“I was in over my head. It was too much for me to handle.”
“It was one mistake, niña. Everyone makes mistakes.”
She shook her head fiercely, wiping her eyes. “Not like that, they don’t. It was my fault. I put him down even though he was still crying. I knew he was sick but I put him down anyway.”
She shivered.
“I was there every day at the hospital. I would stay by his bed while Jacob was at work, just watching Max every moment, making sure it didn’t happen again, you know? I slept there every night on a little cot.”
Enzo shook his head.
“After a few days, he got better, and it was time for him to be released. I was so happy, so relieved. I was packing his little bag, gathering up this little bear I had bought him from the gift shop, when Jacob came in and told me to stop packing and sit down.”
She stared blindly out at the storm.
“He said that they weren’t coming home with me. That they were leaving.”
“Wait. He left you? Why?”
“He said that it was obviously too much for me. That he never should have dragged me into all of it to begin with. That he needed to know that Max was going to be safe. That I wasn’t meant to be a mother. I didn’t know what I was doing.”
Enzo looked incredulous. “That’s insane.”
She shook her head. “No. He was right. I was in over my head. It was too much for me. I wasn’t built to be a mom.”
“I’d say you were doing pretty well, all things considered.”
“No. No. Jacob did the right thing. He did it because he loved Max.”
“But you loved him, too.”
She shrugged. “That didn’t matter.” She rubbed her eyes and then wrapped her arms back around herself again. “I never saw Max again after that.”
He was quiet for a moment; then he walked over and squatted down next to her. “You know that none of that was your fault, don’t you?”
She stared down at her feet. “He was so sick.”
“Not your fault.”
“He was in the hospital for days.”
“Not your fault.”
“He almost died.”
“But he didn’t.”
She buried her head in her hands. “He wasn’t mine to begin with and I didn’t deserve him.”
He pulled her into his arms. “Ah, querida, it sounds like you deserved him more than anyone else in his life did.”
She sobbed then. Collapsed against his chest and shook with tears.
“In all these years, I’ve never forgotten him. I’ve thought of him every day. Wondered how he was doing. Prayed that he was okay. So when I saw Jacob at the opening…”
He held her closer. “I know, niña. I know.”
He kissed the top of her head. She looked up at him. “He looked good, though, right? He looked healthy, happy?”
Enzo nodded. “He is a beautiful little kid.”
She smiled through her tears. “He really is.” She sighed and laid her head back on Enzo’s chest. Her voice dropped low. “Jacob said…he said that he wants to try again. To be a family again.”
Enzo froze in her arms. “And what did you say?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know. It seems crazy, right? After all these years?” She took a deep, shuddering breath. “At first I thought maybe…he heard about my inheritance. But Jake was never like that. He wanted fame. He wanted to be able to make his art. But money never meant anything to him. I honestly don’t think it’s the money.”
“So what is it?”
She ducked her head, smiling shyly, still hardly able to believe what Jacob had said. “He…he said that Max needs a mother. That he’d made a huge mistake pushing me away. I mean, seeing Max again, hearing him call me Mama…” She swallowed, raising her eyes to Enzo’s. “It’s a second chance. A second chance to do it right this time. And I just don’t think…Enzo, I can’t turn that down.”
Enzo hissed as if she had burned him and tried to pull away from her. She clung to his arm.
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I know I shouldn’t be telling you any of this. It’s not fair to be talking to you. I know that things are complicated between us. But…I miss my best friend, Enzo. I need him now.”
She looked up at him. She reached to touch his face but he caught her hand in his grip halfway there.
“Querida.” His voice sounded choked. “I can’t be your friend.”
They locked gazes. His eyes were wild.
And then he reached down and kissed her.
Chapter Twenty-One
He knew he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t help himself. The agony of having her so close, the realization that he was going to lose her for good…He crushed her body to his, searing himself on her lips, pushing her down into the sand.
She groaned and twisted under him, running her hands down his body and feverishly kissing him back. The storm picked up and the rain started to fall even harder. Thunder crashed, a bolt of lightning lit up the air, and he pulled back just in time to see her beautiful, tear-stained face, her onyx eyes glittering.
“Don’t stop,” she whispered. “I want this. Right now, I want this.”
His breath caught in response. The thunder crashed again as he renewed his charge, yanking off her wet clothes as she pulled at his. Then they were naked, trembling together in the cold sand as he rained kisses down on her, licking and biting and touching every part of her body that he could reach, and she frantically did the same, raking her nails down his back, biting at the hollow of his throat, and then gasping as he pushed himself between her legs and slid into her.
He groaned and shuddered in pleasure as she moved beneath him, arching her hips to bring him in deeper. Being inside her was red-hot ecstasy. He felt engulfed by her. He could see nothing, smell nothing, hear, taste, feel nothing but Antonia.
He buried himself in her again and again, didn’t even try to hold himself back. He wanted her. He wanted all of her. And she took him, again and again, but underneath the blissful feeling of her body connecting to his, he felt a throbbing, frenzied panic.
He was losing her.
