Patrick’s trip to Boston went better than he’d anticipated. Maybe if they lived closer, he could be friends with these men who were his brothers and with their wives. He was already crazy about his irrepressible niece, Caitlyn, and his too-wise-for-his-years nephew, Kevin.
But as he’d told Alice so emphatically, he wanted no part in their plan to get in touch with Daniel or their folks. He understood their need to make contact and find answers, but he already knew all he needed to know. He’d given his brothers an address and a phone number and left it at that. From here on out, they were on their own.
There had been no mistaking the disappointment in Alice’s voice when he’d explained his stance to her. His brothers, however, had seemed to understand. They were going into this final stage of their search for answers with their guard up and their own share of anger.
“We’ll let you know when we’re coming up to Maine,” Ryan had promised him.
“And we expect to spend time with you,” Maggie had added firmly. “The trip won’t be just about your folks and Daniel. We don’t intend to lose touch now that we’ve found you. You have family, Patrick. We won’t ever turn our backs on you.”
Patrick had heard the total sincerity and love behind her words with a sense of amazement. Maggie and all of her huge family of O’Briens had welcomed him into their hearts. Michael’s foster family, the Havilceks, had done the same. Though Patrick had lost the three most important people in his life when he’d left home, he suddenly found himself surrounded once again by family. It wasn’t as suffocating as he’d feared it might be. Instead, it had healed a part of his heart that he’d been pretending wasn’t broken.
Not that he entirely trusted this glow of rediscovery to last forever. Right now he was new to all of them, but in time they would settle into their own lives down in Boston and leave him to his. When that happened, he knew he would be lonelier than ever.
Still, he felt surprisingly good about the weekend he’d shared with his brothers. Their talks had reminded him of the many nights he and Daniel had stayed up as boys, talking over their day, discussing girls, planning strategy for the football field, where they excelled. He’d missed that kind of camaraderie.
It was late Sunday evening when he opened the gate on his dock and headed toward his boat. A faint whiff of perfume on the salt breeze had him smiling.
“Somebody’s trespassing again,” he said loudly enough to be heard. “Maybe I should call the police.”
“Go right ahead,” Alice said tartly. “But you’ll miss the effect of finding me naked in your bed.”
Patrick nearly choked. “Excuse me?” Surely she wasn’t really naked…or in his bed, but the image was going to drive him wild for a long time to come. That she’d even suggested such a thing was enough to have his heart thundering and his pulse racing.
On the off chance that she was more daring than he’d realized, he all but ran to the boat. He found her standing on deck, wrapped in a blanket. He stared at her suspiciously. “Do you have anything on under there?”
“Maybe,” she said with a coy smile. “Maybe not.”
Patrick groaned. “What are you trying to do to me?”
“Isn’t that obvious?”
“Drive me crazy? Seduce me?”
Her lips curved into a smile. “Both. I know how you have a tendency to overthink things, so I thought I’d be here to welcome you home. I couldn’t resist. Do you mind?”
He studied her, from her wind-tousled hair to the pink in her cheeks, then searched her face. There was the faintest hint of uncertainty in her eyes. So Alice wasn’t nearly as used to being brazen as she wanted him to believe. That charmed him all the more, even as it scared the daylights out of him. He’d intended to take things slowly, to be sensible.
“Quite a homecoming,” he murmured, brushing a stray curl from her cheek. He felt her skin heat at the contact.
“Glad you appreciate it, because I’m actually freezing.”
He skimmed a finger along the bare skin at the edge of the blanket. His touch raised goose bumps. “So I see. Your skin feels warm enough, though.”
“Keep that up and you’ll have me on fire,” she said, a hitch in her voice.
Patrick dropped his suitcase with a thud and reached for the edge of the blanket, not entirely sure what he expected to find when he tugged. The soft navy chenille unwound slowly, then fell to the deck. To his shock and amazement, Alice was wearing only a lacy red bra and matching bikini panties. He was pretty sure his heart stopped.
“Sweet heaven, what did I do to deserve this?”
“You came back,” she said simply. “I hope you don’t mind my making myself at home to wait for you.”
“Uh, no,” he said in a choked voice as he tried to cling to one last shred of sanity. “Alice, I thought we were going to be smart about this.”
Her smile spread as she reached for the buttons on his shirt. “We are. I bought an absolutely huge box of condoms.”
“Woman, what are you trying to do to me?”
“Isn’t that obvious?”
He picked the blanket up from the deck and draped it over her shoulders and pulled it closed in front. He couldn’t think with all that bare skin tempting him.
“Why are you here, really?”
Her gaze faltered then, and she took a step back. “I guess I made a mistake. I thought…” She couldn’t seem to get the words out.
“I know what you thought,” he told her gently. “And I do want you. Believe me, I do. You’ve just caught me off guard. There are a million and one reasons why we shouldn’t rush into anything.”
“Name one,” she challenged.
“This is a small town. You’re a kindergarten teacher. There will be talk, and it won’t do your career any good.”
She tugged the blanket more tightly around her. “Thank you for your consideration,” she said stiffly.
