CHAPTER SIX
Old Skeletons
“Forgiveness means letting go of the past.”
~Gerald Jampolsky
“Patrice, when were you going to tell me?” I demand to know as soon as we got into my office. I did not even give Patrice a chance to close the door.
“Kayla sweetie, calm down. This is not something we know for sure. We have to do a DNA test.”
“And don’t Kayla sweetie me. Fuck! A DNA test? Did you know this whole time? All this time Patrice? You have been my confidant. I trusted you. I am so angry I don’t even have the words at how upset I am. Did you suspect it all this time? What about all the times I asked about my birth mother? How many times have I told you I wanted to find her and yet you said nothing? You said not one fucking word. Why now?”
“Kayla calm down so we can talk about this as adults.”
“Fuck that! Where were you when I was being raped and tortured? How can you even stand here and be so damned calm? This not only affects my life but yours as well. Why not come find me? How can you say you love me, when you lied to my face every day for years?”
“Kayla I am not going to say it again. Calm down and allow me to explain things to you.”
“Don’t pull that mother tone with me. You have no right to tell me to calm down. I won’t calm down until there is a fucking DNA test and I know if you betrayed me or not.”
“Kayla, damn it, listen to me! I never betrayed you. I never had proof. If you want a DNA test, I’ll have Rodney have one ran. Yes, you have the right to be mad and upset with me but please do not speak to me like I don’t care about you.”
“I will talk to you any damn way I want right now.” Suddenly I collapse into my desk chair in tears and I can’t pull myself together. Patrice runs to my side but I yell at her, “Don’t you dare touch me. I need to be alone to think. Please get out.”
“Okay Kayla, I will leave right now, but I am not leaving the house. We will continue this conversation later, after we both have time to think. I am truly sorry. And I hope that you can forgive me.”
“I have one question for you Patrice.”
“Okay, I will answer anything you ask.” Patrice says as she is wiping a tear from her face.
“Did you love him?”
“Kayla, I was in college, and I went to a party. I had one drink, just one. I set my drink down for literally two minutes, and when I came back into the room, I drank my drink and it was not long before I felt light headed. So I walked outside to get some air. There were a few people outside talking and smoking. So I walked over to the back of the property because there was a lake back there. I sat down on the ground, and I guess I fell asleep. But I felt someone touch me. I tried to scream, but there was a big hand over my mouth so I bit him. All of a sudden I felt something inside me. He was raping me. I went numb. I was a virgin. I was saving myself for marriage. It wasn’t long, and he was done. I looked over at him and he looked familiar but I didn’t know his name. I went home and took a shower, and never thought about it again. I was scared and embarrassed. I did not think anyone would believe me so I never said anything. I did not even know I was pregnant until I went into labor. I know it sounds crazy but I honestly did not know I was carrying you. When I went to the hospital I thought I was having just bad cramps. Well come to find out I was in labor. I had you, and the doctor asked me, if I wanted to hold you, and I told her no, because I knew you were a product of rape. I turned over and tried to sleep, but I heard you crying all night. I got up and left, I could not handle hearing you cry. I did walk past the nursery and you were the only baby in there and you were so beautiful. I looked down and you were crying and you happened to look my way and for one brief second you stopped crying. I walked out of the hospital because I was not able to take care of myself. I knew the hospital would place you. But If I would have known that they placed you with Seth and Millie I would have kept you. Honestly Kayla, I thought I was doing what was best for you.”
“Patrice, I am sorry that you were raped but I need time to think” I say as I am walking to the door.
“Kayla, I will be right here when you are ready to talk. I love you Kayla and I hope that one day you will forgive me.”
“I am sure I will, but right now I have to gather my thoughts. I do love you too.”
I go to my room and lay on my bed and cry. I should have known that she had a horrible story. She is just like me. All these years I have wondered who my mother was. In a way if this was true and she is my mom it would be a dream come true. She has been the mother figure I never had and I did have an instant bond with her and felt more than a client relationship with her.
But where was she all those years? I get she was raped, but why not come take me away from Seth? Why not tell me that she was raped too? I thought we were more than patient and client. I thought we were friends.
I am so torn up, I don’t know what to do with this. My heart is being pulled in several directions, and I can see why Garrett didn’t want to tell me.
I am about to have a fucking nervous break-down when VI taps on the door and walks in.
“Girl, I saw Patrice and I overheard her call Rodney to arrange a DNA test. What the hell is going on? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
I look up at her with tears running down my face and answer my best friend, “I just found out today that Patrice was raped by Seth and that I may be the child of rape. In fact they both are certain of it. The fucking bastard, who let me get raped for years and then threw me out with a check like some common whore could very well be my father. The woman I trusted for two years with everything is or could be my mother. So tell me what to do? VI, I have no fucking clue who I am. If it is true, I am a product of rape. My mother walked away from me because she was abused. The two people who were supposed to protect me didn’t. So excuse me while I throw a pity party.”
She runs over to me and wraps me in her arms.