Her hips whipped against him in a delirious tattoo, and he could feel her muscles pulsing around him as she reached her crest and tumbled over the edge, crying out her pleasure. Her peak brought on his own, and he pulled out just in time, aware of the fact that they hadn’t used protection. Fire raced through him. He felt her shudder under him, feeling, as one last spasm shook him, a twist of agonizing sorrow.
They breathed in unison as she lay under him, her arms still clenched around his back, her legs twined in his, her bare skin pressed to his bare skin. For a moment, he fooled himself, thinking, surely she would not let go.
But then all his fears were confirmed when she bent her head to his shoulder and wept like a woman who had lost something that she knew she would never have again.
Chapter Twenty-Two
The morning after the storm was bright and beautiful. The world looked washed clean. The ocean breeze felt cool against her cheek as Noni climbed out of her truck and squinted, searching out the room numbers on the motel doors.
Her mother was crashing with an old friend in Sag Harbor and going back to the city later that afternoon, but Jacob and Max were staying at this motel in Southampton. He’d given her the address the day before.
She found the room number she was looking for but paused a moment, her heart in her throat. She still ached, body and soul, from her time with Enzo. They had stayed twined together in the sand until night fell, the dark all the more relentless because the storm refused to let up. They were shivering with cold, silent, with nothing left to say, but neither of them could seem to make the first move to disconnect.
It was El Rey who finally decided for them. The big horse got sick of waiting and suddenly broke his tether. They leaped up to catch him, and Enzo managed to grab hold of his bridle before the pony could bolt into the night.
He had turned back
to Noni then. “I have to get him in.” His voice was filled with anguish.
She nodded, wordless, and then walked over to him and gave him one last kiss before turning to go.
She didn’t look back. She couldn’t…
She took a deep breath and knocked on the motel door.
Jacob answered, his sandy hair mussed, wearing just a T-shirt and boxers and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.
He looked good, thought Noni. He was still lean, with incredibly muscular arms from all the metalwork he did. He had a few new laugh lines around his eyes and she couldn’t decide if she liked the beard, but overall, the years had been easy on him. There was no doubt that he was still a very attractive man.
When he saw her standing there, he broke into a huge grin. “Antonia,” he breathed. “I knew you’d come.” He took her into his arms.
She bit her lip and briefly hugged him back but then stepped away.
“We have a lot to talk about,” she began, but then, from inside the room, came Max’s little voice.
“Daddy?”
“Hang on, little man,” answered Jacob without turning around.
“But, Daddy, I peed.”
“Yes, sure, okay. Good job.”
“No, I mean, I peed in the bed.”
Jacob groaned, rubbing his hands over his face. “Okay, hang on, buddy. We’ll take care of it.”
And just like that, Noni followed him in, picking up pretty much where she had left off all those years before.
* * *
Enzo sat at the little table in his apartment, staring at his phone. Finally, he palmed it, flipped it over, and dialed London.
He’d already called Mark the night before and told him he would sign on as piloto of his new team if the job was still open. The young billionaire had been delighted and wanted to start making plans right away, chattering about the horses he’d bought and the new polo field he’d installed on his property, but Enzo had made a strained excuse, promising to come over the next day and ending the conversation as quickly as he could.
He listened to the phone ring, still not sure just how he would say what he needed to say.
“Enzo. ¿Que pasa, amigo? Everything going okay?” Alejandro sounded relaxed and happy.
Enzo could hear the sound of a crowd in the background. “Todos bien, Jandro. Are you at a match?”
“Sí. It’s hopeless, though. A bunch of fat Englishmen on expensive ponies. We should have gone to Argentina first. We’ll never find our fourth at this rate.”
Enzo frowned. And now you’ll have to find a piloto, too.
“Listen, Jandro, I have something to tell you…” He took a deep breath and decided to just say it. “Mark Stone has offered me a job as piloto for his new team, and I feel it’s an opportunity I just can’t pass up.”
“What? Mark Stone? I don’t understand. What are you talking about?” Alejandro sounded shocked.
“I’m going to start right away. I’m sorry.”
“Right away? But can’t this wait until end of the summer at least?”
Enzo shook his head. “I know I’m leaving you short-handed. But please know that this simply can’t wait.”
“How much is Stone paying you? We’ll match his salary.”
“It’s not about the money, Jandro.”
Alejandro sounded bewildered. “If it’s not the money, why would you do this, Enzo? I thought you were happy with us? Are we not compañeros?”
For a moment, Enzo had considered telling him the truth—after all, Alejandro was not just his boss; he was also his friend. But then he decided that Noni deserved her privacy. She could tell her family what had happened only if and when she wanted to.
“Believe me, amigo, it’s complicated, but I would not be leaving if I did not absolutely have to. That’s all I can say.”
Alejandro was silent for a moment and then he said softly, “Okay. Bien. I am very sorry to hear this news.”
They discussed hiring a temporary worker to replace him while the Del Campos were away, but Alejandro decided that Noni could handle things until he or Sebastian could make it back.
“I’ll go to the barn this morning and let the grooms know what’s going on. Make sure everything is in order before I leave,” said Enzo.
