by J. Bengtsson
“It’s weird,” Jake finally continued. “I’ve only known her a day, but it feels like I’ve known her forever. Have you ever felt that way?”
“No.”
“You’re going to think I’m crazy, but I actually think I really like her, and I want to see her again.”
I stood there transfixed, just staring at this stranger before me. I couldn’t remember the last time Jake had talked to me like this – his voice so full of positivity and excitement. As kids, he and I used to talk non-stop about all kinds of things, but our main topic of discussion as we got older was girls and sex. What I had done. What he had done. What we both wanted to do. But it was all talk. Neither one of us had gotten past first base. Of the two of us, I was the more experienced, having once convinced a girl to touch my dick through my shorts in a game of truth or dare. It had lasted about two seconds before she squealed, “Eew, it’s squishy.” Yeah, that had done wonders for my self-esteem.
After the kidnapping, we didn’t talk about girls and sex anymore. Honestly, we didn’t talk about much at all. Jake had been so traumatized by the experience that anything more than a superficial conversation with him was a major victory. In those early years, pushing him beyond his comfort zone was never a good idea. Jake had triggers, and if one of us accidently stumbled onto one of them, he would blow up. We all learned to tread lightly, never knowing exactly what was acceptable to say or do.
Gradually, a revised version of the old Jake returned to us. It was as if he’d decided to accept his fate and move on. But that closeness we’d once shared, the one where we would lie on our beds at night and confess everything to each other… that had never returned.
“So what did you do last night after I left?” he asked.
“Sarah.”
It took a second for my response to register with Jake. When it did, he threw his head back and laughed. Damn, he was in a good mood.
“And how did that go?” He grinned knowingly.
“Eh…it was fine.”
“Just fine?”
“She pretty much just talked about you the whole time. I had to cover her mouth with my hand while we fucked.”
Jake gaped at me before an amused smile took over. “Liar.”
“I’m not kidding. It was like, ‘Oh, Jake. Oh, yeah. Give it to me’,” I panted, in my sexiest female voice.
“Shut up,” he laughed, stretching his leg out to kick me. “Why do you go for women like that, anyway?”
“What? You mean women who like me for you?” I asked, shrugging.
“Yes. I’m sure there’s a girl out there somewhere who hasn’t heard of me and who might not find you butt-ugly.”
“Really? You think?” I replied sarcastically.
“I mean, stranger things have happened,” he shrugged.
I nodded, slapped on my best ‘bewildered’ expression, and tapped my chin with my pointer finger.
“But where to find such a girl? I mean, pretty much everyone on the planet has heard of you, so that kind of limits my options.”
“Well, what about a girl from one of those religious cults, who’s grown up without running water and television and shit?”
“Ooh, yeah. Good idea. When will the tour be rolling through Pennsylvania next?”
“It might be a while. Or hold up – you know all those freaky science labs? One of them has to be genetically engineering some half breed that would be perfect for you.”
“Interesting idea. So basically what you’re saying is that to find myself the perfect girl, I either need to travel back in time to the Wild West or visit a futuristic genetic bio lab and find myself a half-lizard, half-human hottie?”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying. See, you aren’t that stupid… Lizard Lady’s going to eat that shit up.”
8
Kenzie: Baby Steps
The force of the acceleration plastered my frame to the back of the seat as I fought to control my breathing. My fingers clutched the armrest with such intensity that my knuckles turned a splotchy white, even whiter than my normal chalky, sun-deprived shade. I couldn’t lift my head. Was that normal? My eyeballs swiveled around, the only part of me still able to move. How could the other passengers remain so calm? Did they not feel the shaking? Were their teeth not banging together like mine? And the noise-oh, the noise! It was screeching through my brain, ricocheting back and forth as if inside a pinball machine. No, this was definitely not normal! Fear like I’d never experienced swept through me. In moments, I’d be flying… or crashing. Both seemed equally possible outcomes. The wheels lifted off the runaway and I gasped in shock. The weightlessness caught in my throat. I snapped my eyes securely shut. Whatever was about to happen, I would not be seeing it. I preferred my tragedy to go down blind.
The plane soared higher, and my stomach did a somersault. I bravely cracked one eye open to make sure my barfbag was just where I’d left it, and then promptly squeezed it shut again. I remained sightless even after the plane began to level out. In a matter of minutes I would be further away from my hometown than I’d ever been in my entire life. Twenty-four years old, and there was so much I’d never experienced. Like flying, for example. Actually, that was one experience I could do without. In some ways I felt like a newborn baby taking my first shaky steps out into the world.
I really couldn’t remember what had possessed me to think that competing on a reality show would be the best way to test my wings. In all honesty, when I’d applied way back when, I never expected a visit from one of the show’s scouts, much less a spot on the eighteen-member cast. But here I was, Kenzie Williams, small town girl with no life experiences, beyond the walls of my sheltered existence, about to go big or go home… or die in a fiery plane crash. That was still a very real possibility. Yet somehow I sensed something big was waiting for me, something life changing. Taking a deep breath, I opened my eyes.
