by Clare Revell
For a moment she felt guilty for not letting him back in, then pushed it aside. Her fingers went to the base of her throat, in what seemed to be an automatic movement, but there was nothing there. It felt empty, as if there was something missing there too.
“Are you looking for your necklace? It’s right here.” The nurse put the cup down on the side. “Let’s sit you up a little so you can drink your tea, then I’ll get it for you.”
Pain flooded her as the nurse gently began helping her sit up. Her skin grew cold and clammy, stars flashed in front of her eyes and she screwed them tight. She pushed back into the pillows, the pain easing a little, only to be replaced by wave after wave of dizziness.
The monitor chimed and the nurse cancelled it, her cool fingers taking Niamh’s wrist. “You OK, Niamh? You’re not going to pass out on me now, are you?”
“I’m really dizzy.” She opened her eyes. “But, no, I don’t think I’m going to faint.”
White teeth shone in the nurse’s dark face as she smiled. “Good, glad to hear it. Here’s your necklace.” She reached over to the drawer and pulled something out, before placing a gold cross on a delicate gold chain, adorned with a single diamond into Niamh’s hand.
Turning it over Niamh ran her fingers over the initials engraved on it. “NFH...” A warm feeling of belonging and love and something else flooded her.
The cross lay in a red box, soft white cotton wool surrounding it. A card sat to one side, a verse on it. ‘Whilst we were yet sinners, Christ died for us...’
“Romans five verse eight.” She looked back down at the cross, trying to bring back the memory or whatever it was. “Could you put it on for me, please?”
“Sure.” The nurse fastened it around Niamh’s neck. “Your husband says you never take it off. It looks really pretty. OK, your tea and pain meds are on the side. I’m right here if you need anything.”
“Thank you.” She picked up the cup and took a sip. Letting the hot liquid slide down her throat, she finished it in several long swallows, taking the meds at the same time. She put the cup down and leaned back against the pillows. It was raining, huge drops pounded against the window. She closed her eyes, listening to them, the sound mixing with the beeping and hissing of the machines.
How long will it be before my memory comes back? Right now I’m here in this moment of time. No past, no future, just a present.
Her fingers went to the cross around her neck, playing with it. That had triggered something, but it wasn’t enough. She needed more.
4
Jared paced the hallway while the doctor was in with Niamh, as he had done countless times over the past day. He knew there were risks of brain damage with every head injury, he saw way too much of that in his line of work to doubt it, but he’d hoped and prayed she’d wake and be fine. But she hadn’t.
Lord, she looked at me in horror, pulled back from me scared. Why is she so frightened of me? We’ve known each other nine years, been married for eight, happily for the first six of those eight. I’d never hurt her, she knows that, yet she looks at me if I’m a total stranger. I don’t understand why.
He turned and caught sight of Dr. Anders coming out of the ward. He moved over to him. “Doctor? How is she? What’s wrong with her?”
The doctor’s calm voice did nothing to reassure him. “I’m recommending she sees a neurologist first thing in the morning. Right now she remembers nothing recent to waking up here. She’s forgotten at least eight years. That could be temporary or it could be longer lasting.”
No…That’s why she doesn’t know me.
Jared took a deep breath, his heart sank into his stomach, and his gut twisted around it, squeezing it to the point of breaking. He struggled to get the words out. “Are you saying she might never remember me?”
“It’s still too early to tell, but it’s a possibility. We’ll know more once she’s seen Dr. Coleridge in the morning.”
“Is it all right if I go and sit with her?”
“She doesn’t want you in there right now. She’s asked for her parents and brothers.”
“What?” Jared clenched his hands tightly. A hot stab filled his soul as if a sword plunged into it. His voice rose. “She’s my wife. I have every right to sit in there with her.”
“Mr. Harkin, I know you’re upset, but raising your voice isn’t going to change things. She doesn’t know who you are. I suggest you go home and get a good night’s sleep yourself. She’s out of danger now.”
“I don’t want to go home. I want to sit with my wife.”
