by Derek Haines
‘Well, it wasn’t me who messed up on the inter-planetary shuttle station in the Seventh Sun System. That was your mad doctor. So don’t start threatening me Dagnion.’
‘He’s not a mad doctor. What would you know anyway?’
‘Well as far as I’m concerned, he’s the one that’s got us into this, so you’d better be sure he knows what he’s doing this time.’
‘You know as well as I do it was an accident. Dr Herdelburger can’t be blamed for an electrical outage and surge on the new station just as he was processing August the Eightieth’s brain, now could he?’
‘But the plan was not to have a dead Supreme Potentate, was it?’ Snerlic said with a sneer.
‘Look Snerlic, you find the fool February, and keep his two brothers out of the way and all will be under control.’
‘And what are you doing to help Dagnion?’ Snerlic again sneered and was starting to give Dagnion an inkling that Snerlic could well become a problem that would need attention. Sooner rather than later judging by his present attitude.
‘Snerlic,’ Dagnion said quietly. ‘It’s quite simple really. If you don’t find the fool within twenty-four hours, you may not get to see another twenty-four.’
‘Don’t threaten me Dagnion.’
‘Oh, I’m not Snerlic. It’s not me who decides these things.’
Both men glared at each other, wondering who was really the weak link in the chain.
‘Are you keeping an eye on his sisters?’
‘Of course we are. The fool made it even easier by asking for a guard for each of them,’ Snerlic replied in a more cooperative tone thinking that it might be wise to stay on-side with Dagnion.
‘I’ll check with a member of the royals who is always good for a bit of information. See if I can get a few more names of friends the fool may have. I’ll send it by Q’muniktor before the evening’s out,’ Dagnion said. Also in a more conciliatory tone knowing that Snerlic had some nasty friends too, so best to tread carefully.
‘I’ll see if I can get some more men looking without attracting too much attention,’ Snerlic replied.
‘Alright. We’ll speak again in the morning. With the fool locked away I hope.’
‘Yes. Me too.’
April heard her Q’muniktor and sensed it was February as he was now late for dinner. She picked it up.
‘Hello Feb?’
‘No time. The coach hangar. Bring M and J and no guards!’ Feb said quickly before clicking his Q’muniktor off for fear of being tracked.
April knew what Feb meant. The coach hangar was where they would go as children when they wanted to hide from their home tutors. It was where the royal coaches were housed. They weren’t really coaches in fact. They were small craft used for ferrying the Royal Family around Sun System One on short royal visits. Very regal looking, but not very fast or very new. April also knew from the curt sound of Feb’s voice that there was real trouble now. She tapped a quick message to May and June on her Q’muniktor telling them to get ready to go to the ‘hangar’, but to wait until she came for them. Then she calmly walked past her guard who was in the living room and said she was going for a bath.
She changed in her bedroom and then headed for the bathroom, locked the door, then made immediately for the bathroom’s smallish window, as she thought her guard might get a little suspicious if he heard her leaving by the back door at this time of night. With a bit of a squeeze and a push she was through, and as the bathroom was on the ground floor, she landed quietly into her court yard garden by lowering herself slowly and carefully from the window.
Slipping away as quietly as possible, now her only thought was how to get May and June out of their homes without their guards noticing. At least with them all living close to each other in the same street, she thought that one grand distraction might do the trick. As she walked quietly down her side lane to the street, her plan clarified and was ready to hatch as she approached May and June’s villas.
April stood opposite May and June’s homes and readied herself with a little deep breathing exercise. Darkness had fallen, and with only a slither of a crescent moon it was perfect. One more deep breathing exercise and she began. Screaming as she hadn’t since she was ten years old with a scream that penetrated one’s eardrums with the immediate threat of splitting them in half. She threw in the odd ‘help’ and ‘rape’ to add to the effect. A couple more ear drum piercing screams and she saw movement from May and June’s villas. A glance back saw her own guard leaving the front door of her villa in a rush. She took that as her cue to move under the cover of near total darkness to her left, and loop back after a short distance towards the rear of June’s place and entered her courtyard with athletic scaling of the wall. She knocked as quietly as she could on the back door and was relieved when June came instantly to the door.
