“You know you need to do it anyway.” Sidewinder stood and unfolded his cane. “That girl needs to move beyond this, or she’ll only ever live a half-life. Sometimes the world changes around us, whether we like it or not. Don’t worry, she’ll survive. We’ll help her through it all.”
Josh stared at the kitchen door, hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans. “Yeah, I know. You’re right. Sometimes we don’t want to do what’s best for us, until we’re forced. But it doesn’t make it any easier for me to do, knowing that it will cause her pain. Even if it is the right thing to do for everyone else.” If only he could take his own advice.
“You’re a good man, Josh Nicodemus. Don’t you let anyone tell you otherwise, son.” With those words, Sidewinder made his way out onto the sun-warmed sidewalk.
“You know he’s going to spread the word. If nothing else, he’ll be tweeting about it within half an hour.”
Josh chuckled. “Really? He tweets, too?”
“You would not believe the stuff he’s already put out there about you and J.D.” Tony shook his head.
“Great.”
“He uses code names, never your real names. But the whole town knows who he’s talking about when he says Rock & Roll Boy or the Drama Queen.”
Josh’s mouth twitched. “Anything good?”
Tony raised his eyebrow and his mouth screwed up on one side. “I am not the best judge. She is my aunt. And that’s just . . . ewww.”
He grinned at the boy. “Enough said. I’ll follow him right now. What’s his Twitter handle?”
“Sidewinder. Pretty simple.” Tony opened the guitar case, pulled a rag from the pick compartment, and wiped down the strings and the body of the guitar before picking it up.
Josh opened the Twitter app on his smart phone, thumbed in the search for Sidewinder, then followed the old man. He sat the phone down on the table beside him.
He picked up his own guitar. “Tell me what you think about this.” Josh played what he’d written so far and sang the lyrics.
Tony listened with his head bowed, looking at the floor.
When Josh stopped, Tony looked up. His eyes bright. “I like it. The only problem I had was with the bridge. Play that section again, leading up to the bridge.”
Josh played it again.
“Stop. Right there. It sounds off.”
Josh played it a third time and listened as if he’d never heard it before. And, damned if the kid wasn’t right. A slow smile spread across his face. “You’re right. You’ve got good instincts, kid.”
The phone on the table buzzed. Since twitter was still open, it meant he’d received a new tweet in his stream. Then a series of short spurts indicated there was a flurry of activity.
Josh picked up the phone. Sure enough, Sidewinder had posted a tweet about the new music café. And the whole village was chiming in, excited about the prospect.
Shit.
“You were right. Sidewinder is spreading the news.” Josh considered the grain of polished wood of his acoustic guitar and came to a decision. He picked up his phone and posted a tweet of his own that confirmed the news. “Looks like the music café is a done deal. We’re doing this.”
Tony whooped and jumped up doing a fist pump.
“Fuck!” The profanity came through the open serving window of the kitchen, then the back door slammed a minute later.
“I’m in trouble.”
Tony studied him. “She’ll get over it eventually.”
“I hope so.” Josh rubbed his chest, feeling the ache drill him hard. Only, experience had taught him that some people never got over things. Some issues were never discussed because they were way too painful. And some people, like him and his grandfather, held on to their convictions and their grudges for a long, long time. For some people, eventually never came on its own.
Maybe it was time to force the situation with his grandfather. See what happened. Find out if their eventually had arrived yet.
Jordan was trembling by the time she got home. She wasn’t sure if it was anger, fear, pure adrenaline, or some combination of the three that had her so upset. Her hand shook as she grabbed a cup from the cupboard and poured herself a glass of cold water. She’d run part of the way. The family homestead was only a few blocks away, not a far distance, but she was so worked up she’d hardly noticed today.
“What’s wrong? What happened?” Grace looked up from her magazine. She sat at the kitchen table looking tired, still dressed in her brightly colored scrubs.
Jordan had been so distracted and upset, she hadn’t even noticed her sister. “You coming off a shift? Or heading out to one?”
“Both. I caught three hours of sleep. I’m covering a shift for Holly. Her daughter is sick. Plus, we could use the money.”
Jordan sat down next to her sister. “I told you we’re okay now. I’ve got money in the bank. You don’t need to continue to work yourself to death.”
“Tony’s a senior this year. I’ve got to save some money to be able to pay for his college, even if it is at the local community college. Education is expensive these days. But, I’ll be damned if that child starts in the hole like I did with massive student loan debt.”
“Gracie, I’ve got it covered.”
“No. You don’t. That money is yours. I can’t take it.”
“Yes. You can. It is for you and Tony. I don’t need much. Besides, if it weren’t for me and my wild days, there would have been money for your schooling. It’s my way of making reparations.”
Grace laid her hand over Jordan’s and squeezed. “You know you had nothing to do with all of that. That was Mom and Dad. And the reason you had no money left over from your acting career was because of them. Not because of you.”
“That’s not entirely true. It was a combination of both. And you know it, but you’re trying to be your sweet self again. Knock it off. I’m a big girl.”
