by S. L. Naeole
My head bounced in agreement as I replied jokingly, “You’re right, you don’t. But I’m giving it to you anyway because I’m stupid and I love you.”
I saw him tense up again, and for a second, felt like I had once again tied the noose around my neck and felt the trap door open beneath my feet. Only this time, the door didn’t open all the way.
“Grace, I gotta tell you something.”
“O-kay,” I said hesitantly.
He took a deep breath, his lips mouthing the words as though rehearsing what he’d say before the sounds actually came out. “I went into your room last night. I saw…I saw Robert in the bed with you.”
So this was it. This was the moment that I had been waiting for, that Robert had warned me about, and yet, he seemed far more uncomfortable than I felt. “Okay…”
“I…I left as soon as I saw the two of you, but…are you, you know…”
I smiled at him, enjoying his discomfort far more than I should. “No. We’re not.”
A sigh of relief blew out of him in a large puff, and I couldn’t help but laugh at the ridiculous expression on his face. His face grew beet red and I laughed harder, unable to contain the humor that I found in the situation.
“Well, I’m glad you can find something funny in this. I feel like a peeping Tom,” he muttered, his thumbs burrowing into his temples as he fidgeted, a method of distraction to avoid having to look at me.
I grabbed his left hand and yanked it down, forcing him to look at me. “Graham, it’s okay. You didn’t see anything you weren’t supposed to. Next time, though, could you at least knock?”
Shyly, he nodded his head, and turned away again. “So, why was he in your room anyway? How’d he get in?”
Now it was my turn to turn away, which I should have realized would only intrigue him and pique his curiosity. “He comes in through my window because he helps me sleep.”
I had feared that the one sentence answer wouldn’t be enough to quell his need for answers, but he sensed how uneasy I was with discussing the topic, despite the innocent nature of Robert’s visits to my room, and he stopped. He reached for my hand and squeezed it. “I won’t tell your dad.”
And that was it. I didn’t have to ask, and he didn’t have to give it, but with those five words, he had given me a sense of security that I knew I’d never find with anyone else.
I nodded my head, and we sat there for the next few minutes, content with the secret shared between us, a new one to help cement our friendship once again, only stronger this time.
FASHIONABLY LATE
After lunch, Graham had gone back to his house to gather a few more things and speak to his father. He made me promise to stay home, no matter what I heard, and so I did. The silence that filled the house, with myself and Janice staring at each other, waiting for Graham to return, could have suffocated a stadium full of people.
Janice kept looking towards the clock on the stove, while I kept flicking my eyes in the direction of the clock on the microwave. We took turns counting down the minutes, each one stretching out longer and longer until I felt I would scream if I had to listen to another sixty-second countdown.
Finally the kitchen door opened and Graham walked in, a duffel bag on his shoulder and another bag in his hand. His face was blotchy, his eyes red and puffy. I reached for the bag in his hand, while Janice helped him lower the duffel onto the kitchen floor.
“What happened, Graham?” Janice asked as she pulled out a chair for him to sit down in. His heavy form landed roughly in the seat, and I felt every ounce of hurt that weighed him down.
“It looks like I didn’t need to tell him that I was going to stay here. He threw me out.”
I heard my gasp before I knew I had even let one out. “But why?”
Graham’s shoulders shrugged, his head heavy with disappointment. “Does it matter? I want you to know that I’m going to pay for my meals and for use of the couch, Janice,” he said, gazing up at her with a half-smile looking very out of place with his stark eyes and ruddy cheeks.
I raised an eyebrow at him, the question unspoken on my lips. His half-smile grew into a full blown grin as he continued, “I got a job at the movie theater today. That’s where I went this morning. I applied and they interviewed and hired me on the spot. Apparently I’m exactly the kind of guy who belongs taking tickets at the twelve-plex.”
Janice reached out and hugged him, her voice sounding thrilled and hopeful as she congratulated him. “I think that’s wonderful, Graham. But please don’t worry about paying us for anything. You save that money for school.”
