He could not avoid her at the inn where they stayed for the night. The West Riding was prosperous, punctuated by the tall stone chimneys of mills from spreading townships, and the inn proved to be well appointed and comfortable. They were shown upstairs to private rooms for sitting and dining. The maid who attended Daisy’s chamber offered her services to dress for supper.
She was embarrassed at first by her close attention but the maid appeared to enjoy her task and Daisy wished to present herself well. She was grateful for the loan of a soft woollen gown in a gentle shade of green from Mrs Stanton’s wardrobe. It had belonged to her daughter who had gone as a lady’s maid to a duchess and received much grander castoffs now. The maid pressed white lace collar and cuffs, pulled her corset laces tight and dressed her hair with borrowed combs and feathers. In spite of her fatigue, Daisy was in better spirits when she entered the dining room.
The furniture was dark oak and the heavy chairs scraped noisily on the floorboards as Mr Stanton and Boyd rose to their feet. Boyd had on a new jacket, fashionably long, a shirt with a high white collar and silk tie. She smiled at him but he nodded formally, avoiding her eyes. Daisy was cross but did not wish to argue with him in front of others. A footman came forward and pulled out her chair at the dining table.
‘You look very well in that gown, my lady,’ Mrs Stanton said.
‘Thank you ma’am,’ Daisy replied.
The hot food was carried in and they ate in silence as they were all hungry from the journey. But when the wine was drunk and the pudding presented, Daisy’s dining companions relaxed and they talked. Well, she realised, Boyd conversed with Mr Stanton about coaches, highways and the value of railways while his wife occupied her discussing boots and bonnets. Finally, Mrs Stanton suggested they go to bed as they had to be on their way at first light. Boyd stood up and bowed formally as she left. She pursed her lips, flared her nostrils and returned his formality with a steady gaze. Her message was clear and he chose to remain expressionless so that her crossness turned to anger. A title and some pretty clothes did not make her any different from the girl he had known all his life!
The maid helped her get ready for bed, removed the warming pan and tended the fire. As Daisy climbed onto the huge four poster furnished with heavy drapes to keep out the cold, she made herself a promise.
‘No,’ she said to herself. ‘This is not how it is going to be between us.’ As she drifted into sleep she remembered a promise he had made to her and murmured, ‘He can teach me to ride for a start.’
Chapter 37
The large Redfern carriage laboured up the track to High Fell and the party were obliged to get out and walk over the stone bridge while Boyd and the driver led the horses across. Daisy’s anxiety at meeting a mother she had never known became acute. How would they be with each other? Her mother had been ill and Daisy hoped the shock of seeing her son and daughter would not be too much for her constitution. What if she refused to be reunited after so many years? Daisy tried not to dwell on that but she became increasingly apprehensive as they climbed the fell and was glad that Boyd was with her.
‘It can’t be much further. I’ll ride ahead,’ Boyd suggested.
The farm was in view when he returned. ‘All is well,’ he called. ‘Lord Redfern and Abel have arrived. We are expected and welcome.’
Daisy’s relief brought a smile to her face. Her companions in the carriage were reassured also and they arrived hopefully at a farmhouse that was grander than Daisy had imagined. She stood in a cavernous hall with a wide wooden staircase and a huge fireplace crackling with logs. A large rectangular table was set in front of it. James walked towards her with an older woman on his arm. She is pretty, Daisy thought. Her hair was greying and as she neared, Daisy noticed her features were lined with the weariness of past troubles. But it gave her a fragile ethereal appearance that was appealing. As she stared at both of them, she realised where James’s handsome features came from. Her own face, she knew, was less beautiful.
Daisy’s nervousness intensified as they neared and she was grateful to James for opening the conversation.
‘My dearest Daisy,’ he said gently. ‘This is our mother.’
‘Are you? Are you truly?’ she whispered.
Her mother nodded. She seemed unable to speak. Tears were welling in her eyes and spilling over onto her soft cheeks. But she held out her arms and Daisy fell forward into them as her own tears ran down her face. Her mother clung to her tightly. ‘I knew Abel would find you for me, my darling, darling child.’