“Yeah.” Grace studied her. “And that’s why you’re shaking like a newborn colt at the idea of a music café.”
Jordan jerked her hand out from under her sister’s. “You know? How the hell?”
“It’s all over Twitter.”
“Shit. Already?” She laced her fingers together tightly, her hands resting on the tabletop.
“You know Sidewinder doesn’t waste much time. He’s the biggest gossip in Serenity. Oh, and Ben just pulled back into town, driving a Winnebago. Guess he’s staying at the campground this time.”
“Fuck. That just tops off my sucky day.” Jordan dropped her forehead onto her hands. “This is really going to happen, isn’t it? The music café?”
“Yep. It is.” Grace rubbed Jordan’s back in slow circles. “Deep breaths. It’s going to be okay, honey. You need to learn to manage your past at some point. You’ve had years of reprieve to heal and grow stronger. You’re going to be okay. You’re a different person than you were at sixteen, Jord.”
“I know.” The words came out muffled, as she spoke into the table. She turned her face sideways to look up at her sister. “I’m not sure I can do this.”
“You can do this. I’ve always marveled at your bravery and courage. And when I saw you on stage the other day at the PIC-U performance, I thought, wow, this is what she’s made to do. Didn’t you feel it? This is you. You’re a fabulous actress and director. And you’re hiding here. Wasting the talent God gave you. Why? Because you’re afraid?”
“What if it happens all over again? What if I’m still that bad person on the inside after all these years?”
“You’re not. I promise. I know you better than you know yourself. Remember, I was there back then, too.”
“No, you weren’t with me at my worst. You were saved from that. You got to live here with grandma and grandpa. Safe from the havoc and the disaster that was my l
ife at sixteen.”
“Maybe. But it was no cakewalk being separated from my family at a young age and shuffled off to live with my grandparents.” She stroked Jordan’s hair. “There are days I wonder if maybe you wouldn’t have gone so off track if I’d been around to balance the actions of mom and dad. I don’t know.”
Regret tinged Grace’s words, and Jordan didn’t like hearing that. “No. You couldn’t have known. There’s nothing you could have done.”
“That’s not true. When family loves you, they guide you. They only want the best for you. Like now. The whole village loves you, Jord. They’re your family. And they want what’s best for you. But they also know what Serenity needs. This is good.”
“Even if it sucks Tony into that lifestyle?” A tear trailed down her cheek.
Grace wiped it away with her thumb. “You know I love Tony more than anything else in this life. He’s all I have left of Luke.” Her eyes filled with tears, too. “But, yes, even if the music world—the worst of the music world—sucks him in, this is what’s best for everyone. Him. You. Serenity.”
Jordan sobbed and shook her head. “I’m afraid.”
“I know, honey. I am, too.” Grace put her arms around Jordan and held her while the sobs came, one after the other. “But I’m not going anywhere. This time I’m going to be here for you. Together, we can get through this. I promise you, it’s not going to be as bad as you fear. You’re older. Wiser.”
Jordan’s sobs slowed and shuddered to a halt. She hiccupped. “What about Tony?”
“I’m going to trust that I raised him right. I’m going to love him and support him. And, yes, I’m going to let him pursue his dream, even if it looks scary to me. You know why?”
Jordan shook her head. She didn’t understand at all.
Grace was risking everything by letting Tony get involved in the music industry. It could ruin him. Might even kill him. The business was that nasty, that dissolute.
“Because, just like I know you were made to act, I see something in him. This is what Tony was made to do. He was put on this Earth to perform music. When I hear him, I hear Luke. Only a better, more talented, more driven, and ambitious Luke. This kid can succeed where his father never did. And, God, please, I’m hoping Luke is somewhere up there.” She searched the kitchen ceiling. “Smiling down on his son because he’s proud of Tony and everything I’ve done to raise our boy. But I’ve got to start to let go, otherwise, he’ll run away and never come back to me.”
Jordan squeezed her sister back. “You’re a good mom.”
Grace lifted Jordan’s chin and looked in her eyes. “And you’re a good person, too. A great sister. A caring aunt. A steadfast daughter, just to start with a few of your attributes. Believe it. It’s true. I would never lie to you.” Grace stared her down, her wide gray eyes looking particularly somber. “Only you need to start believing in you, in the good choices you’ve made for the past decade and a half. Jord, you need to start loving yourself, hon. It starts here.” Grace tapped Jordan’s heart. “It begins with you. We all know how good you are—Hell, all of Serenity knows how good you are. Now you need to start believing it.”
And it was at that point that Jordan realized she was running from all the wrong things and for all the wrong reasons. It wasn’t the fame or notoriety she feared most. It was herself. Her choices and her inadequacies. She could never out-run her own self-loathing or the critical voices in her head that sounded a lot like her mother’s voice.
So now, it was up to her to decide what she was going to do next, what she was going to do with this profound new revelation. Would she, could she, let go and change? Or would she hold on to her fears and be forever stunted, living in a protective bubble where no one could ever hurt her again, but no one could ever truly love her, either?