This was something I wanted to see.
9
Kyle: Fifteen Minutes of Fame
“How are you feeling about tomorrow?” Mom asked. It was just the two of us in the kitchen.
“I’m good.”
“Nervous?”
“A little, I guess. I’m excited.”
“That’s good,” she nodded, although I didn’t get the impression she actually thought it was good. Obviously there was more to her questioning than just idle chit-chat.
Mom inhaled slightly, and I saw her splayed fingers tighten on the countertop. I met her eyes with my own. I knew that look well. Mom had never been good at concealing her anxiety.
“What’s wrong?”
“Do you know what you’re getting yourself into, Kyle?”
“The show?” I asked.
“No – the fame that will come with it.”
“I’m not Jake, Mom,” I scoffed.
“You underestimate yourself. You’re a likeable, funny guy. Pair that with the fact that the producers are going to exploit your connection to Jake… it will be instant celebrity.”
“Does that bother you?”
“It worries me.”
“Why?”
“Look what it’s done to Jake.”
“No offense, Mom, but fame did not do this to Jake.”
Oh, yeah. I went there. Daggers shot from Mom’s eyes. We’d never been allowed to openly discuss Jake’s issues. It was a sticky subject in our house. Mom preferred to pretend that he was totally fine and completely unaffected by the crime that had shaken our family to its core ten years ago. I understood she did that for Jake’s sake, to help him feel normal as he healed, but I’d always resented it.
It’s not like my siblings and I had existed in a germ-free bubble of oblivion while all that shit was going down with our brother. We’d had a front row seat to the unraveling of Jake’s life… hell, the unraveling of all our lives. Even though so many years had passed, it still irked me that we had to tippy-toe around the subject.
“I’m just saying, put the blame squarely where it belongs,” I b
ravely added.
Mom stared me down for an uncomfortably long time before finally saying, “It’s just, I’ve seen the things they say about Jake, and I don’t want that for you.”
“If you had concerns, why didn’t you say something before?” I asked, annoyance creeping out through my words.
“Would it have made a difference?”
“Probably not. But dumping it on me now when there’s nothing I could do about it even if I wanted to… that sucks.”
“Sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything,” she replied chewing on her bottom lip. “I just want to know that you’re prepared for what’s coming. You seem to not really get it.”
“What is there to get? I know what fame is. I live with it everyday.”
“I know… it’s just… Jake casts a wide shadow, and tomorrow you'll step out from under it in a big way.”
The talk with Mom had made me jittery. I wasn’t so sure of my decision anymore. Was I actually ready for the media attention? I’d always been the invisible brother. The cameras flashed for Jake, not me. Even what happened last night with Sarah had unnerved me. Maybe Mom was right. Maybe I was being totally naïve. Was I really cut out for the spotlight?
Last night was fun. Don’t forget about me on the island.
The text was from Sarah. I’d met up with her at the hotel last night. I was hoping for a quickie so I could get home early, but she had other plans. The minute she opened the door, I knew we would not be staying in. Sarah was dressed to impress, and something told me it wasn’t for my sake.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“I thought we could hang out with some friends of mine tonight.”
“Oh. You know I only have a few hours right? I have to be up early.”
She grabbed my hand and steered us to the elevator. “Relax. You’re not going to turn into a pumpkin at midnight.”
It wasn’t an evening with friends. It was a big Hollywood-type party at a house overlooking the beach in Malibu. Sarah was well known in these stomping grounds, and, regardless of the fact that she’d arrived with me, men were hitting on her right and left. There was a DJ playing and partygoers doing lines of coke on the kitchen counter. The minute I stepped in the place, I wanted to leave. This was definitely not my scene.
Despite the fact that I spent my life on the road with a rock star, I actually lived a fairly boring and sheltered existence. Having Keith as a glaring example of drug use gone badly, none of the rest of my siblings had chosen the same path. Perhaps if Jake had been more of a partier, I would have followed suit, but since he wasn’t, neither was I. Our biggest vice was alcohol, and even that wasn’t much.
Because Jake tended to surround himself with people who had a proven record of self-control, gatherings for us on the road were more like backyard barbeque parties than full on ragers. After some particularly bad experiences with drug-addicted employees, Jake now ran his tours like one of America’s pot-friendly states. Weed was okay, but you did it at your own peril, meaning if you got caught with it in an inhospitable state or country, no one was coming for your doped-up ass. In fact, the rest of us would pretend we didn’t even know the hapless dude, and it’d be up to him to find his way back to the tour. Those guys who were found using hard drugs Jake cut loose immediately.
“Come on. I want to introduce you,” Sarah said, grabbing my hand and leading me to a group of five beautiful, leggy women. “Guys, say hi to Kyle.”
Two women acknowledged me with friendly smiles, but the other three only managed to look up for a moment to size me up before returning to their conversation.
“Kyle is Jake McKallister’s brother.”