Eventually her mother released her and stood back to take in all of her appearance and added. ‘But you are no longer a child. You are a woman – and a very gracious lady.’
Daisy found her voice at last. ‘Are you well, Mother?’
‘I am. I have been restored to health with the help of friends and you, my children, have given me back my happine ss.’ She opened her arms again, putting one around James and the other around Daisy. ‘We have much to talk about. Shall we dine first?’
There was a delicious aroma of roasting mutton seeping through from the kitchen and the party was hungry. James sat on one side of his mother. As Daisy was about to sit down at the other side, she looked around the table.
‘Where is Boyd?’ she asked.
Mr Stanton answered her. ‘He is helping Abel with the horses.’
‘He will be joining us, won’t he?’
Her mother replied, ‘I have set places for both of them, dear.’
‘Oh. Oh yes, I see.’
For the next two days, between eating and sleeping, James, Daisy and Beth walked and talked on the fell, always accompanied by the watchful and protective Stantons. Boyd and Abel occupied themselves with surveying the farm and fell on horseback.
At breakfast on the third day Mr Stanton reminded James of his duties. ‘We must return to the Abbey for your father’s funeral, my lord,’ he explained
‘Of course,’ James agreed.
‘I do not wish to leave my mother yet,’ Daisy said anxiously.
‘Then stay,’ James suggested. ‘You will not be expected to attend the graveside and I shall make your excuses at the wake.’
‘I should like Boyd to stay too.’
‘Of course,’ James repeated.
The carriage set off the following morning. Before James mounted his horse he announced, ‘I have decided to complete my education at Cambridge and then travel. I shall do the Grand Tour. This will keep me away from the Abbey for several years. I may even find myself a wife.’
‘You will be sure to visit when you are in Yorkshire?’ Beth queried lightly.
‘Oh yes. I shall look forward to returning here. Always.’
‘Will you write?’ Daisy asked.
‘I’ll send letters to Mother. You will take good care of her, won’t you, Daisy?’
‘I shall.’
‘Then this is goodbye for the present.’ James stretched out his arms towards Daisy, offering his hands. She chewed her lip nervously but took both his hands in hers, clutching at them firmly and giving them a small shake. ‘And Mother will look after you,’ he added. ‘She is a wise lady.’ He did not release his grip.
‘Who will watch out for you, James?’
‘Stanton will engage a learned professor and his wife to accompany me on my travels.’ His horse snorted as he waited.
‘Goodbye then.’ Daisy didn’t smile but she felt more comfortable with him as her brother now.
‘Goodbye, Daisy.’
Their fingers slid apart and James reached up for the reins and placed his foot in the stirrup. He hopped a couple of times then heaved himself into the saddle. ‘Goodbye, Mother,’ he added and turned his horse’s head in the direction of the carriage.
As the party rumbled away, Beth said, ‘He is very mature for one so young.’
Abel commented, ‘He’s an aristocrat. He’s been trained for it all his life.’
‘I suppose so. He has a lot of power, hasn’t he?’ He
says I can go and live in the Dower House; Daisy too, or in the Abbey if she wishes. We should all be near to your business concerns in the South Riding.’
‘What do you want to do, Daisy?’ Abel asked.
‘I don’t know.’ She meant it. She wanted to be with her mother, but she wanted to be with Boyd as well, and wandered away to find him. She did not wish to reside at the Abbey, she thought. She felt no strong compulsion to return.
‘Well,’ Abel remarked as he and Beth went indoors. ‘I have decided to turn over High Fell to Boyd. He has been asking me about ladies’ saddles. Daisy would like him to teach her to ride as well as her mother can.’
‘Really?’ Beth commented and looked at Abel. ‘Let us leave them to their lesson.’
