by Donna Hill
“I don’t know. That’s what I’ve been battling with for the past couple of weeks.”
“Have you talked it over with Jackson?”
“No.”
“Why not, Zoe? Maybe he could help you figure it out.”
“He can’t help me and I already know what he’s going to say.”
“What is he going to say?”
She sighed. “He’s going to tell me to take it. He’s going to tell me that it’s the chance of a lifetime. I’d be the first African American woman in that position. He’d tell me all of that.”
“And…”
“It’s not what I want to hear.”
“Well, what do you expect him to say, Zoe? ‘Give up your career and stay here with me, baby, I’ll take care of you’?”
“Yes! I mean, no. I don’t know what I mean.”
“Zoe, give the man a chance. Be honest with him. Who knows, he may want to come to New York, teach at one of the colleges there. You won’t know if you don’t talk to him.”
“I wouldn’t do that to him. I wouldn’t put him in that kind of position.”
“So what are you going to do then? Pretend to go to work every day? How long do you think you can pull that off?”
She pressed her fist to her mouth. “I’m going to take the job in New York.”
Sharlene jerked back in surprise. “You are?”
“What choice do I have? It’s what I do. It’s what I know.”
“And you can’t hide behind your job forever.” She got up from the couch. “He deserves to know how you feel.”
Zoe looked up at her friend.
“Tell the man how you feel. Tell him what’s in that heart of yours. For once. Say what’s in your heart.” She walked barefoot toward the kitchen. “I think you’ll be surprised.”
She rested her head against the back of the couch and closed her eyes. There will come a time when you will have to make a choice. She heard her Nana’s words ring in her head.
But which choice should I make Nana? Which choice should I make?
“Ready?” Sharlene asked.
Zoe opened her eyes.
Sharlene had her purse in her hand and her sunglasses on. “Come on, girl, we have some birthday shopping to do. You’re going to be the big 3-0 in less than a week. You have to be sharp.”
Zoe pulled herself up.
“Shopping always soothes my soul,” she said, giving her a quick squeeze. “Put your shoes on and let’s go.”
“All right, all right. But I have plenty of clothes in my closet that I can wear.”
“Nothing suitable for your big day. And I think it’s going to be really special.”
“Is that right? And what do you know that I don’t know?” she asked, sticking her feet in her sandals.
“You’re the one who always feels something. You tell me,” she teased. “Come on, the stores are waiting.”
They roamed the stores for hours. Zoe couldn’t seem to find anything she liked and they had seen at least fifty dresses by Sharlene’s last count.
“Girl, there has to be something that you like. Since when did you get so particular?” Sharlene pushed some dresses aside on the rack hoping to find something that would spark some interest. “How about this one?” She held up a spaghetti-strapped midnight-blue fitted dress that felt like silk to the touch and shimmered when it moved. “This is perfect. Slightly sexy and elegant at the same time.”
Zoe looked at the dress then took it from Sharlene. She walked to a mirror and held it up in front of her. She turned right and then left to get the full effect. She spun toward Sharlene with a big smile on her face. “This is the one. It’s perfect. I love it.”
“Finally.” Sharlene sighed. “Damn, this is the last time I’m going shopping with you for a big occasion.”
“No, its not,” she said with a grin.
“You’re probably right.”
They laughed and headed for the cashier.
“My mother said she was going to tell me about my father,” Zoe blurted out while they walked back to Sharlene’s car.
Sharlene slowed. “Say what?”
Zoe nodded. “We had a rather nasty conversation before I left for New York.”
She went on to tell her how she’d blown up at her mother when she’d insinuated that it wasn’t proper for her to be “staying” with a man that wasn’t her husband. And what her response had been.
“Whoa. No wonder you’ve been so out of sorts. Between carrying that around, the situation with your job and keeping it all from Jackson… You’re carrying around too many secrets, girl. You need to set some of those burdens down.”
“I know. It’s making me nuts.” She pushed out a breath. “All my life I’ve wondered about my father. Was he dead or alive? Did I pass him in the street? Did he even know about me? You know what it says on my birth certificate for father?”
Sharlene shook her head no.
“It’s blank. Do you have any idea what that feels like to look at that empty space?”
“I can only imagine, sis.” She hooked her arm through Zoe’s. “But the time seems to have come for a lot of changes in your life.”
“It sure looks that way.”
Chapter 25
Classes hadn’t started yet but the professors had returned to campus for the prerequisite meetings and submission of lesson plans. Jackson was feeling good about the upcoming semester and was eager to get back in the saddle. That mess with the letter seemed to be a done deal, so that was one less thing he had to worry about. But what he was really looking forward to was heading back home to New Orleans and Zoe’s birthday party.
She hadn’t quite been herself since they’d returned from New York and he was hoping that being back with her family would lift her spirits. He’d been looking for the perfect gift and actually found it in New York. The real test of their relationship would come when he gave it to her.
