by Joy Eileen
“Let me finish,” I said, assuming the thought of sweaty Kill got these girls hotter than watching him onstage.
“He pinned me to the wall, and wouldn’t let me down so I bit him. It left a mark, so he decided to give me a matching one.” I shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal, and I wasn't getting turned on thinking about him hovering over me.
“You two are so hot for each other, you need to just fuck and get it over with,” Ryan said, disappointed I didn’t give her a better story.
“What? No, she needs to stay away from him,” Jessie said shocked Ryan would suggest anything between me and Kill.
“It's going to happen eventually,” Denise chimed in.
The three of them discussing my life as if I wasn't there, or didn't have enough common sense to make my own decisions, had anger running through me.
“Hello, still right here.”
“Sorry honey, your relationship with him just confuses us, that’s all,” Denise explained watching the boys as they played. The crowd jumped up and down screaming at them.
“You aren’t the only one,” I mumbled, under my breath.
“You just got away from that scum bag, I don’t want to see you get hurt, especially by a musician,” Jessie said, wrapping her arm around my waist.
“But she can have fun, and who’s to say he won’t fall madly in love with her and they won't get married and have dozens of gorgeous babies,” Ryan threw back at Jessie, and I stiffened hearing the "b" word again.
I was saved from continuing the conversation when Kill segued into 'Gotta Have Faith.'
I didn’t bother with the stairs, walking straight toward Kill. There were a couple of cat calls from the audience, and some shouted a request for us to kiss. Kill winked at me, showing me he had no problem kissing me. I rolled my eyes, not knowing what else to do.
Van started the intro to my first song, and I was thankful I had something to concentrate on instead of the perfect fullness of Kill’s lips. When the last note faded, I moved away, but Kill pulled me back toward the microphone.
“Where are you off to so quick?” he asked, and the crowd yelled out suggestions on what they thought we should do.
“I thought you were done with me,” I answered, making the crowd frantic.
“Not nearly,” he said, and I was embarrassed how turned on I was.
The insides of my legs were wet from our banter. He knew exactly what he was doing to me.
“Are we doing another one with Faith?” D asked.
Kill clenched his jaws but recovered quickly, and nodded his head as Van began the song we debuted last night.
When it finished, I peeked at Kill, wondering if we were going to do the last song right now. He explained to everyone, including me, we would perform the newest song later. The crowd's reaction was mixed emotions, some were boo’s, while others were uncontrollable screaming.
“All right, you're off the hook. Now get your sexy ass to work.”
I pretended to glare at him, and the whole crowd went crazy, some of them liking the dominant tone, while others told me to kick his ass.
“Just kidding. You know I wouldn’t make you work unless you wanted to.”
He glanced down at my stomach quickly, and everyone erupted at the implication he just made. The sea of people parted for me, not wanting to hurt Kill’s baby momma. When I finally made it to the edge of the crowd, I glanced over to see Kill watching my progress while he sang. He winked, and I gave him the finger.
The girls stared at me with open mouths. Bambi's gaze was glued to my stomach, trying to become the first naked eye ultrasound tech.
“What the hell's going on?” Ryan questioned.
“Nothing, Kill's fueling the rumors so more people will come to the shows,” I said, as they all glanced at the packed bar unconvinced. “Ok, I don’t know. If you want to know why Kill's playing this game, then you're going to have to ask him,” I said, sounding bitchier than I meant to. "Sorry, I really don’t know what's going through that boy's head,” I grumbled.
Bambi rolled her eyes and walked off, pissed she didn’t get more of a story.
The boys ended their set, and Kill hopped offstage into the middle of the fray along with Jet. Everyone rushed him, trying to get more information about our supposed love child.
When he caught my eye, he winked at me with that damn infuriating smile. I took the tray Ryan had made up for them and stalked over to the table. I was surprised most of the skanks normally circling the table weren't around.
