“Come on in,” he said, extending his hand. “I’m Kate’s cousin, John.” They exchanged pleasantries and soon John headed back up the stairs, saying, “I’m sure you two want to catch up.”
Kate still had a look of disbelief on her face. She didn’t say anything, waiting for him to talk first. He took her hands in his. “Baby, I know you didn’t want to hear from me, but I couldn’t stay away. I’ve been slowly dying inside since you told me how I’ve disappointed you. You’re more important to me than anyone or anything else in this world, and I couldn’t let another day go by without looking into your beautiful eyes and telling you.”
Neil moved his hand to cup her face. “Yes, you look like Elizabeth, but the only thing you two have in common is your strong will. Elizabeth was a hard-hitting lawyer who wanted to win at all costs. She and I used to have knock-down, drag-out fights because neither of us would give in. I loved her, but she often drove me crazy.”
Kate kept looking up at him intently. She remained silent, but her eyes willed him to go on.
“You, my beauty, are the calm in my storm. You bring peace to my everyday life and I so desperately need that. You and I complete each other. We don’t have to compete to have our needs met.”
He took her hand and put it to his chest so she could feel the beating of his heart.
“Being with you has brought my heart back to life,” he continued. “I’m no longer the cold-hearted bastard I was before you came along. You make me a better man and I love you for that. Please forgive me for not telling you about this. If you don’t, I’ll just wander aimlessly through the rest of my life. No other woman can fulfill me like you do, my beautiful Kate.”
That seemed to do it. Kate stepped close to him, pressing her body to his. She put a finger over his lips to stop him from saying anything else.
“Why do I love you so much?” she asked. “From the moment I opened the door, I was yours. Just looking into your gorgeous eyes told me everything I needed to know.”
She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. His hands wound around her waist and he could feel her pounding heartbeat against his chest. Kissing her made him feel light-headed. Or was it just being in her presence that did that?
Their moment was interrupted by the simultaneous clearing of throats at the top of the stairs. Neil put his forehead to Kate’s and they both smiled.
“You gotta love family,” she said in a quiet voice.
“It’s safe to come down, everyone,” she said loudly enough for all of them to hear. As each family member came down, she introduced him or her to Neil.
***
Kate
Neil and Kate rode in the car with John and Cathy while her brother Eric rode with Aunt Donna. The funeral home was a twenty-minute drive from John’s house. “So, tell us how you two met,” Cathy said. “I haven’t had much of a chance to just visit with Kate since she arrived.”
Kate and Neil alternated telling their story as they held hands in the backseat. When they were finished, Cathy gave a knowing smile. “It sounds like love at first sight,” she said with a sigh. “So romantic. John and I had a similar experience when we met. I knew he was the one right away.”
John turned into the parking lot of the funeral home. They were about an hour early. He needed the extra time to set up the TV and DVD player. He wanted to play the DVD he’d created for everyone to see. He also had thoughtfully made copies for all of the family members who would be attending the funeral.
This was the moment Kate had dreaded since she got the call from Aunt Donna—the moment she would see the closed casket, knowing it contained her father’s body. She walked through the lobby, through the double doors, right up to the cold, dark casket. She felt so helpless at the sight of it. Placing a hand on it, she whispered, “I’m sorry, dad. I wish things could’ve been different between us. I always loved you even though we weren’t close. I know you loved me too, in your own way, even though you didn’t show it.”
Her mind took her back to their conversation last Christmas.
Her hands shook as she dialed his number. She had written out what she was going to say on a piece of paper because she was expecting to leave a message. Aunt Donna had told her he didn’t answer the phone. To her surprise, he picked up.
Her voice cracked. “Hi Dad. It’s me, Kate.”
“Kate.” His voice was bright. Not what she’d been expecting.
“I wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas,” she murmured.
“Merry Christmas. How are you doing?”
Her words felt hurried as she answered; she didn’t want to waste a single second. Her mind raced, trying to make sense of all the words jumbling together in her head. She didn’t want to risk him changing his mind and hanging up, or getting angry with her. “I’m good. How about you?”
“Good. What have you been up to?”
Inhaling, she attempted to slow down the rapid pounding in her chest. She told him about wanting to go back to school and her job at Nordstrom. He said he was happy to hear from her. She asked him to forgive her for not keeping in touch since Aunt Donna had convinced her he didn’t remember why they weren’t on speaking terms. He said there was nothing to forgive. He didn’t bother to ask for her forgiveness, but she hadn’t expected him to. She knew being humble and asking him to forgive her was all she needed. After all, forgiveness was the gift you gave yourself, not anybody else. She had to hold onto that. She had nothing else.
Releasing the hurtful memories of the past was the only way to move on in her future. She turned to see Neil standing in the doorway. He was her future, and nothing was going to take him away from her. She had to believe that.
He held his hand out to her and she crossed the room in haste to take it. Intertwining her fingers with his, she leaned into his strong body. She inhaled his essence and wanted to wrap herself around him. All she wanted to do was run away with him and not deal with the circumstances of the day, but she knew that wasn’t possible. Well, Neil would make it possible if she asked him to, but that wouldn’t be the mature thing to do. She needed the closure this day could provide.