“You sure it’s cool for me to come to Zoe’s party?” Levi asked him as they exited the building. “I mean it might just be a family thing.”
“You’re seeing my sister, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Then that should answer your question.” He slapped him on the back. “Of course it’s cool. Zoe told me to make sure that you came. And I know Michelle wants you there.”
Levi grinned. “I know it’s only been a minute since we’ve known each other but that woman makes me happy.”
“She’s a good woman. And I’m not just saying that because she’s my sister.”
“I know. We’re taking it slow. I don’t want to be a rebound, know what I mean?”
“Yeah.”
“She’s filing for divorce.”
“She told me.” He glanced at Levi.
“It’s still going to take her a while to get over things. But once that’s done, then we can really decide how we’re going to move forward.”
“Like you said, take it slow.”
“Yeah,” he said thoughtfully.
“Did you make your reservations for the hotel?”
“Taking care of that today, for sure.”
They crossed the grounds to the parking lot.
“So what did you get Zoe for her birthday?”
Jackson grinned. “Secret.”
“From me?”
“Yeah, from you. I don’t want it to slip out. And from what my sister says, we talk about everything,” he said in a bad falsetto. “And Michelle can’t keep a secret, period. I tell you, you tell her and she spills the beans to Zoe.”
“Damn, man, it’s like that. I thought I was your boy.”
“You are and I want to keep it that way.”
“That’s cold. But just so you know, Michelle has been working on something that she plans to surprise you with.”
“Oh, yeah. What?”
“I ain’t telling.” He chuckled and unlocked his car door. “See you later, man.”
Jackson shook his head in amusement and walked toward
his car. Just as he was about to get in he heard his name being called. He looked out across the rows of cars and saw a woman coming toward him. As she drew closer his stomach clenched.
“Professor Treme, can I speak with you a moment. Please?”
“Sure, Victoria, what is it?”
“I know the last time we spoke I left so much up in the air. I shouldn’t have. I should have been up front and told you everything.”
“I’m listening.”
“Carla is my half sister.”
“What? She never told me she had a half sister.”
She lowered her head for a moment. “She wouldn’t. I was the big family secret. Daddy’s indiscretion. She was the one who put me up to it. She was paying for me to go to grad school, saying it was her way of making up to me for how I’d been treated by the family. She said she would keep paying under the condition that I send those letters to the school.”
“Letters? There’s more?”
She dug into her knapsack and pulled out about a dozen letters wrapped in a rubber band. “I told her I sent them, but after the first one, I couldn’t do it.” She handed them to him. “I found out what she did. All of it.”
Jackson looked at the stack of letters then at Victoria. “Thank you. You gave up a lot. Why?”
“I can find a way to finish school. This isn’t the way. I may be the family secret but my mother didn’t raise me like that. I’m sorry, professor. I really am.”
Jackson was speechless.
Victoria turned to leave.
“Wait.”
She glanced over her shoulder.
“Come to my office next week. There’s still some scholarship money available. I’ll work it out, talk to the finance department. You can’t give up on your education.”
Her eyes lit up. “Really?”
“Yes. Really.”
“Thank you, thank you so much.”
“Next week. I have the same office hours.”
“I’ll be there.”
Jackson mechanically got into his car. Carla. All this time it was her. He tossed the letters onto the passenger seat. The first chance he got he was going to burn them.
After dinner, Zoe and Jackson worked side by side in her kitchen putting away food and loading the dishwasher.
“I still can’t get over that Carla would go to such lengths to get back at you.”
“I never would have never imagined in a million years that she was capable of the things she’s done.” He put away the plastic container with the leftover jerk chicken.
Zoe leaned against the sink, wiping her hands on the dish towel. She angled her head to the side. “I’m proud of you for what you’re going to do for Victoria.”
“She didn’t have to tell me anything. Worst, she could have gone along with Carla. I don’t even want to think about what could have happened if she did.”
Zoe squeezed his shoulder. “You did the right thing.”
Jackson turned out the kitchen light and followed Zoe into the living room. This whole routine, this thing that they were doing seemed so easy and so right, he thought. They had a rhythm with each other. There were no rules and verbal expectations, they just instinctively knew what the other wanted and needed. When he was with Zoe he was at peace and all the rest of the world took a backseat. He knew now more than ever that all of the signs, the dreams and the decisions that led him to change the course of his life were all the right ones. It led him to Zoe.
She rested her head in his lap while the news played in the background. This felt good, she thought. For the first time in her life she’d let a man get this close to her, get into her life on more than just the surface. And it wasn’t as scary anymore. If anything she wanted more of it. And that was where things swerved so totally off course. She couldn’t have it both ways. She couldn’t have the career-changing job and the man of her dreams. And that realization was slowly breaking her heart.
“You ready for your big day?” he asked softly.
She adjusted her position. “Pretty much.”
“I’m really looking forward to meeting your family. Especially your grandmother.”
“I’ve been telling her about you, ya know.” She turned onto her back so that she could look at him.
