Trouble in Loveland

by Jennifer Peel

  Their next song surprised me because I recognized it. It was a cover of “When You Say Nothing at All” by Alison Krauss. I adored that song. I turned to Ryan. “Dance with me.”

  His eyes widened. “Here?”

  “Yes.”

  “No one else is dancing.”

  “So?”

  He eyed me carefully. Meanwhile, I took matters into my own hands. I wrapped my hands around his neck and pulled him to me in the middle of the small crowd.

  I could feel him sigh as he wrapped his arms around my waist and drew me closer. “Why do I let you talk me into these things?”

  “Because you know you want to.”

  He reached up and lightly ran his finger across my moon and stars. “I don’t think that’s it.”

  “Then why?”

  He didn’t answer, at least not verbally. He barely skimmed his lips across my own before he rested his own cheek against mine. I was so wrapped up in him that I barely noticed the stares and the oohing and aahhing around us. My senses were completely fixed on the man that held me in his arms and perfectly kept in time to the rhythm of the song. He surprised me by twirling me out. He dazzled me with his smile as he drew me back to him. That smile turned heated as his hand held mine; he drew our hands in and held them close to my heart. I felt like I was on fire. If we weren’t in a crowd, I would have kissed him until I needed to breathe, though I was finding breathing at all very difficult at the moment. My insides felt like a roller coaster that I never wanted to get off.

  Then the music stopped and just like that, the magic of the moment ended. Ryan was quick to let me go, and my body was slow to regain its equilibrium. Ryan didn’t seem as affected by me as I was by him. It definitely gave me some pause.

  “Do you mind if we look at some of the handmade toy booths?” Ryan asked, shaking me of my thoughts of him.

  “No, of course not.”

  “Thanks for dancing with me,” I said as we made our way to the nearest booth.

  He smiled over at me, but didn’t say anything.

  I wasn’t quite sure what to make of him.

  As we drove home that night, he seemed to be in a thoughtful state; it was almost as if he didn’t want to be disturbed in his thoughts. He wasn’t rude or anything like that, but just quiet and serious. It made me nervous to ask him if he wanted to hang out the next day with Krissy and Chance. I almost didn’t, but Krissy had texted me earlier saying how much she and Chance were looking forward to going out with us.

  Ryan walked me to my door from his house. He held my hand lightly in his own on the short walk over.

  “I had a really great time. Thank you.”

  “Me, too,” he said absentmindedly.

  “Really?”

  He stopped on my driveway and looked directly at me. “Yes.”

  “Ok.”

  We finished the walk up to my porch. I wasn’t sure what to expect from him in parting. I knew what I wanted, but I wasn’t sure that was on the table for him. He seemed to be very stingy with his kisses. As he peered into my eyes, he looked unsure of how to proceed as well, but he leaned in and at the last second he turned his head and kissed my cheek. My waiting lips rubbed themselves together and managed a weak smile.

  “Well, goodnight,” he said.

  “Oh. I wanted to ask you something.” That sounded completely lame.

  He paused and looked expectantly at me.

  I nervously ran my fingers through my hair, which was very unlike me. I wasn’t usually nervous around men. “Krissy and Chance want us to hang out with them tomorrow night. They were thinking dinner or bowling.”

  Ryan’s brows furrowed.

  “Yeah, I know bowling seems a little weird, but who knew, Chance loves it.” I tried to play it off lightheartedly.

  He looked even more concerned. He let out a huge intake of air. “Charlee, I like you. I really like you.”

  “I really like you, too,” I returned.

  He didn’t even crack a smile. “I just don’t know if I’m ready to announce to the world that I’m dating you, and I really need to talk to Victoria about it.”

  Suddenly it all made sense, or at least the whole going to Boulder thing did. I wasn’t sure why he needed to talk to his ex-wife about me. “Oh, my gosh. I get it now. I guess you lied to me when you said you couldn’t think of anyone that would be embarrassed to be seen with me. I guess you should have added, except yourself.”