“Hey Slick,” he said, taking his beer while putting his arm around my shoulder.
“Why did you do that?” I asked him, keeping my voice low so nobody could hear us.
“To keep the girls at bay. It's exhausting having to tell them no night after night. I figured if they thought I had something going on with the hot new girl in our band, they would back off. Besides we are going to happen eventually.”
Tears flooded my eyes. He pulled me into his chest so my face was buried in it before quietly asking me. “Is it so bad, Slick?”
One rogue tear spilled over the edge of my eyelid soaking into his t-shirt. “I can’t have kids,” I admitted, and blinked rapidly, not letting any more tears fall.
His whole body went still, and my heart fractured, prolonging him from owning it completely. I pulled out of his grasp, running off into the busy crowd to do my job.
The boy’s finally went back onstage, and everyone abandoned their seats to get closer. I went to the bathroom, taking my time.
Jessie came in looking concerned. “Are you ok, Faith?"
My bottom lip trembled, and I bit it to make it stop. Jessie ran over and put her arms around me. I glanced at the ceiling, hoping gravity was working inside the bathroom.
“I can’t have kids,” I blurted, knowing how stupid it sounded in the middle of a dirty bathroom, but I had to get it out or I would never tell her.
“Oh, Faith....”
I stopped her before she could give me the condolences I couldn’t handle. “Don’t be nice to me.”
She looked at me, making sure I hadn’t lost my mind completely.
“I can’t handle you being nice to me. I still need to finish working, and I have to get onstage soon. I need to hold it together, so please don’t be nice to me right now,” I pleaded.
“Fine, get your butt back to work. Who do you think you are taking a break when we aren’t busy in the least? Other people have worries too. Look how stressful Bambi has it, having to be a bitch all the time. It has to be exhausting, poor thing; bless her heart.”
“I love you, and you said bitch,” I said, putting my arm around her as we made our way out of the bathroom.
“I know, you made me resort to the big guns.”
I could feel Kill’s eyes on me as soon as we rounded the corner. Kill eventually called me, and when he pulled me up, he held me longer than necessary. He had the fans in a frenzy as he introduced the new song. When everyone was foaming at the mouth from excitement, Van started and I lost myself in the song.
When the set ended, Kill wouldn’t let me leave while he ended the performance. He walked with me offstage, not letting me get far away. The boys watched Kill’s behavior and when we finally got through the drunken crowd and to the table, they pounced.
“What’s wrong, Faith. Is Jason bothering you?” Van asked, scanning the bar and stopping for a second when his eyes landed on Jessie.
“No, I just didn’t get much sleep last night,” I responded lamely.
“Sit down a second,” D said, getting up to offer me his seat.
Jet and Amy watched me, and I knew Amy wanted to call my bullshit, but she wouldn’t because she was a good friend.
“I need to go help with the last call rush.”
“We can finish it up for you.” Jet said, starting to get up.
I pictured the mess he would make, and I gave a real smile. “No, I got it.”
Kill’s arm was still around my shoulder, and I
shrugged out of it, lifting up on my toes and kissing him on the cheek.
“You guys are awesome,” I said. My new protective family was amazing.
“I know,” Jet replied.
I was ready to go home as soon as the bar was shut down, but not ready to have to face Kill's questions. Kill hadn’t said a word since we closed the bar down and the silence was suffocating.
“What are you thinking about?” I finally caved.
I had always been able to talk to him easily, and the awkwardness between us felt wrong.
“I'm upset you didn’t ask me if I was hungry. We drove by like a dozen food places, and you didn’t stop at one."
At a red light, I stared at him, shocked. The pout on his face made me laugh. Verifying the road was empty, I made an illegal u-turn, pulling into the first fast food place I saw.
I ordered for myself and waited for him to give me his order. Instead of telling me, he leaned over me and gave his order to the crackly box.
My nipples hardened at his nearness and I had to regulate my breathing. When I got back to the same stop light, he still had a pout on his face.
