by Nell Iris
“We do not want the Hell Sisters racing around the house screaming…” he lowered his voice to a whisper, “bitch to each other.” He shuddered. “Trust me on that.”
“I do.”
We remained seated at the table long after the plates were cleared and talked and laughed and had fun. He was such an amazing guy; funny and smart and caring, and I could spend hours and hours listening to him telling stories about his family.
And look at him. The way the tip of his nose moved up and down when he spoke was alluring. The way he laughed with his eyes, talked with his hands, and scratched his stubble on his chin made warmth fill up my belly.
I was fascinated by how much Levi and Matt at first glance were spitting images of each other, but a scratch on the surface revealed they were nothing alike. Matt was the quintessential jock who loved sports, girls, and beer, hated his job, and spoke about his family as if they were a necessary evil. Levi clearly adored his family even if they got a little too much sometimes. He was a computer genius, practiced yoga, and cooked like a pro. God knows what else lurked under the exterior. Levi was like a great book; for every page I turned, he revealed another piece of the puzzle and I couldn’t wait to read more. To learn everything about him.
But most of all, he made me feel special. Like I was someone important.
It was the little things. The way he listened with intent to whatever I said. How he laughed at my stupid jokes no one else ever found funny or was actively participating in the conversation instead of humoring me while waiting for his turn to talk. What I liked the most, was how he spoke about important things. He never tried to hide his real feelings or downplay their importance.
Matt was a fun guy and a good friend. Levi was…so much more. On every level. The way he chose to share that side with me, especially since he normally was so quiet, made my heart ache in my chest. In a good way.
And he was hot. Scorching. His T-shirt revealed every sinewy muscle of his torso as if it had been painted on. His ass was round and seemed like it would fit in my hands perfectly. He had legs that went on for miles and I had no trouble imagining them wound around my waist as we made love.
I squirmed in my chair and squeezed my thighs together. Took a drink of water to moisten my mouth that was suddenly drier than the Sahara Desert.
The way he looked at me didn’t help with my growing problem. His gaze lingered on my mouth. On my hands. Even on my stomach as I patted it, thanking him for dinner. I was sure I wasn’t imagining the interest. The way his eyelids fell to half-mast and the small touches to his chest or neck, made me forget my insecurities, took away my self-consciousness and made me feel like I was someone worthy of attention.
“You have no idea how much I appreciate this,” I said in a lull in the conversation.
“I didn’t do anything special.”
“Stop!” I reached out my hand and rested it on top of his where it lay on the table. “Don’t say that. I thought I was going to spend the evening eating frozen food and fall asleep with my nose in The Order of the Phoenix. You turned this entire crappy day around for me, and I’m grateful.”
His entire being lit up with a joyous smile. “Really?”
“Really.”
“I’m happy then.”
Neither of us moved our hands. Mine was broader and engulfed his completely. Giving the illusion that I was the strong one when the truth was the opposite. His long, strong fingers twitched under mine as if he wanted to turn it and lace our fingers together.
Eventually, we had to clean up and reluctantly I withdrew. We quibbled over who was going to do the dishes, and we ended up doing them together. Side by side, we worked as if we’d done it a million times before. We didn’t talk much, just smiled whenever we bumped into each other. On purpose or by accident.
It was past ten o’clock when he had to leave. Just as he was on his way out the door, I grabbed his upper arm and pulled him in for a hug.
“Thank you,” I whispered, and allowed myself to linger for a few heartbeats, inhaled the scent of his hair—was that honey?—before I let go of him. His brown eyes were melty and warm as I stepped away, and his hands twitched as if he wanted to reach out to me.
But instead, he gave me a final smile. “See you around,” he said and walked out.
My apartment was cold and empty after he left.
Chapter 6: Levi
Virgo (August 23—September 22)
With Mars in your adventure sector, you’re in for a passionate day. First you need to overcome an obstacle, but after that, it’s smooth sailing. Call someone as you jack off and moan in their ear. Send someone a dick pic. Flash someone on the subway. The sky’s the limit, be adventurous.