  His face reddened. “No, it’s not like that. I meant what I said. It’s just, you were a kid and my neighbor and … Victoria … and …” he kept stuttering like an idiot.

  I quickly reached inside my bag for my keys and shook my head. I didn’t need this or him. “You know what? You don’t need to worry about it, because I don’t think we should continue dating.”

  He reached for my arm. “Come on, Charlee, don’t be like that.”

  I shook my head in disgust. “Don’t be like that? What? Self-respecting? Goodbye, Ryan.” I left him standing there, stunned, on my porch. I wanted to slam the door, but I didn’t want to wake up my dad. At least I hoped he was asleep. I was too upset to talk to anyone at the moment, and admittedly, I felt foolish.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Well, that was a super short-lived dream. I knew I was stupid to even think we would ever be anything more than neighbors, but in my defense, he kind of gave me some hope. But I wasn’t desperate and I had dignity. I refused to be with someone that was embarrassed to be seen with me. I mean, really? Not once had I ever had a man behave like that toward me. Jay always was proud to have me by his side, and even Aidan seemed to think it was an enviable position.

  I stomped down to my room, and the first thing I saw was the dried out bouquets from the wedding two weeks ago. I grabbed the stupid one I caught and threw it in the trash along with the ticket stubs Ryan let me keep from the concert. Ryan Tedder was back to number one Ryan, and I … I … was … unbelievably sad. I sat on my bed after my little tirade and willed myself not to cry. I reminded myself that I wouldn’t let a man make me cry unless it involved the happy kind of tears. I had watched my mother lose herself over not just my dad, but a string of losers after him. That would never be me.

  After several moments, I got up and readied myself for bed. I looked in the mirror at the beautifully painted moon and stars. I knew there was no hope that Ryan would ever look at me that way. For a second, the tears threatened to appear, but I held them at bay. Then I remembered Henry’s odd advice after he had painted the moon and stars on my cheek. I knew what couldn’t see the forest for the trees meant, but why would he say that to me? Oh well. I got a makeup remover wipe out and scrubbed my face with a fury.

  It seemed to take me forever to fall asleep; the sting of Ryan’s embarrassment of me wouldn’t let me be. Self-doubt and insecurity were running rampant, and I was cursing Krissy for being married. If she were still single, I could have called or driven to her apartment. She would be consoling me or at least stuffing my face with ice cream—anything to dull the pain of rejection and humiliation. Instead, I was left to nurse my own wounds. I took to tossing and turning and punching my pillow. When that didn’t work, I found my basketball, bounced it against the wood floor, and ran old drills in my head.

  I took the ball to bed with me and kept throwing it toward the ceiling, just barely missing the ceiling fan. Finally exhaustion set in and I clung to the ball like a doll and fell asleep with it in my arms. It wasn’t the first time that had happened, but it had been years. I woke up, with basketball marks on my arms, to the sound of chore music. Today’s selection was Kansas’ “Dust in the Wind.” It seemed fitting. My short lived relationship with Ryan was dust.

  Within minutes I joined my dad upstairs. He was busy making French toast, bless him. I loved that stuff.

  “Hi, Daddy.”

  He turned from the griddle. “Hey, kiddo. How was your night out?”

  I sank into the stool nearest me and leaned my head against my hand. “Which par
t?” I sighed.

  His eyes narrowed in concern before he turned back to the griddle and flipped a couple of pieces of French toast on a plate and turned back around and served them to me. “What happened? Trouble in Loveland?”

  “Oh, ha ha.” I don’t know how many times people in Kansas thought I was joking when I said I grew up in Loveland. I thought about whether or not I should tell my dad what happened. Would he be upset that Ryan was embarrassed to be seen with me? How would that affect their friendship and partnership? “Don’t worry about it, Dad. Just know that Ryan and I won’t be seeing each other anymore. Oh, and thanks for the French toast.” I reached for the syrup bottle near me.

  My dad stood there, apparently at a loss for words.

