by Cherie Marks
I finally looked away and began to paddle my way around the rocks and other debris in the river. Yet, as I began to make my way around a bend that would take me out of sight, I gazed back once more.
His eyes stared intensely, and chills broke out on my arms as I heard his voice once more.
I will find you.
Chapter 2
Modern-day, Assjacket, West Virginia
Fingers snapped in front of my face, and I popped out of the long-ago memory into the present. I’d been back in the river, and I’d been mesmerized by his eyes once more. A strange pang of something like regret hit me all over again. Despite his final proclamation, I’d never seen him since. I still didn’t know who he was or why he’d been on that riverbank, but I couldn’t forget him, even ten years later.
“Earth to Celia Henderson. You’re a million miles away. What’s going on inside your mind?”
I studied my very pregnant best friend, Evie Hale-Calvin, with her hand resting on her round belly and smiled. “Oh, you know, the usual—thinking about all the wild trouble I’m going to get into this summer while you take on the greatest adventure ever—childrearing. It’s going to be epic.”
School was out, the kids were gone, and we were wrapping up the end of the year paperwork. My classroom was all packed up and ready for the habitual summer cleaning, and I was ready to get some much needed rest. The only problem was how often my mind turned toward the amber-eyed boy nowadays. It was almost as if my brain was trying to warn me of something, and I was afraid I knew what it was.
“I’m worried about you, girl. What are you going to do this summer? I mean, I’m about to burst any day now and Liz is in an upward spiral to honeymoon heaven now that she’s met the squirrel shifter of her dreams. Are you feeling okay about all of this?”
Was I? No. Their happiness, which I was nothing but ecstatic over, was a stark reminder of everything I would never have. Sure, I could try to have a relationship, but the minute things got serious, I’d always have to end things sooner rather than later. It was near to impossible to be someone’s significant other when you couldn’t reveal your true identity. I’d hidden who I was for so long, I had a hard time breaking out of that persona. I hid behind sarcastic remarks and false bravado. But, it was getting harder and harder to carry on the act as my dearest friends figured out their own lives.
However, truth be told, I’d never let anyone know how thrown off my game I really was. I would never say or do anything that took away from Evie or Liz’s happiness.
So, I put on my usual, crooked smile and said, “Oh, you know me. I’ll find myself a few boy toys to while away the time. Nothing is going to slow me down, but we’ll always find time for the Mounters.”
As I’d hoped, Evie chortled. “Of course, the Mounters are unbreakable. We’ll always be a team.”
At Mount Shelley High School, we’d formed a clique called the Mounters. Maybe it was childish to be teachers in a clique, but whether or not the others realized it, we’d all been outsiders when we’d come together in the beginning. It was, like most cliques, a way to feel confident in a shaky situation. Was it the most mature way to handle self-consciousness? No. But without the Mounters, Liz would’ve been the spastic personality most people avoided, and Evie would’ve been the raging bitch people hurried away from. Me? I probably would’ve been the bitter, wild-eyed teacher muttering under her breath about every irritation. The Mounters saved my sanity.
“Speaking of Liz, what’s she up to today?”
“Oh! What time is it?” Evie glanced at her phone. “We’re meeting Cara and Liz for lunch.”
“Great. With all the romance in the air, the ick-factor will be off the charts.” Every single one of the other ladies at the table had all made permanent love connections, and I was the only remaining single lady. All the single ladies, put your hands up. Mine was firmly in the air, and it wasn’t coming down.
A sudden unpleasant thought occurred to me. “Please, tell me Dane, Finn, and Liz’s smitten squirrel shifter will be there.” I hoped I’d kept my sarcasm to a minimum.
“No. They all had other commitments unfortunately.”
