot lately.”
“Because of the baby...”
“No, it's not only that. I was thinking before. I like you.”
“That's not going to do.” I placed my hand on her knee. “This situation calls for love.”
“What are you saying?”
“That I love you. I've loved you for a long time. I was afraid you'd leave if I told you I wanted more of a relationship.”
She laughed, shaking her head, which wasn't the react
ion I expected. “I'm sorry. I've been so emotional lately. One minute I'm crying and the next I'm laughing for no reason.”
“Will you go out on a date with me?” I asked.
“What? Like tonight?”
“No. This weekend. A real date. Let's go to the casino and hide out for a few days. We can start over from the beginning.” I reached out my hand. “Hi, I'm Luke. We've got a lot in common. Let's do all the steps we missed then have this baby and live happily ever after together.”
She continued to shake her head. Then she leaned forward and kissed me on the lips. This wasn't like our sexual kisses. This was sweet.
“You sure you're okay?” I asked when she pulled away.
“What?”
“You've never kissed me like that before.”
“Maybe I never kissed the father of my baby before.”
“You want to get together too?”
“What do you mean too? I thought you were upset by this.”
“No, not at all. I just needed time to process. I mean, I'm still thinking about it.”
“You're changing your mind already?”
“Let's not fight, okay? I'll pay for the tickets and rooms at the casino and we'll leave Friday evening, okay?”
She nodded her head, and I left again, something that I'd have to stop doing if I made the decision to be in a long term relationship with her. I was going to take care of the baby, but I wasn't sure if I could live with her. Everything I'd ever wanted was coming true, but I didn't like the idea that she was being forced into a relationship with me because of the pregnancy.
SEVEN
Serena
The moment we arrived at the casino, I knew I was going to spend the rest of my life with Luke. While I wasn't clear on the details or specifics, he opened the door for me and generally treated me like an African princess. And that let me know that he was the one for me. Growing up, I never dreamed that I'd be in love with a white man and having his baby, but it had happened.