by Lynsey James
I knew that, of course. I’d felt the burn from his slate-grey eyes on the side of my head more than a few times since he’d started his cosy chat with Diane.
To distract myself, and to avoid giving him the satisfaction of looking back, I picked up my book and pretended to be really engrossed in Don and Rosie cooking lobster.
This was going to be one interesting meeting.
Chapter Fourteen
Everyone had stuff to air at the ‘how was your week?’ section.
‘I saw Barry out with her at the weekend. He had the nerve to bring her to The Purple Partridge for a drink, knowing fine well I would see them! Can you believe that? I thought about going over and saying something, but what would be the point? It won’t put my marriage back together or make him love me again. So I sat where I was, finished the rest of my vodka tonic and watched them act all lovey-dovey like a pair of teenagers!’
Cath’s face was twisted with murderous rage and from where I was sat I could see her shaking. She looked so friendly and approachable, but I was pretty sure she could unleash hell on someone when she wanted to. Frank touched her shoulder, a gesture that didn’t go unnoticed by me.
Diane was next to share. ‘I’ve missed Derek a lot this week. Around this time of year, he’d be out in the garden pottering around or playing cricket with his mates. When you lose someone, sometimes all you can think of is what they’d be doing if they were here right now. That makes it harder because it just reminds you that they’re not here and they’ll never enjoy the things they used to love ever again.’
Her eyes were glassy and she stared into the middle distance. I guessed she was trying to compose herself and not give away just how hurt she really was. This was definitely a step forward: she hadn’t opened up this much at the previous meeting.
I opened my mouth and prepared to say something I was sure she wouldn’t welcome.
‘H-have you had a chance to go through his things yet? People say it’s really cathartic to go through belongings and remember memories associated with some of their things. I-I know it’ll be hard but I really think it’ll help.’
Her face fell. ‘Derek’s belongings are all I have left of him; I can’t just get rid of them like they’re rubbish.’
‘But you could hold onto the stuff with the most memories. That way, you can still have a clear-out, make space for some new things and take a step forward at the same time. Or if you really don’t want to do that, why not just move some things into the attic instead of giving them away?’
There was a long pause, during which the expression on Diane’s face changed four times: it went from anger to shock to thoughtful then settled on sad.
‘I’ll think about it,’ she eventually said, sounding more than a little choked up.
Denise’s words from earlier came back to me: the club never mentions moving on from our grief. Those words, plus everyone else’s struggles, highlighted just how much I’d failed to help the Broken Hearts Book Club so far. I wanted to crawl under the table with my plate of custard creams.
When it was Jake’s turn to speak, he was unusually nervous. He squared his shoulders and took a deep breath before beginning.
‘I-I’ve never been to one of these meetings before, and it’s only when I hear you lot talk about the problems you’re facing in your lives that I realise how trivial mine are in comparison. You all got your flyers about the cocktail night right? Well that’s happening because, to put it mildly, the pub’s in the shit financially. If I don’t do something drastic soon, it’ll close. I’ve got a lot riding on this, so any support you can give me would be really appreciated.’
Denise patted his arm. ‘We’re here for you Jake.’
‘Thanks. I’ve had a few other, er, personal issues over the last little while. Namely people who give you all the indications that they want to be a part of your life, then sling their hook when it starts to happen. It’s fine though; it would’ve been a complete disaster. Major bullet dodged there.’
He stared pointedly at me and I stared right back. Evidently, he was more annoyed about my disappearing act than he’d let on. I badly wanted to say something and call him out, but one false move and I’d be kicked out of the club. Everything rested on me running the book club. The crucial vote was coming up in under two months and I needed them to vote for me to stay. More than that, I wanted them to.
‘Why don’t you tell us more about that?’ I suggested with a sweet smile.
Lucy Harper’s big mouth strikes again!