“She’s my patient and right now she needs peace and quiet and rest. Go home, and come back tomorrow.”
Jared’s hands fell to his sides and his shoulders slumped, the fight leaving him. He turned and left. It was better to go voluntarily than have them call security and be thrown out. Besides, he was in uniform and didn’t want to bring disrespect on the department. His heart pounded miserable and heavy, and felt like it was breaking. Slow footsteps took him from the building, into a world covered by a heavy, leaden sky and over to a bench.
Heavy rain drops fell. He slid his jacket on, pulling up the collar.
Sinking onto the bench, Jared closed his eyes. Tears welled up, but he refused to let them fall. He was stronger than this. His shoulders shook and for a moment he was afraid he was going to lose the battle waging within him as he struggled with the force of emotion bearing down on him.
Not here, not now. I need to keep a clear head, let the others know she’s awake. God, please overrule here. Why give her back, just to take her away again? I’ll ring Liam, then go to work. They’re not expecting me, but I’ll go in anyway.
Jared pulled his phone from his belt and then jumped as a hand fell on his shoulder. He looked up at the tall, dark haired, bearded man standing under an umbrella and smiled wryly. “Hey, Liam. Sometimes I wish I had your sixth sense. I was just about to call you. Niamh woke about an hour ago.”
Liam sat beside him. “The hospital rang and told me. They asked me to come in. It’s great.”
“I guess so.” Jared studied his finger nails. “She doesn’t remember anything. Oh, she remembers you, Patrick, Mum and Dad, but that’s it. She doesn’t know who I am. She even pulled away from me, told me to go away.” He twisted his wedding ring viciously “Do you have any idea how that feels? To have your wife shy away from your touch, look at you with wide, terrified eyes and have her beg you not to touch her?”
Jared paused, trying to regain control. This wasn’t Liam’s fault. “The doctor doesn’t know if this is a short term thing or a long term thing. She may never remember me.”
Liam’s smile faded. “No, they didn’t say anything about that. Are they running tests to find out why?”
Jared shrugged his shoulders. “She’s seeing a neurologist in the morning. They want her to rest for now.”
“Then let’s go back to your place and have coffee.”
Jared scoffed. “Coffee? I’d rather something stronger.” He rubbed his hands over his face. “That shows how stressed I am. I haven’t touched the booze since I met Niamh and God. Not even socially over dinner. I’m sorry. I wouldn’t drink in front of you anyway. That wouldn’t be right. How long have you been on the wagon now?”
“One hundred days.” Liam smiled wryly. “So we’ll have coffee. Actually the way you make it, I’m surprised you don’t get hung over on it.”
Rolling his eyes, Jared shook his head. “Thanks, but I’m going to work. The shift starts in a little over an hour. It was you she was asking for.”
“You’re in no condition to work a night shift.” Liam looked at him sternly.
“You’re not my boss. Besides, it might be a quiet night and we just sleep ’til morning.”
“And if it isn’t?”
“I’ll manage.” Jared stood. “I should leave. Go up and see her, she was asking for you. She kicked me out. They said they wanted her to rest. Or maybe she just doesn’t want to see me again. Either way I�
�m outta here.”
Liam caught his arm. “Before you go, bro, let’s turn this over to God. He knows how this will work out even though we don’t.”
“OK.” Jared flopped down and listened as Liam prayed. When he finished, Jared hugged him. “I’ll ring you tomorrow when I wake. Let the nurses know I’ll be at work. They can reach me there if need be.”
****
Niamh lay on the bed looking at the rings on her finger. She’d pulled off the tape after the doctor left and hadn’t taken her eyes off them since. Why didn’t she remember Jared?
The nurse came over and smiled. “Your brother is here. Want to see him?”
“Yes, I most definitely do.” She glanced over at the man the nurse beckoned across. He wore a dark suit with a blue shirt and tie. He smiled as he crossed the room. His dark brown hair and beard were short and tidy.
