“My head hurts and my left knee, and besides the contractions my left side is really hurting.”
“If we can’t stop the contractions we’re going to have to take you in for an emergency cesarean. We’re giving you some steroids just in case. The steroids will help the baby’s lungs and breathing.”
Everything was a blur, I was in so much pain. I couldn’t really think straight. I just prayed that it would all be over soon. The contractions were slowing down, which I assumed was a good sign. The number of people that were in room had been cut down drastically. There was someone cleaning out the gash on the side of my head and putting some sort of stitching in it. My leg was still throbbing in pain even with the pain medication they’d given me.
“Once she’s done we’re going to get you up to X-ray and take some pictures of your leg. We think your knee may have been shattered.”
“I just want my baby to be okay,” I replied. Even after all that had happened and all of the pain that I was in, I just wanted my baby. I couldn’t bear losing her.
“We’re doing our best, you just relax we’re taking care of you now. Your parents are out in the waiting area. After we get your X-rays we’ll bring them in so you can see them for a brief moment.”
“Okay,” I replied with a sigh of relief.
I was taken up to X-ray a few minutes later and brought back down to the emergency room where the doctor confirmed that I’d need knee surgery. All of this because I went to pick up a damn phone. I didn’t even know who the hell had been calling. The pain medication was working wonders because I wasn’t feeling any pain. I was happy to still hear the fast heartbeat of my baby. I was going to go into surgery the same day but they called Pam and my dad in to see me before they took me to the operating room.
“Are you okay? I was so scared when I got that call,” my dad said, moving close to the bed so he could kiss me on the forehead.
“I’m so glad you came. I’m okay but I’m going to have surgery on my knee.”
“Well, you can come stay with us when you come home. I’ll stay home to take care of you,” Pam said after reaching over to give me a hug.
“No, you don’t have to go through the trouble, I’ll be okay.”
“Knee surgery takes time to heal. You’re going to need help and it’s not any trouble; that’s the least I can do. I owe it to you,” she replied, rubbing her hand across mine.
“I’ll think about it, I promise.”
“Well, they won’t let us stay but we’ll be here waiting for you to come out of surgery.” My dad bent down to kiss me again.
“Okay, I love you . . . both,” I said with a smile. Pam looked back at me as if she wasn’t expecting to hear those words. Honestly, I wasn’t expecting to say them but she’d grown on me and she was actually stepping up to the plate and making up for lost time.
They left the room and I was soon being prepped for surgery. The nurse came in and wheeled me up to the operating room. She gave me a few shots of something in my IV that had me on cloud nine.
“Think of going somewhere nice, like Aruba, that’s where I want to go,” she said as she pushed the gurney next to the operating table. It was ice-cold in the room and there were a few people with blue gowns and caps on their heads. I felt my eyelids getting heavier by the second. I listened to the nurse and tried to think of Aruba—shit, anywhere was better than that emergency room.
Chapter 19
Diamond
A Piece of Me
I heard an unfamiliar sound and my throat felt like I’d swallowed sandpaper. I woke up and noticed that I was still in the hospital. The sound that I heard was the nurse pressing the buttons on the machine that was hooked up to the IV. I felt different, like something was missing. I didn’t hear the heat monitor. The sound that comforted me, which was my baby’s heartbeat, wasn’t there anymore. I rubbed my hands across my stomach, which was flat. My huge baby bump was gone. I panicked.
“Where’s my baby, what happened to my baby?” I cried, trying to sit up in bed.
“Calm down, Diamond, your baby’s fine, she’s in the newborn intensive-care unit. During the knee surgery you went into labor so the doctors had to do an emergency C-section. You’re baby’s fine, don’t worry. She’s premature but she’s a fighter.”
“I need to go see her, I need to see her,” I continued to cry.
“You can’t go right now, you have to keep that leg flat until tomorrow. But I knew you’d want to see her so I had the nurses over there take this picture for you.” She pulled a Polaroid photo out of her lab jacket pocket.
I held the photo in my hand. She was so small and beautiful. I rubbed my hands across the picture before picking it up and kissing it. “I love you, baby, I can’t wait to hold you in my arms. Thank you so much for this.”
“No problem, the number is written over there on the white board. You can call anytime to check on her and this red button here, you can press whenever you need anything.” She pointed to the cord that was wrapped around the arm of the bed.
“Okay, I’m really thirsty. Can I have something to drink?”
“You can eat these ice cubes. You’ll be able to drink in a few more hours. Call me if you need anything, I’ll be right out at the desk.” She began to walk away. “By the way, what’s the baby’s name?”
“Dior, her name is Dior.” I looked down at the picture once more.
“That’s beautiful,” she replied before leaving the room.
I put my head back against the pillow and thanked God that she was okay. I wished Black could be here to see her and be the support system that I needed. I felt comfortable resting; I believed that she was in good hands. I closed my eyes and was just about to drift off to sleep when I heard a knock on the door.
“Come in,” I yelled as loud as I could with all that I had been through. Kiki burst into the door with a huge smile on her face.