It was as if the music came to a screeching halt. Heads craned in my direction. The bored women perked up. One unfurled her long legs and got up off the couch. I was instantly surrounded and being peppered with questions about Jake. One woman even tried swiping my phone to call him. Sarah hung all over me. I was now the most interesting person in the room, and she loved it.
As new people wandered over, Sarah began introducing me as Jake’s brother, not even bothering to use my actual name anymore. At the start of the evening my blood had been lukewarm, but by the end, it was boiling. My teeth actually hurt from all the grinding they were doing. It was becoming clear that Sarah’s motivation for bringing me here was to show me off. And normally that would have been flattering, but not when she was showing me off as Jake’s frickin’ brother.
I was on edge and ready to leave fifteen minutes after arriving, but Sarah was not ready to go. She was loving the attention my connection to Jake was bringing to the table. Since I had been driven over by Sarah, I was at her mercy.
An hour into the party, I was cornered by a half naked man, clad only in board shorts and a shirt that was open wide. Deeply tanned and obviously lit, his eyes darted back and forth, struggling to focus on mine. This guy was my dad’s age, but that’s where the similarity ended. Rich, privileged, and used to getting what he wanted, this dude was like a caricature of every drunk, wealthy, obnoxious guy who’d ever appeared on the silver screen.
“Kyle, right?”
“Yes.”
“Steve,” he said, slurring a second word, which I assumed was his last name. He shook my hand. “This is your lucky day.”
“Oh, yeah? How do you figure?”
“I can make you a lot of money. We’re talking butt-loads. You can buy your very own cocaine castle.”
His eyes scurried every which way. Jesus, dude, pull it together.
“Uh-huh,” I said. “And what would I be required to do to obtain this pot of white gold?”
“What do you know about your brother’s kidnapping?”
My heart rate shot up in an instant, and my fists clamped with fury. I seriously considered punching the asshole in his smug, plastic surgery-altered face, but getting arrested for assault was the last thing I needed before leaving for the show. I took a deep breath and then turned and stomped off.
“You’re being stupid. You have no idea what I can offer you,” he called out to me.
He didn’t deserve a response, so I didn’t reward him with one. I walked up to Sarah and grabbed her arm.
“I’m leaving.”
“What? What happened?”
“Nothing. This isn’t my scene. Are you coming, or should I Uber?”
Sarah looked at me in surprise and then glanced around. She was clearly conflicted. Really? Jesus Christ. What the hell was I doing here? I turned and walked out of the house. Sarah followed, her stiletto heels clacking something fierce on the concrete path.
“Wait up, Kyle, geez.”
My jaw was clenched so tightly that it actually ached. When she finally caught up to me, her eyed grew large as she saw the angry expression on my face.
“Did something happen back there?”
“Aside from some guy named Steve offering me money to sell out my brother? Nope, nothing exciting.”
Sarah crossed her arms in from of her. “Oh. Sorry.”
I shrugged, still pissed and not willing to accept her apology. “Why did you bring me here?”
“I thought it would be fun.”
“For who?”
“For you. Most guys would kill to go to a party like this. Those were supermodels in there.”
“Yeah, well, I’m not most guys.”
Sarah’s eyes scanned me, and her features softened. “No, I’m starting to get that.” She reached out and grabbed my hand. “I’m sorry. I should have asked you first. Forgive me.”
She sidled up to me and started nibbling on my neck. Slowly but surely, my anger and resentment began to recede. Her lips found mine, and I groaned. We stood on the sidewalk making out for a few minutes, and then she took my hand and drove me back to the hotel.
I woke up in my bed the next morning not feeling real good about where my life was currently headed. Jake was right. I needed to stop putting myself through this crap. I was tired of playing the game. I knew it seemed cli
chéd, but I was actually starting to feel used by these women. Yeah, I was obviously getting something out of the hook ups, but was it really enough? Maybe I was just in a funk. Or maybe I needed to find a girl who actually liked me for me.
I flung the covers off and stretched. Today was the day. A nervous flutter traveled through me. I wasn’t sure what I was getting myself into. I picked up my phone, and there was a text from Jake.
Remember I’m expecting a train wreck. Don’t disappoint.
I smiled as I ran my hand through my tangled mass of hair.
Don’t you worry, I texted back. Tell Casey I love her.
He didn’t reply. It was probably evening wherever he was in the world, which meant Jake was most likely on stage performing. I felt a pang of guilt. I was going to be gone for forty-five days and completely off the radar. If there were a problem, I wouldn’t know about it. I just had to trust he was going to be okay. He had told me yesterday that he’d been talking to Casey via Facetime and that things were going well. He sounded upbeat and encouraged. But what if something happened? What if she broke his heart, and he had no one to talk to?
Frustrated, I got up and walked into the bathroom. I splashed some water on my face and stared at myself in the mirror. Worry lines etched my forehead. Was I making the right choice here? Why was it so hard for me to leave? The face that stared back at me in the mirror had morphed into my twelve-year-old self.
You know why, he said.
Marooned: The Rules
10
Kenzie: First Impressions