She hadn’t told me outright, but when she’d called, she had hinted that he could use the help. I remained silent though.
When he figured out I wasn’t going to respond, a venomous snigger slipped between his lips. “She did, didn’t she? You’re so fucking pitiful. Poor little fucked up Raven, went from trading sex for love, to trying to buy love.”
I was stunned at his words but couldn’t even be mad. He was half right. I noticed he didn’t give the check back though.
“First, Fuck you, Lennox. Second, you’re right, I am fucked up. So fucked up I forgot what an asshole you always were. Thank you for reminding me. But let me correct you on that last part of what you said. I don’t want nor need your love. I’m not the old Raven. Yes, I relapsed and acted like her, but I’m sober now. So again. Fuck you. Third, what am I supposed to apologize for, Lennox? I’ve done absolutely nothing to you. But if you need to hear it— I'm sorry. Does that make you feel better?”
I could tell by his facial expression it didn't. And I no longer cared. I didn’t wait for him to answer. The words continued to flow from me, I had ten years’ worth of shit to get off my chest.
“I’m sorry you’re bitter because your life didn’t turn out the way you think you deserve. I’m sorry you were injured, but neither of those things had anything to do with me. I appreciate that you saved me, but we’re even. Get married to that mean-spirited bitch. Live happily-fucking-ever-after and forget I ever existed because I will forget you ever existed like I should have done years ago.”
I already had to live with the weight of what happened to me as a child. I didn’t need Lennox adding to it. Nope, I was done.
He scowled. “So you think it’s this easy? Think imma let you go again?”
I laughed at that. It really was that easy. “You have no choice, Lennox.”
Before he could go on another tirade, I opened the front door, slid inside, and slammed it in his face like it was my house and not his momma’s. Then, I made my way upstairs, grabbed my tablet out of my suitcase and messaged Erick on Facebook.
I should have listened- Raven
Erick was going to kill me when he got there. He had explicitly told me to wait until his shift was over before going to Mrs. D’s house to find my missing necklace, but minutes seemed to tick by like hours while I waited. Not feeling the weight of it around my neck was unraveling me. I got impatient. I’d figured I’d just slip in and slip out after I found it. I suspected it had come off during the incident with Lennox.
When I pulled up the yard was full of cars. I’d forgotten about Mrs. D’s welcome home party. I fought against the urge to leave. I hated crowds, parties and strange people. But I also knew there was a chance if I waited, I would never see my momma’s necklace again. That was enough motivation to get out of the car. I made my way to the door and let myself in. There were at least fifty people lounging around. I felt like everyone was staring at me as I made my way through the crowd. I made my way upstairs and found out an ugly truth when I almost walked in on a conversation Lennox mother was having with Jasmine.
“He didn’t leave me a damn thing, even after I took care of her and kept fucking him after he left me .
I even kept his secret after he drowned that gray-eyed tar baby. So as far as I’m concerned, she owed me everything she paid for. And she owes Lennox that money she gave him. But his stupid-ass thinks he still loves her and is talking about giving her the check back. You better find out a way to stop him. Your ass gonna be on the street too if he does. No more designer clothes and five hundred-dollar weaves. I don’t even like you, so you damn sure can’t stay I my house.”
“What am I supposed to do about it? Lennox doesn’t listen to me.”
That was the last thing I heard. I recoiled away from the vitriol Lennox’s momma was spitting about me and my mother. She had known all this time what Robert had done to my momma? And had said nothing? I didn’t know how to cope with that. My anxiety kicked in. My head pounded; the loud music blurred. I ran to the bathroom and locked myself in away. I put my head in between my legs to try to stave off hyperventilating. I texted Eric back-to-back on the new phone he’d bought me. I needed him to come get me before I lost my mind again. When he finally texted me back saying that he was on his way, I closed my eyes and tried to make my mind go blank.
Banging at the door startled me, but not enough to get me to move or respond. I covered my ears and closed my eyes tighter. Someone twisted the knob on the door and my anxiety ranked up, triggering the scene from the night my momma had been drowned. Again, the gurgling and begging took over my mind and pushed to the forefront. I rocked back and forth and didn’t stop until I heard Erick’s voice call for me. That was all it took for the fog to clear and my heart rate to slow. On shaky legs I got up splashed water on my face. I avoided looking at the mirror, scared to see myself.
“Your conniving ass manipulates her, Lennox, always have. And she takes it because you have something you’re holding over her or because she doesn’t know any better. Either way, it ends today.”
“It’s none of your business.”
I peeked out the bathroom door to see Lennox and Erick facing off.
“The fuck it isn’t. I’m the one who’s been there for her while you were nursing your bruised ego and fucking Jasmine.”
Lennox sniggered. “So that’s it. You’re jealous, because I took your wife.”
Erick shook his head and chuckled. “I don’t give a fuck about Jasmine. Haven’t since the night you gave me Raven.”
“So why did you marry her?”
“I married her because she lied. She’s a manipulative liar like you. It’s ironic that you and she will end up stuck with each other. Poetic fucking justice.”