Patrick cupped her chin in his hand and forced her to meet his gaze. “I am thinking of you, you know.”
Her gaze fell and then she sighed. “I know. I thought if I just showed up here like this, maybe you wouldn’t think quite so hard.”
He tipped her face up again and lost himself in those golden eyes now sparkling with unshed tears. “Don’t you dare cry,” he whispered, his voice husky.
“I’m not going to cry,” she retorted.
“Good, because it would kill me to think that I’d hurt you, especially when I’m trying so damn hard to do the right thing.”
“To hell with the right thing,” she said fiercely.
Patrick barely contained a smile. “How about I make some coffee and we discuss that, darlin’, because you are all about doing the right thing.”
“Not always,” she muttered, but she trailed him into the boat’s cabin, grabbed up her clothes and went into the small head to change.
Patrick started the coffee and waited a very long time for her to emerge. “You ever going to come out?” he finally called out.
“No.”
He laughed. “The coffee’s ready. And I found an apple pie sitting on my counter. It looks delicious. I have some ice cream in the freezer I could put on top.”
The door to the bathroom opened, and Alice emerged, her cheeks flushed and her eyes still just a little too bright.
“Sit,” he said, putting a cup of coffee in front of her along with a slice of pie with ice cream.
He sat down across from her and took a long sip of coffee, watching her over the rim of the cup.
“I’m sorry,” she said eventually.
“Don’t you dare be sorry. You have nothing to apologize for,” he said. “Any man would welcome what you tried to do tonight. I’m just trying to be sensible.”
“Sometimes sensible sucks.”
He laughed. “Tell me about it.”
She regarded him with a wistful expression. “After you called last night, I couldn’t get you out of my head. It’s been a long time since any man made me feel the way you do. I
t’s been an even longer time since I followed an impulse like the one that brought me over here to wait for you.”
“I’m glad you followed this one,” he insisted.
“Yeah, I could see that,” she said wryly.
“I am,” he repeated. “It shows we’re on the same wavelength, even if the timing is a little off.”
She studied him intently. “Okay, you’re going to have to explain that one. What’s wrong with the timing?”
“Can you honestly tell me that you’re ready to get involved with a man who has as many issues with his family as I do?”
“I wasn’t here to propose,” she said with an edge of sarcasm.
“I’m aware of that, but a proposition is just as dangerous under the circumstances,” he said. “I’m comfortable with the way things are with my family. For your own very valid reasons, you disagree. That’s going to be a problem between us, especially if you think you’re going to get me to change.”
“But—”
“Let me finish,” he said, cutting her off. “I know why you feel the way you do. I understand that you have regrets about not reconciling with your own family. I respect your feelings, but our situations are entirely different.”
“They’re not that different,” Alice insisted. She leaned forward and added, “I’m not asking you to move back home. I just want you to open the lines of communication.”
Patrick frowned at her. “And that’s exactly what I mean about the timing being all wrong for us. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t respect my decision to cut all ties with my family. God knows, I wish that weren’t sitting squarely between us, but it is. You’ll be on my case nonstop and you know it. Next thing you know we’ll be fighting all the time. What’s the point?”
“You’re just being stubborn,” she accused. “About your family and about this.”
“Maybe so.”
She seemed startled that he didn’t deny it. “Then you can change.”
“I don’t want to change.”
“Patrick—”
He looked directly into her eyes. “Leave it alone, Alice, or we won’t have anything to discuss at all.”
She started to push back from the table and stand up, then sat back down and regarded him with a steady look. “Where did you see this thing between us going?”
“There’s a part of me—a huge part of me—that wants exactly what you wanted when you came here tonight. I’ve spent a lot of hours this past week dreaming about taking you to bed.” He sighed heavily. “Then my brain kicks in and I see how wrong that would be, because I can’t give you what you really want from me.”
Her gaze narrowed. “What do you think I want from you?”
He held her gaze. “A second chance to make things right with your parents.”
She gasped at his words, and this time tears did spill down her cheeks. “You’re wrong,” she all but shouted at him. “That is so unfair.”
“I don’t think so. I think you believe if you can settle things between me and my folks, it will make up for the reconciliation you never got to have with your own. It won’t, Alice. I can’t fix what happened in your life. I can’t make the regrets go away.”
His heart ached as he watched her shoulders sag with defeat. Whether she admitted it or not, he knew he was right. Her expectations were totally unrealistic. Even if he agreed with her and made peace with his family, it would never be what she really needed. If she was going to find peace, she was going to have to dig deep inside and find a way to forgive herself.
He stood up then and held out his hand. “Come on. I’ll drive you home.”
“I have my car,” she said, angrily brushing away the tears that were still falling.
“I know. I’ll take you and walk back. You’re in no condition to drive.”
“I’m fine. I don’t want you to drive me.”
“Then I’ll walk you home,” he said, snatching the keys from the table and stuffing them into his pocket. “You’re not getting behind the wheel of a car when you’re this upset.”