* * * *
I paced the length of my room as the phone rang, and I waited for Matt to pick up. I rarely called him, so whenever I did he always answered, even if he was busy.
Today was no exception. “Levi. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong.”
“Huh.” I could hear him tap his keyboard through the line. “Good, good. WU?”
“I, uh, need to talk to you about something.”
“Okay, shoot.”
“No,” I said. “Face to face. Meet me for dinner tonight?”
“I have a thing with Liza.”
I tapped my finger on my lip. If I told him it was important he would come. But was it? It was for me, but was it important enough to make my brother cancel a date with his girlfriend? I’d been so determined when I called him, but doubt had crept in as the phone rang and I waited for him to answer.
“Levi?”
Still unable to decide, I gnawed on my lip.
“Okay, I’ll call her and tell her something came up.”
“Thank you,” I mumbled, relieved that he’d taken the decision out of my hands.
“You sure you’re all right?”
“I am.” I nodded, forgetting he couldn’t see me. “I just need to talk to you. Thanks.”
“NP, little bro. You know I’m here for you if you need me. GTG. See you at seven.”
Shaking my head, I said, “Use your words, Matt.”
“Don’t go all Mom on me. Bye.” My phone grew silent and I put it down on my desk after glancing at the time. Four PM. Meant I had three hours to come up with arguments that would convince my big brother that me asking Beckett out for a date was a great idea.
Piece of cake.
* * * *
I arrived at the diner early and snagged our regular table in the corner, where we always sat when we needed a private place to talk. Maybe it was weird that we didn’t hang out in either of our homes, but this place felt more like neutral ground. We were on equal footing here. Not that we ever argued anymore; our last fight was way back before Matt left for college and we’d been friendly ever since. More or less.
As I waited, I scrolled through Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter, but nothing grabbed my attention. My knee bounced under the table, and I jerked and looked up every time the bell at the door indicated that someone had entered the diner. For once, my yoga breathing techniques couldn’t calm me down.
Instead, I opened the text app and read through my conversation with Beckett. We’d been texting every day since I’d made him dinner last week. Nothing important, just to check in with each other. He asked about my day, sent me dorky accountant jokes—’It’s accrual world’ had made me groan and laugh at the same time—and texted goodnight before he went to sleep. He talked about new details he’d discovered in the tenth re-read of the Harry Potter books, and this morning he’d taken a screenshot of the horoscope and sent me—gaah, I really needed to tell him about that—with a laughing emoji. He was a full-blown emoji-holic and used them all the time. When I’d asked him about it, he said it was because misunderstandings were so easy when we couldn’t see each other’s faces online, and he wanted to avoid them at all cost.
His texts had become the highlight of my day and I couldn’t stop thinking about him.
I wanted to make him smile and laugh. To ruffle the perfection out of work-Beckett; I liked him best in his beanie and out of his stiff, boring accountant tie. I wanted to taste his lips and kiss him until we couldn’t breathe. I’d never kissed anyone with a beard before. Would it tickle? Be rough against my skin? I needed to find out.
I needed to know what he looked like naked. Did he have body hair? All visible signs pointed to yes, but I had to know for sure. Please, please, please, let him have hair on his chest. And his belly. Oh, God, a hairy belly was my favorite characteristic in a man. I also needed to know if he was as cuddly as I imagined. I bet he was a snuggler and would let me lay glued to him without complaining. He would probably give me that warm smile and indulge me, and we would sleep with our limbs entwined and wake up and make love first thing in the morning, and I—
“Sorry I’m late.”
I blinked and looked up from my phone as Matt threw himself into the chair. He never could sit down like a normal person. “As usual.”
He’d only just sat down when the waitress came up to our table. “Hiya boys. How’s your mama?”
“Hello, Miss Myrna,” we said in chorus.
“She’s fine,” Matt added.
Miss Myrna nodded. “Excellent. Little ones keeping her busy?”
“They sure are,” I replied.
“God bless her soul,” she sighed and shook her head. “What can I getcha?”
