by E. M. Gayle
Even seeing him one more time would make things worse. Once my decision was made I had to treat the situation like a band-aid. Just rip it off or in this case, simply not communicate. Eventually he’d get the message and move on to someone more to his tastes and someday I’d get over him too.
Right?
Tears leaked from my eyes. God I hoped so but today it felt impossible. How in the hell did this happen? One week and I’d fallen into what? Lust? Love?
With it plaguing my every waking moment and even the dreams when I slept, it felt more like an addiction. I wasn’t a lovesick schoolgirl. I’d learned my lesson the last time.
I picked up a knife and started chopping apples for a new tart. I stabbed at the poor fruit like a woman too close to the edge.
If it wasn’t for the work, I’d have probably stayed in bed long enough for the pain to ease. As it was, I’d gone to work mere hours after Alex’s departure with a deliciously sore ass and some incredible memories and been here since.
“Harper, there’s someone here to see you.” Jesse’s voice shook me from my thoughts.
I stared up at the girl that ran the front counter as if looking at something I couldn’t comprehend.
“What? Who?” Suspicion and fear consumed me. If Alex had come to see me I doubted I could deny him in person. Everything was still too fresh. The memories, the pleasure, the pain…Need gripped my stomach and made it twist into a painful knot.
As ridiculous as this was, I couldn’t see him now. It would kill me.
Jessie shrugged. “I don’t know. Some cop. You in some kind of trouble?”
My head jerked up. “A cop? For me?” A new kind of fear stabbed through me. Had they finally found me? Oh God, why now?
I wiped my hands on my apron, stalling as I dug for anything, any excuse or idea that would get me the hell out of this situation. I could not go back there. It had taken too long and too many hours of therapy to get past all of that.
I stared at the backdoor and contemplated my odds of escape. I was in no shape for a mad dash down the busy streets of New York in the middle of rush hour, nor was I prepared to face police wrath if I tried to run and got caught.
Whatever the outcome, they couldn’t take me to jail, right?
First they didn’t believe me. Then they blamed me. Then they said I had to testify or they’d charge me as an accessory.
Fuck. This was a goddamned mess. I needed to call Zia and confess. Tell her I’d need a good lawyer. No court appointed knuckle head could get me out of this.
“Harper? Are you coming?” The suspicious look on Jessie’s face made my choice clear. I had to face this head on. They could do whatever they wanted to me as long as they didn’t try to send me back to North Carolina. I was never going back.
“Yeah,” I mumbled as I stared one last time at the only weapon at my disposal. As if that would help. Not like I wanted to stab anyone anyways. But desperate times and all that.
I headed for the front, pushing through the swinging door behind Jessie and sure enough, one of NYC’s finest stood in the middle of the dessert bar with his hands on his hips, gun at his side and a cocksure smile on his face.
Wait. What?
What was happening?
I stopped in the middle of the dining room and stared, trying to figure out why this extremely good looking officer of the law was smiling at me like—
He did look a little familiar, but it was hard to tell for sure with his hand resting awfully close to his gun pulling at my attention. Maybe he was a regular here and he’d seen me on one of the rare occasions I stepped out of the kitchen? Is that when he discovered me? My head spun with the options, getting absolutely nowhere.
I forced myself to meet his gaze and found crisp, clear blue eyes staring down at me from probably at least six foot three if I had to guess. Thick, dark hair surrounded his perfectly chiseled face, which would have thrown me off in any situation. But that damned slight smile turning up the corners of his mouth confused me.
Okay enough. Time to face this head on.
“I’m Harper. Can I help you?” I held out my hand in what I hoped was a friendly gesture. And hoped he wouldn’t notice the shaking. Whatever his intentions, I was no way ready for them. Whatever blow he was about to deliver, there was no amount of bracing to protect myself.
“Hi, Harper.” He drew out my name in a cadence I recognized immediately and it went straight to my core. “I’m Jeremy.”
