“She’s not that gifted. No one is.”
“When did you become so cynical?”
“My rose-colored glasses broke into tiny little pieces. My vision significantly improved after that.”
Nina was getting tired of this conversation. She braced herself for whatever would come next.
“Look, I don’t have the time to devote to your project. I work hours that would put a surgical resident to shame. Whatever time I have left I try to spend with Marc, who’s no slouch in the workaholic department himself. I’m thirty-five and childless, which will become a permanent condition if I don’t do something soon. I can barely balance it all. There’s just no room for anything else.”
Phillip cocked his head to one side, weighing her words carefully. It had never once occurred to him she might not be able to accept his offer for any other reason than she was being stubborn and wanted to hurt him. Other than the elephant-sized whopper she’d been telling that unsuspecting fool she married, he’d never known her to tell lies. In fact, she was just the opposite, which was why she was so dangerous to his ambition. He needed to dial up the pressure. And he knew just where to start.
“Are you having an affair with Sonny Alvarez?”
“What?” The question stunned Nina, but what was more disconcerting was the fact he brought up Sonny’s name. How did he know Sonny and why did he think she was having an affair with him? Nina decided the best way to deal with this to play it cool.
“I don’t do affairs. That’s more your department, isn’t it?”
“You surprise me, Nina. Here you are talking about how wonderful your husband is, and you’re cheating on him. Not that I blame this Sonny.”
Nina was grateful Sonny had a cover job in case anyone came poking around. Phillip would have a coronary if he knew who Sonny worked for.
“Things aren’t always as they appear. Sonny is a friend. And why are you having me followed?”
“It’s clear you and Sonny Alvarez are lovers. To answer the second part of your question, I do background checks on all my employees, including who they associate with.”
“It doesn’t matter what you believe. The truth always wins out in the end. Secondly, I’m not your employee, and never will be, so you can call off your dogs. I wonder what Geraldine would make of all this?”
“Don’t do anything stupid, Nina. I’ll make you regret it.”
Nina ignored the threat. “What do you want from her? How did you trap her into marrying you?”
“Geraldine and I were good friends before we started dating.”
“You don’t have friends,” Nina countered. “You have targets. You and I both know she won’t exit this marriage unscathed. You’ll destroy her just like you did the others. And for once in your life, stop playing games and tell me the truth: why is there a bulls-eye on my back?”
CHAPTER FIVE
A married woman, still childless in her mid-thirties, is considered a failure in many non-western cultures. At least that’s what Nina’s mother-in-law, Claire Kasai, had told her one afternoon over drinks, soon after Nina and Marc were married. Claire went on to explain the expectations placed on women from such cultures, including their own Ivorian West African culture. It didn’t matter what a woman accomplished professionally, Nina was told. If she failed to give her husband children, there was a certain stigma attached to her.
It sounded like outdated thinking to Nina at the time, an idea that had no place in a modern world where women had much more control over the choices that would impact their lives. Nina didn’t believe such archaic rules applied to her marriage since Marc was American-born and didn’t subscribe to that idea. They made the decision to put off starting a family so they could build their careers and extend the honeymoon phase through the first few years of their marriage.
For the past eight months, though, all efforts to conceive had been in vain. With their respective high-profile, high-stress jobs, Nina wasn’t surprised they hadn’t been successful. She made a promise to slow down and take more time to relax, but that hadn’t happened. Instead, she was getting sucked in deeper and deeper into her responsibilities at work. On the home front, she was getting tired of the basal body temperature tracking, ovulation monitoring, and the post-coital legs-in-the-air routine. Marc was just as frustrated with what he affectionately referred to as his “monthly deposits.”
Today they both ditched work and stayed home to do nothing in particular. Nina lounged on the sofa in the family room while Marc massaged her feet.
“This feels like heaven.”
“You should let me do something about your hair, too,” he said, grabbing a handful. “Right now it looks like a hurricane blew through the Amazon.”
His quirky sense of humor was one of the things she loved most about him. “How long have you been sitting on that one?”
“A while. But I’m serious. You should let me practice on you. What if we have daughters? What if you’re out of town and Charlene’s not available? Don’t you want peace of mind, knowing our girls won’t go to school with hair that looks like a troll’s?”
Marc always looked at the big picture, thinking of every possibility from every angle. “Is that what you want, daughters?”
“Any child would be a blessing.”
Nina suspected he was under mounting pressure from his family to produce a male heir. His younger brother, Thierry, loved the bachelor lifestyle and had no intentions of settling down and had told Nina as much. That left Marc to carry on the Kasai name. Claire Kasai erroneously believed her daughter-in-law cared more about her career than she did about having a family.
“I would prefer not to have girls,” Nina announced.
“You don’t mean that, Cherie?”
She sat up and looked at him. “I do mean it. I know it’s not up to me, but the world isn’t always kind to little girls. Or women, for that matter.”
“Where is this coming from? I thought we wanted healthy children no matter the gender.”
“As long as they’re not girls.”
