by Joy Eileen
I tried to stay calm, but his hand still hadn’t relaxed and my scalp ached from the consistent pull. He sat up, and twisted around, causing me to land on my back. Pain shot through me.
“You don’t care about me.” His voice was low. I was relieved at his quiet tone, knowing he had some control.
“I do. It's just one night, Jason.” I flashed him my ring. “You have me forever. Hell, I'm sure you'll be sick of me, we'll be together so much.”
He ripped off my ring and chucked it across the room. I put my hand up to my mouth and stifled the scream wanting to rip from me. My throat clenched, not allowing any sound to escape as he sneered at me. Drenched in terror, I couldn't stop the tremors racking through my body.
“You’re a whore. You don’t care about me. How many guys did you fuck while I was gone?”
I shook my head, willing the words to come. With strength I didn’t know I possessed, I squeaked out, “None, only you. It has always been just you. I'm yours.”
“Liar!” he snarled, backhanding me across the face, forcing my head to snap to the side.
Blood rushed into my mouth so fast I almost choked on it. He pushed me down, climbing on top of me, his hands digging into my arms.
“I love you, only you,” I pleaded.
Jason was so far gone, he didn’t hear a word I said. It was useless, and I stayed silent as he brutalized my body.
His eyes never left mine as he undid his belt buckle, pulling himself out of his jeans, his erection purple from the strain of his arousal. Donning a condom he had in his pocket, he shoved into me without warning.
Once he finished, he kissed me while he carried me to our room, for the first time leaving a mess on the floor.
I woke up to the sounds of Jason preparing his makeup breakfast. I put on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, as I carried my hoodie out with me. A bouquet of red roses was perched on the table.
“I missed you. I love you so much,” Jason said, concentrating on the food he was preparing.
“I know, Jason, I love you too,” I said to his back, trying to avoid inhaling the stench the roses were giving off.
“I’m sorry about last night.”
My head shot up. This was the first time he acknowledged something, other than me being exceptionally clumsy, caused the bruising on my skin.
“I was so worried when you called and said you fell down the stairs. Thinking of you in pain made me insane; I wanted to make sure you were all right.”
Ah, there was my story. It terrified me when Jason gave me these stories, once he created them they became his reality. He held onto them with such conviction, there were times I would falter between my reality and his.
I held back the hysterical giggle bubbling up inside of me. How stupid of me to think he would admit he was at fault when he could digress into his reality where he lived guilt-free.
“Thanks for coming home to take care of me,” I said, digging into the waffle he just set in front of me. I tried to put the bite into my mouth, but a sharp pain stabbed my stomach and I was sure if I swallowed, it would come back up.
“Anything for you, Faith,” he replied, sitting down, and digging into his breakfast with the vigor of a starving man. “Don’t be upset,” he said between bites, his mouth wide enough to see the food being masticated inside of it. “They called me this morning and I need to fly back today.”
I pouted and went to sit on his lap, allowing me to get away from my full plate. The smell of food mingling with the roses had me swallowing multiple times to keep the bile at bay. Jason’s plate being cleared of every morsel seemed the best bet to keep my stomach under control.
“I'm going to miss you,” I said, hugging him while burying my face in his neck, not trusting my facial expressions.
“I know how hard it is for you to be without me. I'll be back in a day or two, and I promise I'll spend the summer making it up to you. You'll have so much of me your clingy heart will be satisfied.”
“Ok,” I responded, kissing him lightly.
I cleaned up while Jason got ready. He kissed me goodbye, murmuring he loved me, and left.
I waited ten minutes and then walked down to the parking lot to guarantee he was gone. When I didn’t see his Honda, I ran up the stairs, not allowing my sore muscles to slow me down.
I packed everything I could, shoving it into my car. Whatever I left behind would be lost forever. Once I had what I needed, I rushed to the courthouse.
They took a report, and I was granted a restraining order. I didn’t want to press charges, afraid Jason's dad would pay for it to be swept under the rug. All I requested was the restraining order.