Beard? Since when did Liam wear a beard? He hated them. Something wasn’t right. He looked older and careworn, but it was still him. Finally, someone she knew.
He held a bunch of flowers in one hand and offered her the other. “Hi, Niamh. I’m—”
“Liam!” Niamh exclaimed. She held out her arms and grabbed him, pulling him into as tight a hug as her broken body would allow. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
Liam hugged her back gently. “How are you, sis?”
“Pretty banged up according to the doctors. I’ve broken my leg, got a few cuts and so on. They said I crashed my car on the way home from work, but I don’t remember.” She pulled him to sit next to her. “It’s so good to see you. You’ve no idea how scary it is, not knowing anyone.”
“I’m here now.” He set the flowers on the side.
“I’m so glad you are. Liam, there was a man here. A firefighter. He…” she broke off, her cheeks burning. “He claims to be my husband. He said we’d been married for eight years, but I don’t know who he is.”
“I just saw Jared outside. He said you didn’t remember him. I have some photos in my wallet if you’d like to see them.”
Niamh nodded, taking a closer look at him. Was that grey hair around his temples? “OK, but answer me one question. The doctor said I was thirty-six, but that doesn’t sound right. We’re not that old surely.”
Liam smiled as he pulled his wallet from his inside jacket pocket. “You never were happy with your age, but yes, you are thirty-six. So am I.” He handed her the photos.
Niamh took them, her gaze still fixed on his hair. “When did you start to go grey?”
Liam pushed his fingers through his close cropped hair. “The grey came through a couple of years ago. It’s called teaching, amongst a couple of other things.”
Niamh looked at the pictures. This is infuriating. Remembering some things, but not others. Remembering trivial stuff, but important stuff just isn’t there anymore. I hate it. “We all got old. That’s Patrick, you and me.”
Liam nodded. “And despite being twins we were born on different days.”
“I know when my birthday is,” she huffed. “But we celebrate on your birthday, February twenty-eighth, as I only get a birthday once every four years. So there’s no way I’m thirty-six.” She glanced up at him. “Because even if you’re right and I lost several years, it still only makes me nine, Li.”
He laughed. “Nothing changes, Ni.”
She reached up, rubbing her fingers along his chin. “You have. What’s this? Since when did you grow a beard?”
“A while ago now. It hides a multitude of things I’d rather people not see.”
She glanced down at the last photo of an older couple, both with grey hair and glasses. They were smiling at the camera, holding each other’s hands tightly. “Mum and Dad look happy. But they’re old, Li. What’s happened to me?”
Liam looked at her. “The doctor said the amnesia is caused by the head injury. What’s the last thing you really remember? Doesn’t matter when or what it is.”
Niamh took a deep breath and closed her eyes. “Before I woke up here? Ummm…” She smiled. “Bonfire night. We’d all gone to the church bonfire. There were the most amazing fireworks and we ran out of petrol on the way home. Dad had to walk miles to a garage for some petrol while we sat in the car and sang stupid songs. And because you had the Walkman, you did air guitar so we’d know when to come in with the next verse.”
Liam’s face fell slightly and Niamh gripped his hand. Maybe she’d said something wrong. Liam managed a slight smile. “I remember that. But sis, that was ten years ago.”
Niamh’s stomach dropped. “Ten years? It can’t be. What’s the date?”
“October tenth.”
“So the bonfire hasn’t happened yet this year?”
“No. Niamh, it’s been ten years.”
She looked at him, tears in her eyes. “Ten years,” she repeated. “Liam, I don’t understand. How can I lose ten years of my life like that?”
“I don’t know. Come here.” Liam wrapped his arms around her.
She buried her face in her brother’s chest, sobbing hard. After a few moments, she looked up. “You got a tissue?”
“Yeah.” He felt in his pocket then pressed one into her hand. “Here.”
“Thanks. What do I do? Am I still with the CPS?”
“You are senior prosecutor for Headley Cross now. Apparently, criminals panic when you’re prosecuting them. Take the case yesterday. According to the paper, the defendant almost got sent down charged with contempt of court as soon as you stood up to start your case against him. Then he changed his plea to guilty.”