“Oh fuck honey, no wonder you look like shit. What can I do? Do you want to talk or cry? Whatever you need I am here for you.”
“No VI, I am done crying. I need to pull my shit together and go to talk to Garrett. And I need to apologize and make sure we are okay. I hope and pray that he can forgive me.”
Just then he walks in the room.
“I am ok and we are more than ok baby. I am more worried about you and how you are holding up.”
I run into his arms and just ask him to hold me because in his arms is the only place I feel safe and loved.
He picks me up carries me to bed and I lay in his arms
He tells me “If you are going to cry, let me be the one holding you while you do.”
And the flood gates open again. I don’t know how long we lay there but when I’m all cried out we go and take a hot bath.
“Babe, come here and let me just hold you.” He says while we are in the bath tub.
“I’m so sorry.”
“Babe, it’s okay. I knew you were hurting and you lashed out. I should not have kept that from you. I swear I will never keep anything from you again.”
“I know you didn’t. I was just mad and upset.”
“So did you and Patrice talk?”
“Well sort of. She told me that she was raped by Seth and I listened. When she was done, I walked out, but I did tell her I loved her.”
“Honey, you learned some hard truths today and I know that you will have your faith to get you through this.”
“Garrett, I know you are not a spiritual person, but will you pray with me?”
“Kayla, I’d move mountains if you asked.”
So we say the only prayer that he knows.
Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name.
Your Kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as in heaven
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us.
Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
For the ki
ngdom, the power and the glory are yours.
Now and forever.
Amen.
“Thank you Garrett, I know that your spiritual side is not something you talk about a lot. But I want to thank you for praying with me.”
“Honey I believe, but I was never taught how to pray. So please be patient with me and I will learn.”
He bends down and slowly kisses me. I let out a soft moan.
“Kayla, if you keep making noises like those I will take you here and now.”
“It wouldn’t be the first time we have had sex in this tub babe.” I reach down and stroke his already hard cock. I turn around and sit on his lap.
He kisses me on my collar bone and I let out a hiss as his teeth graze my skin. He bends his head down and grabs a nipple. He tugs on it with his teeth. I reach down and place him at my entrance, and with one swift thrust he is inside me. I close my eyes and slowly ride him.
“Babe, open your eyes!”
My eyes snap open, and I see the look on his face. I see the love that he has for me. I see the compassion.
I swivel my hips and bite his ear and that is all it takes. He grabs my shoulders and thrusts into me a few more times. I feel him tighten inside me and I know that he just released himself deep inside me.
He kisses the scars that line my body and whispers “You are so beautiful Kayla, and I love you so much.”
I lay my head on his shoulder just enjoying his scent. I inhale and tell him, “I love you too.”
We get out of the tub, and he towels me off. I grab my old, worn out jeans out of the closet with a coral shirt and matching flip-flops. After, I apply a touch of mascara and do a quick fishbone with my hair. Garrett laughs at me because I have on boxer briefs.
“Babe, do you own any girlie panties?”
“Yes I do but these are comfy, and I’m just at home. But if you want me to start wearing what you call girlie panties, then you need to buy me some.”
“How about I give you my credit card, and you can pick them out?”
“Umm no, if you want me in sexy panties or lingerie, then you need to go and pick them out. And you can’t take VI with you.” I laugh.
“Not cool Kay, not cool at all. But since Christmas is right around the corner I will have to be thinking about your gifts.”
“Oh hell, that is right. The holidays are right around the corner. The last few months have passed so fast, and I have had my head up my ass.”
“Not true, you have had a trying time. Come on, let’s go downstairs and see what everyone is doing. I am sure they are wondering what we are doing.”
“Let them wonder. I am grown and this is my house.” I lean over and kiss on his lips.
We go down stairs to find Wyatt cooking lunch.
VI and Patrice are talking.
VI is in her mother hen mode, and Wyatt is listing to them, asking a question here and there in his big brother mode.
“Patrice, all I want to know is if there is anything else that we need to know.”
“No, I don’t think so. I have told Kayla everything that I can remember.”
“Okay you guys, I appreciate you all worrying about me. But I am grown and I can handle this. All my life I have wanted to know who my mother is, I now have a possible person. If Patrice is my mom, I will have some things to work through, but I will get through it. I do want to do the DNA test just for my sanity. No offense Patrice, but I don’t want to take Seth’s word.”
“No dear, I didn’t think you would. That is why I called Rodney and told him to run your blood against mine. I gave him a sample already so we will know soon.”
“All I ask is that you all give me time. I am not asking for much. Just give me space.”
They all shake their heads in agreement.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Chasing Dragons
“There comes a time when you have to choose between turning the page and closing the book.”
~Unknown
I have started to go crazy waiting on the results. My dysfunctional family has gotten on my nerves. I love them dearly, but if they don’t let me out of the house soon I may have to smother them in their sleep. Of course I won’t, but they are pushing my buttons.