  I, on the other hand, dug in. “Mmmm … This is good,” I said with a somewhat full mouth.

  “CJ, you can talk to me.”

  “Really, there’s no need.”

  He looked like he didn’t believe me. “Do you want to go for a bike ride or hang out on the boat? I had plans, but I’ll change them if you need me.”

  “Daddy, I’m fine, really. Don’t change your plans on account of me.”

  He reached over the counter and tipped up my chin. “Charlee, you are priority number one in my life.”

  Ok, so a dumb tear escaped. I suppose a dad was worth crying over. “Thank you, but really, I already had plans. Go enjoy your day.” I was planning on taking the second part of that ridiculous CPA exam.

  “Are you sure?”

  “Positive. What do you have planned?”

  He pinked a little and stood up straighter. “Just hitting the golf course.”

  Odd. Very odd. “That sounds like fun.”

  He turned around hastily. “Just golf,” he said nervously.

  I was curious about his strange behavior, but I was still too wrapped up in my own thoughts about Ryan, so I didn’t fish for details. I lazily ate and chatted with my dad about all subjects non-Ryan related. I could tell my dad wanted to broach the subject, but I got the feeling he, too, felt like the less he knew the better. I cleaned up the kitchen while he got ready.

  He was ready before I even had a chance to mop the floor.

  “So how does your old man look?”

  I looked him over from head to toe. He was awfully dressed up to be going golfing. He was wearing nice dress shorts and a button-up, collared shirt. “You look very distinguished. What’s the occasion?”

  “No occasion,” he waved off my scrutiny, which only made me scrutinize him more. He was acting different.

  “If you say so.”

  He briskly walked over to me at the sink and kissed my head. “Are you sure you’re ok with me leaving?”

  “Yes, Daddy. I’ve been on my own for a long time now.”

  “All right. Well, have a good day, and don’t let Ryan bother you. I’m sure whatever it is, you two kids will work it out,” he said, awfully chipper.

  I didn’t disagree with him, at least not out loud. I knew we wouldn’t be working it out, and I’ll be honest, that thought sucked, because I really liked him. At least I really liked him when I wasn’t an embarrassment to him. I tried my best not to think about him as I cleaned and started laundry. Unfortunately, my blouse from the previous night smelled like him and I couldn’t help but drink it in. After I tortured myself, I threw it in my basket and decided I better really start looking for my own place. I knew I would have to work with him for a while; my dad paid me too well, and I really needed that money if I wanted to go back to school and not go into major debt. As an accountant, and someone that could calculate interest, I counseled myself not to go that route. But the less I had to be around Ryan, the better I would be.

  Krissy called just as I settled on the couch in the basement with my laptop in hand, ready to take part two of my exam. I sighed and debated answering. Yes, I wanted to talk to her and even vent, but it was kind of embarrassing that Ryan was embarrassed to be seen with me. It really wasn’t helping my self-esteem, I’ll tell you that.

  I answered.

  “Chance called the bowling alley in Loveland and got us a time at seven. Will that work for you guys?” she asked right after I said hello.

  “I’m sorry, but it will only be the two of you.”

  “What? Why?”

  I threw my pride out the window told her the whole mortifying tale.

  “Oooo. Should I bring ice cream over?” was her response.

  “Thanks, but no. I don’t think ice cream will cure this.”

  “CJ, maybe it’s not as bad as you say. You have to admit, it’s got to be a little weird for him. I mean, you served punch at his wedding.”

  A little laugh escaped. “Yeah, that is weird, but do I look and act like some teenage girl?”

  “No. You’re all woman, honey. Just ask all of Chance’s friends who, by the way, would all love to show you a good time.”

  “Pass.”

  “Why don’t you come out with us anyway? I think they even do karaoke at this bowling alley.”

  I laughed at her. “I love you guys, but I can’t bear to be the single friend of newlyweds. Maybe once you’re over the whole honeymoon phase we’ll talk.”

  She sighed deeply.