Chapter 5
I woke up to a pounding in my ear drums and a torture device squeezing my head. I cracked open one eye to see Jessie passed out next to me, drool oozing out of her mouth. Amy was curled up like a cat on the end of the bed.
Opening the other eye I surveyed my surroundings, and realized I had no idea where I was.
The room had minimal furniture, the California King being the focal point, with one nightstand on the right side and a matching dresser pushed against the wall. A small flat screen T.V. sat on the dresser, with a DVD player and cable box on the side. Nothing decorated the white walls, and a lone mirror hung on the door.
I got up with slow measured movements. My head argued as my stomach pleaded with me to stay still. Taking deep breaths, I tried to calm my body.
The door across from us was ajar, revealing the bathroom. My stomach took this as the permission it needed to kick everything out. Rushing to the bathroom, I heaved until I was spent.
Each time my stomach revolted, my head wanted to explode. Once I could trust myself to move, I stripped out of my clothes. It felt odd taking a shower in a strange house, but I couldn't resist the siren's call of hot water.
As the grime washed away, I felt some semblance of being human again. With the help of the hot water, my head was now a low thud compared to the pounding had been.
Finding a bottle of mouth wash, I swished it around before redressing. My body protested when I put on my stolen t-shirt. I was sore everywhere.
Feeling grubby in my dirty clothes, I vowed to change as soon as possible. Spotting a hamper overflowing with men’s clothing, I got my first clue to my whereabouts.
The sink had nothing on it except for hand soap, a razor, and hair gel- no female presence anywhere. I checked to see if Jessie or Amy were awake before investigating further. Both of them were still out, Amy was now sprawled out with her arms and legs spread wide.
There were pictures on the wall throughout the stairwell. They consisted of different bands and candid black and whites of the JackholeS at different venues. I ventured out to see who else was awake.
The living room at the bottom of the stairs sported a huge brown sectional couch. A thick black rug covered the hardwood floors with a dark wooden table in the center.
The entertainment center sported a ginormous T.V., with every type of gaming system scattered around it. Through the living room, I went into the formal dining room. Instead of a dining table, it contained a plethora of different instruments. On the walls were poster boards with lyrics and musical notes handwritten on them.
I walked through the archway which led to the kitchen; Kill sat at the table. He appeared freshly showered and disgustingly handsome. His face registered surprise when he saw me.
“Coffee?” he asked, a dimple flickering on his cheek.
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak in front of him. He motioned his head toward the coffee maker.
“The mugs are in the cabinet above it, sugar's in the little blue canister, and creamer's in the fridge.” His attention went back to his glass, filled with a frothy green liquid. I nodded my head again, unaware if he saw it.
I hoped the liquid caffeine would take the ache out of my head. When my coffee lightened to the perfect caramel color, I sat across from Kill. We sipped our drinks in silence.
“How’s
your head?” Kill asked, startling me.
I hadn't expected him to break the silence between us. “Better,” I replied. “Where am I?” I asked, taking advantage of the broken silence.
“My house. The band lives here too.” He didn’t explain anymore, and I realized I would have to drag every bit of information out of him.
“Whose room were we in?”
“That’s the guest room. It’s empty. The guys thought it would be safer if you all stayed with us last night, being that none of you could move.” He smiled at his comment, before wiping it off of his face.
“Your boyfriend saw me taking you home, but he didn’t follow us. I’m sure he isn’t giving up on you that easily. He's just biding his time, unless you go back to him before he figures something out.” His voice was laced with anger.
I didn’t understand what I did to him to make him so mad at me. The way he seemed convinced I would run back to Jason pissed me off. “I'm not going back to him, ever. I don’t know what crawled up your ass, but I got away from him by myself. I'm sure you think I'm weak for staying for so long, and damn it if you aren’t right, but I guarantee, I will not be going back."
He remained silent, so I continued.