Marc seemed unsure of what to say and gave her a forced smile. “You’re going to miss out on a lot. Ballet lessons, first date, fashion crisis, boy crisis, senior prom, mother of the bride. I hear it’s all about the dress.”
“None of it’s worth the potential horrors lurking around every corner.”
Marc frowned in confusion but said nothing.
Nina knew it was selfish and irrational, but she didn’t want a replay of her early years. She had mostly happy memories of her early childhood in Barbados, after her mother left her father when she was barely two years old and returned to the island to be near family. By the time she was eight, she was freakishly tall for a girl her age. To make matters worse, her small face emphasized her eyes, which looked like two enormous, green jack-o-lanterns. She was teased mercilessly by a group of kids who labeled her a witch—a damning moniker in Caribbean culture. She thought all the fuss over her features was left behind when she returned to the States at age ten, but it only got worse. None of the black kids would sit with her at lunch because they thought she was some kind of freak; her hair was too long, she had green eyes, and a funny accent. To add insult to injury, she was taller than everyone in her class, including the boys.
She rubbed Marc’s shoulder reassuringly. “Sorry. I just had a flashback to my childhood. I meant to say it would be easier if we didn’t have girls, especially if they looked like me. I just want to shield them from the misery I went through.”
“They won’t. I can see you storming the principal’s office and demanding action if someone were to say boo to any child of ours. I can’t imagine what it must have been like for you, feeling like there was something wrong with you. Looks like you got the last laugh.”
“How so?”
“Look in the mirror. Why do you think I married you?”
“You said because I was smart and kind and I made you happy.”
“True. But I didn’t want to admit to
you that one of the most elementary reasons I wanted to marry you. I was afraid you would accuse me of being sexist and turn down my proposal.”
“What reason would that be?”
“I also married you because you’re hot. I’m sorry, but I’m a man and that counts.”
“Marc Kasai, you should be ashamed of yourself. You know how I feel about that.”
“I know, which is why I compliment you sparingly when it comes to your looks.”
Nina had almost missed out on marrying Marc. If she had moved one second too soon, they never would have met. He sought her out at a reception following a special lecture when she was winding down her MBA program at Harvard Business School. He stopped her just as she was headed out the door.
“I’ve been trying to get your attention all evening. I thought I might score some points if I did the manly thing and faced my rejection head-on.”
“I didn’t notice you.” It was the best she could do not to come off like every other female in the room who looked at him like he was a lobster buffet at a seafood restaurant. He had intelligent eyes, a lean physique that moved like a panther, and sex appeal that would make Hollywood’s leading men envious. Guys like him didn’t fall for girls like her, Nina told herself. The smart thing to do was exit the situation as gracefully as possible.
Instead, they spent the rest of the reception glued to each other. She learned he was a managing director for global markets at Sullivan and Hewitt, a business management consulting firm; he spoke fluent French at the insistence of his parents, who had immigrated from the Ivory Coast, he had a younger brother and older sister, and his father was Chief of Neurosurgery at one of the state’s leading hospitals.
Their year-long courtship brought Nina to life and made her believe anything was possible. Her newfound happiness had drowned out the history that told her she didn’t deserve it. Her wedding day was everything she never dreamed of. There had been one conspicuously absent guest, a regrettable but necessary occurrence.
“I’m going to take a shower,” she said to Marc, and jumped off the couch. Upon reaching their bedroom, she noticed the blinking light on the answering machine on the nightstand, and thought it was weird because she didn’t hear the house phone ring. The message was from her gynecologist. Dr. Chaudhury wanted to see her right away.
CHAPTER SIX
She would never be able to have children on her own. That was the bombshell diagnosis from Nina’s doctor. Apparently, both her fallopian tubes were blocked because of massive scarring. IVF seemed to be the most viable option. Marc wasn’t completely on board but Nina made the unilateral decision to move forward, and that led to a huge fight. They didn’t speak to each other for three days. Once the smoke cleared and Nina had time to think things through calmly and rationally, she could see why Marc felt the way he did. They had been trying to get pregnant for almost a year, and that was stressing him out. He complained they never made love for fun anymore, everything was based on her ovulation cycle and she wouldn’t let him touch her unless it was that time of the month. The pressure was causing him to be resentful and he suggested they consider adoption at some point if she couldn’t get pregnant the old-fashioned way. That caused Nina to fly into a rage and she accused him of giving up without a fight. That led to an even longer, louder argument that ended with Marc moving to the guest bedroom.
This morning she was in a sour mood but the person knocking on the other side of the door was persistent.
“Come in,” Nina said wearily.
“Surprise!”
Nina was astonished to see her younger sister barge into her office. Cassie was in her late-twenties, slightly chubby, yet sickeningly pretty. If a piece of clothing was short, tight or showed her cleavage, Cassie owned it. The Boston College dropout had a platinum credit card permanently attached to one hand, and a puppet string controlled by their father attached to the other.
Nina gave her a bright smile and a hug. “You didn’t tell me you were coming over.”
“I was at Downtown Crossing and thought I should come by and see what you’re up to.”
“Found anything good in the stores?”