At that moment, I left the bathroom. I turned the corner, hoping neither saw me. I knew if I jumped in the middle of them, it would only escalate the situation. It was just my luck I ran smack dab into Jasmine. She bounced off my thick frame. I caught her blouse to keep her from falling and it ripped. She knocked my hand away and scowled at me.
“Why are you still here?” A snake like hiss slipped from between her thin red painted lips.
“I’m leaving,” I replied, though I wanted to take all my pent-up aggression out on her pretty little face.
She stepped in front of me, blocking me from access to the stairs. I guess she’d heard everything that had been said. Instead of taking it out on Erick or Lennox, she decided she’d pick a fight with me.
Jasmine snapped, “You ruin every-fucking-thing. You should have stayed the fuck away.”
She was right. I should have, so there was nothing more to discuss. I side stepped her, trying again to leave. She stepped in front of me “I know that it was you that was fucking Erick when we were married.” She sneered at me, like I gave a fuck that she knew. “I knew it was you that told Robert I was sneaking out to see Lennox, Bitch. We’re even.” I countered. Her face fell. I guess she didn’t like what I said because she grabbed for me, I stepped back. Her forearm slammed into the wall, hard. Her face twisted as she cried out.
Suddenly, EB and Lennox were behind us.
“What the fuck happened?” barked Lennox. His head pivoted between me and Jasmine.
“She hit me. I told her I’m pregnant and she hit me.” She was so hysterical, the lie sounded convincing to even me.
Before I could refute her, Lennox snatched me up and then slammed me against the wall. All the air left my lungs. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t scream. I was too stunned to do either. But Jasmine screamed, screamed so loud I thought she had been assaulted and manhandled as well. I couldn't believe he hit me.
Out of my peripheral I saw Erick charge Lennox. He shoved him away from me. Erick punched Lennox so hard I heard the bones of his knuckles connect with the bones of Lennox’s jaw . I had crumpled to the ground by the time Mrs. D and a few of Lennox’s cousins made it upstairs.
A few men jumped in and tore them apart.
�
�What the fuck is going on in my house?” Mrs. D looked like she was ready to have another stroke.
I wished she would. It took everything in me not to blurt out what I’d heard, but I knew if I did that might end up with Lennox and I both in prison. I was going to leave that alone, for now.
Erick was yelling, raging. “He put his fucking hands on her.”
Mrs. D head snatched around so quick I was sure she had whiplash. She glared at Lennox. “Why would you do that?” she asked her son.
“She hit Jasmine knowing she is pregnant.”
I finally found my voice. “I didn’t hit her.”
All eyes went to Jasmine. “I didn’t say she hit me.” She looked away guilty.
“The fuck you didn’t,” Erick barked at her.
She cowered.
Mrs. D shook her head
Instead of checking Jasmine for lying. Lennox was still glaring at me. I had a feeling his anger had more to do with Erick being there.
Lennox mother broke the silence. “Why would you do that, Jasmine?”
I knew the only reason she was even mad was because she was afraid. Afraid I’d take the check I’d given to Lennox back, but fuck that check. They could have it. I gave him that money for my own reason, not because she’d told me some sob story.
“I’m sorry,” she squeaked out as she ran off with her head down.
With her attention back on me, Lennox’s mother tried to sound sincere when she said, “See, Raven, it wasn’t his fault, baby. It was Jasmine’s. He didn’t mean it.” She pleaded for me to understand.
I understood alright, her motivation was money.
That set Erick off. Before I could say anything, he did. “No wonder your son’s the fucking way he is. He meant to put his hands on her. You raised a fuckboy.”
“Now you listen—” Momma D went to defend against his words but closed her mouth soon as Erick easily snatched away from the men holding him and got right up in her face. She looked terrified.
“You’re fucking trash, lady.” He looked like he was actually considering hitting her.
That set Lennox off. “What the fuck did you say to my momma?” He tried to break free but couldn’t now tht the men who had been holding Erick was helping to hold him.
Erick shook his head before turning his attention to me. He helped me to my feet. The look of disgust in his eyes directed at me made me want to cry so bad. I’d fucked up. He had told me to wait for him and I hadn’t listened. Again, he had to come save me from my fucked-up decision.
“I’m putting you on a plane, Raven. This shit ends tonight,” he said.
Putting a protective arm around me, he pushed his way through the crowd of people who’d gathered around to watch the show. I was so embarrassed I wanted to die for just a short while. I kept my head buried in his chest. He helped me into the car and buckled my seatbelt. Then said nothing as he drove me directly to the airport.
When we pulled up into short term parking his tight grip on the steering wheel loosened. “Are you done now, Raven?” He didn’t even look at me when he spoke.
He was mad and I understood why, but I wanted to explain myself.
“I only went, because—”
“No, I didn’t ask you why you went,” he yelled and banged at the steering wheel.
I jumped, startled. EB didn’t yell, not at me. I’d really fucked up. He found his composure after running his hand down the nape of his neck. He lowered his voice before continuing.
