by Amy DeMeritt
When we leave the restaurant, Alex starts heading in a different direction than we need to take to get back to my room. I just follow her without asking where we’re going. After going down a few halls, she opens a door that leads outside and I smile. She holds the door for me and I wheel myself out into a small courtyard area with nice full garden beds and benches with a small water fountain and pond in the center. I take a deep breath of the cool night air and close my eyes smiling.
“It feels so good out here.”
I follow Alex for a lap around the little pond and then Alex takes a seat on a bench. I wheel up next to her and we sit here a moment just looking at the gentle glow of white water spout’s shooting up from the fountain in an alternating pattern.
“Jordan.” I look at Alex and she has a curious sad look about her. She takes my hand and kisses my knuckles. “What was it like?”
“What was what like?” She looks shy all of a sudden and looks down. I press my hand against her cheek and she asks, “What was it like when you died and then came back?” I give her a small smile and look back at the water fountain for a moment.
“It was extremely painful and scary, but the hardest part was the thought of never seeing you again.” I tell her about what I experienced in my last moments and the choice I had to make at the end. When I finish, I look back at Alex and she’s crying. She wraps her arms around me and we hold onto each other for a few minutes before she’s able to say anything.
“Jordan, that sounds so terrifying. I can’t believe you picked coming back here over going to heaven.” I smile and gently kiss her lips. “Heaven wasn’t down that perfect beautiful road, Alex. Heaven is right here.” I press my hand against her heart and she smiles with her bottom lip slightly trembling before she pulls me into a kiss.
Her lips and tongue make my head spin and make me feel like I’m floating. After a minute or so, she pulls back and looks in my eyes. At the same time, we both say, “I love you”, and we smile and let out a small happy laugh.
Chapter Eleven
A little over a week after coming back to life, I’m still in the hospital. I’ve been able to walk pretty well for the past two days, but Daria hasn’t authorized my release from the hospital yet. I’m doing so well that I’ve been given free rein to come and go from my room and the therapy center, just as long as I let someone know where I’m going and I wear my identification card. I’m getting impatient to be able to leave.
I’ve been in the therapy center for a couple hours trying to blow off some steam and burn up my impatient energy and frustrations from having it out with my dad yesterday. It took him an entire week to face me after going against my wishes and pulling the plug on me. His reasons were completely selfish – he just couldn’t bear to see me like that anymore and see my mom struggling with my situation. He never even consulted with my mom before signing the papers. I still love my dad and I’m sure I’ll forgive him, eventually, but right now, I’m still pissed. He even had the nerve to try and say something stupid like, “well, in hind sight it was a good thing because it helped you break out of your coma”. I actually almost punched him. It was only because of my love for Alex that I was able to come back. Had we not miraculously formed such a strong bond while I was out, I would have died and stayed dead and he would have been the one that killed me. He broke down when I pointed that out to him. I didn’t feel sorry for him at all.
One of my favorite energy burning and anger releasing exercises is to do a pull up, and while holding it, I pull my knees up to my chest, release the contraction on my arms, and when my arms are fully extended, I release the contraction on my abs and lower my legs. Just one rep makes me want to fall on the floor in exhaustion and I’ve just completed ten. After my last rep, I carefully lower myself down to my feet and rest my hands on my hips, trying to catch my breath.
I almost jump when I feel Alex slide her hands over my stomach and lean in close from behind me. She gently kisses the side of my neck and turns me to face the mirror with her wrapped around me. I smile seeing how huge her smile is as she looks at me in the mirror.
“You looked really hot doing that. I’m going to miss coming to find you in here and seeing you working out.” I watch her in the mirror as she turns to brush the tip of her small nose up the side of my neck before gently biting my earlobe and breathing in my ear, “But, I am really excited that I get to walk out that door today and take you home.” She turns back to look at me through the mirror with a big smile on her face and I literally jump as I turn to wrap my arms around her. “Are you serious? I’m being released today?” She laughs and nods. “Dr. Hamlin is waiting to hand deliver your discharge papers. We can leave whenever you’re ready.”