My eyes widened and my heart beat out of control all while the heat of a frantic blush crept along my neck and face.
Oh my God.
Of all the things that could have come out of his mouth…
“I hope you don’t mind me coming by here. I thought we might need to talk.”
Talk? Was he crazy? I shook my head, words escaping me. I couldn’t function properly let alone form sensible words.
Suddenly my skin crawled with fear that everyone was staring at me and somehow they knew exactly what I’d done with Officer Jeremy. I glanced around the small space only to find everyone absorbed in buying or selling various desserts and not paying a lick of attention to anything else.
“Is there somewhere we can talk?” he asked.
“No,” I whispered for no good reason other than the heat of embarrassment crawling across my skin. “I don’t even have a private office here.”
“No problem, how about a walk?” When I hesitated he added, “Surely your boss will allow you to take a break. You look like you need one.” He reached up and brushed what I knew to be pretty dark circles under my eyes. The evidence of my not sleeping was written all over my face.
I sighed at his touch as memories of that night flooded through me again. Rough hands in all the right places of my body. Lips pressed to flesh. My desires at their command. I sighed. How would I ever get those memories tucked back in again?
Might as well get this over with. Then when they were done I could start rebuilding those stupid walls that keep crumbling. “Sure. Let me grab my coat.” I disappeared into the back and bent over the sink for two seconds, trying to slow down my racing heart. This was the last thing I’d expected. For a few brief minutes here and there I’d let an occasional romantic fantasy creep into my mind of Alex coming after me.
Maybe announcing his undying love for me. I laughed, a harsh sound even to my own ears. It sure as hell didn’t get more ridiculous than that, now did it?
I took a few calming breaths and then scooped up my coat from its hook and yelled at Jessie that I’d be back in fifteen. She merely waved at me, her attention too focused on the customer in front of her. I shook my head. That would be good enough. If there was one thing I could say about my place of employment, it was what a success it had become practically overnight.
Every one of us here were overworked, but Zia compensated us well for the hassles.
A perk of being owned by a newly minted celebrity chef.
When Jeremy spied me coming from the back, he turned and headed for the door. I followed, shrugging into my coat all while pretending I didn’t feel my coworkers staring at my back.
February in the city could be pretty unforgiving if you weren’t prepared for it. Thank goodness for a sunny day. I caught up with Jeremy and we walked in silence for about
a half a block.
“So you’re a cop.”
Jeremy laughed. “That’s exactly what everyone says when they find out. They always sound so surprised.”
“I don’t know what else I’m supposed to say in this situation.”
He stopped and faced me. “How about, ‘it’s great to see you again. Where’ve you been all my life.’ Or even ‘thanks for the great fuck’.”
I had to bite back a caustic response to his last statement. I didn’t need to attack Jeremy. It wasn’t his fault I was on the edge of whatever the hell this was. If anything I should feel guilty that I couldn’t be the woman he and Alex obviously wanted.
Instead I looked away and concentra
ted on each step I took on the sidewalk.
“Damn it, Harper. I’m sorry. That was completely uncalled for.”
“Not really. I probably deserve worse.”
A frown creased his forehead. “What? Are you crazy? Don’t say things that are going to make me want to spank some sense into you. That will get us both in trouble.”
I laughed then at the picture of Jeremy doing just that. Because after that night it wasn’t hard to imagine. Unfortunately, said laughter went from funny haha to hysterical in two seconds flat and the next thing I knew I’d released a flood of tears that resembled releasing the kraken in their intensity. Jeremy gathered me into his arms and rubbed my back while I cried it out. I felt ridiculous and yet, I couldn’t stop. My time with both of these men had opened a side of me I’d thought was safely forgotten and now I didn’t know how to put it back away.
When the racking sobs subsided Jeremy tipped my head back and wiped the remnants of the jag from my face. “Why aren’t you returning Alex’s calls? Did we hurt you? Did he?”