‘Quickly. Come with me. We’re in trouble,’ April whispered. June went to say something and April put a finger to her lips and said, ‘Shhh!’
June looked at her as they moved away. ‘Now, let’s get May,’ April whispered as she climbed the wall of June’s courtyard and beckoned June to follow. With a bit of a struggle they both cleared the walls of the two courtyards on their way to May’s.
‘What’s going on?’ June asked in a returned whisper as they avoided thorny rysininum plants that were popular in people’s gardens on Gloth.
Rysininum grew in popularity amongst everyday Glothians when it was discovered that the petals of the beautiful tangerine flower could be used to make a pretty decent tea. Not only was it considered a healthy after dinner digestive, it was also fabled to be an outstanding aphrodisiac. There was no proof for either claim, but as it had been a popular garden plant for Glothians for over a million and a half years, it was generally assumed that these claims were indeed true.
‘Feb’s in trouble June. And so are we. That’s all I know,’ April whispered back.
June nodded in agreement as they scaled the last wall and landed near May’s back door. There was a lot of movement, shouting of orders and general scurrying around by military sounding men in heavy boots in the street in front of the house as they arrived. April pressed her luck and knocked ever so gently on May’s back door. She was in luck for the second time as May answered her door dressed in her pyjamas and with a freshly made cup of hot Rysininum tea in hand.
‘April! June! What the …….’ May started to say but April put a hand over her mouth to lessen the volume of May’s surprised voice.
‘Seems you didn’t get my message then. Come with us now!’ April half barked like an order.
‘But I was just about to go to bed and……’
‘We really don’t need to know May,’ June said as she grabbed May’s arm. ‘Let’s go. Now May!’
April, June and May with her cup of hot Rysininum tea still in hand moved slowly down the side lane of May’s villa towards the street. The three guards were still shouting in the street in front of them, but luckily they were all moving right towards April’s villa now. April’s guard was shouting that she was missing. April waited until she saw the three guards move towards the rear of the row of villas and then signalled for May and June to follow her and they moved off right in the direction of the coach hangar. Thirty minutes later they arrived and April knocked on the huge front door in the rhythm they used as kids.
‘Knock, knock a knock knock. Knock, knock.’
‘Who is Zilkian?’ came a voice.
‘Zilkian is your pet zebra,’ April replied recalling their childhood code.
A small door within the large hangar door opened and Aril, May and June joined February and String in the coach hangar. String was a little surprised when May asked him if he was tired and needed a back massage, but apart from that everything seemed quite normal under the circumstances.
‘Sorry Feb, just caught May as she was having her Rysininum tea nightcap,’ April said.
‘Right,’ Feb replied but seemed elsewhere engaged.
‘Wh
at’s going on?’ June asked Feb and returned the conversation to the pressing issues while May and String discussed their own pressing issues at the same time.
‘Hey! Stop it!’ Feb and April both said to May and String as the effects of the Rysininum on May really kicked in and things looked like they could get out of hand.
‘Alright,’ Feb started to tell April and June and gave up on May and String. ‘We need to take a little break from Gloth.’
‘Terranova Two and The Cavern of Clavius,’ April said.
‘Yes,’ Feb replied sternly. ‘Our family is under threat.’
‘And the boy?’ April asked.
‘My new best friend. Well, until May arrived anyway.’
‘So he comes with us?’
‘Yes. He’s with us,’ Feb said firmly.
‘Why Feb?’
‘We still have one frame of backgammon to finish.’
‘Feb?’
‘Yes.’
‘Don’t worry. I’ll understand one day soon I suppose.’
‘None of these old slow coaches will get us to Terranova Two Feb,’ June said.
‘I know. We need to find a Cosmic Cruiser and someone who can fly it for us. Any ideas?’ Feb asked April and June, who immediately looked as though they were thinking. Feb tried to get String’s attention and was successful after a few attempts. May looked awfully disappointed.
‘Do you know any Cosmic Cruiser pilots String?’ Feb asked.
‘Well no, but my mum’s, um, boyfriend might,’ String said with a hint of embarrassment. ‘He works in the palace transport department.’