She pushed herself up, shoving the chair back. She needed fresh air. Space to think. “I’m going out for a while.”
Grace watched her. “You need me to come along with you?”
Jordan put her hand on her sister’s shoulder and gripped it firmly. “No. I’ll be okay. You go to work. I’m going to visit the cannery.”
“The cannery?” Grace looked startled. “God, why would you ever want to do that? No one has touched that place since Gramps died.”
“I know. I used to dream about turning it into a community theater. Before, you know, before I ran away from acting.”
A smile flirted at the corner of Grace’s mouth. Her eyes lit. “Really? Cool.” She nodded. “It’s a great location.”
“Yes, it is, isn’t it?” The cannery sat right on the waterfront. In the old days, fishing boats would dock right alongside the building and off-load their fish. Her grandfather had made lots of money for the island with that business. It was the mainstay of the community for decades. Until he died. If she ever found the money to renovate it, the history of the building and the setting would make it a popular spot for the islanders and visitors.
“It’s about time I started thinking about my future and the future of this island.” Her mouth trembled a little.
“Oh, honey, you’ve been doing that for years.”
Jordan shook her head in denial. “No, for too many years I’ve been hiding, as your wise son told me this afternoon. And I’m hoping with a project big enough, I might just forget to be afraid enough to hide.”
Grace smiled then, offering Jordan her total, unconditional acceptance. No matter what she decided to do, her sister would love her and support her. And for now, that was enough to get her out the door.
“I’ll see you later.”
Grace stood and brushed a kiss on Jordan’s cheek. “Love you, sweetie. Be careful. That place has got to be a rust bucket.”
Jordan laughed at her. “Always the mother and the nurse.”
“Hey, when you know your calling . . . and embrace it, the world is a much better, easier place to live in. Believe me. Seriously, don’t make me pull out the tetanus shot.”
“Love you, sis. Have a good night at work.”
Jordan grabbed a set of keys in the drawer in the kitchen and left the house. She walked the five blocks to the waterfront cannery, hoping to find a hint of her former dream, or have it dashed all to hell because it would take so much money and work to renovate the old building.
Honestly, she didn’t know which she hoped for more.
And, really, she wouldn’t have much say over it. Either the cannery would be redeemable, or it wouldn’t. But wouldn’t it be nice if she could . . .
She clamped down on the old hopes and dreams that resurrected in full force—like a Frankenstein brought back to life. She needed to be careful. See the building first.
Then, she’d figure it all out.
Chapter 13
Slippery Wet
Josh went for a walk after an hour and a half of working with Tony to teach him the Pentatonic scales. He left Tony to practice while he walked through town. He breathed in the fresh sea air, drawing it deep into his lungs.
He couldn’t remember the last time he’d actually just taken a walk to enjoy the outdoors. How the hell sad was that? God. He needed to live life a little more. Stop and take a deep breath.
For the first time since he’d arrived, he noticed the run-down frayed edge to the town. It wasn’t overt. You couldn’t tell unless you looked hard to see the slightly peeling paint on the wooden Cedar Shake siding of the beachy looking pastel-colored Victorian buildings. He peered in one shop window. The sparsely decorated storefront window and the lack of merchandise a big clue that it lacked for customers.
There was a bakery, who’s siding looked the color of a pale-pink confection, an old general mercantile painted blue, which he’d bet was the local hardware store, candy shop, toy store, and five-and-dime all in one. A prim white building housing the village pharma
cy stood on the corner. A sea-green-colored bookstore with big paned windows and bold black lettering announced the presence of The Book Nook across the street.
And down the block he saw the sign for the local library. Across from that stood a big stone Episcopal Church with its slate roof and stone cross reaching high into the sky. Huge rhododendron bushes with blossoming purple flowers created a natural hedge between the churchyard and the street, but a low black wrought iron fence bordered the sidewalk as well to partition off the graveyard behind the church, giving it the proper respect it deserved.
Josh stood in front of the church, remembering the hours and hours they’d spent as a family together inside St. Paul’s in his hometown in Kentucky. Not Orthodox, they’d split their time between St. Paul’s and the synagogue; the resultant tug-of-war between the family’s Jewish and Catholic heritages. Father Murphy’s rich sonorous voice came to him, a reminder about forgiveness. Father Murphy had quoted Anne Lamott, something about drinking poison and waiting for the rat to die. The point the father had made was that holding a grudge, not extending forgiveness, was more poisonous to the one holding the grudge than to the one we were holding out against.
Josh fished his phone out of his pocket and dialed his grandfather’s telephone number. He held his breath. Sidewinder was right. It was time. Time to extend the olive branch. He’d held on to this bitterness for too long. They both had.
“Saul Cohen, here.”
Josh paused, not knowing what to say. Fear gripped him by the throat and his heart hammered at the base of his neck like a small animal trying to get out of a cage. It had been years since he’d heard his grandfather’s rich, steady voice.
Every Heart Sings (Serenity Island Series) Page 18