by Zoey Ellis
I’mya rubbed her forehead and put the thoughts aside for now. She had time to think about it all—she wasn’t going to be visiting him again for a while.
When I’mya returned to the sleeping lounge, her group was waiting for her by the wall of her nook. She offered them a weak smile as she approached and began to climb up.
“Don’t you dare walk past us,” Syb exclaimed, looking up at her. “We agreed that whoever went first would give the rest of us feedback.”
“I’m tired,” I’mya explained. “I don’t have the energy right now.” And even if she did, what would she say? She couldn’t tell these girls everything she’d been through. Not when it was so humiliating and… intimately private.
“You can’t let us down like that, I’mya,” Syb said sternly. “You’re the only one who can prepare us.”
I’mya released a low chuckle, turning back to her. “I can tell you that Tvesha was correct. No one can prepare you for that.”
“You are the only kon’aya who has ever spent the entire night with him,” Tiiu said, watching her carefully. “Why is that?”
I’mya raised her brows. “How do you know that?”
“The other girls told us,” Nureen said. “No one else has been in there for the whole night.” Her expression was a blend of worry, shock, and nervousness. “Not a single kon’aya remembers that ever happening before. You have to tell us why. You have to help prepare us for a whole night of him.”
Elora held up her hand to the other girls. “Let’s give her some time to rest,” she said gently to the others. “If he has never spent a whole night with a kon’aya before, then she has likely experienced something that no one else in this lair has—she can’t be expected to report back when she’s barely had a night sleep.”
Tiiu’s gaze dropped and she nodded in agreement, as did Nureen. Syb watched I’mya carefully before dipping her head in a sharp nod and heading toward her bed.
“Thank you,” I’mya mouthed to Elora with relief.
Elora nodded. “Have a good sleep,” she said wistfully. “There will be plenty of questions for you when you wake.”
When I’mya woke again, it was coming up to midday. She scooted to the edge of her nook. The sleeping lounge was mostly empty, with only a few people in the space fixing bedsheets.
“You’re awake?”
I’mya glanced over to Elora’s nook. “Yes, finally.” She laughed nervously. “Were you waiting for me?”
“Honestly? Yes. I have to admit, I’m as curious as everyone else.”
I’mya shook her head as she sat with her legs dangling out of the nook. She wasn’t as sore between the legs as she had been that morning, and she silently thanked Dayatha for her potion. “I can’t explain it,” she said. “It’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. I wouldn’t know how to prepare anyone.”
“You can’t explain it at all?” Elora asked, disappointment in her tone.
“Only because it was so different to anything I’ve experienced before,” I’mya explained. “He is a… monster.”
Elora’s eyes widened to frightening proportions. “A monster?”
I’mya nodded. “I was in a lot of pain throughout the whole thing, and yet he also made me feel…”
“Pleasure?”
I’mya nodded, almost scared to admit it. “And not just pleasure, but…” She struggled to find the right words. “It was as if my body needed what he gave me—like he knew what I needed more than I did.” And she had been very needy.
Elora nodded, chewing on her lip as she thought. “That’s not really surprising, especially if you’re an omega. And if you haven’t had sex before—or that kind of sex—then it makes sense, I suppose.”
“Have you?”
Elora shook her head. “I was lucky enough not to need to sell my virginity or seek an omega shelter.”
“An omega shelter isn’t that much different from this though, isn’t it?” I’mya asked, remembering one of the conversations from her memories.
“It’s very different,” Elora said, her brows shooting up. “In an omega shelter there isn’t this much luxury or sense of community or all of these activities that we can do if we want. And at least it’s only one man we’re required to serve here. In an omega shelter you have to serve many, and then bear the resulting children, regardless if you want to or not.”
“But it is a form of safety, isn’t it?” I’mya asked, wondering about I’yala. There was no indication in her memories of how long ago that little girl was with her. What if she was grown up now? What if she was an omega?
“It is barely living,” Elora muttered. “I’d prefer being on my own or in a well-formed faction than in a place like that. It is also targeted, you know. The Southern soldiers know that there will always be men near an omega shelter.” She shook her head. “Omegas always end up in the middle of everything.”
I’mya looked over at Elora for a long moment and decided to take a risk. “Do you think you could tell me more about the North? I can’t remember much about anything before I came here.”
Elora pursed her lips as she looked at her. “Maybe you blocked it out.”
“I don’t think it’s that. I didn’t even remember my name when I first woke up.”
Elora frowned at her. “You lost your memory?”
I’mya nodded.
“How?”
“I don’t know.”
Elora peered at her for a long moment.
“I don’t think Dayatha was involved,” I’mya added. “I just woke up here.”
Elora relaxed. “Well, if you can’t remember, that’s probably a good thing,” she muttered darkly. “Is that why you were unconscious that first day?”
“One of the reasons. I-I thought I’d been kidnapped.”
Surprisingly, Elora didn’t laugh. “I can see how it might seem like that,” she said thoughtfully.
“I just want to understand how I came to be here.”
Elora swung out onto the wall and climbed over to I’mya’s nook.
