Trouble in Loveland

by Jennifer Peel

  He stopped before he opened the door to the dealership entrance. He had an interesting gleam in his eye. “No.”

  I let out a huge breath. I don’t know why that thought bothered me, but it kind of did.

  “But, I was going to talk to you. I’ve been thinking about asking Felicity to marry me. How would you feel about that?”

  I looked up into his hazel eyes that matched my own. “I think that’s terrific, Dad. I’m happy for you and Felicity.”

  His eyes lit up at the sound of her name.

  “It’s weird, both of my parents beating me to the altar.”

  He lifted up my chin. “Your time will come.”

  “Yeah, maybe,” I said with some watery eyes. No pity party, I told myself, again.

  After our day of shopping, I ended up driving home a beautiful cherry red Tiguan, four wheel drive with more bells and whistles than I needed, and my dad ended up with an engagement ring. It was an odd thing, helping my dad shop for rings, but I knew Felicity would love her Christmas present. I tried not to be jealous. I think I would have rather had the ring than the car. Not a ring from my dad, but you know what I mean.

  My dad had plans with Felicity that night, which left me home alone, sitting by our Christmas tree and wrapping gifts. It was kind of depressing. You shouldn’t wrap gifts alone. At seven my phone went off. I picked it up; it was a text from Ryan.

  “Can Josh please come by and see you? He has something for you.”

  My heart ached. I wanted nothing more than to see Josh, but I knew it wasn’t a good idea. “Victoria said she didn’t want Josh around me,” I texted back.

  “That’s not her call. Please, just five minutes. He misses you. I promise I’ll wait by your mailbox.”

  I held the phone to my heart, my broken heart. “Ok.”

  Within two minutes, there stood my big guy, wrapped in a coat at my door, with a gift bag in hand. I knelt down and tried my hardest not to cry. He immediately flew into my arms. I held him to me and let the tears fall. I loved him with all my heart.

  “I made you something, Cherry.”

  I set him down and briefly looked up and across our yard at his dad that stood by our mailbox watching on. He held his hand up and waved. I turned my attention back to Josh.

  He handed me the little green bag.

  I eagerly looked inside and pulled out the most beautiful noodle necklace I had ever seen. I immediately put it on. “I love it. It is my most favorite gift ever.”

  His eyes danced with delight.

  I pulled him to me again and kissed him all over his cheeks until he giggled loudly.

  “I love you so much.”

  “I love you, Cherry.”

  More tears flowed. “I have something for you, too.” I handed him a fairly large gift bag.

  His eyes were wide with anticipation before he peered in and pulled out a largish remote control dinosaur. “Yay!” he exclaimed.

  “Merry Christmas, Josh.”

  “What do you say?” Ryan called out.

  Josh threw his arms around my neck. “Thank you.”

  I stroked his head and held him to me. I didn’t want to let him go even though I was freezing. I didn’t think to wear a coat. “You’re welcome.”

  “Josh, we better go,” his dad called to him.

  “I don’t want to go,” he called back.

  I looked up at Ryan, who, from where I stood, looked torn about what to do.

  I wanted to ask if he could stay with me for just a little while, but it wasn’t my place. I hoped Ryan would just offer, but instead he hung his head. “We need to go, son.”

  “No, Daddy!”

  I had never seen him behave in such a way. He was usually quite an obedient little guy.

  I knelt down again. Josh looked determined as he clung to the dinosaur that was almost as big as him. “Please, can I stay?” he pleaded.

  It was almost my undoing, but I couldn’t undermine Ryan. “I’m sorry, honey, you better go with your daddy.”

  “But I miss you. I want you to come over and play with me, and you didn’t make me pspaghetti.”

  “No, I didn’t, and I’m sorry.”

  By this time Ryan was walking up the porch.

  I wiped at my tears, but I’m sure he had already seen them.

  He looked down at me and sadly smiled.

  “I don’t want to go, Daddy.” He dropped the dinosaur and clung to me.

  I held onto him like a vice. “I love you.”