‘Can you call him on your Q’muniktor?’
‘I’ll try,’ String said and clicked a button on his Q’muniktor. He walked away from the huddled group when it answered.
‘Why don’t you just order a Cosmic Cruiser Feb? You’re the Supreme Potentate you know,’ May said as she returned to her sisters’ side. Still somewhat over-happy and relaxed.
‘His Q’muniktor is probably being monitored May,’ April replied before Feb could answer May.
‘And ours too?’ June asked.
‘Probably,’ Feb replied.
‘I don’t understand,’ June said with a puzzled look on her face.
‘Someone is trying to end our Gregorian family rule May,’ Feb answered. ‘We have to try and find out what happened to father, March and October.’
‘So are we all in danger?’ June asked.
‘I fear so June,’ Feb said very seriously.
‘Do you know who it is? I mean, who’s chasing you?’ June asked as May kept on smiling from the effects of her Rysininum tea.
‘Dagnion,’ Feb said with his head moving downwards.
‘But he was father’s right hand man Feb,’ June said completely surprised. ‘Why don’t you just have him arrested?’
‘I did in fact. But it is clear he has many friends. I had Commander Glutz arrest him in my presence, but clearly he was never taken into custody, so Glutz could be involved too.’
‘Do you know who else is involved?’ April asked Feb.
‘I just don’t know. Could be the whole Grand Council.’
‘Oh Feb. So they want to finish what they started with father, March and October?’
‘Clearly April. The big question is why. And I don’t understand why they let me be invested as Supreme Potentate. That part doesn’t make any sense.’ Feb said.
‘Do you get on with reptilians?’ String asked with a smile as he returned to the group.
‘What? A pilot?’ Feb asked with surprise.
‘There’s a Cosmic Cruiser pilot who just got sacked. Apparently he got a letter that was OK’D. And he’s not happy about it as he says the charges against him are reptilian racism. He’s the third reptilian pilot this month to get an OK’D dismissal letter along with fifteen other reptilian palace staff.’
‘So what does he want to fly us to Terranova Two?’ Feb asked String.
‘Nothing. He’ll do it if you can try to get his job back.’
‘Good work String. Of course. Now. I have one more favour String.’
‘Yes?’ String asked.
‘Can I borrow your Q’muniktor?’
‘Sure.’
Feb tapped a number and waited. The Q’muniktor answered.
‘Humped here.’
‘I received your letter Mr Humped.’
‘Who is this?’
‘February the Fifth. Your Supreme Potentate.’
‘Yes sir. I mean. Sir. Um. Yes. Eh....’
‘I need your help Mr Humped.’
‘Certainly sir.’
‘I need a Cosmic Cruiser before daybreak.’
‘Um sir. That’s um, well, difficult sir.’
‘How difficult?’
‘Um, well, eh, it seems new controls are being installed in my office. More and more things need to be, well, um, OK’D if you know what I mean sir.’
‘So how do I get a cruiser? I have a pilot. I was relying on you to help Snurd,’ Feb said in a tone that was friendly but firm.’
‘Well sir, I could requisition a cruiser immediately, but there could be problems later tomorrow when the requisition papers are processed. I would probably be in some, well, sir, I mean, um, hot water.’
‘Can I just ask you one question Snurd?’
‘Yes sir.’
‘Who are you loyal too? February the Fifth or a corrupt regime that I promise I will destroy?’
‘Of course to you sir.’
‘Will you trust me Snurd.’
‘Yes sir. Yes.’
‘Good. Organise the requisition so that the cruiser is ready for me at five am at the main cruiser port. And you get a toothbrush packed and join me there. I need a good assistant. Will you accept the job?’
‘Yes sir. Yes indeed,’ Humped said proudly and with conviction.
‘Good. See you there at exactly four-thirty then,’ Feb confirmed.
‘Yes sir!’ Humped said and Feb imagined Snurd saluting as he clicked off the Q’muniktor.
‘Right String. Get onto your reptilian friend and get him to meet us at the main cruiser port at four-thirty.’
‘Right!’ String said and immediately placed his call.
‘Will this work?’ April asked Feb with some doubt in her voice.
