“It’s hard for me to look at.”
Eli’s deep voice sounded behind her.
Being careful to set the frame back just as she’d found it, she took a deep breath and wiped her eyes before turning around. When she did her mouth watered. As breathtaking as he was shirtless in sweats, he was equally as devastating in a shirt and worn jeans. He’d changed into a long-sleeved, navy thermal that molded to the steely contours of his sculpted upper body.
“That’s why it was between the books.” He motioned toward her hand that was holding the photo of them. “It’s hard for me to look at.”
Her mind was filled with so many competing questions. They were all bouncing up and down in their seats like eager students with their hands raised. But she decided not to call on any of them. There were only two questions that mattered: why he stood her up and why he stayed away.
Her grandmother always used to tell her not to ask a question she didn’t want the answer to. It was a sentiment that had stuck with Mackenzie. So she didn’t ask.
She opened her mouth in order to tell him again how tired she was in an effort to get out of there. Instead, she said, “This is a really nice place.”
“Thanks,” Eli answered looking as surprised as she was that she’d made the observation.
“How long have you lived here?” She wasn’t sure where these questions were coming from.
“Coming up on four years.” He said. “It was my first day on duty and we were first on the scene responding to a call of a woman in distress. She and her husband were here on vacation and she’d gone into preterm labor. I fell in love with the property and made an offer the next day.”
“Was it damaged by the fire?”
Eli’s brow creased. “What fire?”
“You said that you responded to a call—”
“Oh.” A look of understanding dawned on Eli’s face. “No, there was no fire. When an emergency call is dispatched usually the fire department is the first on scene. I’m a paramedic, and actually Hope Falls Fire only hires firefighters who are also paramedics or EMTs with red cards because the area we serve is so large and remote.”
“Red cards?”
“It’s a qualification for specialized training in wildfires,” he answered matter-of-factly.
“Oh.”
Great. As if being a combat veteran and firefighter wasn’t enough, now she knew he was also a paramedic with specialized training in fighting wildfires. Oh and Deanna had also dropped the news that he was going to be sparring with Gabe because he’s a black belt in Muay Thai.
Move along, there’s nothing to swoon about here, she informed her hormones.
Clearing her throat she tried to distract her ovaries before they exploded by changing the subject. “Was she okay? The woman and her baby, were they okay?”
Eli nodded with a grin. “Yeah, they were fine. She ended up delivering a healthy baby girl six weeks later.” He walked over and picked up the photo she’d seen seconds ago. “That’s Nicole and baby Elena,” his smile grew larger, and she could see the pride in his voice as he said, “who’s not a baby anymore. She’s starting Kindergarten next year.”
“That’s great. I’m glad they’re both doing well.” A lump formed in her throat as she watched him look down at the photo. It was a moment she’d played out so many times in her mind, but in her scenarios, Eli was talking about their child. Her plan had backfired faster than a Model T in need of a tuneup.
He set the frame back down. “I can’t believe how fast the time has gone.”
For some reason that statement caused her to choke up even more. Her chest tightened and she blinked away tears that were pooling in her lower lids. Time. It was a funny thing. Without Eli in her life, time had felt like it was standing still, even when things were happening quickly around her. Or maybe that was it. It wasn’t time at all that had been stagnant, it was her. Many days, especially during her marriage, she’d felt like a character in a movie montage where the person was standing still and the world was whizzing around them. Life moved on, and since the day Eli walked out of her life, she’d felt like it moved on without her.
Not wanting him to see the emotion that was bubbling just below the surface she said, “Speaking of time. It’s late, so…”
“Right.” Eli crossed to the door and she followed behind him.
They stepped outside, he closed the door, and motioned to her car. “Are your bags in there?”
“Yeah.” She didn’t want to prolong their time together any longer than necessary. “I’ll grab them later.”
“I’ll take them now.”
Knowing that arguing would be futile, she popped the trunk. He lifted her suitcase and bag out with little effort and started down a dirt path that led around the house. Her suitcase had rollers on it but he wasn’t using them, and she knew that the sucker was heavy. As she followed behind him, her heart was leaping as she took in his broad, muscular back. She had to keep reminding herself of her plan to remain detached.
He stayed silent on the short walk and then stopped in front of a small house with white siding, shutters on the windows, and a shake roof. He set her bags down and entered a code into the lock box beside the door. When it opened, he took the key out and unlocked the door. He picked up her bags, entered, flipped on a light and then gently set her bags down inside and handed her the key.
“Is luggage service something you provide for everyone?” she said dryly.
It wasn’t that she was trying to be rude, she was just hoping to redirect the dead-end path her mind was taking her on.
“Only the ones whose teeth I’ve chipped.”
Despite wanting to stay detached, she found herself laughing at the memory. “I haven’t thought about that in so long.”
She and Eli had been playing Frisbee and she’d gotten a little overzealous on a catch, tripped over her own feet, and fallen smack dab onto a rock. She’d chipped two teeth and had to get stitches on her lower lip. He had nothing to do with it but because it was Eli he felt responsible for it. “I’ll never forget your face when you picked me up and saw the blood coming from my mouth.”