  “I love you the mostest.”

  I looked up at Ryan, and if I wasn’t mistaken, I saw tears in his eyes, too, or maybe it was the sting of the cold air. Either way, it was unsettling for me. I wasn’t sure why he would be emotional.

  I kissed Josh one more time, and Ryan took him from my arms. He began to howl. It shattered what was left of my broken heart.

  “I don’t want to leave.” He was kicking and thrashing about.

  Ryan was trying to calm him down, but it wasn’t working.

  I placed his dinosaur back in the bag and tried to hand it to Ryan, but Josh was really out of sorts.

  “Hey, buddy. Calm down,” Ryan tried to soothe him.

  “I want CHERRY!” he wailed.

  I approached him and stroked his head. “It’s ok, Josh.” I was too close to Ryan. My whole body was drawn to him.

  Ryan’s eyes were warm as they met mine. “He’s got good taste.”

  I tucked my hair behind my ear nervously. “That’s a matter of opinion.”

  “Charlee?”

  Why did he always say my name like a question?

  I handed him the bag. “I better get in,” I said. It was freezing outside, though I was feeling some heat as we stared at one another. It was as if, for a moment, there wasn’t a little boy in between us throwing a tantrum. And for a moment, I foolishly thought it looked like he wanted me. “Goodnight,” I choked out and quickly ran in.

  I could hear Josh howl from the other side of the door. It trailed off the further away they got. I stood against the door and said to heck with not feeling sorry for myself. I stood there and sobbed until my insides hurt, holding on to my noodle necklace that I was never taking off.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  So, all in all, it was not the jolliest of Christmas seasons, but I survived. At least my dad was blissfully happy; Felicity said yes. I tried my best to be happy for them, and I was, but it’s hard to see the people around you so dang happy and in love. It seemed like everyone was. Krissy and Chance were still in the honeymoon phase, even though she was getting quite big. The baby had nowhere to go but out. She was a cute pregnant lady, and Chance waited on her hand and foot. Even Maviny and Mason had significant others.

  I didn’t see Ryan and Josh, though I did have some contact. On Christmas morning I received a text with a picture of Josh opening his gifts and a message that read, Merry Christmas. We miss you … I miss you. I didn’t even know how to respond to that. It seemed weird he would say such a thing with Victoria with him. I just hoped she was treating him well; she never seemed to, yet that seemed to be what he wanted. Idiot.

  My dad also wouldn’t let me off the hook when it came to corresponding with Ryan at work. My dad got me set up with a secure connection at home, so I could work from there, but I still had to report to Ryan. It was all business, but I found myself staring at his dumb name on my screen more often than I cared to admit.

  My mom finally got around to calling me. I guess she missed me for Christmas. She didn’t apologize, she just kind of pretended like nothing ever happened. I was too emotionally exhausted to do anything but play along. Of course, she wasn’t happy I was going back to school. Psychology was a useless degree in her mind.

  Going back to school was the only thing that seemed to keep me from going crazy. It was a reminder that someday I wouldn’t have to be an accountant or work with Ryan. It gave me something to look forward to. I mean, sure I was looking forward to yet another wedding, but I already warned
Felicity if she even thought about tossing me her bouquet, she would rue the day. She touched my cheek in that “my poor, poor girl” sort of way. And then there was the baby who was going to have the best middle name ever, to look forward to, but I needed something of my own, and school was it. I was a nerd and bought my textbooks early and took to reading them. It’s not like I had anything better to do. Watching my dad and Felicity canoodle on the couch was getting nauseating.

  The basement and Krissy’s townhome became my go-to places. It was nice that Chance had to work a lot of evenings. I needed Krissy now more than ever. We did things like Yoga for Pregnant Mommies. My pelvic floor muscles were stronger than ever from all the kegel exercises we were doing. I definitely wouldn’t be wetting my pants anytime soon.

  “You know, Aidan is still available,” Krissy said as we lay on the floor strengthening our lady areas.

  “I’m surprised. He seems like a great catch.”

