by Dianne Drake
He studied her for a moment, taking in her pink slippers and moving upward. When he reached her face, a warm smiled flickered across his lips, and for the briefest moment his eyes were so gentle, so…so deep. Then the worry came back, and along with it the scowl he seemed to wear all the time. “I appreciate this, Arabella. It’s been rough, and unexpected. From the time I got word that Lynda had died…” He broke off, swallowed hard. “You’re right. I do need to sleep. So maybe if I can grab a couple of hours my disposition will improve.”
“Your disposition is fine.”
“My disposition is lousy, and you’re too kind to mention it.” He smiled wearily. “But thank you for trying to make me feel better. So, are you sure you don’t mind doing this?”
“I don’t mind,” she said, lowering Ana Maria into her crib. This was what she did after all. She took care of children. That’s how she defined herself, the way she felt safe.
“Then I promise I’ll be nicer when I wake up.” He made a cross-my-heart gesture. “And better with Ana Maria, too.”
Bella smiled at Gabriel, but didn’t say a word as she settled herself into the chair next to the crib. But she did watch him wander into the bedroom of the suite. He’d be a good father given some time and confidence, she thought. Once he got used to it.
Sleep came fast, and hard. He didn’t dream, although he’d thought he would. Didn’t have thoughts of his sister to keep him awake. Once he’d slumped into bed, that was it. He was out cold. But not for long. It had been only three hours, and he was awake again. Now he was being bombarded by the thoughts he’d wanted to avoid, the feelings he’d wanted to dismiss.
He was angry, damned angry. Lynda shouldn’t have died. She had been young, strong, healthy. Sure, women died in childbirth. But why his sister?
He could have been there, should have been there. Maybe he could have done something, seen something. Gotten his sister to a hospital somewhere.
Pacing over to the window, Gabriel pulled back the heavy curtains and looked outside. The city was dark now. And it seemed so…small. When he had been a boy, Iquitos had been the world. It had had everything. And on those few trips when his parents had brought him here, he’d been exposed to amazing culture and things he hadn’t even known existed in this world. But now the city seemed tiny, compared to Chicago. That was home now, and held everything he wanted. Large medical practice, nice condo on the lake, great lifestyle. He couldn’t even imagine living in a village like Lado De la Montaña again, let alone a city such as this. When he had been young, that life had been all he’d known. It was all in his past though, and he couldn’t go back. Didn’t want to go back. Which meant Ana Maria would be returning to Chicago with him since his mother wasn’t physically able to raise a baby and there was no one else. Not even the child’s father, Hector.
“Hector doesn’t want the child,” his mother had told him. “Nor does his other wife, Estella. They have three daughters already and Hector wanted Lynda to give them a son. That’s why he married her, to give him the son Estella could not. But since Lynda did not, Hector has refused to take this child in and Estella wants no part of raising another woman’s daughter.”
It didn’t make sense to him. How could a man simply give away his child that way? But that’s what had happened. Hector had taken Ana Maria straightway to the village priest, signed the papers giving up custody, and walked away. Probably to find another wife who would might give him that son.
Gabriel had never liked his sister’s marriage arrangement. But in the villages it wasn’t uncommon for the men to have two wives at once. Lynda had been Hector Ramirez’s second wife, one who’d come into the marriage a good ten years after Hector’s first marriage. Oh, he’d tried arguing his sister out of it, but she’d told him that he lived in a different culture now, and his ways were not hers. Hector was a good man, Lynda had contended. He’d make her a good husband.
Yeah, well, what kind of good man abandoned his child after the death of the baby’s mother?
Gabriel continued staring at the empty street below for another few minutes, trying not to think. But there was a little girl just outside his door he couldn’t take his mind off. And a woman tending to her who’d captured a fair share of his thoughts, too. Arabella seemed to be clinging to Ana Maria as if she was a lifeline, what was her story anyway? He thought about asking her, then thought better of it. How could a man who didn’t know enough to burp a baby take on another person’s problems? The answer was simple—he couldn’t.