“Have I told you how glad I am that you’re here with me?” she whispered into his ear.
“Well, not with words, but your kiss told me everything I needed to know.” Neil lightly kissed Kate on the lips.
She nuzzled his neck and then noticed several relatives approaching.
She introduced Neil to her Aunt Cindy and her cousins. She hadn’t seen them in what seemed like an eternity, so they had catching up to do. As she engaged with her family, Neil stood beside her, holding her up. She was so relieved to have him to lean on.
As the time for the funeral rapidly approached, she sat in a front pew with her Aunt Donna, Neil, and Eric. The minister spoke eloquently about the life of her dad, and her Aunt Cindy gave an amazing eulogy about what her brother meant to her. It was quite moving and Kate began to see her dad as a man, not just as her father. Other family members got up to speak about how generous he had been to them throughout their lives. It was hard for her to reconcile that they were talking about her father, a man who’d not been generous with her or her brother at all. Listening to the loving praise from others toward her father was just too much for her. The tears spilled out of her eyes. She could feel Neil glancing down at her. He pulled her closer to him.
“It’s okay, baby. Let it out,” he whispered to her.
The funeral ended and the pallbearers carried her father’s casket to the hearse, which everyone followed to the gravesite. It was in a shady corner of the cemetery and it felt tranquil. It would be a good resting place for her dad.
The minister said a few more words about eternity and her dad’s relationship with the Lord. It brought Kate back to her childhood and her dad taking her to church when she was a small girl. She hadn’t thought about that in many years. She was confused as to how this seemingly good and generous man could have abandoned her and her brother. The only informa
tion she had to go on was what her mom had told her. She needed to investigate this before she returned home. She hoped John could answer her questions. If anyone could shed light on what went on in her dad’s head, it was him.
The plan after the funeral was for everyone in the family to go to a cafeteria-style restaurant. About three dozen people were there, sharing their favorite stories about her dad. Kate felt strange because she couldn’t think of any stories to share. She wanted to scream out that this was so unfair. They all had the deep relationship with her dad that she and her brother had been denied. They didn’t even know the man. It was more than she could stand, so she excused herself to the bathroom. She stood there staring at herself in the mirror, wondering how she’d arrived at this moment in her life. Tiredness that went beyond fatigue swept through her body, seeping into her bones. She felt an overwhelming ache of despair and regret.
Neil popped his head in the room. “Kate, are you okay? You’ve been in here a long time.”
“Come in. I’m alone.”
Neil entered the ladies room and stood behind her. He hugged her from behind and placed his chin on her head. “I was getting worried about you.”
“It just all became too much for me. I had to get away,” she said, looking at his eyes in the mirror. “I didn’t mean to worry you.”
“I’ll always worry about you, baby. I love you so much. I hate to see you hurting. I just want to make it all go away.”
The sincerity in his eyes was her undoing. She turned around to embrace him. He held her tightly as she sobbed in his arms. After a few minutes, she pulled back a little to look into his eyes.
“I feel like something isn’t adding up. That man everyone’s been praising isn’t the man I knew. They talked about how much my dad helped them and was there for them. He was never like that with my brother or me. I want to know why.”
“There may not be an answer for that,” Neil replied, moving a strand of hair away from her eyes. “Sometimes it can’t be explained why people do what they do.”
“Well, I plan on asking John. He and my dad were very close.”
“Good plan, baby. I’m sure he’ll tell you anything he can to fill you in.”
“I better fix my makeup and go back out there. I’ll be out in a minute,” she said, exhaling loudly.
“Okay. I’ll be waiting for you.” He left and she suddenly felt a rush of coldness where his body had been covering her.
She turned toward her purse, which was on the counter, and took out her makeup, reapplying where she needed it. Once she was satisfied, she rejoined Neil and the others in the restaurant. John indicated he was ready to go whenever she was.
She’d been ready about five minutes after getting there.
She gave her goodbyes to her extended family and then headed home, thankful Neil had decided to come.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Kate
Since everyone was worn out from the emotions exerted at the funeral, the car ride home was quiet. Kate’s mood was understandably somber given the conflicting view of her father, and as she stared out the window, she wondered if she would ever understand why he couldn’t be there for his own children. Neil took her hand and pulled her close to him. She leaned against her rock.
Aunt Donna had gone home for a while, but would join them later for dinner. Other relatives planned on coming over later in the evening for a family potluck.
Kate headed to the living room to approach John. She needed to talk to him about her dad. As they sat on the sofa, he asked, “What do you want to know?”
“Honestly, I’m trying to reconcile the father I knew with the wonderful man described today at the funeral. They seem to be two different people. My dad was not generous to us, but he showed extreme generosity to the rest of the family. He was never there for us, but he went out of his way for everyone else who attended his funeral. Do you know why he was so different with the children he brought into this world?”
