by Tamara Black
“No, it sounds good.”
I rolled my eyes, but I put the movie in. Soon after, I was with him on the couch again. This time I was sitting right next to him. Our legs brushed up against each other as we sat back and the movie began. I'd seen it so many times before, I found myself thinking about Josh, wondering what he was thinking, whether he was happy, and a thousand other worries.
The wine was still affecting me when I suddenly took his arm and snuggled closer to him. He got the message and worked his way closer until we were both comfortable. Waiting to Exhale was a lot different than the Being Human movie he'd brought, but he didn't complain at all. Halfway through, I felt myself falling asleep.
What seemed like just a moment later, he moved a little, waking me up. I looked at the television and saw the credit rolling. Instantly, I sat up and turned to him with a look of horror on my face. I couldn't believe I'd been so rude to him and fallen asleep. Instead of being upset or angry, he smiled at me in a reassuring manner.
“I'm so sorry I fell asleep. It must have been the wine.”
“It's fine. Really. I loved the movie.”
“Yeah?”
“Not what I usually watch, but I can see why you like it.”
I nodded my head, more and more impressed with him the more I got to know about him.
“This is how all singles should spend Thanksgiving,” I said.
“I agree. I'm just not sure if I'm ready for a relationship right now.”
“I know what you mean. I'm tired of fooling around. I want to find my forever match.”
“What are you looking for in a man?” he asked, throwing me off guard for a moment.
“The usual, I guess. Kind, considerate, funny, intelligent, not broke.” He nodded as I continued. “A good looking body is always nice. What about you?”
“I don't look for men.”
I rolled my eyes. “I meant women, silly.”
“I know. I guess the same as your list. I've never dated a black woman before.”
“Well, I've never dated a white man.”
We stared at each other a moment. I looked away first then slapped my hands on my thighs before standing up, unwilling to take the dating conversation further.
“Can I help with dishes or something?” he asked.
“No, that would just make me feel weird.”
Just then, someone started knocking loudly on the door. Then I recognized the person yelling.
“Shit,” I muttered as I started to panic.
“What's wrong? You late on the rent?”
“No, it's my ex, Deon. I'm not sure what he's doing here.”
“I know you got someone in there,” he yelled through the door.
“Would you mind sneaking out the back?” I pleaded.
“No, I'm not going to do that, but I'll leave if you want.”
Before I could stop him, he stood up and made his way over to the door. I watched as he opened it. Deon tried to push his way in, but Josh stopped him.
“Can I help you?”
“Get the fuck out of my way, white boy. You don't even know.”
Out of nowhere, Deon pulled back his arm then punched Josh in the face. My hands went to my mouth in horror as Josh reached back then punched Deon. They were soon struggling and wrestling together. When they knocked over a lamp, I rushed forward.
“Stop it, both of you.”
Josh pushed Deon outside where they continued their brawl. Not too long later, the police arrived. I hadn't called them, but I was sure one of the neighbors had done it. They were always getting in other people's business. What surprised me the most was that the officers put Deon and Josh in cuffs. I rushed outside to try to stop them.
“He just showed up at my house. Josh was just protecting me.”
“Which one is Josh?” one of the officers asked me in a bored voice.
“The white guy.”
He looked at me strangely, then said, “They're both going downtown until I can figure this out.”
“I just told you what happened,” I insisted.
“Do you want to get arrested too?” he snapped.
“Just go inside, DeAndra. It's okay,” Josh yelled before he was led away and stuffed into one of the three police cars that had shown up.
I watched in horror as they drove away. The only thing I was left with was a case number. The police officers knew I didn't have enough money to go bail him out. I felt guilty as I went back inside. We'd been having such a wonderful night. About an hour after he was arrested, I tried to call Josh's phone. It went straight to voicemail. I disconnected the call without leaving a message.
THREE
The next day, I left two more messages. When I still didn't hear back from him, I gave up. I really wasn't in the mood to go out or by with anyone, but Melissa called and begged me to go Black Friday shopping with her.
She had more money than she knew what to do with, so I wasn't sure why she wanted to go out with all the people looking for deals. I was sure she loved being around all the people more than anything. I hoped that going with her would help me forget about the disaster with Josh.
I was sure that I was never going to hear from him again. Did he even have enough money to bail himself out? Melissa could tell something was wrong, but she thought it was just my general depression. She didn't even know that Josh had come over and hung out with me.
The crowds of people in the mall allowed me to lose myself in my thoughts a little. With all the noise, Melissa and I really didn't get to talk much. She bought gifts worth a couple hundred dollars, including a cute sweater for me, but when we stopped in the food court, I knew I was done.
“I'm going to take off, I think. My feet are killing me.”
“You serious?”
“Yeah. I got a lot on my mind.”
“Okay. Call me soon.”
“I will.”
I got up and walked back to my car. In the parking lot, I called Josh again. He finally answered.
“Can I come over?”
“Why don't I come see you?”
“You don't want me to see where you live?”
“Not yet, okay? But I do want to see you.”