I have been counting down the days until I get the call. It has been four whole weeks since we sent off for the DNA results. I am pacing around the living room when my phone rings, it is an unknown number so I let it go to voicemail. I keep staring at my phone waiting on the notice that I have a voicemail. Within a few seconds I feel it vibrate. With shaking hands I hit the voicemail button, type in my code, and I hear the message. I know my life will change as soon as I hear the first words.
“This message is for Kayla Ashby, your results are in and we are 99.999997% that you are indeed the child of the alleged mother and alleged father.”
I drop my phone and start crying. No one is in the room at that particular moment so I can cry in peace. But my peace does not last long because soon everyone is running toward me.
“Kayla honey, what is it.” VI asks.
I glare up at her and she knows exactly what is wrong with me.
“I am not mad that she is my mom, at least I don’t think I am. I am hurt, but I am not mad any longer. I wanted a mom for so long and now I finally have one. But the fact that Seth is my father that is what is bothering me. He raped my mother, and here I am. I have no clue how I feel about that. I am thankful that my mother did not go the route of abortion, but how could she when she didn’t even know she was pregnant. Seth on the other hand has always been a prick, and to thank I was raised by my real father all this time.” I think to myself what will Millie think? She already hates me, maybe she has known this whole time, but why wouldn’t she ever tell me, or tell Seth for that matter. I guess anyone can keep the paternity of her biological kids from their birth father, why wouldn’t she do the same for me? She had to have known.
I go lay on my bed and pull out my journal from the bed side table. I will write out my thoughts because right now I really want to find a dealer.
Screw this. I slam the journal closed and gather my purse, my keys, and slip on my boots. I open my window and climb onto the fire-escape to the garage. I quietly unarm the beast and get in, fasten the seat beat and head out of the garage.
I hit the automatic dial feature on my console and ask to be connected to Damon. Within a few seconds I hear
““Yo! This is Damon.”
“Damon, this is Kayla from Birmingham, and I need your hook up again.”
“Birmingham, how have you been? I have not heard from you in a few months. Are you still in Seattle?”
“Yes Damon, I am. Can you please have someone meet me at the same place as before?”
“Birmingham, are you in some kind of trouble? You know people talk and there are rumors going around that you have some people that need to be taught a lesson.”
“No Damon I am not okay, but I don’t want anyone teaching any lessons, at least not right now. But thank you.”
“No problem, you know I’d do anything for you Birmingham. So what are you looking for?”
“I’m looking for something to chase the dragon.”
“Wow Birmingham, going for the hard stuff huh?”
“Yes, I am. I need a gram, and I want it pure. I have the cash. All I need to know is if you can get it to me? And how long will it take your guy to meet me.”
“Birmingham, give me about ten minutes, and I will have someone meet you.”
“Thank you Damon.”
“You are welcome Birmingham, and I will call you right back and let you know if it will be the same guy on the motorcycle or not.”
Okay, I’ll be waiting. I’m coming off Pike Street, so let me know where.”
“For sure.”
I hit the end call button and it was silence once again in my beast.
I pull over off Everett and hit Hwy 99, which is the center for drugs and prostitution. I see hookers, drunks, and drug addicts e
verywhere. The buildings along the way are so run down and look like they could be crack houses. There are several pay by the hour motels that litter the street as well. There are pawn shops, and adult entertainment stores on every corner.
The bikini clad women are standing in the nasty, little espresso stands and prostitutes are on the street dressed provocatively and looking cheap and whorish. They all look like they have been rode hard and hung out wet.
My thoughts are disturbed by the sound of my phone ringing and I hit the answer button on my steering column.
“Birmingham, where are you?” Damon is asking.
“I am off Hwy 99 near the Boulevard Motel.” I tell him as I am looking in the rearview mirror.
“Okay, pull into the back of the parking lot and Chase will meet you. He is the same guy as last time. He drives a black motorcycle. It will be one hundred and twenty bucks. I had him get some rigs as well because I was not sure if you had them.”
“No I did not, thank you. I was not thinking when I made the call to you Damon.”
“Well Chase will be there in just a few. Let me know if you need anything else.”
“Damon, I know this sounds crazy but thank you.”
“Birmingham, are you sure this is what you want to do? You know it has been seven years since you used. And I know how hard you worked on your sobriety.”
“Damon, it is none of your business, no offense, but I am a grown ass woman and if I want to fuck up my life, then it is all on me. So thank you very much for getting me some Brown Sugar, but I really don’t give a rat’s ass on your opinion.”
“Wow Birmingham, you must be dealing with some harsh shit because of all the years that we have known each other, you have never talked to me like that.”
“I’m sorry Damon. Really I am, but I have had a really shitty day, and all I want is to forget.”
“Okay, I get that, and I am so sorry. But he will be there in just a few minutes.”
“Thank you, Damon.”
“No problem, listen if you change your mind on that lesson please let me know. I will make a trip to Seattle if I need to.”
Damaged Love (Bound Series Book 2) Page 5