‘It has to April,’ Feb said with determination and his sisters looked at each other with a very good dose of fear in their eyes.
‘Sipply Snikkle will be our pilot. He’ll meet us as you said Feb,’ String announced proudly.
‘Simply what?’ Feb said with his left eye doing its usual gymnastics when he had trouble understanding something.
‘Sergeant Sipply Snikkle of the Royal Sun System Transport Corps,’ String said proudly.
‘Ex Sergeant Sipply Snikkle,’ June added for some reason, but everyone missed her attempt at lame humour.
‘Good. Everyone ready?’ Feb asked and got everyone’s attention. Four nodding heads answered him. Some nodding more confidently than others.
‘So we can’t go back home and pack then?’ May asked looking at her pyjamas.
‘Sorry May. But let’s see what we can find in the hangar stores,’ Feb said and April understood straight away, as they had paid a number of profitable visits to the hangar stores as children.
Within half an hour they were ready. Or as ready as they were ever going to be to save the Gregorian Royal Family and its two million years of history. The five set off for the cruiser port, an hour’s walk away, keeping out of sight as much as possible. It was a little after four when they arrived and they waited just to the right of the entrance. Protected by the dark of the night, waiting for Snikkle and Humped. Feb tried to stay as calm as possible, but String noticed that Feb had his hands behind his back with his fingers crossed on both hands.
‘We’ll have time to finish our backgammon game on the flight Feb,’ String said hoping to calm Feb.
‘I’d like that String,’ Feb replied but his mind was ob
viously elsewhere and completely missed that String had called him Feb for the first time.
Silence hung in the air as all five waited for a pilot and a pen pusher to arrive. As each minute passed, the expectation, nervousness and finger crossing continued in earnest. All five looking into the darkened distance hoping for a face to pop into the reflected light of the cruiser port entrance at any moment. Feb checked the time. Four twenty-two. He checked again ten minutes later and it was four twenty-three. June looked worriedly at April and April looked worriedly at May. May looked worried. String looked at Feb’s reddening crossed fingers. Feb checked the time again. Four twenty-four. Another five minutes passed before Feb noticed that it was now four twenty-six and was suddenly expectant as he thought he saw movement in the darkness.
It was the nose that first caught the pinkish light of the cruiser port entrance, and Feb immediately recognised the elongated proboscis as that of Snurd Humped. Dressed in either an identical or perhaps the same black suit he wore to Feb’s door, which matched his deep set black eyes and unsmiling mouth, Feb was relieved by his arrival. He half smiled which was more than Humped had ever managed.
‘Psst! Over here Humped,’ Feb whispered loudly enough for Snurd Humped to hear, and greeted him with a handshake. ‘Thank you for coming Snurd.’
‘Oh I’m honoured sir. Truly honoured.’
‘These are my sisters April, May and June and my body guard Stringley,’ Feb said quickly and quietly by way of introductions. Humped nodded his head to everyone, but was quite miffed at such a scrawny young lad being a royal body guard. However everyone nodded back graciously at Snurd. Humped passed an official looking file to Feb. It was the Cosmic Cruiser requisition. Approved, stamped, labeled, file numbered, time and date stamped and signed in triplicate by Snurd Humped for immediate issue to February the Fifth, the Supreme Potentate of the Twelve Sun Systems of Gloth.
‘Thank you Snurd,’ Feb whispered. ‘Now we just need a pilot.’
In what probably seemed like an hour but was only a minute or two, two figures appeared from the darkness. A surprise that had all six expectant passengers slightly on edge for a few seconds. As the figures approached and were bathed in the soft pink light, two reptilian pilots dressed in their official Royal Sun System Transport Corps uniforms and twelve sided officers caps appeared. With their lightly tinged green skinned faces turning a strange turquoise under the pink lights and their slightly split tongues occasionally licking their lips, they cut a fine style as they looked around for their passengers. Although called reptilian by many, it was an unfair description, as over the millions of years of integration into Glothic society, they barely retained any reptilian features other that their attractive skin colour and unique tongue shape. Very few people noticed that their fingernails resembled claws, as there were specialist manicurists available on most planets.