She stopped breathing when she thought she heard noise in the hall. Maggie. She rose from bed, careful not to disturb Chase and quietly and quickly dressed in the dark room. She didn’t want Maggie to find her in here and confuse the little girl. She tiptoed out of the room, pausing for a moment to look back at the man sleeping so soundly in the bed.
Heat flashed through her body. She would never be able to look at him the same way again, knowing this other side of him. He was beautiful. Rugged and strong, gentle and tender. Noise again in the hallway reminded her she was on her way out of the room, not staying.
A glance down the hallway confirmed that Maggie was awake, because the bathroom light was on. She quickly went to the spare room and gathered the toothbrush that Chase had given her and turned on the light. Sure enough, a few seconds later, Maggie was knocking quietly on the door.
She opened it and her heart swelled at the sight of Maggie’s excited smile.
“I’m so happy you’re still here!”
Julia ruffled the top of Maggie’s head. “Me too, sweetie. I’m going to clean up a bit in the washroom and then I’ll meet you downstairs, okay? Let’s be quiet so that your daddy can sleep. He got home really late last night.”
Maggie nodded sagely. “Okay, I’ll tiptoe,” she said in a theatrical whisper that didn’t really sound that much softer than her normal voice. Her exaggerated tiptoe was quiet however, and it did bring a smile to Julia’s face as she watched her walk down the hallway.
Half an hour later, Maggie was happily eating the first batch of pancakes they had made together while Julia sipped coffee and turned bacon in the frying pan.
“Daddy is going to be so excited when he wakes up and sees all this breakfast! It’s his favorite meal of the day. He even makes it for dinner!”
Julia smiled at Maggie. “Well, this will be a nice surprise for him then, and I bet he’s going to be super hungry because he was working so late.”
“How did you know?” Coffee sloshed over the rim of her mug at the sound of Chase’s deep voice. He walked into the kitchen and gave Maggie a kiss on the head before walking over to her.
“You made all this for me?”
She shrugged, smiling, as she watched him take the lid off the pot and inhale. He was walking around the kitchen, shrugging into a T-shirt, and a pair of low-slung jeans. Chase was…beautiful. He was a beautiful person on the inside and out. And good God, did the man know what he was doing in bed. He poured himself a cup of coffee and then opened the fridge, his eyes widening.
“Oh, that was last night’s dinner. It’s easy to reheat,” she said.
He turned to her. “You cooked?”
“Baked too! Soooooo many cookies, Daddy! We can eat them all!”
They all laughed as they sat down at the table together. “Thank you. You didn’t have to do that. I owe you one.” The way he said that, with a glint in his eye, and the corner of his mouth turned up made her face turn red.
“Uh, that’s fine.”
“No, I insist.”
“Maybe later tonight?”
She opened her mouth but the grin he gave her was contagious. “We’ll see, Sheriff. I’ll review your offer as the day goes on.”
He laughed, low and throaty, and her lower belly stirred. She quickly drank her coffee and avoided eye contact with him.
“So I was thinking of taking Maggie over to the new place tomorrow once we get the keys. Do you have time to come by?”
“Say yes, Julia!” Maggie said, maple syrup dripping down her face.
“How can I say no to that face?” Julia laughed, leaning across and wiping the adorable little girl’s face.
Seriously. How was she supposed to say no to either of them?
Chapter Eleven
“Julia, is that you?”
Julia stepped into her in-laws’ kitchen later that evening. They knew she’d spent the night at Chase and Maggie’s—babysitting, which was true, and anything beyond that she wasn’t ready to share yet.
She felt like a new woman, or maybe she felt like the woman she was always supposed to be. Everything about last night had been right. When she had panicked and had been sucked into the vortex of the memory of her worst night, something had come over her. It had been the realization that holding back and shielding herself from hurt wasn’t the way she wanted to live. When Chase’s SUV had pulled into the driveway and she had that first glimpse of him, all her reservations and fears had vanished and were replaced with only the need to hold on to him. Everything that had happened after that…she knew in her heart she loved Chase and Maggie and no matter what, she wouldn’t be able to deny that. Now she just needed to figure out what she was going to do about it.