Abel drew two of the large carver chairs near to the fire. ‘Sit down, Beth.’ He covered his face with his hands for a second then looked directly at her. ‘I have never felt so drained of energy. Since I learnt of Edgar’s death I have had so much to deal with, when all I have ever wanted was to be here with you.’
‘Then why did you not stay with me when I needed you most?’
‘When you were a married woman, you mean?’ he argued. ‘We were both acutely aware of the dangers.’ He ran his fingers through his greying hair. ‘I knew that I couldn’t forget you but I tried really hard to build another life. It’s just that there was never anyone who came close to filling your shoes. Ever since our first meeting on the Fell you have been the only woman in my thoughts.’
Beth stretched out her hand to grasp his and they sat, side by side, watching the flames.
‘You saved my life, Abel. I did not deserve it because, although I have loved you since that day, I had to push you away to do my duty by my husband, albeit a husband who disrespected and abused me.’
‘And I dared not stay. I should have given into my desires and ruined you.’
‘I – I wish you had,’ Beth added wistfully. ‘I ruined myself instead. But it is over now and I shall not waste another day in remorse. I often wanted Edgar dead and I pray to God to forgive me for that. I shall not grieve for him.’
‘Nor I. You are a free woman and I love you.’
He slid forward to kneel on the floorboards. ‘Dearest Beth, will you marry me?’
‘Oh Abel, do you have to ask me? Of course I will. But we ought to wait awhile before we have the ceremony.’
‘You mean allow for mourning? Dear heaven, I have waited for you for too many years already. I am not going to wait six months or more before we can be together as man and wife.’
‘I am not going to ask you. I do not wish to waste any more time either. It is still possible for me to become with child, but the years are slipping away.’
Abel’s heart did a somersault and his loins stirred. ‘You mean we can – you will –’
‘Take you to my bed,’ she finished softly.
He stood up and tugged at her hand. ‘Come on, then.’
She rose to her feet with a hitherto unknown girlish excitement bubbling through her.
‘Come on,’ he repeated, pulling her towards the stairs.
‘What are your feelings for James now, my dear?’
Daisy shrugged. ‘I shall always love him because he is my brother. But we must live separate lives. I understand that. James does too. It is very odd, Mother. My attraction for James was immediate and flared quickly. It was out of control and I was confused. When Abel told me who he really was I felt quite ill. Now – now my feelings for him are, well, sort of unclear. I mean I love him but not in the same way. I do not think we shall share our lives. His world is so very far removed from mine.’
‘It need not be.’
Daisy shuddered. ‘He has been schooled to be a lord. I have had no such preparation to be a lady. It will difficult for me.’
‘Take your time to decide, my dear.’ She paused before adding, ‘You are very fond of Boyd, aren’t you?’
‘I have not known a life without him. Neither do I want to.’
‘That is understandable. You thought he was your brother,’ her mother stated.
Daisy was silent for a moment. ‘I believe it was my feelings for Boyd that confused me in the first place. My regard for him runs deep and always has. It is different from the way I felt about James before – before, well you know. You see I believe in Boyd. I trust him. It’s as though our hearts are in step with each other and, I admit, I have clung to him at times.’ Daisy gave a rueful half-laugh. ‘I asked him to marry me when I was about eight. He put me right of course and as we grew up he set me apart from him whilst still caring for me.’
‘Were you hurt by that?’
‘Yes I was. He said I should marry and I thought it was because he wished to find a wife himself and wanted me settled first. He tried to separate our lives but I truly believe that he found it as difficult as I did.’
‘Well, my darling, it is clear to me that he no longer wishes to be separated from you.’
‘Do you think so, Mother? Since Abel told us about my birth he has avoided me even more. He spends his time with the horses and talking to Abel about sheep farming!’
‘He sees you as the daughter of a lord now and not his little sister who was brought up in a cottage.’
‘Yes, that’s it, Mother! He thinks that he is beneath me! How can that be when we were brought up together? He has expected me to change but I think it is he who has changed, not me.’
‘He does not know that, does he?’