“What?” I asked exasperated.
“I wanted McDonalds.”
I rolled my eyes and the light finally turned green.
Van’s car wasn't there, and I hoped Jessie was finally opening up to him. Jet’s truck was also gone, and there was no telling what he and Amy were up to.
“We should have called D to ask him if he wanted something,” I said as we got out of the car.
“Nah, he only eats at McDonalds. I was going to get him something there, but you refused to go.”
Unsure why he wasn’t bombarding me with a million and one questions, I was grateful he tried to make me laugh instead of letting me dwell on it.
“Well that's good, because I was going to offer him your food,” I said.
He gripped the bags, pulling them to his chest and looking offended. “You're a bad person.”
D was on the couch on his phone. We rummaged through the bags on the kitchen table, and D got up and walked upstairs.
“Well, since we kicked him out, want to eat in the living room?” Kill asked, already taking his food to the couch.
“Take me to bed or lose me forever.” Kill said, reaching for the remote and turning off the T.V.
“Did you just quote 'Top Gun'?” I asked, making my way toward him.
“Yep, go get ready for bed, and I'll lock up the house,” he said, slapping me on the ass softly.
I didn’t know how he was able to turn my night around, but I was going to go to bed happier because of him.
After I crawled into bed, Kill opened my door, but D stopped him. “What are you doing?” he asked Kill, and I held my breath, trying to hear everything over my breathing.
“She wasn’t feeling good, so I was just checking on her before I went to bed.”
“You need to leave her alone, Kill. She isn’t just one of your conquests you drop once you get her. You can’t fuck with her like the other ones. I won’t let you hurt her.”
I closed my eyes, wondering how stupid I was being for letting him sleep in my bed, stealing a little piece of my heart hourly.
“Mind your fucking business,” Kill responded, through clenched teeth.
What was left of my heart plummeted to my feet. I wasn't expecting him to confess his undying love for me, but the fact he didn’t even try to correct D was painful.
My door clicked shut, confirming Kill hadn't come in. I tried to watch T.V., but the stupid screen was blurry from unshed tears. I gave up, putting my ear buds in and turning the volume up to let my mind get lost in the rapid beat.
After an absurd number of songs I drifted off to sleep. I was startled when my bed dipped down as Kill got in with me. Neither of us reached for the other as we normally did. Kill shifted next to me as he pulled the ear bud out of my ear.
“Don’t listen to him Slick,” he whispered, as tears tracked down the sides of my face to hit my pillow. “Shit,” he whispered, pulling me to him. I went willingly. He owned my heart, and denying him would be impossible.
“When you're ready, just give me a fair chance. Please, don’t let everything you have heard color your judgment before I can even prove myself.”
“I'll try,” I told him truthfully.
He sighed, taking out my other ear bud and turning off my iPod. His heart beat was now the music I fell asleep to, and so far, I hadn’t heard a better lullaby.
Chapter 28
The next day it took a while for us to get our normal banter back. We went shopping to get out of the house.
Later a text informed me of another note on my car. I searched the block to see if anyone watched me, but it was clear. It was a picture of Kill kissing my forehead after one of our runs Kill's face was burned away. Under the picture was scrawled.
You are mine.
I shivered as I stuffed it in the back pocket of my jeans. I didn't want to be scared. How could Jason still dictate my life? I'd convinced myself I was safe, and Jason was stuck in the cage he had made for himself. It seemed he was flexing the bars more each day.
I slipped it in my drawer with the other note and went downstairs to practice and get dinner ready.
Work was slow, so all of us girls convened together at the bar to gossip. The boys came in later, Jet announcing the king had arrived. The night crawled, and I was so glad when it was over, and I would have two days off. The next two days Kill and I hung out.