“It is,” she called out as she entered the kitchen.
Cassy was seated at the kitchen table wrapping presents. Rolls of brightly colored, shiny paper and ribbons and bows were piled at one end of the table, while Cassy was at the other with tape, scissors and a box about to get wrapped. A bright red candle glowed from a simple glass hurricane and Nat King Cole’s voice soothingly filled the room. It wasn’t the first time she’d seen this setting; a few years ago she, Gwen, Cassy, and her mother had wrapped gifts together while drinking eggnog and sharing many laughs.
“Is it just you tonight?” She settled in at the table beside Cassy, motioning for a box to wrap.
Cassy nodded and passed the tape. “Yes, and I’m enjoying it. I hadn’t started any gift wrapping and usually I’m all finished by the first. Edward and Gwen are at the shop; he’s helping them with a few things. I have to do the wrapping when Edward is out of the house. He’s just like a child, always trying to find out what I’ve bought him.”
Julia smiled. “Well, you’re doing better than I am. I haven’t even started my shopping! I wanted to do all of it in Shadow Creek thinking I’d have loads of time. I’ll have to set aside time tomorrow for sure.”
“Don’t you worry, I’m sure you’ll be able to get it done quite quickly. The downtown is small but has everything a person needs. Ambiance, charm, and the essentials.”
Julia smiled as she positioned a red bow in the middle of the box she’d finished wrapping. Cassy was always putting in a plug for Shadow Creek every chance she got. “You’re right about that. That’s why I saved my shopping for here.”
“Well, perfect. I’m sure you’ve been so busy between the commercial rental and…Chase and Maggie,” she said, giving her a sidelong glance.
She slid the wrapped gift across the table to Cassy so she could fill out the gift tag and then moved onto another one. She needed to keep a straight face. “Yes, it’s been busy,” she said, in what she hoped was a nonchalant voice.
“That was some storm last night. I always worry about Chase when he’s out there in that kind of weather,” Cassy said, shaking her head and starting on another gift.
Julia stopped wrapping for a moment and Cassy met her stare, both of them lost for a moment and she knew where they both were—right back to the night of the accident that robbed them both so savagely. Julia tried to blink back the moisture that had suddenly flooded her vision. “I was so scared, Cassy.”
Cassy nodded. “I know, darling. I know. I always pray when he goes out there. Chase is like a son to me, and little Maggie like a granddaughter. He’s tough, and like he says, he always comes back.”
Julia managed a smile. “He does like to say that.” She remembered exactly how he looked, standing there, when he’d said that.
“Well, he believes it and I choose to believe it too. We have to let go of fear, I learned, or it will kill us and stop us from living.”
Julia nodded, forcing herself to wrap the next gift.
“He’s quite the man. You know most wouldn’t be capable of handling everything like he does. I mean, a demanding and consuming career, raising a little girl, and juggling everything. But he does it so well and makes it look easy.”
She avoided Cassy’s intense gaze and didn’t answer right aw
ay. The sound of scissors and tape and music kept them company as she contemplated her answer. “You’re right. He makes it all look so easy.”
Cassy didn’t miss a beat. “Yes. It’s awful what Sandy did to the both of them. He was devastated. I think mostly for Maggie’s sake. It’s not as though he and Sandy had a great love, but it was a betrayal of the worst kind and he didn’t even have a chance to properly grieve. He had to keep it all together and be a father to his little girl.”
He had been betrayed, and so had she, but she could never tell that to Cassy. It wouldn’t be fair. Michael had been a good son to them; she would take this secret to the grave. There was no way they knew.
“Don’t you think?” Cassy said after a moment.
She looked up from the gift she’d finished wrapping. “I agree. He’s been through so much.”
Cassy nodded, satisfied with her answer. “And so have you.”
She quickly stood. This conversation was getting too heavy and Cassy wasn’t letting anything drop. “I think I’ll make a cup of tea. Would you like one?”
Cassy winked at her. “I’d love one, dear. I have a gingerbread spiced tea in the cupboard beside the stove.”