  “Just not for you.”

  “I know, I have issues.” I rubbed the noodle necklace around my neck to prove my point. People thought I was ridiculous for wearing it everywhere, but I didn’t care.

  “I don’t know about that. Ryan is pretty yummy. Jerky, but yummy.”

  “I wouldn’t call him jerky, maybe blind and stupid.”

  “Obviously.”

  “It isn’t just Ryan, though. I miss Josh, too. I more than miss him. I ache to hold him in my arms.”

  She looked over at me with pity. “Are you sure it’s not for the best? I mean, do you really want to be a mom right off the bat?”

  “Yes,” I said without any hesitation. “I never imagined I would, but just having a taste of it was so amazing. Krissy, you’re so lucky you get to be a mom. I know it was sooner than you wanted, and I know I wasn’t Josh’s mom, but I saw myself someday being a mother figure and being married to his stupid dad, who I love and can’t get out of my head.”

  Krissy reached over and held my hand. I turned to her and cried like a baby. I did that more often than I wanted to admit. For someone that didn’t cry often, I had more than made up for it the last month.

  “Oh, sweetie. It will be ok.”

  “Will it? Because sometimes I wonder, which is stupid because it makes me sound pathetic.” I was snottily crying now, and Krissy’s shirt kind of became my Kleenex.

  She patted my back. “You’re the least pathetic person I know. I promise, it will get better. I know it may not seem like that now, but it will. Do you want some ice cream?”

  “No,” I laughed. “I haven’t ran in a month, and I need to purge ice cream from my diet.”

  “Are you sure? Because the baby really wants some.”

  “I love you, Krissy.”

  “I know, CJ. Now let’s have ice cream.”

  I know most people didn’t look forward to starting school, but for me it was a lifeline. I was even a dork and set out my clothes the night before I began and I had my bag packed perfectly.

  Ryan sent me a little note with my last email of the day before I started classes. I was working Monday, Wednesday, Friday and going to school on Tuesdays and Thursdays. He said, “CSU is lucky. Good luck.”

  It was nice, but I wanted it to say, “I love you and I can’t live without you.” It was a pipe dream, I know.

  So school … it was amazing and just what the doctor ordered. I needed something else to focus on, and my teachers were more than happy to give out plenty of homework. It did the job well … kind of.

  I was waiting for my behavioral psychology professor to cover the material that would give me the magic bullet that would fix my Ryan disorder, but no such luck. It had only been a few classes, though, so maybe we would get to it. It was actually my favorite class. Professor Yost was a retired therapist who I guess wasn’t quite ready to hang up his hat. He had the best stories to tell. I pegged him for the kind of professor you could get to go off on a tangent, which would keep you from the real work at hand. That could be good and bad.

  I was getting into a routine. Tuesdays and Thursdays I could be found on campus, all day; if I wasn’t in class, I was set up on one of the empty tables in the social science building studying. I was a freak about getting A’s in every class, so I put a lot of effort and energy into school. I kind of got lost in it, which is why I was more than startled when I had a visitor one Thursday afternoon. I was engrossed in my chapter on substance abuse before my behavioral psychology class, and it was like he fell out of the sky. I looked up, and to my ever living surprise, there sat Ryan.

  I was too stunned to speak. He just sat there across the small table from me, with his dazzling smile, like this was normal. Gosh, did he look good. He was wearing his long gray wool overcoat. I always found it sexy.

  “Hi,” he said simply.

  I closed my book and inadvertently touched the noodle necklace around my neck.

  Ryan looked at my hand and smiled warmly.

  “What are you doing here?” The butterflies in my stomach said, Who cares? Yay, our Ryan’s here.

  “Well, I walked past your empty office today and, like always, I missed seeing your beautiful face, so I asked myself what I was going to do about it. Then your dad walked by and told me he was tired of seeing the two of us mope around and that if I was half the man he thought I was, I would fix the mess I created between the two of us. So, here I am.”

  My heart was beating erratically, but my brain was not going to be overridden by it this time. It had been fooled more than once before. I began gathering up all my things for my next class.