“I’m ready! Let’s go.” She laughs and entwines her fingers with mine as I pull her out of the therapy center.
When we get upstairs, and turn to walk down the hall with my room, the whole hall is lined with all of the amazing nurses and orderlies that have helped take care of me. My doctors, Daria, Callie, and my parents are standing in the center of them all. They all start clapping and I feel myself start to get emotional.
I hug every single person and thank them profusely for everything they did to help me. I don’t think I could have had better people looking after me. I’m surprised to see even my night nurses are here. I feel like these people are family now, especially Katie and Sonya.
Dr. Hamlin hands me a clip board with some papers and a pen clipped down and says, “Jordan, I am very happy to be able to send you home today. After you sign your discharge papers, you are free to go. You have been a rare treat and it truly has been a pleasure to be your doctor. Now, stay out of that ring. I don’t want you as a patient again, but feel free to visit.” He smiles kindly and I take the clipboard from him. “Thank you for everything. And trust me, I’m never getting in a boxing ring again.”
“Good. This is from your support team. We’re all so very happy you’re alive and doing so well.” I take the card envelop and smile. “Thank you so much. You’re all so amazing. I will definitely be back to visit.”
Daria extends her hand for me to shake and I smile. I shake her hand and she smacks my shoulder. “Good work, soldier. It was an honor training you and getting you back on your feet. I wish I could bottle up your fight and determination to give to all my other patients.”
A few days into therapy with Daria, I learned she used to be a Navy Seal. She told me that the way I push my body was similar if not more extreme than some of the conditioning they went through. That made me feel really good and actually helped calm the frustrations I had with myself over my weaknesses. She helped me to see that as long as I’m pushing myself to my limits, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s when we give up before we even try that should shame us. There wasn’t one exercise I did that I didn’t complete out till I was on the floor in exhaustion. I pushed till my body couldn’t go any further.
“Daria, you’re a hell of a coach. Thank you for everything.”
We say goodbye to everyone one last time, then we start walking back down the hall to leave. When I get to the end of the hall, I look back and wave to everyone. I turn back around and Alex takes my hand smiling. I feel so excited that I almost start running and skipping. Instead, I wrap my arms around Alex and pick her up and spin her around. Alex laughs, but gently slaps the top of my shoulder. “Oh my god, Jordan, put me down. You shouldn’t be putting so much weight on your legs yet.” I laugh and put her down and kiss her lips. Everyone down the hall starts clapping and whistling and we look back and wave again.
When we get outside, my mom says, “Sweetie, I am so proud of you for trusting in your inner strength to pull out of this and for recovering so quickly. Alex has a special day planned for you, so we’re going to head home, but we’ll see you tomorrow. Have fun and please be careful.”
I give my parents a hug and they start to walk off towards the parking lot. Callie pulls me into a tight bear hug and I feel like my ribs are going to
break. I groan in pain and she pulls back smiling.
“Alright, Pixie, get out of here.”
It only takes us about twenty minutes to get to my apartment building and seeing the Chinese restaurant that I live above makes me smile and slightly hop in my seat in excitement. When we get to my door, I look at Alex feeling kind of stupid. She must have been waiting for me to realize this because she’s smiling and laughs a little as she holds up my set of keys.
“I think you need these.” I laugh and take the keys. “Thanks, babe.” I unlock the door and when I step inside, I feel a flood of emotion. Technically, I haven’t been in here in over three months, but I feel like it’s only been a little over a week. The last thing I remember about being here though was just make belief in my brain and it was terrifying. I thought I had lost Alex. I don’t feel fear though. I feel like I’m finally home.
I take Alex’s hand and walk inside. On my kitchen island, there are several neat piles of mail, a notebook, and checkbook. There’s a handwritten note from Callie explaining she has been taking care of keeping up with my bills and accounts with the insurance money and so forth. I’ll need to look at all of these more closely at some point, but not right now.