“Girl, I’m so glad to see you, I almost died when I heard about the accident. They were about to lock my ass up in the lobby because they wouldn’t let me up to see you. How are you feeling?” She was talking a mile a minute. I was happy that she came though she had my head spinning with all that she was saying.
“I’m okay, look at a picture of the baby.” I still held it in my hand. I didn’t want to let it go even for her to see.
“She’s beautiful, D, when are you going to get to see her?”
“Hopefully tomorrow, I just can’t believe all of this happened. I was reaching for the damn phone girl and that car smacked right into my door. I was in so much pain I just kept hoping the baby was okay.”
“I’m so glad you both are okay. I know we haven’t talked much lately but how’s things with Black, any news?”
“No, that bitch Mica is in a witness-protection program. I had JB trying to find her and he didn’t have any luck getting close to her. I’m so angry, girl, because it’s all my fault. Now shit’s falling apart with him gone, these niggas don’t respect me. Who respects a woman like a man and a pregnant one at that. I don’t know what to do but I can’t lose everything. I have to figure something out.”
“Well, right now you have to focus on getting better. You can’t be in here stressing about that shit. You have a little baby to worry about now. Black will take care of it, you know they can’t hold him on some shit they have no evidence on. They’re just buying time hoping that something will pop up. They have nothing and they won’t find anything, so don’t stress.”
“It’s easy to say that from the outside looking in—look what’s happened. Me and my baby could have died today while he’s in jail serving time for something that I did.” I began to get upset just thinking about it.
“Let’s change the subject because I need you to get some rest. I just had to see your face and tell you I love you. I’m here if you need anything,” she said, coming closer to me on the bed. “Everything will work out, trust me.” She smiled.
“Thanks Kiki, I love you too, girl.”
&nbs
p; “All right I’m going to run, I have to get down to the bar, but make sure you call me if you need anything.”
“I will.”
She bent down, kissed me on the forehead, and headed out of the room. Eventually I couldn’t fight the pain medication and I was off to sleep. I woke up the next morning ready to get up to go over to the nursery. As soon as the morning nurse came in I asked what time I’d be able to go. She told me around lunchtime, which put a damper on my day. I was ready to go at that moment in pain and all but I listened. Lunchtime couldn’t have come fast enough and though it took me tons of tears and pain to get from the bed into a wheelchair I held it together long enough to be wheeled over. Once I got there and the nurse took her out of the warmer and put her in my arms I let go of the emotions. I could admit that in the beginning my plan to get pregnant may have been for the wrong reasons but as time went on I knew that it was meant for me. I was meant to be a mother and the mother of Black’s child. There wasn’t any other explanation for the joy that I felt as I looked down at the four-pound replica of him in my arms. Everything was going to be okay, I finally believed that. She was a piece of me and she turned me into the woman that I always hoped I’d be.
Chapter 20
Diamond
Back on my Feet
“I see nothing can hold you down, looking like a diva even in a hospital bed.” Money laughed as he walked through the door of the hospital room. He was carrying a huge bouquet of flowers and three get-well-soon balloons. I was still nervous around him and I still hadn’t been able to put my finger on what it was about him that bothered me.
“Thanks, Money,” I said with a smile.
He walked over and sat the flowers on the ledge of the window and let the balloons loose. He came over to the bed, grabbed my hand, and kissed the back of it. What the hell was he doing? I didn’t get this guy at all. I slowly pulled my hand away but not fast enough to let him know how much it bothered me.
“You look a hell of a lot better than I thought you would—you look just as beautiful as you always do.” He gave a devilish grin and sat down on the edge of my bed. There were four chairs in the small room and instead of sitting in one of them he had to sit up close and personal with me. I could admit that he was sexy but I couldn’t let that affect me. I’d gotten myself wrapped up before doing the same exact thing.
“So what’s going on out there, how’s business?” I quickly changed the subject.
“Everything’s good, everything’s falling into place.”
“That’s good to hear, I was worried.”
“I’m sure, but I ain’t come here to talk about work.”
“Well, what did you come here for?” I asked, both shocked and confused.
“I’m being straight up with you, your man’s going to be in jail for a very long time, if not forever. What do you plan to do, be celibate?”
“No, because my man will be home very soon, I’m sure of that.”
“What makes you so sure of that? They have his victim ready and willing to point him out. You live in a fairy tale if you think he can get off from that.”
“Maybe I like fairy tales.” I shot back. I was getting annoyed. I knew Black was coming home soon. I wasn’t going to let anyone rain on my parade.
“That’s cool too, but what about reality? I’m a nigga that can make you feel good all over. I can fuck you mentally and physically so good you’ll forget all about him. You haven’t had love the way I can give it.”
Was he serious? Niggas weren’t shit, they’d turn on their partners in a heartbeat. He didn’t crack a smile the entire time.
“I’ve been through this before—with Black, as a matter of fact. I can’t let temptation ruin what I have with him.”