“Yeah. Unfortunately.” And yet, it really wasn’t unfortunate at all. As much as I loved my girls and…by default…their guys, I didn’t like being the seventh wheel. Hanging out with the crew of the S. S. Loveboat was getting a bit tedious. I didn’t begrudge them their love connections at all. I was pleased for them. Truly. No people were more deserving of joy. But I was also certain the same happiness would never be mine. So, every time I hung out with the blissful couples, it was a harsh reminder of my own lame existence. It tended to pull out my snark, and everyone knew a snarky Celia was a bitchy Celia really. And though bitches needed love too, they so rarely got it.
Fifteen minutes later, we were sitting in the pub bar hidden in the rear of the hardware store, waiting on a round of greasy burgers and fries. I’d ordered a veggie burger, considering I was a little conscious about eating animals. I mean, being a part-time animal myself, I tended to avoid eating others. In the meantime, I was enjoying a cold beer and doing my best to steer the conversation toward anyone else but me.
“So, then I told Dane, you freaking knocked me up, the least you could do is run out and get me the good kind of ice cream.” Evie took a sip of her sparkling water. “Once the baby comes, I’m pretty sure I’m going to miss that little motivational tool to get anything I want, especially when I’m craving ice cream at two in the morning.”
The table erupted with laughter, and even I had to admit that seemed like a pretty cool side effect of coupledom. Dane would do anything for Evie, and yet, he really expected nothing in return. He just genuinely loved her that much. I wondered what that would be like.
I’d experienced unconditional love with my parents, but after I ran, I never saw nor heard from them again. I wondered if they’d been punished for my rash behavior, or if they’d thought it best to remain silent so that no one would discover where I was. Or worse still, what if they didn’t recognize the clues I’d left in my letter? The thoughts made me anxious, and I wished there was some definite way I could know the truth. I wanted so badly for my impulsive choice to have been the right one, and yet, the thought at the back of my brain was that it had been the wrong decision. A decision that I could never take back, and affected so many.
“Well?”
I snapped to attention again. Zoning out was becoming a bad habit and would soon start affecting my street cred. It wasn’t like me, but so often lately, I’d found myself drifting in memory. My anxiety built like a slow snowstorm. The thought that I should be preparing for something unknown kept my mind churning. Yet, the last thing I wanted to do was drag my nothing-but-happy friends into my crazy.
“Qué Pasa? What’d I miss?” Flippant as always.
“We need to find someone for you.” Liz was just a teeny bit too excited with her suggestion, and I reacted badly.
I sputtered and coughed, trying to expel the beer that had gone down the wrong way. Dammit! I did not see that coming. Should have, but didn’t. I knew that a happily-relationshiped female couldn’t possibly imagine anyone else wouldn’t want exactly what she had. It was inevitable.
I got a few pats on the back and recovered enough to say, “No, thank you. I have plenty someone’s, and that’s how I like it.”
Evie had no idea what she was suggesting as she said, “That’s no way to exist. You need love. You need a mate.”
But I had a mate. One I didn’t want.
I tried to imagine how different my life would’ve been if I’d stayed. I’d probably attend royal parties with other shifter royal families, and I’d probably have children by now. An heir and a spare. And I’d probably have a husband who was completely bonkers. I’d probably make excuses for why he was wandering around the woods, shifted into his bobcat form, attacking anyone who ventured near. But I’d be a princess.
I’d probably have tons of servants, bowing to my
every whim. I’d probably have more clothes and shoes than I could manage to wear. I’d probably live in a magnificent house on a hill, and I’d probably drive a silver Mercedes.
And my existence would probably feel completely meaningless to me.
What crap! I never wanted that. I certainly never asked for that. The way my life was now was exactly what I wanted. I loved the idea of impacting lives on a daily basis as a teacher in the local high school. My friends gave me all the social interaction I needed, and Nana Johanna gave me all the love I needed.
Yet, if I were being perfectly honest with myself, I had to admit I was just a tad envious of my friends’ happiness. There was something about the idea of having someone around who understood the warped nature of my mind and loved me anyway that gave me just a twinge that something was missing in my life.