I walk through my living room with Alex in tow, and I unlock and slide open the sliding glass door to my balcony. When we step outside, I gasp in delight. I turn to look at Alex and she has a really big smile on her face.
“Alex, did you do all this?” She nods and wraps her arms around me. “I wanted to get it started for you, but I thought we could go together so you can pick out some more.”
“This is amazing. Thank you.”
I pull Alex into a short kiss and then pull back to admire her handy work. Alex brought my blue forget-me-nots home and put them in hanging baskets in the corners of the balcony and underneath them sitting on the balcony are two slate colored ceramic pots of a beautiful plant with thick dark green foliage and bright white flowers with a little yellow bud in their center. I walk over to them and gently feel their texture and shape with my fingers like I dreamed about Alex doing for me at the flower market.
“These are beautiful and make me feel peace and happiness to look at them. What are they?”
“Gardenia. I got them because they’re supposed to symbolize love, dreams, renewal, strength, and hope. I just felt like they fit perfectly with everything happening with you and us.”
“They’re absolutely perfect. So, what are these special plans you have for us for today?” She smiles and wraps her arms around my waist, pulling me in close. “Do you remember what you told me is the first thing you wanted to do when you got out of the hospital?” I smile and reach up to kiss her lips. “I do. Am I allowed to shower and put on real clothes first? I’d like to show you that my wardrobe is more than just sweat pants and tee shirts.” Alex laughs and squeezes me closer. “Yes, you can shower and dress. I’ll pack the picnic while you’re getting ready.”
When I get to my bathroom, I’m surprised to find that someone, presumably Callie, has stocked my bathroom with fresh bottles and bars of all my favorite soaps, shampoo and conditioner, and pretty much everything I need. I grab a clean towel and strip down. I’ve lost a bit of muscle mass over the past three months so my frame is much smaller than I’m used to. I have gained back some weight since I first woke up, but I’m still about fifteen pounds under what I was before. Its most noticeable in my thinner thighs, back, and arms. I wasn’t in bodybuilder shape or anything before, but I definitely had more noticeable muscle before. I just look much more “average” now and less “serious athlete”.
I take a bit longer in the shower than I planned on. I decide to shave while I’m in there, but that doesn’t really take me very long. It’s the lathering up with my favorite body wash that gets me in trouble. This stuff is seriously good enough to offer the gods as a sacrifice to spare the Earth from total annihilation if and when that day comes. It’s made with cocoa butter, shea butter, jojoba butter, and coconut oil. Oh, man, it’s so luxurious. When I get out of the shower, I feel so soft and smooth. It’s so much better than what I was using in the hospital.
I quickly blow dry my hair and twist a few strands along the left side of my head back to give a faux shave look to that side. Before I fell into the coma, I had become pretty partial to the style. I attempt to put some studs in my ears, but all of my holes closed up while I was in the hospital. I used to have three holes going up my lobe on my left side with the cartilage pierced and the two holes on the right lobe. It’s going to be a long process of being able to get all those piercings again. I wonder if they’ll let me get all the holes at once.
It’s warm out, but not too hot so I decide to wear a pair of skinny jeans that definitely fit a little looser than they should, a bright blue tank top with slightly scooping arm openings that shows off a hint of the black bra I’m wearing, and on my feet, I opt for a pair of casual black canvas bobo style slip-on’s.
When I come back out to the living room, Alex is sitting in my favorite arm chair patiently waiting. I notice she has changed out of her nurse scrubs and she looks beautiful. She’s wearing a pair of tight cropped jeans that come a few inches above her cute delicate looking ankles, a white short sleeved see through blouse that has little blue birds on it, and underneath she has a blue camisole. When she sees me, she smiles broadly and stands up.
Almost simultaneously, we say, “You look great.” We laugh and pull each other in close. Alex suddenly pulls back smiling and rubs her hands up and down my arms. “Wow, what did you use in there? You feel like silk.” I laugh and kiss her lips. “I do owe you many bubble baths, so I can show you later.” She grins and pulls me into a kiss.