Keen to pick up the gauntlet I’d thrown down, Jake continued. ‘All right, I will. I’ve been hurt before in my life; I went through a horrendous break-up just before I moved to Luna Bay and it screwed me up. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I’m the only person in the whole world ever to be screwed over by someone they care about, but it means I’m a bit wary when it comes to letting people in. That means that if I do let someone get close to me, it’s because I have a good feeling about them and feel that they’re a good person to invest time in getting close to.’
He picked up the copy of The Rosie Project he’d brought with him and flicked to a page near the start. ‘Take Don in this book for instance. He’s a pretty reserved guy and throughout the beginning of the story, he has numerous women trying to form a relationship with him. Some of them could be really good for him, but he only lets Rosie in. OK, she kind of forces her way into his life because she wants to find her dad, but the principle’s the same. Over time, Don comes to see that she’s someone he’d like to get close to and so he does, despite all his reservations and fears.’ He put the book down again. ‘That’s a lot like me and the person I’m talking about. We both had doubts and fears about letting the other one in, but it turned out I was the only one prepared to take the chance to see what would happen.’
I tried very hard not to dwell on the fact we were having a veiled argument, using The Rosie Project as an analogy for our own mess of a relationship. I found it weirdly sexy.
‘So you’re saying that just because you were ready to see what happened with this person, the other person should’ve been ready too? It doesn’t work like that, I’m afraid. Have you stopped to consider that this person might’ve been through tough times of their own that make them just as wary as you are?’
The rest of the group was rapt to see where our argument would go next. So was I, if I was completely honest.
‘I know all about what the other person’s been through. Maybe not the finer details, but I know they’ve been hurt as well. I think if I could give them any advice from this book, it would be to let things and people happen to them. Don let Rosie happen to him and the results were pretty amazing.’
That shut me up. With the few seconds I had before the group would notice a lull in conversation, I gathered myself and asked who’d like to give their opinion next.
The meeting wrapped up pretty sharpish after that. I didn’t blame the others for being hesitant to answer when Jake and I had launched into a full-scale debate/argument. Our next book was going to be The Dead Wife’s Handbook by Hannah Beckerman. Once everyone was away, I marched straight over to the pub to have it out with him. Luckily for me, he was in the main bar when I got there.
‘What the hell was that little performance all about?!’
To my chagrin, he looked mildly amused to see me so furious with him. ‘What performance would that be? I was an innkeeper in the Nativity play at school when I was younger, but that’s about it.’
I put my hands on my hips, probably looking like I was about to do the Time Warp. ‘You know full bloody well what I’m talking about! I think we need a chat about it.’
‘Come on, let’s go upstairs then. We’ll have to be quiet though; Rachel’s just dropped Maya off and I’ve put her down for the night.’
He went through the door that led up to the flat and I followed, determined to get to the bottom of his rant at the book club. We went inside and he closed the door behind us.
&
nbsp; ‘Do you fancy telling me what that stunt at the book club was about then?’
‘What can I say?’ he replied with a shrug. ‘I got really into the book discussion.’
‘It’s not funny Jake! You were obviously talking about us when you were saying about how you want to get close to a person, but they’ve got other ideas. I thought you said earlier that we’d be a terrible couple and have disaster written all over us?’
‘We would.’
‘So why the hell do you care so much?’
‘I don’t know Lucy, and that’s part of the bloody problem! You’ve been in my head ever since we met and despite my best efforts, I can’t get you out. I-I don’t even know why I came to the book club meeting tonight because you made it pretty clear after we kissed how you felt about me. Yet there I was, getting the name of the book you were reading next off Diane, getting myself a copy and reading it so I could come. That’s what you’ve done to me.’
So that had been what they were chatting about in the Moonlight Café, I thought. I looked at him, speechless, unable to comprehend such an unexpected gesture.
‘I-I don’t know what to say.’ I searched around my mind for something useful to add to the conversation, but came up short. He’d literally taken my breath away.