Ridiculous! I had everything I could ever want and more. I’d never felt more powerful, more liberated, more…more…lonely.
I spied the powerful women staring back at me from around the table. They really had no need for anyone by their sides. They could kick ass and take names all on their own. Yet, they chose to build a life with someone else—someone they’d gladly die for and would do the same for them. It baffled me and buoyed me all at the same time. Could having a mate not be such a bad thing?
Of course, none of their mates were bat-shit crazy.
“Let me tell you something about myself. I like taking over the whole bed when I sleep. I like spending my money on whatever I want to. I like the idea of dropping everything and taking off at a moment’s notice. Don’t mess with perfection.”
Cara took a deep breath and asked, “Do you sleep on the whole bed, really? And what do you spend your money on that’s so objectionable? And, let’s get real, how often do you run off at a moment’s notice?”
I felt my lip curl. When people bested me at my little games, I tended to turn up the snark. “Get out my life, woman! Did you pick up a side hustle as a private detective?”
“No. Just been where you are. I thought my life was fine the way it was. I didn’t want things to change, but now that they have, I know things were far from perfect before.”
The concerned look in each of their eyes told me everything I needed to know. I recognized that doe-eyed stare. They felt sorry for me. It was almost laughable, except my real-life situation probably would inspire nothing but pity. Maybe I should tell them why their efforts would be a lost cause. Part of me wanted to relieve the burden that I’d carried for so long. And who better to share such a blunderful story with than my best friends in the world?
“Look, I haven’t been entirely honest with you.” I swallowed hard, trying to find a way to continue.
“Uh-oh!” Evie’s eyes widened.
I rushed to assure her, “I haven’t lied about anything between us.”
“No! I believe you.” For the first time, I noticed her hands planted on her stomach. “My water just broke.”
Everyone’s gaze dropped to the small puddle forming on the floor beneath her.
Liz squeaked, “Should we call an ambulance?”
Evie laughed lightly. “Call Dane. Tell him to meet us at the hospital. I don’t need an ambulance, but I do need a ride.”
My brain finally kicked into action. “I’ll drive. My car’s right outside.”
But Evie grabbed my arm and squeezed it tightly. “Liz can drive. I need you to do something else for me.” Liz nodded and hurried for the door. Cara followed close on her heels.
“Anything. What do you need? Name it, I’ll do it.”
“I need you to get something for me. In a cave nearby. You’ll need to shift to get inside, then at the back, there’s a small, velvet bag on a ledge.” She paused and sucked in a sharp breath. Apparently, the contractions were starting. After a few moments, she looked up again and continued, “I need the stone that’s inside it. It’s important that you remain in your shifter form until you get the stone secure in this box.” She handed a small, hinged box to me. “The stone won’t affect you in your bobcat form, but it will wipe out all of your ties and bonds to other people if you’re in your human shape. Whatever you do, don’t touch the stone.”
She stood up, ready to go, but I called out, “Liz should get the stone. I can drive.”
“You know Liz has no sense of wilderness direction. She’s a city squirrel if there ever was one. I need you to get the stone.” She gasped and pulled her hand back to hold her belly in her palms. After a tense moment, she glanced toward the door. “Please, Celia, I want you to get the stone.”
“I can’t shift.”
“What? Of course you can. You’re a shifter.”
“No. I mean, yes, I’m a shifter. But I don’t shift and haven’t for years.”
“How is that possible? You’re so kick-ass. How is there anything you can’t do? I mean, I knew you had a phobia of heights and spiders, but I didn’t see this as a possibility at all. I thought shifters had to shift every so often or they’d go a little crazy.”
My heart hammered in my chest. I wasn’t prepared to have this conversation. Back to flippant answers. “Well, that explains a lot, huh?”
“Please, please, please, Celia. You’re the only one I trust to do this.”