The look on my face must have resembled one my father would have probably given under the circumstances, because when Janice looked at me, she burst out into hysterical laughter that grew infectious as Graham began to laugh as well. “Well, you know Dad will ask why can’t Graham pay for food. He does eat more than the three of us combined, you included, Janice,” I complained, my arms folding across my chest at their continued outburst.
It took nearly ten minutes before the two of them calmed down. Looking for a change of subject that wouldn’t turn them into hyenas again, I asked them what their plans were for New Years. Janice patted her belly and sighed. “Unfortunately, heartburn and swollen ankles have made it nearly impossible for me to enjoy going out and dancing, so I’ll be staying at home with your father and watching the ball drop on television.”
I looked over at Graham and he smiled sheepishly. “What?”
“I saw Lark at the mall and she invited me over to her house to watch the ball drop with her and Stacy.”
Now this was a surprise! “You’re going to spend New Year’s Eve with Stacy?” I asked incredulously, the image of a strangled Graham suddenly filling my head.
“And Lark.”
I nodded. Of course. Stacy was the buffer. He was playing it safe, and what better way to do so than with the female bodyguard?
“Lark told me that Robert had some special plans for the two of you,” he teased, pleased with the blush that bloomed across my cheeks.
“Yes, although I don’t exactly know what it is that he’s got planned. I told him to surprise me, and so he’s going to. He’s quite literal in that sense, I suppose.”
“How romantic,” Janice cooed, ignoring my rolling eyes and grunt of disapproval, especially after the conversation we’d had earlier that morning. “It’s a lovely way to start the New Year off.”
A sudden wave of panic filled me then as I remembered that Robert had told me that Lark would be picking me up. If Graham was at her house, how exactly would this work? And was he serious about me still wearing the green dress I had worn to the wedding?
“Grace?”
I looked at Janice’s face and she cocked her head to the side, confusion covering her face as she saw the panic in mine. “What’s wrong, Grace?”
I took a few deep breaths to calm myself and managed to somehow squeeze a small smile onto my lips. “Nothing. I just remembered that I had a few things I needed to get done before I start getting ready.”
I turned to face Graham and said through my false smile, “If you want to take a shower before you head to Lark’s house, I suggest you do that now. I’m going to be in there a while.”
There are some faces that guys have reserved just for women’s eyes. Graham made one of them at that moment. Perhaps it was the first time he tried it out, because it looked new—amateurish. It spoke clearly of how he did not want to know any details involving my bathroom activities. I probably should have been pleased that the idea of my taking a shower grossed him out to such an extent, but in truth, I felt offended.
I was, after all, still a girl with some pride.
As Graham went to gather his stuff, I went upstairs to my room to hunt down the items that Robert had requested I wear. After our first date, I had thrown the dress and all of the accessories that he’d purchased for me to wear at him, too upset with his behavior afterwards to treat them properly.
Th
at was the first night he had spent in my room, and I had woken up to find that he had put everything away neatly, organized in ways Janice could have only dreamed of accomplishing. I didn’t ask him where everything had been placed. I was content with the knowledge that I wouldn’t have to put them away myself; I was so lazy when it came to cleaning my room that I was content to leave my closet looking like a war zone and my bed looking like a tornado had hit it.
After eliminating the obvious locations for the dress, shoes, and undergarments, I was left hunting for the amber earrings and necklace that he’d bought to compliment the stones that adorned the front of the dress. I found them in a box hidden in my underwear drawer, along with the dragonfly clips that he’d purchased that day as well.
I felt the blush that had spread across my cheeks earlier start to burn my skin again as I realized that Robert had gone through my underwear in order to place the box in there. “So much for innocent,” I mumbled to myself, a secret smile causing the corners of my mouth to curl upward.