We ordered our usual cheeseburgers and milkshakes, Miss Myrna winked, whirled around, and hurried away.
I shook my head. “If I have that much energy when I’m seventy, I’ll be happy.”
“You can say that again.” Matt leaned back and gave me a thorough once-over. He nodded as if he was happy with what he saw. “Liza sends her regards,” he said, knowing not to ask what I wanted until the food was delivered.
“No, she doesn’t.” I crossed my arms over my chest and stared him in the eye. Daring him to contradict me.
But he didn’t. He just sighed and slumped in his chair. “You’re right, she didn’t. She yelled at me for canceling on her.”
I clenched my teeth around the words that were better left unsaid. It wouldn’t be good for our talk if I started out by telling him to break up with her. Instead, I took a sip of water and kept my mouth shut. I had lots of practice doing that, after all.
“I need to break up with her,” he said.
I almost choked on my water. What the Hotel-Echo-Lima-Lima? Did he read my mind now?
“I mean, she bitched when we met Becks for lunch. And now she yelled at me for wanting to spend time with my own brother? Nuh-uh. I don’t think so.”
“I’m sorry, Matt. I know you like her.” I meant it, even if I wasn’t particularly fond of her. Matt could be an airhead and blurt out things that I was sure sounded better in his head than out loud, but at his core, he was a loyal brother and friend. He would never accept someone who tried to get between him and his family.
“Eh.” He shrugged. “I’ll live.” He broke out into a smile. “Ah, Miss Myrna. You carrying a cheeseburger is my favorite sight in this world.”
She snorted. “No need to butter up my behind. I’ll tell your mama you were good boys.” She set down our plates and scurried away.
After a big bite of his burger, Matt looked at me with a raised eyebrow. “Shoot.”
I stalled. I hid my shaking hands by grabbing hold of my glass. Tried swallowing to calm my roiling stomach. Forced my bouncing knee to keep still. I was more terrified of telling my brother I wanted to date his best friend, than I would have been meeting Darth Vader in a dark alley.
“Leeeviiii?” He dragged out my name just like Mom had done when I was little and had been up to something. “Spit it out.”
“I, eh.” My voice shook, and I took a deep breath to try to calm myself. “I’m going to ask Beckett out on a date.”
Matt froze in the middle of eating, hands holding the hamburger hovered halfway to his mouth. His eyes burrowed into me as if he was trying to see right into my brain. Calmly, he put the burger down and rested his hands palms down on the table. “Excuse me?”
I straightened my back. “I said, I’m asking Beckett out on a date.”
“That’s what I thought you said.” He sighed and shook his head.
My hackles rose. “You got a problem with that?”
He rubbed his eyes with the thumb and middle finger. “Frankly, yes.”
I narrowed my eyes, leaned forward, and slammed my palms on the table. “Look, Matthew, it’s time for you to stop being such a bigot and get over the fact that I’m gay and he’s bi and—”
“Stop.” He sighed again. “I know why you’d think that, but that’s not it.”
I scowled at him.
“It really isn’t. Promise,” he said and held up his hands in an I surrender gesture. “I know I say stupid shit sometimes and I’m sorry. But please, hear me out.” He looked…sad? Not angry or annoyed like I’d expected, so I stood down. Inhaled through the nose and exhaled through the mouth. Calm, Levi. Calm.
“Then explain,” I said when I’d reigned in my temper.
“It’s just…” He grabbed his milkshake and slurped down half of it. “Becks is the nicest guy in the world. He’s…sweet and loving and the most loyal friend a guy can have. I’m not sure I deserve him.”
Very true.
“He’s always been looking for something real, you know? Not like me who’s willing to try all the flavors before I settle down. He wants commitment. Stability.” He rubbed his eyes again. “He believes in soulmates, Levi. He’s not a player.”
I tipped my head to the side. Did Matt think I was a player? Didn’t he know me at all? And while I appreciated that he tried to protect his friend, it still stung that he’d think that of me.
“Is that your objection?”