“What are you doing?” I’mya asked, as Elora pushed past her and crawled into her nook.
“It’s easier to talk privately if we are closer,” she said, then settled cross-legged at the end of the nook in front of the ledge. “What exactly do you remember about the North—before you came here?”
“Just snippets of conversation and places I’ve been,” I’mya said, fixing herself sideways and resting her feet on the wall.
“Do you know what the Twin Realms are?”
When I’mya shook her head, Elora’s brows raised. “What do you know?”
“I know what the dragorai are, but they are more of a feeling than a memory,” I’mya replied. “I think I understand what magic is and how is works…” She thought back to the broken memories. “I remember a tower… and a city with destroyed buildings… but not much more than that.”
Elora was quiet for a long moment. “It’s definitely magic that is the cause of your memory loss.”
“Why do you say that?”
“You have no knowledge of anything, not even the background of our land and how it’s structured. That’s not normal. You should remember something concrete and its context. It is almost as if your memories have been completely wiped.”
“Could that be intentional?”
Elora shrugged. “Not necessarily. Magic is highly volatile. It causes many accidental injuries and problems. It’s the whole reason why the war is so dangerous for us all.”
“But how dangerous?” I’mya asked. “I’m trying to understand exactly what it was like.”
Elora remained still, then sighed heavily. “We are on one side of what we call the Twin Realms, which are two enormous sets of lands separated by the Forbidden Mountains and the Karyllean Ocean. We don’t really communicate or trade much with the other realm. I think it’s because they’re so far away that we can’t communicate with them, so we don’t know anything about them. Anyway, our realm is split into
two Dominions, North and South. The North is slightly bigger, colder, and is ruled by the king. The South is warmer and split into provinces and ruled by the queen.”
“And they are both at war?” I’mya interjected.
“Yes. No one knows exactly why, but there are lots of rumors as well as plenty of obvious reasons.”
“Like what?”
Elora shrugged. “Both are highly skilled in wielding magic. It is rumored they each want the secrets of the other. It is also rumored they were once lovers who turned against each other, or possibly siblings who are jealous of each other. Things like that. The king is an alpha, the queen is an omega, so they could also be fighting for the rights of their dynamic in the others’ land or even to overtake the others’ land….” Elora shrugged. “It really could be anything. The northern cities used to be vast and beautiful and wealthy, spread over the various lands in the North. They had their own names and personalities and trading specialties. But since the war has been raging for so long, they are all just called the North cities now. The queen attacks the cities every day, so no one knows if they will die in their sleep or wake up ripped apart. Disease is everywhere, and crime isn’t recognized unless it’s against the crown. The only way any of us survived is by sticking with the people we trusted, our families and friends, or creating alliances with people you trust. Different factions were created based on that. But… even then, there was a lot of betrayal and infighting. More recently, the factions started devolving into specific groups based on gender, dynamic, race, or beliefs. Many people died needlessly just from us fighting among ourselves…” Her voice faded away, unfocused eyes fixed somewhere in her memory and not on I’mya. After a long moment, she glanced at I’mya. “Do you know what ember is?”
I’mya shook her head.
“But you know what magic is, yes?”
I’mya nodded, but she wasn’t sure how to describe it. “It’s a type of energy in the air… I think.”
“Yes, is it a force that exists everywhere, but not in the same… space as us.” She wrinkled her nose. “No wait.” After a moment’s thought, Elora raised her arm and grabbed it with her hand. “See how I can touch my arm? We can’t touch magic like that, even though it’s more substantial and weightier than air.”
“Right,” I’mya agreed.
“So it’s there, but we usually cannot feel it or see it the way we feel and see physical things.”
I’mya nodded.
“But it can be invoked to cross over into our… space, so that we do feel it.”
“Through incantations?”
“Yes, although incantations are the most dangerous way,” Elora explained. “It can be invoked in other, safer ways.” She dropped her arm and got comfortable again. “Ember is the residue that remains when magic passes into our space and becomes tangible and then is used up.”
“Like when something burns?”
“Yes,” Elora said, pleased. “It’s like… ash. Magical ash. But it’s incredibly dangerous.”
“Why?”
Elora leaned back on the ledge behind her. “When someone invokes magic in a general sense, if they don’t know what they’re doing, they will end up leaving at least some kind of magical residue. It’s only the highest level casters who leave no residue at all. When the king and queen battle, they use magic and deliberately leave ember all over the place. Sometimes, they’ll detonate a magical bomb, and after the incantation or charm has done what it’s intended to do, there will be a massive cloud of ember that sprouts in the whole area. Sometimes it won’t happen until a day, a week, a month, or even a year after. No one knows when to expect it.”
“But why is it bad?” I’mya asked, thinking back to one of her memories. “What does it do?”
Elora leaned forward, pressing her elbows into her knees as she tried to think of a way to explain. “Even though it’s ash, it’s the remains of charged magic. The way it typically manifests is similar to really thick charcoal smoke. It moves very, very slowly, but it will penetrate anything it comes into contact with—buildings, stone, water, flesh… it is unstoppable. Anyone caught in it is ripped apart by its charge and remains alive while they float in pieces within it. It is well known that if you hear voices from within the ember, you do not talk to them. They are basically the dead who still think they can be saved, and they’re begging for help. But there is nothing you can do to help. Over time they end up going insane. Beside that,” Elora shrugged, “it’s magical residue. It’s unpredictable, and depending on what incantation it came from, it could have all kinds of additional consequences.”