She busied herself with filling up the kettle and hoping that Cassy would drop the subject. She found the teabags and dropped them in the snowman mugs and waited for the water to boil. So far Cassy had busied herself with another gift while she hummed along to the radio.
She handed Cassy her cup a few minutes later and sat down across from her, picking out another boxed gift and then selecting some candy cane printed wrapping paper. Steam and the aroma of gingerbread filled the air as they worked in silence for a few moments. “Maybe Gwen will have time to go shopping tomorrow,” she said. They needed to start their morning walks.
“Mm-hmm. I know for a fact Chase does a lot of his shopping at Harrison’s Menswear,” she said before taking a sip of tea. She stared at Julia over the rim of the snowman cup. Cassy didn’t miss a beat.
“Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.”
“I imagine he’d be a large in most clothing items, being so tall and fit with those broad shoulders.”
Julia threw a bow at her, unable to hold in her laughter anymore. Cassy put on an innocent face and tried not to laugh. “What is it, dear? Don’t you agree?”
She was not about to discuss Chase’s hot body with her mother-in-law. Or the fact that she’d seen said hot body without clothes and it was even better than she had imagined. “Cassy.”
“I believe in being honest and open about these things. You know you’re like a daughter to me, Julia, and I want you to be happy.”
Julia stared across the table at her, the mood shifting faster than the high winds outside. The slight sting of tears caught the back of her eyes. Her mother-in-law was a force to be reckoned with. She was so strong. “I know, and I feel the same way about you and Edward. You are my second parents. I just…I haven’t been able to fully move on.”
“I know you haven’t, but it’s time, dear. Five years is a long time for a young woman to be alone. How can you ever truly heal if you don’t allow yourself to love again?”
Her throat constricted painfully. “I don’t know how you do it, Cassy. You’re so strong. You lost your son and your grandson. Jack left town, I left because neither of us could deal. But you stayed. You stayed and continued living your life.”
Cassy put down her mug and leaned across the table and gripped Julia’s hand. Her chin was set, her eyes lit with a ferocity she’d witnessed from her on occasion. “I have faith, a deep, unwavering faith that somehow everything will be okay. I never lost it. On my worst days I never lost it. It’s what I wake to in the morning, and it’s what I fall asleep to at night. It has been tried and it was tested that day when I had to watch my babies lowered into the ground. Then when Jack took off. Then when I waved good-bye to you. It was tested, but it was never gone.”
Julia swiped her tears with the hem of her sweater. “I admire that unwavering faith.”
“You have it.”
Julia shook her head and took a deep breath. She wasn’t ready to talk about the change in her relationship to Chase because she herself hadn’t figured it out, but she was finally ready to share something that had tormented her since she’d left. “Cassy, I haven’t been back to the cemetery.” The moment the words were out of her mouth, her body filled with dread, hating herself for being so weak. She didn’t stop speaking; she didn’t wait for Cassy to reply.
“What kind of mother abandons her child? I moved away from him. I didn’t visit him. Or Michael. I still haven’t found it in me to go back there and I’ve been in Shadow Creek for weeks now.”
She looked away from her because she didn’t know if she’d be able to handle the disappointment that would surely be on her face. Instead, Cassy stood and rounded the table and pulled her into a hug. “You were the best mother I could have ever hoped for, for my grandson. You were the best wife I could have ever wanted for my son. I don’t judge you.”
Julia pulled back and looked into her eyes. They were filled with unshed tears.
Cassy gripped her arms. “They aren’t there. Their souls are gone, Julia. Don’t feel bad for not going. They left this earth with souls filled with your love. Matthew was filled with all the best of you, and with a heart so pure and sweet. You don’t need me to tell you that he’s in your heart, he’s with you in everything you do. I know that already. I see him, in your eyes, in your smile. I see Matthew in you every day. We all had to find our way, and none of it was the wrong way. I believe in you. You’re one of the strong ones, Julia. Don’t judge yourself. Be proud that you’re still standing. Embrace the life you have, be the mother, the woman that Matthew knew.”