Alex’s hands continue to rub up and down my arms for a few moments while we kiss before she suddenly grips my hips and pulls me in firmly against her. Our breathing is starting to become more rapid and heavy. My hands glide down her back and slip into the back pockets of her jeans and Alex inhales deeply as my hands gently squeeze her nice firm cheeks. Alex suddenly pulls back from the kiss and wraps her arms around my back as she holds me close. She gently kisses my neck and pulls back to look at me.
“Do you still want to go for that walk and picnic?” I smile and nod. “I do. Is there anything we need that I can get together?”
“Nope, we’re all set.”
Alex walks towards my kitchen where she has stacked on the counter a large folded blanket sitting on top of a picnic basket. I smile seeing she has packed an actual picnic basket and not just a cooler. I get a very whimsical feeling in my stomach and have to literally pinch myself to see if this is really happening. Alex catches me pinch my forearm and asks with a raised eyebrow, “What are you doing?” I laugh and shake my head. “Just trying to make sure I’m not still asleep.” She smiles and takes my hand. “You never dreamt about kissing me, remember? So, you don’t have to worry about this being real or not.”
“Ah, so my test to know if this is real is to kiss you again?” She laughs and leans down to kiss me. When she releases my mouth from hers, she remains close to my face and says, “Was that convincing enough for you?” I smile and gently kiss her soft plump lips. “You’ve made a believer out of me, babe.”
When we get to the park, Alex takes my hand and we walk along the paved trail through the beautiful birch trees and whatever these trees are called with purple bell flowers.
“It’s really pretty here. How did you find this place? Your mom smiled when I asked her if she knew how to get here so I could bring you, but she wouldn’t tell me the story. She said to ask you when we got here.” Alex is looking all around her with a serene looking smile on her face before she turns to look at me, waiting for an answer. “My mom is a lot like you in being able to find beauty where others aren’t looking. When I was twelve years old, I saw I man get shot as I was walking home from school. There were people around, but no one would come to his aid. A man from a mini-mart across the street called the police, but he still kept his distance
. There was nothing I could do so I just held his hand as I watched the man bleed out on the sidewalk. He died before the paramedics arrived. I went home convinced that this world is just ugly and there’s nothing good about it. My mom spent a week trying to show me the beautiful parts of life, but I couldn’t see it. I had been dealing with bullies for so long that I had no faith in humanity anymore. My mom packed a picnic and brought me here.” I stop and look around us and then start pulling her over to the same tree I had sat under with my mom.
“We sat here and my mom told me to just watch. I didn’t know what I was watching for, but then more people started to arrive. There were mothers with their children that laughed and played. There were a few younger people lending an arm to lean on for some elderly men and women. We people watched for hours. After a few hours of being here, I noticed a frail older woman sitting under a tree by herself. She was also people watching. She had a small serene smile on her face as she watched everyone. Her eyes met mine across the lawn and her smile widened. She motioned for me to come over to her. I looked at my mom nervously, but she patted my leg and told me to go over.”
Alex has unfolded the blanket and spread it out while listening to me talk so we both sit down before I finish. When we sit down, she takes my hand in hers and waits patiently.
“I walked over to the woman and she said, ‘I know your secret.’” Alex looks at me with an amused smile, but doesn’t say anything. “I was kind of taken back and almost ran back to my mom, but I just stood there. The woman pointed around the park and said, ‘If you watch them in these places, you can see the goodness they try so hard to hide and protect in the walls of the city. It’s a cruel world out there, but places like this allow us to let our guards down and show the goodness we truly want to be. Here, we’re not competing with anyone or trying to achieve anything. We are just living the dream.’ What the woman said hit hard and I ended up sitting down next to her and just watching people with her. From where I sat I could see my mom watching me with a loving smile on her face and I started to cry. The old woman wrapped her arms around me and rocked me on her chest and started to sing to me like my mom did when I was younger. The song was about a brave little blue bird.”