  “Yeah, I know.” I wasn’t sure those two would ever get out of that phase. “By the way, good luck at your audition on Monday.”

  “I’m so nervous, but excited,” she squealed.

  “You’ll be terrific. And maybe if you make it, you can introduce me to an attractive single football player.”

  “You know I will.”

  I’m sure she would, but knowing me, I wouldn’t be interested.

  On that dismal note, I started taking my exam. Is it conceited to say it was easy? Long and boring, yes, but definitely not challenging. To make myself feel better, I opened up my Psychology Today issue on online and read a fascinating article on how conflicting goals can make you a better decision maker. It was definitely a timely article for me. Then I read the nine most common mistakes couples make in a relationship. There wasn’t anything helpful, as we weren’t a couple or in a relationship.

  My dad came home awfully late for just golfing—it was practically dinner time. He was wearing a big ol’ grin and sporting a nice little sunburn, but I hadn’t seen him happy like that in years. He was even whistling to himself.

  “Wow, you must have shot like a seventy.”

  “Nope.” He kissed my head. “Ninety.”

  “Then why are you so happy?”

  “Because it’s a beautiful day and my beautiful daughter and I are going to go to dinner.”

  “We are?”

  “Yes, we are, so go get ready. I made reservations at the 4th Street Chophouse.”

  “You really are in a good mood.”

  He winked at me.

  I ran down to my room and put on my pretty red sundress, threw up my hair, and touched up my makeup. I had just put on my lip stain when my phone’s text alert chimed. I reached into my bag and pulled it out. It said I had two missed calls in addition to the text, all from my neighbor.

  “Charlee, I wish you would answer my calls,” the text read.

  I threw my phone back in my bag. I had no intention of answering his calls. I was surprised he’d called. I guess talking on the phone could be done privately, without anyone knowing that he was actually talking to me.

  I walked upstairs to find my dad dressed well in pressed slacks and a dress shirt. He was still wearing his smile, too.

  “There’s my beauty.”

  His smile and compliments were infectious. Dads were way better than ice cream, I decided. We laughed and talked our way through filet mignon, salmon, and six layer chocolate cake. I had definitely made up for the six weeks of limiting my calorie intake. I definitely needed to run, but I would have to start doing it at night or hit my dad’s treadmill in the basement.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to talk about Ryan?” my dad asked on the way home.

  I
blew out a large breath. “Let’s just say Ryan has some reservations about dating me.”

  “Too beautiful, too smart?”

  “No, Dad.”

  “Ahhh … too young.”

  “Bingo.”

  “He’ll get over it.”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  “I told you this wouldn’t be easy, kiddo.”

  “You were right. You just failed to mention how short-lived it would be.”

  “You think so, huh?”

  “I know so.”

  He reached over and patted my knee.

  I grabbed his hand. “I love you, Dad.”

  He squeezed my hand tightly. “I love you, kiddo.”

  Fixing my relationship with my dad seemed to right my world in a lot of ways. It brought me a peace that I had long missed and that sense of belonging I craved. I wondered how he was going to take it when I told him I didn’t want to be an accountant and that I was going to move out.

  Sunday was a rare day in Colorado; it rained all day. It fit my mood perfectly. As much as I didn’t want to care about Ryan, I did. I spent most of my day as a slug on the couch holding onto a throw pillow and watching old westerns with my dad. I was just about ready to get on the treadmill and run, I needed to move, but the doorbell rang. I looked over and my dad was sound asleep on his chair and snoring away. A bomb could have gone off and he wouldn’t have stirred. I guess that meant I was getting the door. I drug my lazy butt off the couch and ran up to tell the poor solicitor we weren’t interested. I opened the door and found I was interested, well, at least partially interested.

  My favorite redheaded three-year-old stood under the cover of our porch as the thunderstorm raged. “Cherry!” he ran straight to me and hugged my legs.

  I picked him up and held him to me. “Hey, big guy.”

  I briefly glanced at his daddy, who looked hopeful as he smiled tentatively. “Charlee,” he started to say.