Guilt poured out of her in a rush and a sob and she hugged Cassy, feeling everything the woman had said to her. She released the guilt.
“Mom, why are you making Julia cry?”
Julia and Cassy turned to see Edward and Gwen standing in the doorway. She found it in her to laugh as Cassy perched her hands on her wide hips. “I’m not. We’re having some girl talk.”
Julia wiped her tears and focused on the family in front of her. Cassy was already standing and quickly hiding unwrapped gifts as Edward started eyeing the table.
“I’m fine, I’m fine,” Julia said as Gwen stared at her. Lola sat by her side, a worried look on the dog’s face. Julia patted her head. “I’m fine, Lola.” Satisfied, the dog lay down under the table.
“Well, girl talk needs pie. Gwen, why don’t you go cut that fresh pecan pie you made today?’
“Dad, you never miss an opportunity, do you? And since when are you the expert on girl talk anyway?”
Edward waved off their teasing and sat down at the head of the table. He eyed some of the gifts again, but Cassy swatted his hand away. “No peeking, Edward.”
He grinned mischievously and patted Lola on the head. “I guess you’ll have to distract me with pie and a cup of decaf.”
Julia laughed, happy to be here, with them. She had missed them all so much. She squeezed Cassy’s hand, feeling the warmth from the woman, from her wise words touching her. She knew what she needed to do. She knew she needed to move forward, to take steps in creating a new life. Right now, she was content with making Edward a cup of coffee. “Okay, Gwen, you get Dad the pie and I’ll brew the coffee.”
Cassy wagged a finger at the two of them. “You two are enablers.”
“’Tis the season,” Gwen said.
Chapter Twelve
“I can’t believe it’s moving day already! I’ve never moved before!”
Maggie was running around the new house, her voice echoing in the empty space. There was only a week and half left before Christmas.
Since spending the night with Chase, she’d seen him and Maggie every day, but they’d both decided they didn’t want to confuse or hurt her, so their night together was it…until…neither of them spoke about her leaving after the holidays. The
y also hadn’t talked about everything Chase had revealed to her, but it had changed things. She felt their connection grow deeper and a part of her was terrified of the love she felt for him. Her heart knew the only answer, but her mind hadn’t let go of the fear. And since her chat with Cassy, she still hadn’t gathered up the courage to go visit Matthew or Michael.
“Auntie Julia, I’m so happy you showed Daddy this house!”
Julia laughed. “It’s pretty awesome, isn’t it?”
“Yeah! And Daddy said our new furniture is coming tomorrow too.”
Julia turned to look at Chase, raising an eyebrow. “You’ve been shopping?”
He shrugged, as he drilled a screw into the drywall above the window in Maggie’s bedroom. He was doing the finishing touches on installing the curtain rod. “I one-clicked the hell out of Pottery Barn.”
“Daddy, ‘hell’ is a swear word. Remember you got me in trouble for saying ‘what the hell.’”
“Yup, remember. Thanks for the reminder.”
Julia tried not to laugh out loud. Chase was smiling, pride stamped clearly on his handsome face as his daughter tore through the house, dashing from one room to another, squealing with delight.
“I guess she likes it,” Julia said, smiling.
“I love it,” Maggie screamed from somewhere down the hallway that led to the bedrooms.
They both laughed.
“This place looks spotless.”
“The cleaners came in again yesterday, scrubbed it from top to bottom.” Chase held out his hand for her coat and she gave it to him. “Painting was finished the day before that.”
“Wow, you are a man who knows how to get things done.”
He grinned, looking more than a little pleased by her compliment and like he had something he wanted to add to that statement. “I needed this place up and running as quickly as possible or the idea of being in here for Christmas wouldn’t be a smart one if we’re still living out of boxes.”
“Well, I’m here and I’ve got nothing to do for the next two weeks. I’m all yours.” The second those words came out of her mouth, she felt her cheeks burst into flames. It didn’t help that Chase was staring at her as though she was a giant piece of cherry pie. Or maybe it was because the man had such presence that he seemed to take up the entire space, wherever he was. “Well, I can think of better ways to spend our time than unpacking.”
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