‘But I am the same person and so is he! I cannot let him walk away from me now.’ She lowered her voice and added, ‘I shall not.’
‘Why do you say that, my dear?’
‘Because I love him, of course!’ Daisy cried, and repeated it softly to herself. ‘I love him.’ She looked up with tears in her eyes. ‘I love him, Mother, and he constantly puts this distance between us. He behaves as though he is afraid to be close to me.’
‘Oh I don’t think he is afraid, do you?’
Daisy shook her head. ‘Boyd does not flinch from fear. He faces it. Then why does he avoid me?’
‘He is allowing you to choose the life you want. He is thinking only of your welfare.’
‘Really?’ Daisy blinked away her tears.
Beth smiled and nodded. ‘You can’t see it but I can because he is like Abel in that respect.’
‘But Abel loves you as – well, as a husband loves his wife.’
‘Dearest Daisy, open your eyes to Boyd as a man. He is a fine young fellow and he is not your brother. Do not treat him as such.’
Daisy stared into the distance. Might Boyd love her in the same way as Abel loved her mother?
Beth added, ‘How is your riding coming along?’
‘Very well,’ Daisy answered slowly and thoughtfully.
* * *
Boyd lifted her down from the saddle and they tethered their horses to a gate. The day was bright and sharp with white clouds hurrying across a blue sky.
Daisy surveyed the desolate moorland and commented, ‘The wind is wilful today but it adds to the beauty of the fell.’
Boyd climbed the gate and shaded his eyes against the sun. ‘There’s a lake in the distance.’
‘It’s a tarn. It’s called a tarn.’
‘We’ll ride there one day. As soon as you feel confident enough, we’ll take a picnic and make a day of it.’
‘I’d like that.’
He sat on top of the gate and offered his hand. ‘Come and sit beside me and share the view.’
She clambered up beside him. ‘Do you like the Dales, Boyd?’
‘Very much. Being here is the first time I have felt truly free.’
A lock of hair escaped from underneath her riding hat and whipped across her face. ‘I feel as though I belong here.’
‘So you should. You were born here.’
‘Thank you for teaching me to ride. Are we kindred spirits again, just as we were before Redfern?’
‘We can never go back to how we we
re when we were brother and sister.’
‘Was I such a nuisance to you?’
‘What makes you say that? You were never a burden to me.’
‘I thought so at the Abbey, when you pushed me away and tried to marry me off to that horrible Joseph.’
‘I had my reasons.’
‘I was so hurt. I felt I was losing you. Perhaps that was why I was so vulnerable to James. Why did you do it?’
He stared into the distance and did not answer.
‘I don’t want any more secrets between us, Boyd.’
‘I had to do it. I was in love with you and you were my sister.’
‘But I have known that I loved you since I was eight years old.’
‘I was in love with you! It was different. It was desire, passion, a love I had not experienced before. I prayed to God for the strength to overcome it.’
Daisy had felt those urges too, more so since he had been teaching her to ride and she wished to tell him so. ‘During the time we have been at High Fell I have been praying for us to regain the nearness we used to have.’
‘It has not been lost. I have tried to resist it and have failed. When Abel told me the truth about your birth I was overjoyed, until I realised that you would be destined for the higher levels of society.’
‘But you were mistaken. Abbey life is not for me. I am not prepared for it, nor do I wish to live it.’
‘What do you wish for, Daisy?’
‘I want a life here in the Dales, on a farm like this one.’
‘Well I suppose you can have it. You are a wealthy woman.’
‘I am not. My brother James is a wealthy man. All of Redfern belongs to him and anything I have is by his grace and favour. Anyway, I do not want a life in the Dales if I cannot have you with it.’ She inhaled sharply and went on, ‘I love you, Boyd. I admire and respect you and – and I want you as a lover not a brother.’ There, she had said it. Her heart was on her sleeve for him to see. She held her breath as she waited for his response.
‘Do you mean that, Daisy? Do not say it if you do not truly mean it because I really do love you.’
The Lost And Found Girl Page 34