“Whoa,” I’mya breathed, horrified by the idea of something so destructive.
Elora nodded. “I know.”
I’mya thought for a long moment about one of the memories she’d had. Both she and I’yala had been trying to squeeze past a black rock of some kind, to escape to the other side. It could have been thick smoke that was barely moving. “So,” she asked hesitantly, as a thought came to her. “You could be walking, going about your duties, and ember could just sprout up and… kill you?”
“Not even kill you immediately,” Elora said, darkly. “It will dismember you and then float you inside its cloud all over the Dominion. Many have been lost that way. And entire factions have been lost when people try to quickly run in to save their family or friends. It is a problem that’s plagued the North since the war began.”
I’mya nodded her head slowly, remembering that they had talked about it when she first arrived. “And the king can’t stop it?”
“I’m not sure. Ember is almost impossible to get rid of. And, of course, he inflicts the same on the South.”
I’mya shook her head, exhaling heavily. That was not a life that would be pleasant to live, never knowing when something could attack that you couldn’t get away from. And you would remain forever alive but never able to live. Her thoughts returned to I’yala. Had something like that happened to her? “So,” she began again, “Magic can only be used safely by a competent caster?”
“Or a potions master,” Elora said. “Potions are much safer than trying to invoke it by speech or any other method.”
I’mya chewed on her lip as she thought about the amount of times the dragorai had used magic on her. Even when Dayatha cast magic in her face, that could have potentially caused her harm. Why didn’t it? She didn’t understand that much about magic, but she did know that the dragorai had to be highly skilled by the way he’d infused magic in her body. “How do we find out more about magic? she asked.
Elora’s brows crumpled. “Why would you want to? We’re all here to get away from it.”
I’mya shrugged. “It might spark some memories.”
Elora thought for a long moment. “I’m sure the library will have papers on it,” she suggested. “Can you read?”
I’mya shook her head. “I don’t know.”
“I read two books before I came here, but they were really basic,” Elora said. “I’d love to be able to read the whole library. There are a few girls here who are offering to teach us.” She shot I’mya a look and began crawling out of the nook. “And on that note, the rest are all waiting to speak to you after lunch.”
I’mya sighed. “Of course. I don’t suppose I can escape that any longer.”
After lunch, I’mya sat and talked with the other four girls in one of the lounges. It turned out not to be as bad as she thought. Mainly they were curious about the dragorai—what he looked like, the things he said and did—rather than the specifics of their sexual activity. Even so, she couldn’t share some things that she felt were too private or too embarrassing. Like the way she had been so delighted to have him inside her each time, or the torture and way she fought him. She kept it somewhat vague, but even with the specific details, the girls found it fascinating.
“So there’s a table you have to lie on?” Nureen said, her nose wrinkling. “And he just… takes you?”
Tiiu nodded. “I heard some of the older
kon’ayas talking about that. That is usually how it goes.”
Nureen contemplated it for a moment and then shrugged. “I suppose it’s better than most options available to us,” she said. “Did you enjoy any of it? Or was it completely horrible?”
All eyes turned to I’mya—all with some level of hope.
“It wasn’t completely horrible,” I’mya admitted, heat creeping up her neck. “There were parts I enjoyed very much.”
The girls smiled, and it was as though they collectively relaxed.
“That’s better than hating the whole thing,” Syb said.
After that they began talking about other things, activities they had taken part in in the lair, the other servants and kon’ayas they’d met, and suggestions they wanted to make to the stewards about things they wanted to do. As I’mya listen to them, she realized that they had all tried most of the available activities and were making new friends. Even Syb was more relaxed. It seemed like they were adjusting to making a life in the lair, while she was constantly thinking about escaping—to go back to the horrible reality that she’d seen in her memories. Maybe she had this all wrong.
She spent the afternoon in the crafting room with Elora, Nureen and Syb, trying to learn the skill of painting. It was a curious activity, one that seemed like magic itself. The other servants would lift paint on small brushes to their canvases and manage to make beautiful shapes and patterns or recreate items or rooms from the lair. It was fascinating. I’mya couldn’t see how they were able to do it without it being magical, but Nureen insisted no magic was involved.
“Where is Tiiu?” Nureen asked.
“I think she’s praying at the temple,” Syb said. “She prays a lot.”
A guttural noise in the corner of the room drew their attention. A couple desperate for each were against the wall, the man’s hips rhythmically banging against the woman as she clawed his back.
The girls turn their attentions back to their canvas like it was the most normal thing to see, but I’mya continued to watch them, a little confused. Was that how she and the dragorai looked? Before him, the sex around the lair seemed lewd and perverse. But what they were doing didn’t seem anything like the obscene and deeply lascivious experience she’d had with the dragorai—a powerful whole body experience that rendered her mindless and exhausted.