“You’re quiet.” Her fingertips moved to his collarbone and the hollow in his throat.
“I’m just relishing the feel of you against me.” Jairo closed his eyes and buried his nose in Joy’s hair, inhaling, he pressed a kiss into the strands.
“You always do.” Faint laughter tickled his ears and reverberated through his chest where her breasts pressed against him. “Do you think we will ever tire of being naked?”
“I highly doubt it. We seem to get along better this way.” He pulled her closer. “Nothing is hidden when we’re naked. We are on level footing, equal. Nothing can be hidden this way, so why bother trying. Besides, I’m not ashamed of the affect you have on my body.”
Her giggle made his lips tilt up as her nose brushed his pectoral muscle and her hand covered her face.
“What’d I say?”
“Nothing.” Her breath created goose bumps across his heated flesh. His temperature always ran hotter with her nearness. “You’re just so… I don’t know, brutally honest.”
“Why wouldn’t I be?” He shifted his head back to look at her in the dim lighting. “Does it bother you that I speak my mind where you’re concerned?”
Her eyes widened and her mouth moved but no sound came out. She lifted her head off his chest. Jairo felt the loss of her warmth immediately.
“No, I’m just not used to it.” She scooted closer and brushed her lips across his. “Most men aren’t going to offer a woman that much power over them, Jairo. It’s not something they willingly do, ya know?”
“You can call me ‘Jay,’ it’s easier to pronounce.” His heart melted with the caress as his body hardened. This was so much more then sex. “I know, but I’m not like other men. I’m me.”
“It gives me practice, love. I’ll eventually pronounce it right.” Joy shook her head and laughed, brushing her nose to his. “You’ll always be ‘Jairo’ to me.”
“And you will always be my heart.”
“You flatter me.”
“No, I love you. You are a part of me. The best part.” He tipped his head back as Joy scooted up next to him, so they were both lounging, her head against his. “You’re everything that is right with this world.”
He tugged on the strand of hair that brushed his cheek, until Joy’s mouth was near his. With gentle care, he touched her lips with the tip of his tongue, tracing the seam until he gained access to the treasure he desired.
Joy was the most beautiful creature in the world. Her inner confidence shone like a beacon in a storm.
Hunger ramped up as heat built to boiling between them. Jairo brought her closer and she willingly went where he led. His heart expanded at the love and trust Joy showed in him. They were still very new to the relationship they found themselves. He believed they would make it through the snags when they appeared, because of this sense of belonging.
They were home to each other and whole…for the first time in their lives.
* * * *
Joy wanted to climb inside Jairo and stay there. Their love and acceptance was more than she could ever ask for. Having found it, she never wanted to let it go. Ever.
Are you worthy of the profoundness in what you two share?
Startled by those concerns, she pulled back and rested her head on his shoulder. Her nose buried against his pulse. Its rapid tempo spoke loud and clear what Jairo felt.
He wanted her.
She waited for him to make the move to instigate sex. When he continued to hold her to him in silence, Joy sighed. He was the most beautiful male in the world and he loved her. What more could she ask for?
“Can we make this work, Jairo?” She hadn’t wanted to break the peace that encased them, but her fear refused to leave it alone. “I’m an American, born and raised. You’re a Calanthian, born and raised. We’re two very different nationalities and backgrounds.”
“I believe we can, baby.” His chin nudged the top of her head and she smiled.
“But you said you don’t have beliefs or faith.”
“I believe in you and I have faith in us.”
“Honest?”
“Honest.” Jairo chuckled and squeezed her close. “Now, where were we?”
“You were showing me how much you loved me.” Joy tipped her mouth toward his in a silent plea, knowing he would take the hint and kiss her.
The second his lips claimed hers, her heart pounded and breath caught. She’d heard of women who lost their breath when men kissed them. They’d say “he stole my breath away”…Jairo did that to her. Every time he used to call, her pulse would race and her heart literally skipped beats. The air would catch in her lungs and she’d get lightheaded and have to sit down.
While growing up Joy honestly believed the romantic stories were over-exaggerated. Her grandparents’ had overplayed the actual happenings of Twin Flames.
They weren’t, at least not where Jairo and her were concerned.
* * * *
She breathed in and opened her eyes. Joy hadn’t planned on meditating right then, but it seemed her mind had other ideas. Allowing her mind to clear and wander kept the throbbing down, although nothing stopped the pain.
“Jairo…”
Of everything she kept seeing, he had the starring role.
The remnants of the vision continued to play out, she tried to place where they were. The bedroom was rustic, like a cabin of some variety. There had been claps of thunder and flashes of lightening, a summer storm?
Why had she gone there? Why was he there?
More and more questions seemed to pop up with every dream slash vision she had.
Joy concluded the ones she had in the beginning were early on. Like the first times the two of them connected on purpose with each other. Curiosity and encouragement drove them in those. He was her strength she learned. As they evolved, they moved closer to something bigger.
Wherever Jairo was, that was where she wanted to be. Something told her he’d have the answers to what happened to her memories.