“Don’t you understand that whole situation back there could have turned out a lot differently? You were inches away from a set of stairs when he charged you. You could have fallen and broken your fucking neck. I could be going to jail. Do you know how much restraint it took for me not to shoot that mother fucker in his black-ass heart after he put his hands on you? Everything I am, everything I built could have gone down the fucking drain. Still could. I drove all the way here, trying to figure out the best way to kill that bitch and not end up in prison. You got me so fucking twisted I’m out here wanting to kill people for you again, Raven.”
He sighed and dropped his head. “That bitch made nigga ignored you for ten years. Ten, that’s the same number of years I’ve been begging you to let me love you, to love your fucking self and you still haven’t learned. So, no buts. No explanations. Answer the fucking question. I asked you are you fucking done?” He finally turned in his seat to face me.
There was so much hurt swimming in his eyes. The fact that I had caused it, hurt me. I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. His face softened when he saw them trailing down my cheeks, but he didn’t back off.
“Are you done? Because if you’re not I can drive you back to that house and leave you to wallow in your misery forever.”
This time I knew better than to do anything but answer him.
“Yes,” I whispered softly.
“Okay! I hope you mean it. I’m officially done watching you hurt yourself. You should think about talking to somebody, who can help you,” he responded then turned away, reached behind his seat and pulled my purse out and placed it in my lap. “You have a ticket waiting for you. Your plane leaves in two hours. I’m going to ship your stuff home; I’ll even go get your necklace, because I know how much it means to you. I love you, but get out of my truck, like now.”
My world tilted. I cried harder. I wanted to beg him to forgive me. But I didn’t. I was going to listen for once. Grabbing hold of my purse, I pushed open the door and got out of his truck. I heard my own heart break as I did.
Earth to Raven- Raven
I snatched my head in the direction of my sister’s voice. She was standing behind me. Even though she was six years older than me, she looked like a mirror image. Aside from her lighter skin and her curly bush of Dominican girl hair, we looked like twins. We both even wore a size sixteen, except three children and a doting husband had widened her hips and ass a bit.
“Yes?”
“Are you ok? You've been sitting there looking off into space for like an hour,” she said.
“Yes, I was watching the movie,” I said.
She’d come over to cheer me up. I hadn’t been doing anything other than lounging around since I’d left Florida the week before.
She cocked her head to the right. “The movie has been off for more than ten minutes. You didn’t even notice when I got up and told you I was going to the bathroom. Like, you didn’t even freak out and tell me not to use your bathroom or nothing. Something is definitely wrong.”
That got my attention. “Did you use my bathroom?”
I had a thing about other people using my personal bathroom. I didn’t know why, but just the thought of somebody else’s bare ass where I put mine freaked me out, along with street clothes in the bed, shoes on my carpet, clean towels hanging in the bathroom, and the list goes on.
“No, I would never, not after I almost had to beat your ass the last time,”
“Oh, that’s good,” I deadpanned.
From the corner of my eye I saw her frowning. “Any other time you would have laughed at that and said something like, you wish your old ass could beat my ass. Instead I get that dry-ass response. What’s really going on Raven? You’ve been back a week and you’re acting strange as hell. What the fuck happened down there?”
“Nothing. I’m fine.” The lie didn’t even sound convincing to my own ears, which was why I was surprised when she sucked her teeth.
“Nothing. EB told that same lie when I talked to him last night and this morning.”
I perked up, I whipped so fast in my seat to face her my head swam. “You talked to Erick?”
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I? You know he calls Gabe every day,” she said referring to her son.
Erick had become godfather to my niece and nephew. .
That confirmed my worst fears. He wasn’t talking to me. I had called him at least a hundred times since he’d dropped me off at the airport and he had never once called me back.
“Cal
l him,” I said.
Her frown deepened. “Why?”
“Please, Sasha. Just call him.”
Her brow lifted towards her hairline, but she agreed without asking any of the questions I knew she had. She walked over to the coffee table picked up her phone and dialed the number and put it on speaker phone, as soon as it started ringing, I snatched it from her hand.
She cut her eyes at me. “What in the hell, Raven?”
“Shhh,” I shushed her.
Erick answered, “Hey, big sister.”
“Erick!”
That’s all I got to say before I heard the beep indicating that he’d hung up on me. Enraged, I reared back and threw the phone against the wall, forgetting it wasn’t mine. He was purposely ignoring me. He never ignored me. Even when I was at my worse.
He doesn't love me anymore. I had finally done it. I’d finally pushed him away. The realization drained all the energy from me. My heart was tired.
“What is wrong with you, Raven?” Sasha yelled.
She never yelled. Only when she was scared. When she was mad, she got really quiet. So, I knew she wasn’t mad about her phone.
Knowing that she was scared should have been enough to change the direction I was about to head in. I was unfazed by the possibilities of what would happen after I finished talking, I spilled my guts.
“You ever want to dig a fucking hole and bury yourself in it?”
For a half of a minute, she only stared at me. “I’m calling Daddy.” Her shaky voice confirmed that she was indeed scared.
So was I. Which was exactly why I was about to unburden myself.
“Don’t call Daddy. You don’t have a phone to call him anyway.” I laughed, it felt better than crying.
“This is not funny, Raven.”
Raven Page 6