Enzo heard Alejandro sigh. “I hope you will be happy in your new job, amigo. You know I wish you only the best.”
“Gracias. And thank you for everything. I mean that, mi hermano.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Watching Max play on the beach, hearing him giggle and run from the shallow incoming waves, watching his sturdy little figure jump and splash in the water, seeing the sun glint in his red-gold curls absolutely mesmerized Noni. She felt greedy. Like she had been starving and someone had just laid out a feast in front of her. He was so beautiful. And happy. She hadn’t even realized just how much she had missed him, just how sharp that ache still was, until she had him in her sights again.
Jacob sat beside her on a towel in the sand, almost close enough to touch her. She darted a glance over at him. He was watching Max with his brow slightly knit, looking almost worried, but then he seemed to sense her gaze and looked over at her and smiled.
She bit her lip. He’d always had the warmest smile. And when he truly turned his attention on her, he had a way of making her feel alternately thrilled and overwhelmed, as if she were staring straight into the sun.
“This is kind of amazing, right?” he said. “I mean, me, you, Max…Doesn’t this feel right, somehow?”
She looked down, unable to maintain eye contact. “I don’t know quite what it feels like yet,” she admitted, glancing back up at him. “But I’m happy to see Max so happy.”
He nodded, looking back at his son. “He does seem happy, doesn’t he?” He sighed. “It’s been a while.”
She cocked her head. “What do you mean?”
“Just—” His phone rang, interrupting him. He dug it out of his pocket, glanced at it, and then stood up. “Hey, I’m so sorry. I have to take this. Can you keep your eyes on Max?” Without waiting for her answer, he put the phone to his ear and walked briskly away from her.
Noni blinked, then looked back at Max, who suddenly seemed a little too far into the waves. The water was almost to his knees. Noni stood up.
“Max?” she called, hurrying toward him, thinking about riptides and jellyfish, mentally running through what she knew about mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. “Max, you want to come out of the water for a minute and look for some shells with me?”
The boy looked up at her, the sunlight flashing on the lenses of his glasses. “Okay,” he said solemnly. Then he put his little hand into hers. It was damp and cold from the sea, but Noni was suddenly flooded with happiness. She had to stop herself from laughing out loud.
They walked along the water line together, stopping now and then to pick up little treasures they found in the sand.
“I like this beach,” announced Max after they found an almost intact sand dollar. “It’s better than the one in Spain. The one in Spain had sharp little rocks that hurt my feet. Sand is better.”
Noni nodded. “I agree. When were you in Spain?”
Max shrugged. “Last summer. We go every summer. This is the first summer we won’t go, Dad says.”
Noni raised her eyebrows. “Why not this summer?”
Before he could answer, Jacob came jogging up to them, a big smile on his face. “You guys were way down here! I had to run to catch up!”
Max smiled at his dad and rushed over to show him the handful of shells and pebbles he had found. Jacob squatted down next to him and gravely poked through the treasures, admiring each one in turn.
“Hey, kiddo,” said Jacob, “I’ve got an idea. Why don’t we make a sand castle and we can use all these rocks to decorate it?”
Max nodded excitedly in agreement.
“Okay, you start digging the moat, and I’m just going to talk to Noni for a second over here, okay? We’ll be right ba
ck to help.” He looked over at Noni. “You mind?” he said quietly. “Something’s come up.”
She followed him a bit up the beach, out of earshot from Max.
“I need a favor,” he said. “That was my agent on the phone.”
“Oh?”
“Yes, and it was great news. The Berlinische Galerie just had a guy drop out of their emerging artist showcase, and they want to bring some of my pieces in instead.”
She smiled, thrilled. The Berlinische Galerie was top tier. “Oh, wow, Jake, that’s huge! Congratulations!”
He nodded. “I know. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime thing, right? But the catch is, it’s very last minute, and they want me there right away. Like, tomorrow basically.”
She felt her smile dim. “So…you and Max are leaving?”
“Well, that’s the favor. This is such a big deal, Noni. I know you understand what it means to be asked to participate in something like this. I know this might be a huge imposition, but I really can’t take Max with me. I’m going to be working night and day. I don’t have proper child care lined up, and I just thought…maybe he could stay here with you?”
Noni blinked. “Leave him here? With me?”
“It would only be a couple of weeks.”
“Weeks?” she croaked.
“I mean, this would be a chance for you guys to really get to know each other again, right?”
She shook her head. She suddenly felt panicky. “I don’t think…I mean, I can’t take care of him, Jacob.”
He touched her arm. “Hey, there is no one I would trust to take care of him like I trust you to, Noni.”
“But—”
“You’re great with him. He loves you. You guys will have a blast.”
“He hardly—”
He stepped closer and his voice dropped. “Noni, I know it’s a lot to ask. I know it is. But it’s the Berlinische. This could make my career. I might not ever have this chance again.”
She looked at him. His eyes were pleading. She looked back at Max, who was intently digging a trench with a stick he’d found. His little shoulders were hunched over and the seat of his swimsuit was covered in wet sand. She smiled in spite of herself.
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