“Fine. Come over if you want. I'll be home in about half an hour.”
I disconnected the call. At least he was okay and had gotten out of jail, I thought. My apartment was a little messy, but I didn't bother cleaning up even though I knew I should. When my place wasn't clean, it depressed me more, but when I was suffering from depression, I didn't feel like cleaning. It was a vicious cycle to try to break.
Not too long after I got off the phone with him, I heard a knock on the door. I looked out the peephole to make sure it wasn't Deon or someone else I didn't want to see. Josh was dressed in jeans and a sport jacket over a t-shirt. His long, wool coat made him look important. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I admired his self-confidence.
“Hey, you got out of jail. I was worried,” I said as soon as I opened the door.
“Hey, DeAndra. Yeah, I got out okay. I know a good lawyer and I was just defending myself.”
“And me. I appreciate that. Want to come in?”
“Yeah, I do. I've not been able to stop thinking about you.”
“You've been on my mind too.”
I closed the door after he walked in. After he took off his coat and I hung it up, we headed to the couch and sat down on opposite ends. He was smiling, but I could tell it was forced. I tried to prepare myself for him telling me he didn't want to see my anymore. At least he'd done it in person, I thought as I stared into his vivid blue eyes.
“I had no idea he was coming over...”
“It's okay,” he interrupted. “I don't care about that. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“You're the one who went to jail.”
“I just kept thinking how wonderful it was to watch a couple movies with you.”
“We can watch one now if you want. I have quite a collection.”
“That sounds great. You going to pick again?”
“It's your turn.” I pointed to the shelf with my video collection. “Pick something. Just not any of the ones in the pink cases.”
He raised an eyebrow and pressed me for more without saying a word.
“They're videos my dad took when I was a ballerina many, many years ago.”
“I so want to see that video now.”
“Maybe someday.”
Good feelings raced through my body, which was different for me because it was during the holiday season when I usually retreated deep into my own mind while I tried to battle the depression on my own. Being alone was no fun.
“I found one,” he said as he stood in front of the shelf.
“Let me guess.” I tried to think of what he would pick. “One of the Whoopi Goldberg ones, I think.”
His eyes widened, letting me know I was close.
“Is it Jumping Jack Flash?”
“You got it. How the hell did you do that?”
“I'm good. You want some popcorn?”
“That sounds great. You have any more of that wine?”
“I might. I'll check.”
He put the DVD into my player as I walked into the kitchen to make some popcorn in the microwave. I only had about three quarters of a bottle of wine, which I shouldn't have had in my apartment at all because of my depression. I put the negative thoughts aside as I grabbed a couple glasses and the bottle then brought them out to the living room and set them on the coffee table.
“Don't start it yet.”
“I haven't.”
After I returned to the kitchen, I poured the popcorn into a large, plastic Tupperware bowl my mother had given me when I first went off to college. I'd been eating out of it since I was a young child. It was chipped here and there, but that big green bowl had a lot of memories attached to it. I sprinkled a little salt into the bowl then grabbed it and headed back into the livIIing room.
Josh was sitting dead center on the couch, not really giving me a choice on where to sit. I was going to be next to him, which didn't really concern me as much as I thought it might. I was looking forward to watching Whoopi and having a laugh or two with him – especially after he'd been arrested while trying to stand up for me.
“That's a huge bowl,” he noted as I set it down on the coffee table after sitting to the left of him.
“I've had that since I was a little girl. It's my lucky popcorn bowl.”
“That mean I'm getting lucky tonight?” He smiled. “I'm just kidding.”
“Well, maybe you will.”
After I gave him as sexy a look as I could muster, I picked up the remote control and started the movie. We were soon laughing together as we ate popcorn and drank red wine. It was my idea of a perfect date. As the movie got around to the end, I started to panic a little. Was he serious about getting lucky?
I liked him a lot, but I hadn't even given any real thought to whether or not I was going to invite him into my bed. He had good enough looks that he could get any woman he wanted, but I wasn't sure if I really wanted him. I got quieter as the movie began to wrap up neatly. Then the credits began to roll.
“I love that movie,” he said, sitting up and stretching his arms out.
“Me too. I hate ghost, though.”
“Don't get me started on that piece of trite trash.”
We had another short laugh together. As the music on the credits played, we sat next to each other. I found myself getting lost in his eyes as he looked into my soul. I knew what was about to happen, and I didn't mind. Slowly, cautiously, we moved toward each other. Then our lips met. His were so soft, so delicate. Then his tongue began to get into the action.
The kiss was one of the best I'd ever had in my life. Even though I was in my twenties, I hadn't had a lot of partners. A lot of men had wanted to sleep with me, but no one wanted to deal with me as a girlfriend because of my problems with depression. Some had tried, but all of them ended up leaving me, hurting me, or both. Deon was the last man I had kissed.
“I have to tell you something,” he said after breaking away.
“Uh oh, here we go.”
“What?”
“You're about to say something bad, right?”