“As if I’d let a stubborn man like you upset me,” she returned, but she stood up. “Fine. We’ll walk.” She scowled up at him. “But I don’t want to hear a word out of you. I’m furious with you.”
Patrick bit back a grin. “Yes, ma’am,” he said dutifully.
“And don’t even think about trying to kiss me goodnight.”
“The thought won’t even cross my mind,” he assured her.
She sniffed, then blew her nose on the tissue he held out for her.
“Oh, don’t look so damn smug,” she said.
He tried to wipe all expression from his face. “How’s that?”
“Better,” she said, a hint of satisfaction in her voice.
They set off for her house, the silence between them thick with tension. Patrick remained true to his word. He kept his mouth firmly clamped shut. Alice kept sneaking little sideways glances in his direction, as if to reassure herself that he wasn’t about to launch into some sort of chitchat.
The wind had kicked up, and the temperatures had fallen. Alice was plainly shivering as they climbed the hill to her cottage, but he resisted the temptation to offer his jacket or to put his arm around her. She’d set the rules, and he intended to do his utmost to follow them, even if they were ridiculous.
When they reached her house, he noted the white picket fence with its tumble of climbing rose vines. In a few weeks, the roses would bloom in a profusion of color. He could hear the sound of the surf crashing against the cliff behind the house and the slap of a loose shutter somewhere on the house.
“I’ll come by tomorrow and fix that shutter,” he said.
“I can fix it myself,” she said.
He grinned at her disgruntled tone. “Never said you couldn’t. It was meant as a peace offering.”
“You can’t make peace with a couple of nails,” she retorted.
“What will it take, then?”
She stared up at him, her face pale in the moon’s glow. Her expression was bleak. “I honestly don’t know,” she said in a tone filled with regret.
“Alice, I was just trying to be honest earlier. I don’t want to hurt you by letting you think that you can change me at some point down the road.”
“As much as I hate it, I know that,” she said.
Patrick shoved his hands in his pockets to keep from reaching for her. “What happens now?”
“I wish I knew.”
“What do you want to happen?”
“I suppose you’re going to continue to insist that there shouldn’t be a difference between what I want right this second and what I want in the global scheme of things,” she said wistfully.
“Probably, but try me,” he said, fighting a grin.
“Right this second I want you to kiss me,” she whispered, her gaze locked with his.
Patrick’s heart slammed against his ribs. The woman was tormenting him. “And over the long haul?”
“A lot more kisses,” she said, her expression hopeful.
“Alice,” he chided.
“I want everyone to live happily ever after,” she said.
“With my family,” he guessed, finishing the thought.
She sighed. “Yes. So, sue me.”
“No,” he said. “But I think I will kiss you, if you don’t mind. All this talk about kissing has made me just a little wild and crazy.”
A smile tugged at her lips. “Oh, really?”
“Yes, really,” he said. “As if you didn’t know.” Hands still shoved determinedly into his pockets so he wouldn’t reach for her, he lowered his head and touched his lips to hers. His pulse bucked. “Oh, to hell with it,” he murmured, dragging her to him and turning the kiss into something dark and dangerous and intoxicating.
He was aware of her soft gasp of surprise, of her body melting into his. The salt air left their skin damp and whipped her hair so that silky strands brushed over his skin like the tantalizing flick of a feath
er. He tangled his fingers in all those dark, silky threads of hair and savored the heat where his mouth held hers captive. Fire licked through his veins. The sweet taste of cinnamon and sugar and apple lingered on her tongue.
He wanted more. He wanted too much. And none of his thoroughly rational arguments seemed to matter.
“Come inside,” she whispered. “Make love to me, Patrick. It doesn’t have to be about tomorrow, or next week. It just has to be about tonight.”
He was tempted. Oh, how he was tempted! His body was all but commanding him to take her up on her invitation, but of all the lessons he’d been taught over the years, at least one had stuck. A man didn’t take advantage of a woman. And that’s what he’d be doing, even if Alice claimed that she could be satisfied with tonight and nothing more.
Besides, buried deep inside was the first tiny kernel of a shocking discovery about himself. He—a man who’d seen the dark side of love and the devastating damage it could do—suddenly wanted to believe in forever.
“Go inside,” he said, his hand gentle against her cheek.
Tears welled up in her eyes, along with a familiar flash of anger. “I won’t ask again,” she said.
“I know that,” he said, filled with regret.
Maybe, if things ever changed—whether her expectations or his—he would be the one to ask. And if there was a God in heaven, Alice would forgive him for tonight and say yes.
Chapter Ten
Alice pretty much wanted to die of embarrassment. Twice she’d thrown herself at Patrick, and twice he’d rejected her. Oh, he’d said all sorts of noble things, but the bottom line was he’d been able to say no to everything she was offering. Which meant what? That he was a saint and she was a slut? Now there was a combination destined for happily ever after, she thought bitterly. She’d finally taken her heart out of cold storage and this was what she got for it.
Of course, maybe she’d again leaped too soon. Wasn’t that a bitter lesson she should have learned long ago?
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