But he did wonder about Arabella. And worried a little because, come morning, when he and Ana Maria returned to the village, what would she do?
Curiosity got the better of him and, after fifteen minutes of restlessness, Gabriel crept to the bedroom door and peeked out to the sitting area. The room was so quiet he didn’t want to disturb either of them. As he started to pull his door to, he heard Arabella whisper, “She’s just fine. Sleeping like she should.”
Opening the door again, he stepped out, but barely moved past the frame. “Are you OK?” he whispered. “Can I get you anything?” It was an awkward moment between them, the two of them in the near-dark. But what was even more awkward than the moment was the feeling coming over him. It was like…like this was the way it was supposed to be, with Arabella and him watching over the baby. And it was very nice. Disquieting, but pleasant.
Or maybe it was merely an aversion to responsibility, and Arabella presented the easiest solution for the moment. No need to romanticize that, was there? She was good at a task he didn’t accept as his own yet. That’s what it was. He was simply stalling the inevitable.
Rather than whispering across the room and risk disturbing Ana Maria, Bella came over to Gabriel’s door. “I think maybe I should be asking you how you are. With everything you’ve been through, someone needs to be taking care of you.”
“Are you always so…generous? I’ve taken up your entire day, and now your night, and here you are asking me how I am.” She was a woman used to giving, but one, he suspected, who never took. He wondered if she even knew how.
“Trust me, I didn’t have much of a day or night planned for myself that having you take it up interrupted anything I wanted to do.”
“Why are you here, Arabella?” he asked, even to his own ears sounding much more seductive than he’d intended.
“In your room, or in Peru?”
Ah, she was good at the art of avoidance, too. He was more curious now than he had been but he’d respect her privacy, if that’s what she preferred. Grant her the same space she did him. “Look, just so it won’t seem like I’m prying, I checked your credentials earlier.”
She arched her eyebrows, but didn’t say a word.
“I found out you’re a very good doctor, in a highly regarded medical practice in California.”
“That’s all?”
“That’s all I needed. Because of Ana Maria.”
“You can’t be too careful these days, can you?” She smiled, and it was such a soft smile it gave him goose bumps. “And just so you’ll know the rest of the story, I’ve resigned from my practice, which leaves me time to explore different possibilities for my career.”
“What kind of possibilities?”
“Honestly, I don’t know. I suppose I’ll know it when I see it.”
More avoidance. He was more curious now than just a moment ago. Apparently there were secrets behind all that sadness in her eyes. So, on that rather obvious cue it was time to shift the conversation. Or let it drop—which he didn’t want to do yet. The truth was, he liked talking to Arabella, even if it was more of a one-sided conversation, with him doing most of the conversing. “Do you like Peru?” He asked for a lack of something better to say.
“I hope so.”
Odd, again. “This is your first time here?”
Glancing down at the floor, Arabella nodded yet said nothing, leaving Gabriel to wonder even more what it was about Arabella that drew him in. She was so vulnerable, like she ne
eded someone to protect her. Yet she was strong, maybe even a little defiant. So, did she have someone in her life to protect her, someone who saw her needs even more keenly than he believed he was seeing? Did she have someone back in her own room who wondered why she was spending the night in another man’s room, or perhaps someone who understood why she was compelled to do it? Because he understood. Even without knowing much about her, what he’d come to understand was that she was totally giving, a woman who couldn’t look the other way when she saw need.
Truthfully, he did feel guilty, like he was taking advantage of that. Sure, he’d turned down her offer at the clinic, but when he’d found her at his hotel door there was nothing in him that could have or would have turned her down a second time. He wanted to think it was because he was intrigued by the lady. But his own motives here were suspect, even to him. Or maybe overwhelmed was a better way to describe it. “It’s OK that you’re here, isn’t it?” he asked, sounding like a selfish dolt, as this was the question he should have asked right off. Except he’d been totally preoccupied by his own problems at that moment and hadn’t even thought about Arabella other than what she could do to help him. But now he wanted to know. “No one’s going to be angry that you’re here in my room and not somewhere else…with someone else.”