"And you don’t need to remind me how pathetic I am, because I berate myself enough. It took every bit of strength I had to get away, but it will take nothing to stay away.”
I didn’t mean to rant like I did. He looked stunned from my outburst. I just yelled at someone named Kill; what the hell was I thinking?
“I hope you're right; you deserve better than him. Also, I don’t think you're weak for staying. I just wonder if you can stay away.”
My mouth hung open, not expecting to hear the compassion in his voice. Before I could reply, Jet and Van walked downstairs.
“Please tell me you made the coffee, Faith,” Jet said, getting a mug.
“Sorry, it was already made when I came in.”
“Ugh, Kill always makes it too strong,” Jet replied, putting a generous amount of sugar in the offending coffee. "I don't know why the fuck you bother making it, you don't even drink it."
“How are you doing?” Van asked. He gave me a questioning look, and I nodded my head giving him permission to hug me. After a quick hug he poured his coffee, also adding tons of sugar into it.
“The coffee's good,” I said, defending Kill for reasons unknown to me. I punctuated my statement by taking a sip.
“With as much sugar and cream you added, I'm surprised you can taste the coffee at all.”
There he was. I knew he couldn't stay civil without the jerk resurfacing. I stuck my tongue out at him before taking another caffeine laced drink. Kill quirked his eyebrow, not replying as he sipped his own drink while the other two took a seat.
“So?” Van looked at me, waiting for me to answer his question.
“I’m doing ok," I answered. "I have a lot to do today. My boss and coworkers love Jason, and I'm afraid they'll want to talk me into a reconciliation. So, I definitely need to quit. Finding a place to live is my top priority. Jessie and Amy don’t have any room for me, and I don’t want to ask Trent.” I was babbling. I couldn’t stop the words when they started to flow.
“Well, we have a proposition for you,” D said, startling me with his appearance. “Who made the coffee?”
“It’s not that bad!” I exclaimed, not understanding why they were such babies when it came to strong coffee.
They laughed, except for Kill, who gave me a curious look. I started to stick my tongue out until I remembered what he told me last night. The memory was hazy, but clear enough to make me keep my tongue tucked inside my mouth. Kill chuckled, and I was pretty sure he knew exactly what I was thinking.
D leaned against the kitchen counter as he surveyed us while sipping on his sugar-enriched coffee.
“What type of proposition?” I asked, having no idea what these crazy boys had in mind.
“Well, we have an extra room here nobody's using, and your crazy ex won’t bother you,” D started.
“Not if you're surrounded by a bunch of sexy, scary rockers,” Jet added, leaning over the table for a high five. He gave me puppy dog eyes until I gave in and slapped his hand.
“I can’t move in with you guys!” I was floored by their offer. “I'll figure something out. I don’t want to impose,” I finished, feeling breathless.
“Why not? You can’t live by yourself. We talked to that guy, and you could see the crazy in him. You're working at the bar we play at, so we could keep an eye on you. It's a perfect solution,” Van said, getting up and standing next to me.
“You guys don’t even know me,” I argued, unable to think of another reason.
“Shut up, you're moving in with us. You walk around the house naked, right?” Jet asked, and I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Are you sure?” I asked Kill, who had been quiet during the conversation.
Van gave me a light squeeze on my shoulder, taking the long way back to his chair so he could punch Kill in the arm.
“Yeah, Slick. You can stay here until Romeo romances you back to his love cave, but if I catch that douche box near my property, I'll make good on my threat.”
“Why the hell do you keep insisting I'm going back to him? And did you just refer to him as a douche box?”
The guys laughed at my statement. I waited for one of them to answer me.
“He’s a douche box because he's lower than a douchebag. He couldn’t get near even the skankiest pussy,” Jet explained, making my face turn bright red because I had let Jason become well acquainted with my, uhm, skanky girly part.
“No offense,” Jet said, back peddling.