“Yeah. Listen.” He rubbed his hand on his head. “I wasn’t going to tell you this. It’s not like he’s said anything, but I know him. He…uh…likes you, you know. If you ask him out and then leave him…he’ll be devastated. I don’t want to see him hurt.”
“I see.” I pressed my lips tight together.
“You’re only twenty-three and have a lot of wild oats to sow. I mean, don’t gay boys have more wild oats than straight guys?” he asked with an embarrassed chuckle as if he knew he’d just told an offensive joke. “He doesn’t have the best confidence in the world, and he would be crushed if you hurt him—”
“Matt. You really need to stop talking now.”
“I’m just looking out for my friend.”
“I realize that. But…” I rested my forearms on the table and leaned in, lowering my voice. “Who do you think I am?”
He knitted his eyebrows together. “What do you mean?”
“Wild oats?” I hissed. “I don’t have stupid wild oats. I’m not a player. I want stability. I want commitment. I believe in soulmates, too.” For every word I uttered, his eyes grew rounder. “Jesus, Matt. Don’t you know me at all?”
“I…I guess I don’t?”
I shoved away my food. My appetite was long gone. Even if I hadn’t anticipated my brother to throw a parade when I told him I wanted to date his friend, I hadn’t expected this. I didn’t know if the stone in my stomach came from anger or from hurt. I pressed my hand to my belly and tried to regain my composure.
“Anyway, I just wanted to let you know since he’s your friend. So, if that’s all…” I turned my head away, unable to look at him. I stiffened when his chair scraped against the floor. Was that it? Was he walking out on me in the middle of the conversation?
But I hardly had time to finish that thought before I was hauled up to my feet and crushed against his chest. My arms flew around his waist and I hugged him back.
“I’m sorry, Levi. I really am an idiot, aren’t I?”
“Yes, you are.” My words were muffled, but his chuckle told me he’d heard me.
“Forgive me?”
“I don’t know.”
/>
“I’ll tickle ya!”
“Noooo,” I whined.
He gave me a final squeeze before letting go. “Sit down and eat your food.”
We scarfed down our burgers in silence and left Miss Myrna a huge tip before we left. Outside the diner, he turned to me.
“Let me know what he says. As if I don’t know what his answer will be.” He reached out, ruffled my hair, and walked away. “TTYL. Bye, brat.”
“Bye, moron,” I called after him.
I hadn’t asked for his blessing. Not really. But it sure felt good to have it. With a smile, I pulled out my phone from my pocket.
Chapter 7: Beckett
Pisces (February 19—March 20)
This morning, the Moon aligns with Uranus (snort) and our feelings and desires turn fiery and impossible to ignore. If you choose to interpret this literally, may I suggest a nice bottle of warming lube? If you’re the more subtle type, you can always get nekkid, tie a bow around your willy, and grease yourself up for your boyfriend when he gets home from work. That’s guaranteed to set your bedroom on fire.
* * * *
I lay curled up under my gramma’s old quilt, re-reading Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince when my phone buzzed with a new message. I scrunched up my face, reluctant to reach out and grab it. Winter was approaching fast, making my apartment chilly, but I was warm and toasty in my quilt cocoon.
In the future, when it was time to buy a house, I definitely wanted a fireplace. A crackling fire would make even a harsh Minnesota winter bearable. I could easily picture myself with a cup of hot chocolate and a book on the floor in front of the fire. Maybe some music in the background. And someone to cuddle up next to. Preferably Levi. Yes, a fireplace was definitely a priority.
My phone buzzed again, and I unraveled from the quilt and grabbed it. A smile split my face in two when I saw the name on the screen.
Levi.
I tapped the notification and read his two messages.
Blinked.
Read them again, but the words didn’t change. My heart skipped a beat and I pressed the phone to my chest.
My forgotten book fell onto the floor with a loud thud—good thing it wasn’t my Kindle. I pulled the quilt over my head, buried my face in the pillow, and let out a happy yell. A kaleidoscope of butterflies erupted in my stomach and I couldn’t keep still, so I threw off the quilt and jumped off the couch.