How unfair could life get! This was my best friend in the world asking me to do something for her, and everything in me wanted to do exactly what she needed me to do. The only problem with doing that was the fact that the world as I knew it would end the minute I shifted. I hadn’t shifted once since that night on the river.
Nana Johanna had made it quite clear that mates could sense when the other had shifted. More importantly, they had a heightened awareness of where the shift had occurred. This had been enough to keep me from taking on my bobcat form for years and years. Had it driven me crazy? Possibly, but for all I knew, it had kept me hidden from danger for ten years.
Ten years was a long time. Surely no one was still looking for me. They had to have given up by now, so maybe shifting this one time wouldn’t hurt. More than likely, my supposed mate was either running the woods as a feral bobcat or had settled down with some other princess and had a bunch of kids. Why did the thought of either of those possibilities make my chest tighten?
One look at Evie though, and I knew what I had to do.
I began helping her toward the door. “Tell me where it is. I’ll get it and bring it to you before the tiny cauldron stirrer is born.”
She gave a half-hearted laugh. The pain had clearly started kicking in. Then, with care and precision, she laid out the directions to the cave and how to find the stone. I nodded and memorized every detail. Evie was the kind of friend I hated to take for granted. If she needed me to get this for her, then that’s what I’d do.
I just hoped it didn’t bring the royal guard down on my freaking head. Needless to say, if they showed up, I was going to be so pissed.
Chapter 3
I sprinted along the worn path, catching small, brushy branches on my exposed shins. I hadn’t shifted yet, and I was searching for the courage to just get over my fears and do it. The cave was close though, so I wouldn’t have a choice soon enough. I’d have to shift, and that could be the end of the life I’d made for myself here.
Though I hoped my days of running had been put firmly behind me, Nana Johanna insisted the royal family would never give up looking for me. The seer had made a clear prophecy that named me an integral part of the prince’s sanity. It occurred to me that most girls would’ve jumped at that chance. Why wasn’t I like most girls? Instead, the idea of being locked away in a castle tower, or whatever the modern-day equivalent was, made my insides itch. The idea of losing any of the freedom I enjoyed on a regular basis made me want to run. Far, far away.
The terrain started to ascend, and I saw the rocky outcropping of boulders and cliffs that Evie had told me to keep an eye out for. The cave was under a jutting overhang just on the other side. Once I was there, I’d have no choice but to transfor
m into a small bobcat if I wanted to crawl deep inside the cave and get the stone in time for Evie. Just the thought of it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand at attention.
As the cave came into sight, I felt the panic rising. I was already out of breath from the rush from the restaurant to here, but at the sight of the rocky formation tightening smaller and smaller, I thought I might hyperventilate.
What choice did I have though? Leave Evie’s newborn son vulnerable because I refused to shift and possibly reveal where I’d been hiding the past ten years? Sure, it could be the end of my freedom…forever…and ever. But I couldn’t let Evie down.
I would shift, and then, once I’d given the stone to Evie, I’d tell Nana Johanna goodbye, and I’d run again. It was the only way I would be able to avoid the fate someone else saddled me with.
Mind made up, I took a deep breath and hoped I could remember how to shift. I shook out my shoulders and held my arms out in front of me. I wasn’t quite sure if this was the correct way to begin, but it felt right in the moment. I blew the air out of my lungs and closed my eyes.
Nothing happened.
I closed my eyes tighter and pictured myself in the form of a bobcat.
Again. Nothing happened.
My panic ratcheted higher. Before, I’d been concerned about the fact that I had to shift. Now, I was rightfully concerned that I physically couldn’t shift. I no longer had the ability. I’d lost my capability to do what I’d been born to do, and not for the first time, I let my resentment toward the royal family take over. If it hadn’t been for them, I would’ve grown up normally. I would shift effortlessly, and I’d have had my parents through my entire teenage years. They would’ve guided me through so much of the stuff with which I struggled now.
“Mother-clucker!” My shout echoed off the cave walls slightly. My frustration was at an all-time high.