A million emotions flashed across Jake’s face as he approached me. He cupped my face with his hands and pulled me in for a slow and sultry kiss. Then another and another. He lifted me up and I hooked my legs around his waist while he kissed every inch of exposed skin he could find. We made our way over to the couch and began to undress each other. As the excitement of the moment swept me up in its warm embrace, I lost myself. Or allowed myself to be lost. I wasn’t sure which. All I really knew was that I wanted this tiny slice of happiness to last forever.
Chapter Fifteen
There are many benefits to having someone to sleep next to. For a start, spooning is just about the greatest pleasure on Earth, especially when it’s cold at night (it always is in Luna Bay). Also, they’re a quiet reminder that you aren’t alone in the world. If, like me, you lie awake at night and ponder the huge questions of the universe – do dolphins have bellybuttons, what will I have for dinner tomorrow – then it’s nice to know there’s someone you can wake up to discuss these things with if need be.
However, I soon discovered that sleeping beside Jake was no picnic. Not only did he starfish the bed and steal most of the covers, he also had a snore that couldn’t be kicked into submission and shouted in his sleep too.
‘No Sid, I told you it’s that way! Silly shit.’ He turned over, taking more of the duvet with him, and flailed his legs out for no apparent reason.
I had no idea who Sid was, but I couldn’t blame him for taking a different route in Jake’s dream. Probably knew what a terrible sleeper he was. I checked the time on my phone: three in the morning. Maybe I could ever so quietly sneak out and either kip on the couch or go back to Mum and Dad’s place. Jake was so busy having it out with Sid, whoever he was, that he probably wouldn’t notice I was gone.
I edged a leg off the bed and felt him stir beside me. He shuffled onto his right side so he was facing me and I was struck by how peaceful he looked. It was as though he’d finally found a place to lie and although he was still snoring like a water buffalo, he looked angelic with his lips puffed out a bit and one side of his face squashed against the pillow. There was no way I was going anywhere. I was staying right here with him. I slid under the duvet, which had made its way over to my side of the bed, and curled up beside him. Running away was the furthest thing from my mind.
At what can only be described as silly o’clock in the morning, I woke up to an empty bed. I was disappointed that Jake wasn’t there; I’d been looking forward to waking up next to him. I heard Maya crying, so I got up and went through to her room to get her. She was lying in her cot, screaming, so I scooped her up into my arms.
‘Hey, what’s wrong with you?’ I whispered. ‘Are you hungry? Let’s go and see if we can find that dad of yours eh?’
I gently rocked her in my arms to see if that would do any good. It didn’t. If anything, it made her cry more.
‘Sorry, sorry…’
I took her through to the living room so we could go to the kitchen and get her a bottle of milk. On my way to the fridge, I caught sight of a sleeping Jake on the couch, surrounded by piles of paper. His daughter’s crying woke him up and he looked confused to see me standing there with her.
‘Wha…? Oh sorry, did she wake you?’ He rubbed his eyes and came to take her from me.
‘I was just dozing anyway,’ I lied. ‘What are you doing through here?’
Jake looked at me to acknowledge I’d said something, but didn’t answer my question. Instead, he focused on his crying daughter.
‘Come on Princess, let’s get you some milk eh?’ He went to the fridge, got out a bottle and put it in the bottle warmer. While they waited, he moved her onto his hip and lightly jiggled her around.
‘Must’ve been something important that you decided to sleep through here,’ I said, trying to bring the focus back to what I’d asked him.
‘Here we go Maya-moo!’ He took the newly warmed bottle out of the bottle warmer and gave it to her. Her chubby little hands grasped it and she began guzzling the milk down.
‘Jake.’
‘What?’ His voice was irritable and I could see from his heavy eyes how tired he was. A little voice in my head whispered to me that something was very wrong indeed.
‘How come you were through here and not in bed?’ I asked.
Maya had now calmed down and was close to sleeping. He took her back through to bed then joined me in the living room.