“Oh no,” I gasped as I opened the zipper to the garment bag that contained the moss green dress. I hadn’t realized the damage that climbing the gate to Robert’s home had caused to the dress as I took in the torn chiffon and stained satin staring back at me, the sorry casualty of my own recklessness. The largest gems that were supposed to sit on the bodice of the dress were missing. “Oh dear bananas, it’s ruined,” I moaned.
I glanced at the clock and saw that it was only five. I had several hours before Lark was supposed to arrive, but what was I going to do about the dress? I could fix holes, sew a rudimentary blanket, but fix a dress that probably cost more than I made in a month of working at the library?
Well, there was nothing for it. Robert entered my life when I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt and had found that quite acceptable. He’d even kept that chili-stained t-shirt, for goodness sakes! I quickly went to my t-shirt drawer and pulled out one of the shirts he had given to me for Christmas.
“At least I’ll be comfortable,” I told myself, and laid the shirt on the dresser. A pair of jeans and my sneakers would complete the outfit. As much as I wanted to be normal Grace, instead of Grace the Freak, it didn’t seem right that I start out the New Year dressed as someone else.
***
After a simple dinner of soup and cold turkey sandwiches, I felt the need to take a nap. I woke up a few minutes before ten, and rushed to take a shower. I threw my clothes on with very little care and felt very thankful indeed that I had decided on dressing normally. It had taken nearly an hour to get dressed for the wedding, and that had been with Janice’s help..
Grabbing a jacket from my closet, I went to the window to wait for my “ride”; I leaned out and saw that Graham’s car was gone, which meant he was already at Lark and Robert’s house. What would he think when Lark stepped away for a while and left him alone with Stacy?
He’ll think I’m being cruel and horribly unusual.
The hand that held onto my shoulder with a vise-like grip was the only thing that kept me from toppling out onto the walkway beneath me. The thought in my head had been just as startling as it would have had I heard it through my ears.
“Don’t do that!” I hissed, more embarrassed than frightened, although my heartbeat argued to the contrary. “I cannot believe you invited Graham over tonight and then left him alone with Stacy. Do you think they’ll be alive when you get back?”
She shrugged her shoulders and winked. “One of them will.”
I shook my head and then looked at her more carefully. “How did you get in here?”
She pointed behind her and I saw my open door. “I came in through the door. What? Was I supposed to climb through your window, Rapunzel?”
My jaw lowered in surprise. “I thought you’d…you know, mist in or something. Like Robert does.”
She rolled her eyes at me, the movement oddly graceful. “Please. Tonight is the one night in the year when everyone will be looking at the sky; I came on foot. Thank goodness you’re wearing jeans and not a dress like my idiot brother wanted. He’s such a guy.”
I giggled at that little jab at her brother. As angelic as he might be, as dark as he might be, it was true. “Well, even if I had wanted to, I couldn’t have worn the dress. It’s completely ruined.”
Lark looked at me quizzically and nodded her head. Her eyes flicked over to the closet, where the dress was hanging up, and sighed in disappointment. It was a beautiful dress. Robert didn’t tell you, but I helped him pick it out. He wasn’t sure about the color, or the cut, but he knew you’d look good in green. Like I said, he’s such a guy. He’s got impeccable taste in jewelry, but clothes? Uh-uh. He should stick to dressing himself. That’s his forte.
I smiled at that, relieved that he hadn’t chosen the items himself, especially the corset that had sent up warning flags of disapproval in Janice.
Yeah, I told him that would be a mistake. He said I needed to get everything you’d need for a dress like that, and it didn’t matter what, as long as it made you feel beautiful.
The flush that spread across my face, accompanied by the wistful smile that grew on my lips spoke more than mere words could have that I felt beautiful because of Robert, and not because of some expensive piece of clothing, or jewelry. He saw me in a way that no one else ever had. To be thought of as beautiful—by someone who was far more beautiful than was humanly possible—was an incredible and heady feeling. To know that it wasn’t something he was saying because he wanted something from me made it my own little miracle.