Lifting her arms over her head, she stretched, unfolded her legs, and stood.
Joy glanced out the living room window to the darkening clouds. She flipped on the lamp and stepped closer to the glass. A summer storm was brewing, the air thick with moisture.
This was where she lived, but it was not her home.
Jairo was her home.
Chapter Eleven
“What exactly are you asking for Joy?” Jairo’s pulse stopped, dread flooded him. By her expression, he knew this was not something he wanted to hear.
“I’m saying I need some time alone to think.” Her chin lifted in that maddening manner endearing her and annoying the hell out of him.
“Why?” His heart constricted as pain expanded outward. She had given him a taste of heaven and now Joy yanked it cruelly away. And for what?
“Why?” She threw her hands up and turned away only to turn back. “Look at us. We’ve only known each other a handful of weeks. We have not ever met in person, haven’t touched physically, and yet we’re all over each other when we dream. Our phone calls last for hours as if no time passes and you aren’t bothered by that? You know me in a way I allow no other. All my secrets are open to your intent gaze. Doesn’t any of this bother you?”
Jairo knew better than to question the Ancient Gods, because he wasn’t ever given the answers he wanted when he wanted them. So why bother inquiring? Did he wonder about matters he had no control over? Yeah, he did, but had learned to accept them as a part of the bigger picture, even if he couldn’t see it in that exact moment.
“Certain things you just don’t question, Joy. This is one of them.” He stiffened as fear spread throughout his body. He didn’t want to beg her to stay with him. “I accept we were meant to be introduced through my sister. I accept a meeting in person will eventually happen, when the time is right. We are one person, one soul.”
“But that’s not what they say is possible.” A muscle in her jaw twitched.
Jairo knew he
was slowly losing her, but for what reason? What was interfering?
“With an open mind and heart, Joy, any and everything is possible.” He clenched his hand at his side, wanting to touch and hold her, soothe the ache he felt emanating from her. “If your blinders are off you see me for who I truly am and love me regardless, as I love you.”
“Couples verbally get to know one another, they have secrets. Parts of their lives and memories remain buried deep. They can’t read each other’s mind and speak mentally to one another. That’s science fiction or paranormal. Not the real world with real relationships, it’s a fantasy to have that sort of acceptance from another human being. It just doesn’t happen.”
“But we aren’t full human.”
“You know what I mean.” Her arms crossed over her chest, protectively.
“So, what you’re saying is because of what everyone else says is right, true and real you have to think about us, our connection? What we mean to each other? Really?”
Joy gave a frustrated sigh and shoved her hands through her long wavy hair. Jairo knew she battled with the contradictions in her life and dealt with a balancing act most high wire pros would envy. Now, however, she had to face that part of who she was. She could no longer pretend she was a full-blooded human without special capabilities. That shape-shifters and hybrids were not a part of folklore and myth, but in fact, real.
“I have to be able to look myself in the mirror every morning. I have to live with myself and my decisions. You’re here, real, not a figment of my imagination. I need to come to terms with that on my own.”
“Are you saying I’ll distract you?”
“No—well, not intentionally. I know you won’t, but will I sidetrack myself? Any decision I make I have to make it on my own, without distractions of any kind.”
“How will you do that?”
“Go away for a while.” She clasped her hands together in front of her. He detested her defensive actions. “I can’t think with my mother going on about what’s right and what I’m supposed to do according to her beliefs. I need silence, away from her.”
Jairo’s heart continued to pound painfully against his ribs in fear and uncertainty. Joy had the power to destroy him and didn’t even realize it. Her having lived life as a human and not a hybrid meant her thinking was logical…about almost everything.
For her, what the two of them felt for each other was overwhelming and not real.
How could he fight that?
* * * *
“What’s happening, Doctor?” Jezzaray’s worried voice broke through the haze that covered his mind with the last dream.
He wanted to cry and scream at the unfairness of life. Why had she left him? Why did she have to think about them? He did not understand.
Clicking and metallic bleeps sounded as the patter of feet shuffled around.
“Your brother is dreaming.”
“Every machine connected to him went off. None of the other times that happened.”
“It would appear he had a nightmare.”
“A fucking nightmare? Seriously?” His sister’s huff fluttered around him. He tried to move his mouth.
The longer he stayed prone the harder Jezzaray was gonna hit him when he did finally wake up and he deserved it. And so much more.
“As I’m sure you were told the brain is the least understood organ in the body. These are set to monitor his vitals, all of them. Yes, when he dreams they blink and beep. A nightmare will produce alarms and bells ringing because of his fear. Euphoria, adrenaline, they each fire responses and the computers pick them up, it’s all normal I assure you.”
Normal for whom, he wanted to ask.
* * * *
She half-listened to the woman claiming to be her mother as she spoke and walked around the living room. Joy’s attention focused on the framed photos. Her image was in each one. Some she’s alone, others with siblings, parents, and even more family members. None tickled her memory. They were portraits on the wall of someone else’s home.
Complete strangers, who are your family, dummy.