She laughed. “No, I don’t have anybody back in my room waiting for me, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“Did it come out that awkwardly? Because I was trying to be subtle.”
“Yes, I’m afraid it did. As awkward as anything I’ve heard in a while.”
Gabriel chuckled, then immediately cut if off for fear he would wake Ana Maria. “So, then, how does one go about asking personal questions without being too personal about it? Because I do want to respect your privacy, but I’d also like to satisfy my own curiosity.”
“Ask, and I’ll answer. Or not.”
“OK, are you married?”
“No. Not married, not seriously involved. No children. No future plans in any of those directions. And no more questions on that aspect of my life. So, next question?”
In the dark shadows he could barely make out the brief smile on her lips. Stunning. Lips he would have kissed under different circumstances…a thought that caused him to take a step back. “Would you rather have the bed?” he asked, awkwardly again, then clarified it. “Alone.”
“Under the circumstances, I think you need it more than I do. I’m fine in the chair.” She took a step backward, too. “And I think we should be quiet now. I don’t want Ana Maria to wake up.” She took another step, and turned around. But before she returned to the chair by the crib she turned back to Gabriel, studied him for a moment, then smiled. “Thank you for letting me do this. It makes things better for a little while.”
Better? He wanted to ask what was better, but he didn’t. With all the mixed-up feelings rushing through him just now, he was safer not knowing.
“Damn,” he muttered, as he dropped back down into bed. There were too many complications, and he hated complications. All he wanted was to go back a few days in time, to when Lynda had been alive and happy about her pregnancy, when his life had been just the way he’d planned it. When he hadn’t even known Dr. Arabella Burke existed.
Well, maybe that’s the one thing he would have changed in all this confusion—meeting Arabella. He was glad he had because she was interesting. Outside her obvious physical attributes, and she’d been blessed with more than her fair share, she was smart, compassionate, dedicated. But her sad eyes bothered him, much more than they should have. Much more than he wanted to allow, but he really didn’t have any control over that. Even as he drifted off to sleep again, that’s the image that stayed with him—those sad, sad eyes.
“She’s doing well this morning?” Gabriel asked. He wandered over to the crib and looked down, only to find Ana Maria looking up at him. It was hard looking at her, remembering all his sister’s plans. She’d been so excited when she’d called him with the news of her pregnancy, and every time they’d talked after that she’d been so full of expectation, talking about having more babies, saying how good she felt even though her belly was big and her ankles were swollen. So he still had a difficult time looking at the baby because there was always such an overflow of bitter-sweet memories. “No more upset stomach?” he asked, trying to sound clinical about it.
“She had a very good night. Slept like she should have. I think she’d probably like something a little more substantial than the sugar water in her stomach this morning.”
“Well, I’m on my way down to the front desk to pick up the formula. Señora Hernandez, from the clinic, rang me up a few minutes ago, and she’s waiting downstairs. So, do you mind staying here a little longer?” The truth was, the logistics of handling a baby and doing everything else that needed to be done befuddled him. He’d told the nurse he’d be right down before he’d even considered that he would have to deal with Ana Maria somewhere in that arrangement, too. And carting a baby around while he tried moving several cases of formula wasn’t practical. But he wasn’t disposed to planning ahead the way he needed to now. Wasn’t even in the frame of mind to think of it yet.
It ever there was someone who wasn’t cut out to raise a child…
“We’ll be just fine here,” Bella said. “Take all the time you need. And I think I’ll give Ana Maria a bath. Do you have any clean clothes for her?”
Clean clothes? He’d picked up diapers yesterday, but of all the stupid things he hadn’t thought about clothes! “I, um…No clothes.”
Bella laughed. “We’ll make something work. Don’t worry about it.”