Well, let’s go, shall we? I can only leave Graham and Stacy alone for so long before I fear they’ll destroy my house.
I walked over to the window and waited for her to follow me. Didn’t you hear me? Everyone and their grandmother will be looking up at the sky tonight. Even with mist surrounding us, we’d still be highly conspicuous. We’re going on foot tonight.
She grabbed my hand and yanked me onto her back. Hold on very tightly. I will be moving very quickly. Keep your eyes closed, and don’t make a sound.
I nodded my head and wrapped my legs around her waist. She held my arms around her neck and before I had a chance to blink, we were outside of my house.
“Holy-”
I said don’t make a sound. The thought came like a hiss in my head, and I cringed at the slight and unexpected sting that the sound caused in my mind. It was a familiar pain, but that did little to comfort me when I couldn’t even rub my head to make the pain go away.
I’m sorry. I just don’t like this method of traveling. It’s far too primitive, and I’m not very good at it. I’ll try not to get you scratched by anything, but please, no more talking.
I nodded my head once again, wincing as I braced myself for the thought-lashing I feared I’d get just for moving. Instead, I felt her body shake with laughter. She started moving again, and I did everything she told me to do, keeping my eyes closed until she told me it was time to let go.
Only then did I realize how sore my face was, or how my hair didn’t seem to move when I moved my head. I raised my hand to the top of my head and gasped. “What happened to my hair?”
The wind had whipped my hair up into a massive mound of tangles and debris, leaves and dirt were caked between the strands. Now I know what the front end of a car felt like while traveling down the freeway. “Are there bugs in my hair?” I asked frantically, my hands weaving through the tangles, pulling and yanking at the knots, hoping that nothing that fell out had more legs than I did.
Lark’s laughter echoed around me, and she doubled over from the force of it, my obvious discomfort and disheveled appearance being quite amusing to her. “You look so ridiculous right now.”
Using my fingers, I tried desperately to comb my hair in hopes that it’d be somewhat presentable by the time Robert arrived.
“Oh cut it out, Grace. He won’t care if you look like a Princess or a matted sheep dog. He only cares that you’re safe, which you are, thanks to me. And now, I
have to get back to my house before Graham starts to wonder where I’m at.” Lark held her hand out to my hair and touched it lightly, dirt and leaves falling down around me. “There, all fixed. Now, Robert said he’d be here as soon as he could. Have a great time, and I’ll see you next year.”
I didn’t have enough time to get a thank-you out before she was gone.
I turned around to look at the empty gazebo, the floor covered in leaves and slush. There was nowhere to sit in the gazebo, so I leaned against the railing and waited in the cold.
The jacket I had chosen to wear had no lining and I instantly regretted grabbing it while I watched with growing distress as tiny white specks started to fall from the sky.
“Just great,” I muttered, tucking my hands underneath my armpits, and silently wishing that I had remembered to grab some gloves. The weather was turning bitter, the wind whipping up in angry howls with each passing minute, and I knew that it wouldn’t be long before the sprinkling of snow turned into an all out downpour of white.
“Where are you, Robert?” I asked out loud, knowing that no one was going to answer me, but needing to hear a sound other than the whistling of the wind through the branches, and the pattering of falling twigs and leaves as they landed on the roof of the gazebo.
The chill in the air turned my breath into white puffs of vapor, and my teeth began to click against each other as I fought the chattering that threatened to turn my entire body into a human jackhammer.
I knew midnight had come and gone by the colorful spangles and bursts of light in the sky that announced the end of one year, and the beginning of another. I felt my heart sink into my sneakers as the colors began to fade, the loud crackling and popping dwindled, and the smell of gunpowder finally drifted away while only the clean smell of snow and green remained.
“Well, there goes that idea,” I muttered to myself, and slowly eased my frigid bones into motion. The lights that usually kept the gravel parking lot lit had not had their bulbs replaced since that last night I had been here alone nearly a month ago.