Eric chimed in, agreeing with what Kate had expressed. “He was a poor excuse of a father,” he said. “We didn’t get any of the kindness everyone else talked about today.”
John hung his head for a long moment. He didn’t answer right away, seeming to think about the best way to respond to her question. “It’s complicated because life is messy and we don’t always know how to clean up the mess we’ve created.”
“So are you saying Eric and I were his mess?”
“No, not at all. His relationship with your mother is the culprit in all of this.”
“John, I need to know why my father hasn’t bothered with us for the past ten years,” Kate said.
“Your dad was a guy who was able to fix everything. He built houses for a living, so it was his job to problem solve. Trust me, many problems arise when building a home.”
“Okay, what does that have to do with us?” Kate asked, her brows furrowed.
“Basically, your dad couldn’t fix his marriage with your mom. He couldn’t please her and she ended up betraying him. What happened between them to a certain extent ruined his life. He was never the same after they divorced, and being close to you and Eric reminded him of his failure to fix his marriage and what your mom did. He just couldn’t deal with it, so he turned his back on you both.”
“What do you mean by ‘betraying’ him?”
“I think you need to talk to your mom about that,” John answered carefully.
Kate put her hands on her face, exasperated by this information. She was torn between feeling sorry for him and pissed that he hadn’t decided to man up and be a father. And what could her mom have possible done to betray him? The only thing she could come up with was cheating. Her mom just didn’t seem like the type.
“This is completely ridiculous. A lot of people fail at marriage, but they don’t abandon their children,” Kate said.
Neil stroked her back as she leaned forward and put her elbows on her knees. She held her head in her hands for a moment, processing the simplicity of John’s explanation.
“So, Eric and I didn’t get to have our dad in our lives because he felt like a failure?”
Her anger was bubbling up like lava in a volcano ready to erupt.
“Your dad was broken and he never recovered from losing your mom. You reminded him so much of her. He just couldn’t take it, so he stopped being your father,” John said.
“Well, our parents divorcing broke our hearts too. Eric and I were also the victims here.”
“I agree. You were the victims, but your dad could only feel his own pain. He had no idea about your pain. This whole situation broke him apart. I now see this was the beginning of the end for him. He had to live vicariously through Donna to know anything about you two. I think it’s the reason he died at sixty. His huge heart had given so much to so many people and he couldn’t handle that he’d chosen to abandon his own children. He loved you both very much.”
Kate leaned back against Neil. She couldn’t come up with anything else to say to John.
“Baby, are you okay?” Neil inquired softly.
“No, I’m not. For years I’ve thought my father didn’t love us or want to have us in his life. Now it boils down to either he didn’t take care of his own mental health or he was too much of a coward to be in our lives. Either way, it sucks and I can’t do anything about it.”
She reached over to her brother, who was sitting quietly next to her. He turned toward Kate when he felt her hand on his forearm. She was looking for his reaction to this news, but he seemed to be numb.
“Eric, what are you thinking right now?” she probed, lightly stroking his arm.
“I don’t know what to think. I actually feel bad for the guy. He missed out on a relationship with us because of his own frailties. It’s sad he was so successful in his business life but couldn’t handle his personal life that well.”
“You have to keep in mind this isn’t a reflection upon you. Your dad couldn’t own up to his mistakes,” John said with great sor
row in his eyes. “He just couldn’t handle it.”
“All this time I thought he was either mentally ill or he just didn’t love me, but instead he allowed bitterness to decimate his life and damage ours in the process too.”
John got up. “I think we could all use a drink right now. We have white wine, beer, and scotch. What would you all like?”
Each person chimed in with his or her order and Neil got up to help John. Kate and Eric sat motionless on the sofa, trying to absorb what John had said.
Cathy hadn’t said anything the entire time. She looked Kate in the eyes and her words spilled. “Kate, Eric…I really believe your dad had been depressed for a long time and wasn’t treated for it. He’d stopped taking care of himself and nothing mattered in his life. About six months ago, we went to visit him in Florida. We were up late talking one night and he cried and cried that he couldn’t change things. He hated himself for not being in your lives, but he just didn’t have the skills to reach out to you.”
Kate wanted to be angry with her dad, but having experienced such raw grief and apathy towards life herself, she was starting to realize that perhaps her dad hadn’t been as uncaring as she’d thought. Maybe, he truly didn’t have any strategies, as Dr. Cox said, to apply towards healing himself in his grief.
John and Neil returned carrying the drinks. Neil handed Kate her wine and Eric a beer. He went back to the kitchen to retrieve his scotch. John handed Cathy her wine and sat next to her on the loveseat.
No one said anything for several minutes. Kate finished her wine and John told her there was more in the kitchen if she wanted another glass. She got up, walked to the kitchen, and poured herself another glass, hoping it would take the edge off. Somehow she knew there wasn’t enough wine in the world to squelch the disappointment and anger she felt.
Neil joined her in the kitchen as she drank down some of the wine and refilled her glass. “Kate, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Tell me what I can do to help.”
Taken by You (Killer Next Door #2) Page 10