He frowned. “I don't know. Maybe. But I have to tell you.”
“Go ahead.”
“I suffer from depression. Actually, I'm bi-polar, like Robin Williams. That's one of the reasons I love his movies so much.”
I nodded. “It's okay. I'm not exactly one hundred percent stable myself.”
“But is that good for either of us? Aren't we just going to end up hurting each other?”
“That's the risk you have to take if you want to love.”
“I guess...”
I leaned in and kissed him again, not letting him continue. The moment was too good, too true, too pure to be ruined by crazy talk. Then I pulled back.
“You're right. We should slow down.”
“I like you...” he said awkwardly.
I smiled. “I like you too, Josh.”
“Maybe we can help each other through the holidays.”
“I'd like that a lot. We can work on friends first.”
“I can deal with that.”
“Good.”
He stood up. While I wanted to kiss him again, I wanted to slow down just in case he was the special person for me.
“I'll call you soon and check on you, okay?”
“How about you come back tomorrow and help me decorate?”
“I don't usually decorate for the holidays, but okay.”
“I don't either. We'll need to go get a tree, but we can make some ornaments or something dorky.”
“Okay, I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight, DeAndra.”
“Goodnight, Josh.”
As soon as he had walked out and shut the door behind him, I got up and went to lock it. The rest of the night, I tried to reign in my excitement. I kept reminding myself that it might all come crashing down around me at any moment. Christmas miracles were rare, and I wasn't entirely sure I was in the middle of one or not. What I did have was an idea on how to test Josh when he came over to decorate. I couldn't wait.
FOUR
Josh showed up just after noon the next day. I didn't have a lot of money saved up, but I wanted to get a small, live tree. I loved the smell. He actually knew of a tree farm just outside of the city. Even better, he drove a brand new Ram 1500 that was lifted a foot or so off the ground with monster-sized tires. The truck didn't remind me of him at all, but it would be perfect for bringing a tree home.
The ride out to the tree farm was enjoyable. Toasty warm and comfortable in the cab, I wondered how he had been able to afford such a nice truck. That made me remember that I didn't know what he did for a living. The details didn't really matter, but I wanted to at least make sure he wasn't a drug dealer or something crazy. Then again, I couldn't remember the last time a dope boy had volunteered to help the community.
“This is a sweet truck,” I said, finding a way to bring it up.
“Thanks. I like it. I wish the tires were even bigger.”
“They seem huge to me.”
“I want them even bigger, but it wouldn't be street legal.”
“You trying to compensate for something?” I asked in a teasing voice.
He laughed. “No, not at all, actually.”
When we got to the tree farm, I felt like a kid again as we walked down the long rows of fir trees. He offered to match what I was spending, so I was actually able to get something nice. I watched as he bent down and sawed it down. Then he tossed it in the sled we'd been given. He dragged it along as I walked by his side.
Getting the tree into my apartment was a bit harder than it had been getting it in the bed of his truck. Somehow we managed. We'd bought a stand and soon had it the tree standing up in a corner. While it looked naked, the fresh evergreen smell was wonderful. I stood next to it and inhaled deeply
a few times before noticing Josh was staring at me.
“You're so cute,” he said then smiled.
You ain't seen nothing yet, I thought to myself and smiled back.
“I feel like I'm a kid again.”
“Me too.”
“Okay, I'm not sure you're going to go along with this, but I got us festive costumes to wear.”
I tried my hardest to not smile or laugh.
“I can do that, I guess. You're dressing up too, right?”
“Yeah, I'm going to my bedroom to change. You can have the bathroom. I have your outfit in there already.”
His face told me he knew something was going on, but he didn't say anything as he walked to the bathroom. I rushed to put on the elf costume I'd had for a couple years.
“You're missing part of the costume,” he called from the bathroom.
“No, I'm not,” I replied then walked in on him.
His eyes opened wide and his hands moved to cover his manhood, which appeared quite impressive.
“You want me to decorate dressed like this?” he asked.
“Yes. It's my Christmas present.” I smiled then nodded to his hands. “You not gonna be able to work with your hands down there.”
“I get it,” he said then laughed as he moved his hands away. “I got nothing to hide.”
“Oh my, you do not.”
He looked up at me like an excited puppy – then saw that I was kidding.
“Ha ha, very funny.”
“I'm sorry. I couldn't resist. You look cute.”
In reality, he looked more than cute. He looked hot.
“You really want me to decorate in this get-up? I love the beard.”
“I thought we could put off the decorating for a while.”
“Yeah?”
I nodded. “I have something else for us to do.”
“Okay. What?”
“Can I sit on Santa's lap?” I purred.
He nodded his head. I led him into the living room and sat him down on the couch. I took off my silly pants quickly as he watched. In just my panties and a top, I sat with my thighs on either side of his legs. I pulled his beard down and leaned forward and kissed him to let him know what was about to happen was real. I was afraid he wouldn't be forward enough sexually for me, but as soon as he knew I was okay with what was happening, he attitude changed instantly.