“Temptation, huh? So I guess that means you’re tempted to get some of this reality?”
“I didn’t say that, I just said that I’ve been in a similar situation before.”
“Well, I won’t keep pressuring you, but you know how to find me when you get tired of using your finger to pleasure yourself.”
“Wow, I see you hold nothing back.”
“Never. It’ll kill you if you let it.”
I couldn’t even respond. He was so bold about it that it was almost scary. The thing about it, though, his confidence was a turn-on. I didn’t want to make a mistake and do something that I would regret but I could honestly admit since Black was away I’d needed sex, I’d yearned for it, but I held it together feeling like I had no other choice.
“I’ll let you rest, if you need anything make sure you call me,” he said as he got up and walked toward the door. I still sat there in shock. I didn’t know what to do. The phone rang and startled me out of my stare.
“Hello?”
“Hey it’s Trice, just called to see how you were.”
“I’m okay, thanks for calling. How are things with you? If you need any money for Keshawn I’ll have someone drop it off for you.”
“I didn’t call you for that. I actually believe we’ve grown to be friends and I wanted to check on you to see if you needed anything.”
“No, I’m fine, I just want to come home but I can’t bring the baby anytime soon so I’m a little sad about that.”
“Aww, Keshawn is so excited, he wants to see her.”
“Well, she’ll be out of here soon enough. I have to stay for two more days then I’m going to stay at my dad’s for a week or two before I go home.”
“That’s good. Well, I will call you again later to check on you, I just wanted to see how you were.”
“Okay thanks a lot.” I said before hanging up.
Immediately my mind drifted back to Money and what he’d said. I still didn’t know what I planned to do but either way I had to do something because he wasn’t going to give up until I either went through with it or I made it clear that I wanted nothing to do with him. Option two I wasn’t so sure of. There was a part of me, the old me, the part that loved danger and attention. I still got a high from doing what I knew I had no business doing and resisting was one of the hardest things I’d ever have to do.
Two days later I was packed and ready to leave the hospital. I sat and held Dior for an hour before I left. My father had come to pick me up and take me over to their house. I wasn’t too excited about it but I knew that I needed all of the help that I could get. I was surprised when I was wheeled out to the car and Javan was there as well. I knew that it was him because he looked exactly like my father. He was standing on the side of the car leaning up against it, looking around when he noticed me.
“Wow, you do look like Mom,” he said, walking over and bending down to hug me.
“I’m so glad you came, this is such a surprise.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry about the accident. I didn’t want us to meet up this way but now that we have no choice we’ll make the best of it.” He laughed as he helped me into the backseat.
“Well, look at it this way, now I have a lot of time to catch up with my family.” I smiled. Now that Javan was going to be around I felt better about spending time over with them. He made it that much more interesting. We began the drive over and engaged in conversation on the way. Once we reached the house Javan and me sat in the living room and talked for what seemed like an eternity.
“So how’s school?”
“School’s great but enough about me, let’s talk about you. What do you do? Where’s your job?”
“I don’t work, I have a lot of businesses that I inherited from my husband when he died.”
“So you’re like rich or something?” His eyes grew wide.
“Something like that,” I laughed.
“That’s great, I always hoped that you were doing good. Though we never met I felt close to you. Mom never stopped talking about you. I even had your baby picture in my wallet. I waited for the day that we’d get to sit down and talk like this.”
“I’m sad that I never knew about you but I have the rest of my life to enjoy you now.”
Chapter 21
Diamond
Money on My Mind
I was headed up to the sixteenth floor of Hahnemann Hospital as I did every morning to go visit Dior. I could get around on crutches against the wishes of my doctors but I had to go. I wasn’t the type to lie down and let other people take care of me. I’d always been able to get up and do whatever it was I had to do for myself no matter what condition I was in. I waited on the elevator and as I stood there I saw a familiar face. It was Deidra, Mica’s cousin. I almost wanted to avoid her; in a way I felt guilty about what I did, but then when I thought about the reason I did it, I didn’t feel so bad. She caught a glimpse of me and walked over to where I was standing.
“Diamond, is that you?”
“Wow, Deidra? I thought that was you. How are you?”
“I’m good, I haven’t seen you in so long. How have you been? I see you on crutches—what happened?”
“I was in a car accident, unfortunately, but I’m okay.”
“You’re all grown up now, last time I saw you, you were a teenager.”
“I know, time flies.”
“Yeah, I wish Mica was still here. I know she would have loved to see you.”
I stood there quiet. I assumed that she didn’t know what happened between her and me. Did she even know that she was still alive? I didn’t know how to approach that question so I decided not to even mention it at all.
“Well, I don’t want to hold you up, it was nice seeing you,” she said in my moment of silence.
“You too,” I quickly responded to avoid any suspicion. She waved and walked away. I pressed the elevator button and waited for the next one to come. I stayed for my normal one-hour visit before going home. I was surprised when Money’s car was parked in front of the hospital rather than JB’s. JB was supposed to pick me up and give me a ride home because my mom and dad were both working.
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