“Good things, I hope, and not the parts about my bad singing in the shower.”
She laughed. “No, trust me, my lips are permanently sealed on that one.”
“Am I really that bad?” he asked looking wounded.
She reached up and tenderly stroked his cheek. “Yes.”
Jackson tossed his head back and laughed. “I’ll try to keep it to a low hum from here on out.” His eyes moved over her face and the smile that was on hers, the light that was in her eyes, filled him. He loved her. From the bottom of his soul he loved this woman. She had yet to say she felt the same way. And even as a part of him believed that she felt the same way and just as strongly, there was the voice of doubt that still wouldn’t let go.
“Levi, Michelle and Shay are going to drive down tomorrow evening. They’re going to stay in the hotel.”
“There’s plenty of space at the house. I told Michelle she was welcome. Sharlene is staying and she’s bringing Ray. They’re going to drive down tomorrow.”
“How big is this little house of yours?”
“From the road, it looks pretty standard, but the house runs all the way back to the end of the property line, stopping just before the lake. There are eight bedrooms and three full baths. And there are two guest houses on the property. They used to be slave quarters, from what my family told me. The same house that my great-great-grandmother was enslaved on.”
“A lot of history there.”
Yes there was, she thought. Yes, there was.
Chapter 26
The weather was typical August; hot and sticky and from the summers that they both remembered growing up in Louisiana, they hadn’t seen anything yet.
They’d been on the road since sunup and the signs welcoming them to the state of Louisiana loomed ahead, with the exits for New Orleans to their right.
The closer they got to their destination the more anxious Zoe became. There were so many things she had to confront this weekend. She hoped she was up to handling it all. Not to mention that she had yet to tell Jackson that she was offered the job in New York and that she was taking it.
“Let me know where to turn off. I think I remember but I’m not sure.”
She focused back on the road. “We still have a little ways to go.” She peered in the side-view mirror and saw Sharlene’s Volvo close behind. “About another twenty minutes.” She leaned back and tried to slow the rapid beating of her heart.
Jackson steered the car along the winding path that was embraced on either side by towering maple and willow trees, partially obscuring the houses beyond. It was coming back to him now; his bike rides past “the white house” as the kids called it back then.
The road sloped slightly upward and then the house came into full view. It was much like he remembered it, he thought smiling wistfully. So this is where Zoe grew up, he thought as he drove along the gravel lane to the side of the house. And suddenly he felt connected to this place somehow in a way that he couldn’t quite put his finger on. It was more of a sensation, as if he’d really been here before and not just passing by. But of course that was crazy.
“Well, this is it,” Zoe said as they came to a stop.
Sharlene’s car pulled up behind them.
Before they could get out of their cars, the door to Zoe’s family home swung open and her mother and her two aunts came out to greet them with wide waves and big smiles of welcome.
The quartet trooped over to the front porch and they were immediately swept up in hugs and kisses even before introductions were made. Zoe instantly felt warm inside, surrounded by so much love. She missed this, she thought. She missed hearing her aunts fuss with each other about who burnt the corn bread or whose turn it was to weed the yard. She missed h
earing her Nana’s stories about growing up in this house and her daily advice about everyday living. She turned to her mother and realized that she missed her, too. And that surprised her more than anything.
“It’s good to see you,” her mother said softly, holding Zoe’s arms in her hands.
“It’s good to see you, too, Mama.” She leaned in and hugged her mother and felt like a damn of tears was going to burst inside of her. She held on for a moment longer to pull herself together then stepped back. “Ya’ll know Sharlene, of course,” she said. winking at her friend. “And this is her friend Ray.” She stepped next to Jackson. “This is Jackson Treme.” She took his hand and held it tight. “Jackson, Ray…my aunt Flo, my aunt Fern and my mother, Miraya.”
There was another round of hugs and cheek kissing now that the introductions were official.
“Ya’ll come on in and get settled,” Aunt Fern said. “We have lunch all fixed and Zora is waiting to meet ya’ll.”
“Let the children wash the dust off of ’em first, Fern,” Flo fussed.
“Aw hush. You could at least offer them a glass of cold water, dusty or not.”
“Don’t you two start in front of company,” Miraya warned.
Zoe waved her hand in dismissal. “Don’t mind them,” she said for Jackson and Ray’s benefit, “that’s their usual.”
“Zoe, you want to show everyone where they’re going to stay?” Aunt Fern asked. “The rooms are all fresh and there are towels in that hall closet. You remember the one.”
“Yes, ma’am,” she answered, suddenly feeling like a little girl again and not minding at all.
“Then ya’ll come right back down,” Miraya said.
“Yes, ma’am,” came the chorused response.
Zoe led the guests through the house and up the stairs to the bedrooms and baths. “Sharl, you know your way around as well as I do.”
“I’m going to take my same room. I used to stay here all the time when we were growing up,” she said to Ray.
Zoe took Jackson’s hand. “My room is this way.” She turned left down the hallway and opened the door at the end.