  Ryan reached out and grabbed my hand as I picked up my notebook. “Charlee, I know I don’t deserve any more chances, but I think what we had is worth not giving up on.”

  I pulled my hand away. “I don’t know, you seemed to do a good job of it.” I hastily shoved all of my books and belongings into my bag and began walking to my class.

  Ryan stood up quickly and followed right alongside me. “I deserved that, but I also feel like we deserve another chance.”

  “I don’t know what makes you think that. I told you the last time, one more chance was it, and I meant it. You blew it. End of story.”

  “Yes, I admit I blew it, but giving up on what we had seems like more of a mistake. Don’t you think?”

  “And what was it that we had?”

  He pulled on my arm gently and stopped me. We came face to face. He looked as serious as I had ever seen him. “The best relationship either one of us has ever had.”

  I rolled my eyes and pulled away. “How can you say that? You’re still in love with your ex-wife.” I didn’t give him time to answer. Instead, I walked away again.

  Like an idiot, he followed. Now people were starting to watch us with interest.

  “I don’t love Victoria,” he said somewhat loudly as he followed me down the corridor to the lecture hall.

  “Please. Yes, you do.”

  “I don’t think that’s your call.”

  “Well I’m not blind or dumb.”

  “In this case, you are.”

  I stopped dead in my tracks and gave him my deepest look of loathing. “Did you just call me dumb?”

  He grinned. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

  “Will you please go away? You’re going to make me late for class.”

  He shrugged his shoulders. “I’m not leaving. That was my mistake before, and I’m not going to do that again.”

  “Ugh! Suit yourself.” I threw my hands up in the air and marched away.

  He followed silently all the way to the hall where my class was held. I turned to him before I opened the double doors leading in. “You can’t come in here.”

  “Watch me.”

  I wasn’t sure what to do with this bold Ryan. I called his bluff and walked in. He followed me and took the seat next to mine in the second row of the amphitheater-type seating. I looked over to him, sitting there smugly, and I narrowed my eyes at him. He leaned in closer and smiled. I leaned in too. “You need to leav
e,” I whispered.

  “Not happening.”

  “You’re not a student here.”

  “People sit in on classes all the time.”

  “Please just go,” I begged.

  He pulled delicately on my noodle necklace. “Josh and I want you in our lives. It hasn’t been the same since we’ve been apart. We haven’t been the same.”

  The mention of Josh’s name pierced my heart, but I knew it wouldn’t work with Ryan and me. We had tried, and it was nothing but trouble. Lots and lots of trouble. “Josh is welcome at my house anytime.”

  “That’s a nice offer, but we want more.”

  He was killing me, but thankfully my brain was still my voice of reason. I sat up stiffly, looked forward, and tried to ignore him. He didn’t budge when Professor Yost walked in.

  I quietly spoke from the side of my mouth. “Ok, now you really need to go.”

  He leaned closer to me and whispered in my ear, “I’ll go if you promise to meet me afterward to talk and work this out.”

  I had to stop myself from shivering. He knew how much I loved it when he talked low in my ear. “There’s nothing to work out.”

  “Guess I’m staying.”

  In a huff, I got out my laptop and notebook. I couldn’t believe him, and unfortunately, my professor was observant. I guess that had kind of been his job, to be observant of human behavior, but it wasn’t real handy today.

  “Ah … it looks like we have a new student. I thought it past time for schedule changes,” he directed his remarks toward Ryan.

  “I’m not a new student, I’m here with Charlee.”

  I turned and gave him my vilest of looks, but he kept flashing those pearly whites at me.

  “Ms. Jensen, is that correct?”

  I nodded my head.

  “Is there a particular reason you’ve brought a guest today?”

  “No, sir. I didn’t invite him.”

  Professor Yost looked between the two of us with interest.

  I was going to kill Ryan. The whole class was looking at us.

  Ryan smiled at me and then turned to my white-haired professor. “Charlee didn’t invite me. I’m here of my own accord.”