“I still feel sick to my stomach thinking about it.” He shook his head looking like he wanted to throw up. “I thought I broke you.”
You did…Not that day, but you did break me.
The words were trying to jump off the tip of her tongue, but she bit them back. “It wasn’t your fault. I just tripped.”
Taking the key out of his hand, she moved past him to walk inside but stilled when she brushed against him. Even through two layers of cotton, she could feel the heat and hard planes of his chest and abs against her shoulder and upper arm. It took all of her power not to lean into it. All she wanted to do was melt against his strength, but she knew she had to resist. Still, she couldn’t bring her feet to carry her forward or back. She was stuck. Again.
Eli abruptly moved away from her. “Let me know if you need anything. It’s small, but it should comfortably fit two.”
Two?
She pivoted, so she was facing him. “Oh, no. Theo is staying at the B&B.”
He put his hands in his pockets and when his eyes met hers the intensity in them caused her knees to weaken. “I was talking about your husband, I assumed he’d be joining you.”
“Oh, Theo and I aren’t married,” she jumped to clarify.
A lot of people jumped to that conclusion. Usually, it didn’t bother her. But with Eli, it did.
“I know, I’m talking about your husband.”
“My husband…? Wait, how did you know…? I’m not….” she stammered before collecting herself. “I’m not married. I was, but I got divorced.”
Lines appeared above his brow. “When?”
“Two years ago,” she answered. “How did you know I was—”
“You’re not married?” he cut her off as he took a step toward her, his blue eyes filled with even greater intensity than before.
“No.” She shook h
er head. “I’m not married.”
His eyes shut briefly and his entire body relaxed. A look that Mackenzie could only describe as relief washed over him. He exhaled as the corners of his mouth turned up in a broad smile. He looked happy. The same happy he was in the photo. The same happy that she’d always loved seeing when they were together.
After another beat, he opened his eyes. Mackenzie held her breath to see what he would say or do. Forget pins and needles, she waited on knives and swords.
“That’s the best new—” he started but was interrupted by an alarm that went off on his phone. “Shit,” he breathed as he pulled it out and, just like that, all the happiness drained out of him. He typed something back and pushed his phone back into his pocket. “I have to go. There’s a fire on 89. It’s threatening homes. They’re evacuating.”
“Okay,” she nodded.
“It’s a worker. I don’t know how long it will take to put it to bed.”
“Okay.” She wasn’t up on her firefighter lingo, so her mind went to an entirely different place with that statement. It set off all kinds of alarms in her that she would love for him to respond to. She hoped that her face wasn’t broadcasting her thoughts in HD.
The alarm sounded again, and he cursed under his breath before he stepped into the doorway only an inch in front of her. His six-foot frame filled the space and she tilted her head up to look into his eyes.
“I have to go. It could be a day or two before I’m back but I need to say some things. I need you to know it’s really good to see you. I’m so happy that you’re doing what you’ve always wanted and I’m so proud of you. And…damn,” he sighed, and the peppermint scented heat of his exhale wafted across her face. “You are still the most beautiful girl that I’ve ever seen.”
She stood in stunned silence, blinking up at him as she tried to recover from the emotional spin out she’d just had from the sharp U-turn this conversation had just taken.
The alarm sounded once more and his jaw twitched as he leaned down closer to her. So close that their foreheads were almost touching. For a glorious, terrifying moment she was sure that he was going to kiss her. And the scariest part was that she would have kissed him back. But the thing she feared didn’t come to pass.
He inhaled sharply as he walked backward away from her and called out, “Do me a favor.”
“What?” she asked softly.
“Don’t get married while I’m gone.” His lips curled in the cocky grin that had always turned her to mush as he turned and took off toward his truck.
She watched his headlights turn on and then light up the trees as he pulled out, and when his taillights disappeared into the dark night, all she could say was, “What in the name of David Duchovny just happened?”
Chapter 9
‡
A sharp stab of pain hit Eli in his ribs and his eyes shot open.
“Look alive, Bishop.” Jake Maguire’s voice boomed.
It took Eli a second to acclimate himself. Through his bleary vision, he made out the chief standing at the end of the common table. When he glanced to his left, he saw Marco sitting beside him. His friend elbowed him once more and lifted his chin, signaling Eli to sit up. He straightened from a slouched position and stretched his arms in front of him.
“I know we’re all tired but the faster I can get through this the faster you guys can be dismissed.” The chief directed his comment in Eli’s direction.
Eli did his best to keep his eyes open and listen as he continued debriefing the crew who had been on the line fighting a twenty-seven-acre fire for the past three days. He wasn’t the only one that was struggling to stay awake. The rest of the guys seated at the table looked to be having a hard time, too.
Jobs like this one always took their toll on him and every other firefighter. Being on a hose for hours on end with your only rest coming from short cat naps on cots at base camp was physically taxing. Add to that the volatile conditions, where every time you think you’ve gained ground you get pushed back, were equally emotionally draining. But that was the job and he loved it. However, this particular job had been especially difficult.