‘If you must know, I was looking at the pub’s finances. I was trying to see if we were doing any better, maybe even turning a profit, but we aren’t. At the rate I’m going, I’ll be homeless and jobless in a couple of months and I’ll be back to square one creating a good life for Maya.’
‘No you won’t, you’ve got all sorts of ideas for getting more people to come to the pub. What about the cocktail night? If that works, we can plan loads more events too. Everything will be fine, you’ll see.’
He walked over to the papers and threw a pile in the air. ‘We’re haemorrhaging money Lucy and I don’t know how to stop it. The events will probably end up costing more money than they’ll make. I’ve been staring at the incomings and outgoings trying to see where I can save money and thinking of ways to pull more punters in, but I can’t. I’ve made a right pig’s ear of this.’
I walked up to him and put my hands on his shoulders. ‘No you haven’t, but you aren’t going to solve any financial problems at stupid o’clock in the morning. Come back to bed, have a sleep and we’ll see what we can do tomorrow. You’re doing an amazing thing Jake, trying to build something great for you and Maya. You’ve just got to remember that Rome wasn’t built in a day.’
He gave me a wry smile and hugged me. ‘No, but I bet the bank wasn’t threatening to repossess Rome were they?’
Yikes, things were worse than I thought.
‘No,’ I admitted, trying to keep a calm façade up, ‘they probably weren’t. There’s always a way though and you’ll find it. Thing will be fine, you’ll see.’
‘You’re incredible, Lucy Harper, you know that?’
‘I’ve heard rumours about that, yeah.’
Jake bent his head low and gave me a slow, lazy kiss. His hands caressed my curves, tracing every line with a tenderness I’d never experienced before. His kisses moved in a sleek curve from my lips to my jawline to my collarbone, then down to my breasts. He greedily took in every inch of me and I could feel him smile as he kissed me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled us upwards in the direction of the bedroom.
‘Come on Hartley, show me what you’re made of.’
And he did.
***
When we woke up properly, later on in the morning, it was my turn to act like a loved-up t
eenager. I was woken up by Jake climbing back into bed and greeting me with a kiss.
‘So last night happened,’ he said with a wolfish grin.
‘Yeah, it’s safe to say I wasn’t expecting that when I came round for a barney!’
‘What can I say, I’m full of surprises!’ His voice and facial expression turned serious. ‘Look, I know last night was amazing but we don’t have to rush anything if you don’t want to. We can just take our time figuring out what this is.’
My shoulders slumped with relief. Instead of talking about the future and making plans I was nowhere near ready to commit to, he was happy to take things slowly – oh happy day!
‘That sounds good to me.’
He brought me close to him and rested his chin on my shoulder. ‘Fancy staying here all day? I’ve got Maya until tomorrow, so we can start educating her on classic children’s TV shows. None of this 3D nonsense. I was thinking we could start with Charlie Chalk. Then later on we could do a little bit of what we did last night.’
I spun myself round and kissed him. ‘Can’t do all day I’m afraid, I’ve got to go round and do some stuff at Rose Cottage. Another time though, definitely. I’ll see if I’ve got any of my old Postman Pat or Fireman Sam tapes in the house.’
Just then, Maya started to cry again. Jake heaved himself out of bed, went through to her room and came back with her. She nestled perfectly in the middle of the bed beside us. Her fine brown hair was sticking up at odd angles from where she’d been sleeping and she looked tired. Jake laid her on his chest so her head could rest on his shoulder. She looked at me with her beautiful brown eyes, made cute gurgling noises and her pudgy little hand reached out to grab my hair.
‘Hey Maya-moo, that’s not yours!’ He giggled and put his arms around her to lift her away.
I chuckled and shook my head. ‘Don’t worry about it, pass her over here.’ I held my arms out. ‘Pass her over here.’
He looked pleasantly surprised and a little doubtful when he heard me say that. His mouth couldn’t decide whether to smile or not.