I shook my head, although I was surprised that Alex had sent Jeremy to question me. If he really wanted to know so bad why didn’t he come ask himself?
“No. It’s not that at all. You and Alex gave me an incredible fantasy night that I’m never going to forget.”
“But…”
“No buts. That’s the God’s honest truth.”
“Harper, in my experience when a woman cries her eyes out on your shoulder there are always buts.”
“Seriously, Jeremy. It was an incredibly decadent night that I’m never going to forget.”
“So why not talk to Alex? He’s anxious to see you again. Although I’ll be honest with you. As much as he claims to be respecting your space, I’m quite shocked he hasn’t found a way to corner you and put a collar around that pretty neck of yours.”
“I—I just can’t.” I pulled myself from his comforting embrace and straightened my clothes, doing my best to pull myself together. I’d need to return to my kitchen soon.
“That’s not much of an answer. But if we pushed you too far and you regret that night…”
“No!” How could they think that? “Absolutely no regrets. If anything it made me realize how much of myself has been closed off since I moved here. Maybe when I get my bearings again I can look for…” I didn’t have the heart to even voice the words. It would be some time before I got Alex out of my mind. Not to mention now letting Jeremy down—in person no less.
“I’m really not getting it. You’re going to have to spell it out for me darling.” He stood his ground, hands on hips, looking every inch the alpha male I knew him to be.
I blew out my breath and threaded my fingers through my hair, pulling it free from the ponytail holder. “Why did Alex send you here instead of coming himself? And what did you mean put a collar on me? Why would he ever do that?”
“First, he didn’t send. I ran into him this morning at the coffee shop near his apartment and he filled me in on what’s been going on.” Jeremy cupped my chin and lifted my head to meet his gaze. “Now stop stalling and tell me what the real problem is.”
Fine, if he was going to harass me for the truth I had no choice but to give it to him. “I don’t want to be in a relationship where I’m shared,” I blurted.
Silence stretched between them for long moments. I blinked my eyes against his harsh scrutiny. He remained silent. My stomach cramped. Rejecting Jeremy in person had not been on today’s agenda and I was beginning to resent him for forcing me to do this.
“Is that it?”
“Isn’t that enough?” I didn’t bite back the sarcasm that time. My patience had officially run out.
Jeremy smiled wide. “Oh little one, you have no idea what you’re in for do you?” He dropped his hand and pivoted me in the direction in which we’d come.
What the hell was that supposed to mean? My anger rose. “You aren’t making this easy for me, you know.”
He snickered. “I can’t believe you thought I would. Didn’t your mother ever tell you that anything worth having is not going to be easy?”
I sighed at the brief flash of grief thinking of my mother caused. “My mother didn’t have time for clichés and men who made no sense. She had more important things to do.”
“It’s a good thing I know Alex likes a sassy woman. Where I on the other hand would be
more likely to fuck it out of you as quickly as possible.”
Unbidden images of my being fucked hard at the Glass Kat flooded my mind. Fire erupted between my legs of its own free will. Damn arrogant man. He probably knew exactly what his words did to me.
“One of these days, if I’m ever ready to settle down, I’m going to find a sweet submissive who lives to follow my rules.”
I snort laughed. “Good luck with that.” Although he might with that sexy as sin face and body to match. Plus the badge. A very good girl would suit him well.
A few minutes later we arrived back at my door. Torn between running away and grilling Jeremy for more information on Alex, I bit my lip and shoved my hands into my pocket.
“You really are going to be a stubborn one, aren’t you?” he asked.
“I have no idea what you mean.”
“Uh huh. Look, you need to talk to Alex. You’ve got it all wrong.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means that you don’t know Alex and his needs at all. Talk to him. Hear him out. It’s time to let down this wall you’ve built around you.” Jeremy made a knocking motion in the air in front of me.
His words knocked some of the outrage out of me. Maybe I’d been thinking and acting too rigidly…maybe.