But he had to worry. That was the problem. There were so many things to worry about now, even if he didn’t know what they were. “This won’t take long, then I’ll go out and buy some clothes. Um…would you mind making me a list of other things you think she’ll need?”
“Sure, I’ll have it ready when you bring the formula back to the room. And don’t worry about how long it takes. I don’t exactly have a set schedule here, so my time is whatever I want to make of it, and right now this is what I want to make of it.”
“In case I didn’t mention this before, you’re too good,” he said, hurrying out the door. Waiting at the elevator, he tried concentrating on his mental task list, but Arabella kept distracting him. He didn’t really date much, and he didn’t date for long because he hated getting out of commitments, and anything more than two or three dates turned into a commitment. But he was doing well in his practice, loving the lifestyle and not in a particular hurry to change it. Still, with Arabella he saw permanence and commitment, which should have scared him to death. Yet it didn’t, and all he could do was think that when his life settled down again, he might look her up. The distance from Chicago to San Francisco wasn’t that far, after all.
More evidence of crazy, mixed-up emotions, he decided. His life was suddenly out of control and, subconsciously, Arabella presented a good solution. Jumping too far ahead of himself the way he was didn’t mean anything more than a little panic attack. In a life that now had to be lived from moment to moment until he could figure out the best way to manage all parts of it, there were no future plans other than getting through the day. Especially future plans that included permanence and commitment.
But honey-colored hair and green eyes certainly attracted him like he hadn’t been attracted in a while…like he’d never been attracted before, actually, and that had nothing to do with plans or futures or babies or anything else. And for the life of him it didn’t seem all that crazy and mixed up, which proved just how crazy and mixed up it really was.
So, who was this stranger who’d stepped into his life and become so important in what had taken no longer than the blink of an eye? Apart from what he’d been told about her medical qualifications, who was Arabella Burke?
“Dr. Velascos,” Nurse Hernandez said, extending her thin hand to him. “I’m assuming you know what this is about, that Melaina Juarez suggested
our meeting?” She also extended a thin, nervous smile. Señora Hernandez was older, probably close to his mother’s age, with black and gray-streaked hair pulled back into a tight knot, and she wore a starchy white uniform like he rarely saw on nurses these days.
Gabriel took her hand and noted her firm shake. Judging by her grip, she was a woman who meant business. Judging from the tight expression on her face, she was well ready to get on with it. “I was aware that they were helping with the arrangements, yes. And thank you for coming, Señora Hernandez. Although you didn’t have to bother. I’d have been happy coming to you.”
She cocked her head slightly to the left, frowning. “That’s not necessary, Doctor. Considering the circumstances of the arrangements we usually make, it’s our aim to make this transition as easy as possible on you.”
Something was wrong here, and he didn’t like the way the warning hairs were standing up on the back of his neck. “What are we talking about, Señora Hernandez? The baby formula?”
“Not formula, Doctor. The adoption of your niece. Melaina Juarez informed us that you’re involved in a very difficult situation over your sister’s death, and that you might be agreeable with allowing us to find a proper home for the child. Ana Maria is her name, I believe?”
Gabriel took a step backward, opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again for several seconds before he tried, once more, to speak. “What the hell are you talking about?” he sputtered. “I never indicated to anyone that I wanted someone to adopt my niece!”
“But didn’t you tell Nurse Juarez how you never expected to have a baby in your life, and that you didn’t know what to do? Melaina indicated that you didn’t want the child.”
Had it seemed like that? Yesterday was such a blur he couldn’t remember. But there had been conversation while Ana Maria had been under observation for those few hours, and maybe something he’d said had been misinterpreted. Or perhaps he’d been overcome by the whole emotional rollercoaster, and saying something he hadn’t meant. “You’re correct. I didn’t expect to have a child, and no, I’m not thrilled about making the change in my life that will be necessary, but you’re mistaken if you think I’d give away my sister’s baby. Because I won’t!”