“Are you listening to me, Joy?” the older woman demanded.
“I am,” she called back, her gaze drawn to, she assumed, the newest addition.
Lifting the frame, she found the date, six months previous. She replaced it and stepped closer to study the features of the people gathered.
She touched her cheek in awe. The woman that held her likeness was in love…deeply in love. Stunned she stood there, a man that she loved was somewhere out in the world.
Not once had her mother said anything about a boyfriend or husband. Neither had the older man, her father, who greeted her at the door, smiled, and hugged her close. He pulled back, his expression one of concern and worry.
Joy decided against telling her “family” she lost her memory. The gentleman who smelled of peppermint and tobacco sensed a difference in her. He didn’t say anything and the men who were her brothers or her single sister hadn’t either.
Was that the “Jairo” on her computer? The photos she still could not look at without crying.
Even after all these days, she couldn’t open the named file. She tried. But violent tremors shook her and a piercing pain thrust through her temples. Joy closed it without searching further. She hadn’t been able to move for two days without getting sick afterward. Whatever was wrong with her could not just be memory loss. Something had to explain the shakes and migraines.
The doctors found nothing when they ran their barrage of tests. They just tossed more useless medicine at her with a list of restrictions.
“Come stand in the kitchen with me.” The older woman stuck her head through the entryway.
Startled, Joy jumped back and crossed her arms. “Sure.”
The woman who gave birth to her made her uneasy. She appeared kindhearted and loving with a tinge of underlying confusion and contradictions.
“You have got to stop living in the dream world.” Her mother moved around the room preparing food; Joy leaned against the doorframe, leery. “It’s not healthy. In the end, you’ll only get hurt. I should’ve never let your grandparents fill your head with that fantasy gibberish. They’re nothing but make-believe childish fairy tales.”
She rubbed her temples at those words. Was this the type of conversation they’d had throughout her life? If so, she was glad she couldn’t remember.
“Don’t let her bother you, Joy. You know how she gets. Even Dad can’t get her to listen.” A brother approached her and rolled his eyes.
It appeared other family members shared the talent of telepathy. The action was easy and natural, as if they had done it often being siblings. The newest tidbit did nothing to stop her mind from evaluating the differences in her parents.
She wondered how they could love each other and be two so completely different people. Not only that contrast, but also their spiritual beliefs were at the opposite ends of the spectrum.
“Has she always been this way, or is it just me?” She crossed her arms as he leaned his shoulder against hers.
“No, she believes her prayers to her god saved you from that bastard.” He dipped his head toward hers. “She’s upset Dad is visiting the islands this summer and he’s going even though she’s refused to step foot on them.”
Islands? What islands is he talking about? She glanced at him to see if he heard her. When he didn’t respond she breathed easier.
“Are they Twin Flames, Chaz?” She laid her head against his. Her heart ached again.
“I believe so. But Mom struggles with Dad’s differences.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead.
Their mother’s arguments were the same as always. A small part of Joy didn’t want to remember her past. Not because she wasn’t ready, but more to the fact what would she learn?
“You can’t worry about whether Mom will condone your relationships, Joy. You’re the one who has to be happy, not her. It’s your life.” He squeezed her shoulder and walked into the living ro
om.
Her jaw dropped, he thought she was sad over an association and their mother not being accepting. If the older woman wasn’t still going on, she’d laugh.
If he only knew! A relationship is the least of my worries these days.
“Are you even listening to me, Joy?” Her mother faced her, something hissed in her ear.
This is…familiar.
“I am.” She lifted a shoulder. Had this played out before? Déjà vu?
“You better.” She shook a wooden spoon in her direction and Joy bit the inside of her cheek. Nothing had changed. “This is the real world. Once you realize that the better off you’ll be.”
Nothing had changed? Where in the hell did that come from? Shock turned into melancholy, replaced with flash-fire anger.
How dare she tout on about the real world when she has not lived through what I have? Who gives her the right?
“I’m serious.” Her mother approached and Joy stiffened. “I won’t have you spouting nonsensical gibberish to your siblings. It’s not logical.”
Her canines lengthened and she clenched her jaw. The woman wasn’t a hybrid and Joy feared losing control over the animal.
Where’s this knowledge coming from?
Joy’s gaze locked to the older woman’s, refusing to bend. What had she done to deserve this sort of treatment, because she was a shifter and not full human?
“Whatever.” She shrugged and turned to walk away.
“I mean it Joy Machelle.” A thwack sounded as the spoon connected with her shoulder blade. “You will listen and abide by my rules concerning the younger ones.”
Air hissed through clenched teeth, she swung her arm and her fingers connected with the utensil. The wood sailed across the room and then her mother’s hand struck her cheek. Blood rushed to the injured area as her brothers and father rushed into the kitchen, their eyes wide. Their shock rolled her stomach.
A decision needed to be made, either she closed herself off and shut down or exploded in fury. What had she done to deserve the hit? Was she everything her ex accused her of being? Did she ask to be struck?
Twin Flames: Soul Memory Page 7