I tried to look offended, wanting my fake outrage to eclipse my burning face. It must have worked because Jet started stammering. "I wasn’t saying you have a skanky pussy. Hell, I would do you right now…”
Before he could dig himself a bigger hole, I let him off the hook by laughing, unable to fake anger anymore.
“Are you sure?” I asked one more time.
They nodded their heads yes.
“I promise I won’t bother you guys. You won’t even know I'm here. Hell, I'll even cook.”
“You cook?” Van asked, leaning his bulging muscles on the table.
“Don’t attack her,” Jet said. “I called first dibs.”
“Whatever you want. Well, until I start school, then you may have to fend for yourself some nights,” I said smiling, ignoring Jet.
“Lasagna,” Van and D said at the same time.
Laughing, I got up and kissed Van on the cheek. I tried to give Jet a kiss on the cheek, but he had other ideas and tried to stick his tongue down my throat. Slapping him on the back of the head, I walked over to give D a hug. He seemed embarrassed, but let me hug him anyway.
“No problem, Faith. Like I said, I have sisters, and you remind me of them,” Van explained, as I let go of D.
“Fuck that,” Jet replied, wiggling his eyebrows. “I definitely do not see you as a sister. And if you don’t want a ride, your hot little friend is invited.”
Just then, Amy and Jessie walked into the kitchen, both of them looking worse for wear. Although, Amy had a licorice stick in her mouth and was getting more energy by the second.
“Hey, Candy,” Jet said, getting out of his seat and heading straight toward Amy.
She looked outraged and pushed him when he reached her. “My name's not Candy,” she pouted, pointing her licorice stick at him.
Jet took the candy out of her hand and popped it in his mouth. “I know, but you taste like it.”
Amy had a smug smile on her face. “And you better not forget it.” She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him like she was trying to retrieve her stolen candy.
“Ewww, it's way too early to see that stuff,” Jessie squealed, taking Jet’s abandoned seat, avoiding Van.
Jessie swiped my coffee and took a drink. “Jeez, did you put a whole cup of sugar in this?” She put my mug bac
k in front of me, making a face. “Did you guys tell her?” Jessie asked, still avoiding Van.
“She’s right, it is too early for anyone to see this,” Jet said, grabbing Amy. He lifted her over his shoulder, bounding toward the stairs. Amy waved at us before she was out of sight.
Van slid his coffee in front of Jessie, she still refused to look at him. She mumbled a thank you and took a sip.
“Much better,” she replied.
I smiled into my mug; he had dumped just as much sugar into his as I did. I guess I missed a lot in my drunken stupor.
“And to answer your question, yes, they did, and I agreed. I’m going to the store to get stuff for dinner, anyone need anything?” I asked, feeling claustrophobic in Kill’s presence. He'd been staring at me the whole time, and my body couldn’t take much more before I caught on fire or grabbed his face and stuck my tongue down his gorgeous throat.
“I’m good,” D answered, before going into the living room and slouching on the couch to watch T.V.
“Are you cooking?” Jessie asked excitedly. "Can I stay? We work the same shift tonight. We could ride together, or you could follow me so you have your car.”
Van answered before I could, which I was thankful for, being they just allowed me to move in and I didn’t want to start inviting people over. “Of course you can stay. This is Faith’s house now, too.”
Jessie gave me a worried look. “The boys told me last night they were going to ask you to move in. Are you ok with that?”
“Yeah, I am. Jason will never bother me while I'm here. What about money?” I asked, realizing I had just agreed to stay somewhere without asking about rent. If I needed to dip into my savings, so be it.
“We split the utilities. Kill owns the house, so between the four of us it’s not much. If you cook, I'm sure Kill will overlook your share altogether,” Van replied, while shooting glances at Jessie.
“No, I'm not a charity case. You've already done so much; I want this to be fair.” I refused to accept Kill's pity. I felt empowered leaving Jason, and I wanted the feeling to stay.
This opportunity would confirm I was capable of making it on my own. I wanted to put myself together and be a normal person. Coming to that conclusion made me more determined to pave my own way.