“I’ll think about it.”
Jeremy nodded. “I’d offer you good luck, but I don’t think you’re going to need it. But I will wish you patience because you definitely need that.” He lifted my hand to his mouth and pressed a quick kiss to my skin before dropping it and walking away. I watched him move down the sidewalk until his form became a speck in the distance.
You’ve got it all wrong.
His words taunted me. Did I? My body shivered every time I thought of Alex’s hands touching me. Although it was the sound of his voice whispering commands in my ear that made me tremble with the need for more. I’d convinced myself that if I just gave it enough time I’d get over him and the way he made me feel.
I was back in the kitchen elbow deep in flour and sugar when I realized that Jeremy had never answered my second question. He couldn’t have meant what he said. I knew what a collar was, but why would Alex want one for me?
Now Jeremy’s cryptic messages had me more confused than ever. It looked like he was going to get exactly what he wanted. If I wanted to understand or move on I’d have to face Alex and tell him how I really felt.
Too bad I feared saying goodbye in person was going to rip my heart out for good.
Chapter Fifteen
Harper
Alex had agreed to meet me at a coffee shop near Central Park. Not exactly my side of town but still one of my favorite places to enjoy a walk when I needed to clear my head. I’d explored the area a lot so I knew it well.
He’d said nine p.m. sharp and it was already fifteen minutes past that. The fear of being stood up enveloped me. Although why he’d go to all this trouble to not speak to me made no sense. I had no other plans for my evening so it wouldn’t hurt to wait.
I stirred another packet of sugar into the hot black coffee I’d ordered while I waited, observing every person that stepped through the door. Zia had tried to talk her way into coming along, but I’d flatly denied the need for a chaperone. We were a little beyond that now. Besides, it would be hard enough to open myself up to Alex alone, I certainly didn’t need an audience to make me even more nervous.
My stomach rumbled with hunger. I’d been too nervous to eat dinner and now my body demanded food. I eyed the pastries in the case and decided a cookie or cake probably made days ago by some
factory and then warmed in a microwave wasn’t going to cut it. I’d get through this meeting and then grab something on the way home.
Instead I thought about the last two weeks. Alex had gotten under my skin from the moment I’d opened my gift to discover a riding crop with a beautifully crafted rose on the end. I’d thought it quite clever to change up a simple whipping tool into a device that almost looked romantic.
The night of the yacht party, when we’d returned to my apartment I’d only gotten a small taste of how it felt to have it strike sharply across my backside. But that tease had me aching for more. Heat built in my core now from imagining it.
My pulse picked up speed. I wanted Alex.
“Waiting patiently, kitten?”
I nearly jumped out of my seat at the sound of his voice behind me. His big hand landed on my shoulder, a warm touch I wanted to sink into after days of nothing.
“I do enjoy people watching,” I answered, a smile ghosting across my face.
He bent behind me and brushed my ear with his lips. “I know you do, but you’ll have to do it another night. Right now I want you to gather your belongings and walk out the front door. No questions. No hesitation. I expect you to obey. My car is waiting outside at the curb. Go now.”
I swallowed, a rush of doubt consuming me. I really wanted to do as he asked, God did I ever. But… If I couldn’t be his for more than a night or two, what was the point? I’d been unable to stay unaffected for one night, let alone two. What would a third do to me?
“Alex—”
“The car, Harper. Now.”
His demanding tone heated my body to boiling in seconds flat. Fuck it. I’d deal with the consequences tomorrow. I gathered my purse and the white box holding the present I’d planned to return and headed for the front door. I didn’t even take the time to look behind to see if he followed me or if anyone noticed what had happened. Nothing seemed to matter at the moment other than the man who wanted my submission.
Brisk winter air blew in my face when I pushed through the front door and out onto the sidewalk. A glance at the street indeed showed a sleek black limo parked at the curb waiting invitingly. His I presumed.