“No, but my friend Kate says new inventory will be coming in at Neiman Marcus and she’ll hold some items for us.”
“I don’t know, Cass. Marc is already complaining that I’ve taken up all the closet space. “If I buy any more clothes or shoes, I think he’s moving downstairs.”
“Oh, please. Marc’s not going anywhere.”
“Maybe you’re right. It’s an empty threat. Name the date and the time and I’ll be there.”
Cassie seemed pleased. Nina had a guilt complex regarding her younger sibling. She didn’t see her as much as she should. They were somewhat close, but Nina and the naïve and somewhat irresponsible Cassie were perpetually at different junctures in their lives. Cassie lacked direction and focus while Nina was single-minded in whatever she pursued. At the moment, it was motherhood. Cassie was the ultimate daddy’s girl and he had no problem letting her wander through life aimlessly on his dime until the day when she figured out what she wanted to do with her life.
“Great, I can’t wait. Dad says hello, by the way. He’s still mad at you for skipping his birthday party.”
“I always skip his birthday party, that’s nothing new.”
“He was hoping it might be different this year.”
“He knows better.”
“Come on, Nina,” Cassie said impatiently. “How long do you intend to keep this up? Can’t you give him another chance? This is getting ridiculous.”
“I would expect that coming from you. The way you hero-worship him, though—that’s what’s ridiculous.”
Cassie looked put out by the criticism. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“He’s not who you think he is, Cassie. I’ve been trying to tell you this for a long time. Yet, you refuse to even consider my point of view.”
“You’re the one who’s hard of hearing. Our father is getting old. Every time he reaches out to you, you reject him. Why can’t you just be nice to him?” He’s not going to be around forever and then you’ll be sorry if you don’t make up with him.”
Nina was getting sick of Cassie’s constant nagging about their father. Still, she was almost sympathetic to her sister’s plight, since Nina had been the one who dashed her hopes of them ever being a happy family again. Nina recollected the story exactly as she had written it in her diary.
May 23, 1993
I did it! It’s graduation day and I made it through Stanford in three years and graduated summa cum laude. My honor’s thesis was a walk through hell, but I went through worse to get here. I’m so happy Mom was able to see me graduate. She brought Uncle Archie, her favorite brother, who lives in New Mexico. Charlene came up from Boston, too, completing my little trio of cheerleaders. I’m officially independent now, thanks to hard work and the generosity of my step-dad, Trevor . . . wish he could’ve been here, too. We all miss him—another one gone too soon. But when he named me and Mom as beneficiaries on his insurance policy, he gave me what I needed to take care of incidentals and travel and whatever else struck my fancy while I was at school. Trevor will always be with me. And of course, Mr. Tibbs. I start a new job in New York in a few weeks. Charlene will only be an hour away, so we can see each other often. It means I can see Cassie more often, too, but I have to make sure he’s not around.
Anyway, it’s May in California and hot as heck. I wanted to ditch my cap and gown but Mom wanted to make sure we had enough pictures, you know, at least five hundred, to remember this moment by. The ceremony, which took place at Stanford Stadium, looked like the Astrodome during a Super Bowl game. Afterwards, Mom, Charlene, and I were going to head to the hotel, have a nice fancy lunch and fly to Los Angeles in the morning. We planned to play tourist for a week before I head to Dallas with my mother to spend the remaining time before I start my new job.
We were wrapping up some official pictures when I almost
fainted. Not from the heat but because of the girl I saw running toward me—Cassie, now thirteen and quite lovely. Her presence meant only one thing, but I hoped I was wrong.
She almost tackled me to the ground. “I couldn’t wait to see you, Nina,” she said. “It took so long for the plane to get here last night, I thought we would miss your graduation, but luckily, Dad had the schedule all figured out.”
“Dad?” I asked.
“Yes. Dad and my mom are here. He said we’re gonna be a family again. Now that you graduated, you can come home. Dad said he could use his contacts to get you a job in Boston. Isn’t that great news?”
I felt awful. The poor kid hadn’t seen me in three years and I didn’t say goodbye to her when I left. I was going to have to break her heart again, but it would have to wait. Theresa and Dad were approaching and everyone had to be on their best behavior for Cassie’s sake. The introductions could have been less awkward, but under the circumstances, we all did okay. Theresa hugged me and congratulated me. She was polite enough to my mother and said it was nice to finally meet her. With Theresa, you never knew what she was thinking or feeling. Charlene was mostly taking it all in and keeping Cassie occupied while Archie stepped off to the side. Dad went to hug me and I wanted to hightail it out of there, but that would have drawn unwanted attention. When he hugged me, he whispered in my ear ‘well done’ and that he loved me. I don’t think he was faking, but then again, it’s my dad. He could make you believe anything.
The celebration didn’t go exactly as planned. Me, Charlene and Mom didn’t go back to the hotel right away. Instead we ended up at this Italian restaurant on the water . . . we seemed like any other family out having a Sunday afternoon brunch. Dad wanted to know my plans post-graduation and that’s when things got a little hairy.
Conspiracy of Silence Page 3