“Am I that scary?”
“More like you’re that good at your job, sis.” He handed her another photo. “This one was taken on Mum and Dad’s fortieth wedding anniversary in January.”
“Forty years…wow.” She ran her fingers over it. Jared was standing next to her, his arms around her. “Is anyone else married?”
Liam caught his breath and hesitated.
“Li?”
“It’s a long story, which can wait for another time. The short version is I’m widowed. Sally died two years ago. But now I’m engaged. Her name’s Jacqui. You really like her. You both get on like a house on fire. I’ll bring her in to see you tomorrow. I should go. The nurse said I could only have ten minutes and it’s been way over that.”
“For a teacher you’re a lousy time keeper. I bet the kids hate having you for detention. Or are you a headmaster now?”
He chuckled. “No way, I hate admin. I am head of the English department, though.” He hugged her tightly. “I’ll come back and see you tomorrow. Get some sleep.”
Niamh hugged him back. “No chance of that. Might forget my name if I fall asleep. Or forget you.” She shook as she held him, her fragile grip on the situation beginning to falter.
“Niamh?”
“I’m scared, Liam, really scared. I hate not knowing this Jared. I mean he could tell me anything. Not that I’m saying he’s lying or anything, I wouldn’t know anything about that. I just don’t like not remembering anything. What if I never do?”
His warm lips pressed against her forehead. “Just give it time.”
“You sound like the doctor. Can you ask Mum and Dad to come in? And Three-Point-One-Four, if he’s not working?”
Liam laughed. “We haven’t called Patrick Three-Point-One-Four for several years. He never did work it out. We just call him Pi now. I’ll see you tomorrow. Night, sis.”
“Night.” She closed her eyes as he headed across the ward to the door.
Both Liam and Jared said she’d known Jared nine years. If she had no memory of the last ten, that’s why she didn’t know him. So where did that leave her? Still married?
She stared down at the rings. Jared’s rings. Should she even wear them if she didn’t remember him at all? Yes, marriage was a commitment, and she knew that, but at the same time, how could she promise fidelity to a total stranger?
Pulling off the rings, she laid the engagement ring on the table next to the bed. M
aybe he would look after it until her memory came back. The wedding band she put on the chain around her neck.
She was so tired and wanted to sleep, but all the noise meant slumber eluded her. She had had her eyes closed for what seemed like a grand total of thirty-five seconds before someone else came over.
“Mrs. Harkin?”
“That’s what everyone tells me.” She opened her eyes tiredly.
“I’m Dr. Coleridge. One of the staff neurologists.”
“I don’t need a shrink,” Niamh muttered. “I want to sleep. I thought you weren’t coming until morning.”
“I’m not a shrink,” he said gently, sitting down on the bed next to her. “And it’s a little after nine a.m.”
Huh? Niamh glanced at the daylight streaming through the window and then back at the doctor. “Oh… it didn’t seem like I slept at all.”
“How are you feeling this morning?”
“Like I got hit by a bus,” Niamh said. She reeled off the list of injuries they had told her she had. “I’m sorry if I snapped, I’m just so tired.”
“That’s quite all right. Dr. Anders asked me to come and see you. He tells me you can’t remember anything.”
“Well, nothing recent. The last thing I remember is a bonfire party, but my brother tells me that’s ten years ago. I remember nothing since then.”
“I’d like to run a few tests, starting with an EEG. It’s pretty boring and most people sleep through it. I’d also like to do a CT scan this morning and possibly an MRI too, just to rule out a few more things.”
Niamh looked at him, trying to read his expression. Were all doctors as good at hiding things or was it something he’d perfected over the years? Mind you, she needed the poker face in her job. “Why can I remember some things and not others?”
“There is still a lot about the brain that we don’t understand, although we are learning more each day. But, assuming the tests show no significant damage, your memories are still there; you just can’t access them. I can’t give you a time scale on remembering anything I’m afraid.”