He’d been distracted. For most people, being distracted on the job could end up with mistakes that could cost them their jobs. For Eli, being distracted could cost people their lives. So he’d worked hard to keep his focus on the blaze.
His mind kept drifting back to Mackenzie. She was not a married woman. She was divorced. He’d turned that tidbit of information over and over again in his mind and concluded that as happy as he’d been initially, he still wasn’t sure if that changed anything. And that was depressing as shit. Still, he knew that he wasn’t exactly firing on all cylinders and wasn’t about to throw in the towel until he’d had some sleep and decent food.
The door opened and Audrey entered with coffees and pastries. The entire room exploded in cheers, applause, and whistles. Eli noticed that her eyes found him and a faint blush rushed up her cheeks as she grinned and set down the refreshments.
As the rest of the animals around the table jumped to devour the coffee and croissants like a pride of lions attacking fresh kill, Eli remained in his chair. He needed to sleep when he got home. He had to get his head on straight so he could figure out his next move with Kenzie. Intuitively he knew that this was a once in a lifetime chance to either make things right or put the final nail in the coffin of their relationship. One misstep, one mistake, one misunderstanding and he could kiss any chance of a future goodbye, with the only woman he’d ever seen a future with.
Audrey rounded the table with a lidded white paper cup and handed it to Eli. “I made a half caff, just in case.”
“Thanks.” Eli smiled as he took it from her.
“Hey, where’s my special delivery?” Marco chimed in.
“I’ve got your special delivery right here!” Randy, the engine driver, called out from across the room.
She grinned, and he watched her blush deepen. “I’m glad you guys are back safe and sound.”
He wasn’t sure if she was blushing because Marco put her on the spot or because of Randy’s crass comment or something completely unrelated.
“It’s a good day,” Marco said as he leaned back in his chair, its front legs lifted off the ground.
“It is,” Eli seconded.
She lifted her hand in a small wave before she headed back out.
Marco leaned over and lowered his voice as he watched Audrey leave. “Why didn’t you ever close that deal? I thought you two were going to hook up after the Fire and Ice Ball last year.”
“We’re friends.” Eli wasn’t big on talking about his personal life, not that there’d ever been much to discuss.
“I think she wants to be more than friends.” Marco tilted his head toward the cup of coffee that Eli held.
Eli ignored the insinuation.
He’d danced all night with Audrey at the annual fundraiser, he’d even driven her home, but when she’d asked him if he’d wanted to come in for a drink, he’d told her that he was tired. For a split second her face had dropped in disappointment, but she’d quickly recovered. As much as Eli liked Audrey, he knew that there was no future there and there was no way he wanted to waste her time or hurt her by leading her on.
Once he realized that sleeping his way into forgetting about Kenzie was about as effective as putting out a fire with spit, his social life had come to a screeching halt. Apart from the occasional one-night stand with a tourist, he’d been celibate.
“All right!” Jake clapped his hands together, regaining everyone’s attention after the momentary interruption. “Last order of business, we’re going to have some new faces around here. You all know that we’ve been spread thin lately, and you’ve all been doing a great job picking up the slack and working overtime, but things are only going to get busier over the next few months.
“So this week we have a few new guys coming on. One volunteer and two new hires. The new hires are both transfers. One from Reno and
the other is coming from Bakersfield.”
The door opened again. This time the woman that walked through it woke him up a lot more than caffeine ever could. Gabe Maguire entered the common area followed by Theo and Kenzie. Eli’s eyes immediately locked on her.
It had only been a few days since he’d left her staring after him in confusion, but it felt like years. And since he’d gone years without seeing her he knew he had a reference to base that comparison on. Every muscle in his body tensed at the sight of her. A tension that only she’d ever inspired coiled in his chest and gut. When he was a teenager, he’d naively thought that reaction was typical. But he’d learned now that it wasn’t.
He’d never taken for granted that what they’d had was special, but he hadn’t known how uncommon it was. Now he knew. What he felt for Kenzie, what they’d shared, wasn’t something that came around twice. It was once in a lifetime. She was his once in a lifetime.
Kenzie’s eyes scanned the room, a polite smile in place. When her gaze met his, he saw her breath halt, and he grinned. Color blushed on her porcelain cheeks as her smile transformed from sociable to private. Seeing that he could still affect her felt like a victory in a battle he’d been waging for over a decade. He may not have won the war, but he’d take a win where he could.
“Right on time.” Jake slapped his cousin on the shoulder, drawing Eli’s attention. Pride filled the chief’s voice and expression. “This is my little cousin Gabe Maguire. Some of you might know that he’s in town training with Lucky. You all probably know him as a badass MMA fighter, but for the past four years, he’s been a firefighter/paramedic out in Boston. During the time he’s here in Hope Falls, he’s graciously agreed to volunteer to help us out until we can bring on new people.”
Jake motioned behind him to Kenzie and Theo. “Gabe is also the subject of a documentary that’s following his return to the cage. This is Mackenzie Sutton and Theo Billings. We just got approval from the city that they can include Station 8 in the film. It’s up to each of you individually if you want to participate in the film or not. If you do, there are releases that need to be filled out.”
Fire and Love (Hope Falls Book 13) Page 8