I didn’t get another letter until the day I was supposed to sing at The Note. It was another picture of me and Kill. This time while we were running, and Kill was smacking my ass. It pissed me off Jason would take something that was ours and soil it. I crumpled the picture and stored it with the others, wondering if I could do something with them if I got enough proof.
My nerves were on edge from the threats and my looming performance. Jessie came over to dress me properly. She wanted me in a dress, but I got her to agree to a pair of tight shiny jeans, and a red halter top.
Jessie curled my hair, pinning the top part with a red flower. She made it reminiscent of a pin up girl, complete with the bright red lipstick.
When we arrived at The Note, there was a line winding around the building. Luckily, I stashed a bottle of Tums in my bag. We went through the back door, avoiding the line altogether.
Amy beelined it to the bar, on a mission for another blue note, and Jet kissed her, telling her he wouldn’t drink tonight so he could take care of her. It was weird to see them together. The love shining in their eyes was undeniable. I couldn’t understand how they could have the healthiest relationship out of all of us.
I was mortified when I saw Robert and his friends at the same table as last time. I turned around quickly before he saw me and ran right into Kill.
“What’s up?” he asked, his voice tense.
“It’s Robert,” I whispered using my eyes to point to the table where Robert was.
Kill's face split into a wide grin. He put his arm around my shoulder, pulling me close.
When we reached the table, he didn’t let me go like I expected. Instead he kissed me on the top of my head and held on. Jessie glared at me, and I was certain she was going to break into the lecture Faith portion of the night soon.
Kill nodded his head toward Robert and his friends. I giggled nervously when the boys registered who Kill was nodding toward.
“Do you want to move?” Van asked, moving in between me and the table to block my view from Robert.
“I don’t know. I don’t think he'll come over here. I embarrassed him by walking out of the restaurant instead of finishing the date.” I shrugged under the weight of Kill’s arm, but not enough to dislodge it.
A slow smile spread over Jet's face. “He just noticed us. He can’t see Faith because Van's blocking her, but he knows you're here,” Jet said, rubbing his hands together like this was the best thing that had happened to him all day.
�
��Well, he knew we were playing tonight, and he knows I'm protective of Slick,” Kill said. His voice was light but he held me tight, proving he wasn’t as laid back as he pretended to be.
Amy came back with her ridiculous blue drink, sipping on it happily, with no clue of the drama around her.
“You're driving home tonight, Killer.” I snatched one of the many straws in Amy’s drink and took a huge gulp.
Amy smiled, happy to provide sugar and alcohol to friends.
“Don’t go too overboard, or at least not until you've finished your set, and even then, I still wouldn’t recommend it because you'll be watched since you're with the band,” D said in his I am the manager voice.
“I’m not, D, I'm just trying to relax, don’t worry. I wouldn’t do anything to purposely embarrass me or the band.”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to say it like that. Forgive me?” He gave me a shy smile, and I returned a weak smile back, pawing for the straw again.
“She's good D, I’ve got her. You don’t have to worry about her,” Kill said, once again trying to keep his voice light, which was not matching his body language.
“I know she's fine, but we all worry about her, Kill.” D said, his voice pitched high and his face bright red.
Van changed his stance in between me and Robert’s table and went over to stand near D. He shot Kill a look behind D’s back, trying to get him to stop the pissing contest they were locked in.
Kill sighed heavily. “I know, D. I didn’t mean anything by it. I'm just a little on edge. When I went to pick her up his hands were all over her, and it pissed me off.”
D’s face faded back his normal color, and I took another sip, wishing I could disappear. Kill led me to a chair far away from Amy’s drink. She was right; it tasted like candy. I wasn’t sure if it was the sugar or the alcohol running through me that made me giggle.
I bit my bottom lip to keep myself under control, so I didn’t get in trouble with D. Kill's eyes glittered with laughter and his face broke me, and I giggled harder.
A chair near us fell over. I turned toward the noise and saw Robert pick up his chair and storm off. He was swallowed by the crowd his friends looked at our table accusingly.