by J. Bengtsson
“Yeah, well, it’s hard work. We’re called The Seedlings. If you’re from these parts, you’ve probably heard of us.”
I exchanged an amused glance with Casey. If this guy only knew!
“No, I’m from the LA area, but good for you, man.”
“Yep, well, you folks have a good night. And keep the music down.”
“We will, thanks.”
The ranger was striding out of our camp when he turned around and said, “Oh, almost forgot. There was a bear sighting a few sites over, so make sure you put your food in the lockboxes. Looks like it might be a female with her cub. Those mamas can get pretty aggressive, so don’t engage with either of them. All right, then, folks. Have a great evening.”
If I could have taken a picture of all our faces at that moment, it would have been a Pulitzer Prize-winning photograph. After the initial shock wore off, I took control, barking out orders to my shell-shocked fellow campers. Being from this area, it certainly wasn’t my first experience with bears, far from it, but it was the first time I’d ever seen such a strong reaction. It would have been funny if the bears weren’t already ‘a few sites over.’
After gathering our food and shoving it into the lockboxes, the four of us huddled in our barren tent because Casey and Jake’s was so full of luxury items there wasn’t room for four bodies to fit inside. With two flashlights between us, we sat in silence, reacting to every broken twig or falling pinecone.
“Guys, relax, it’s just a bear. I’m sure they’re more afraid of us than we are of them,” I said, in an attempt to be the voice of reason.
“No offense, Kenzie,” Jake said. “But I can almost guarantee you that’s not the case in this particular situation.”
“Maybe mama bear is eating another camper right now,” Kyle whispered, his voice full of hope.
“Doubtful,” Jake answered, his tone rife with foreboding as he shined the flashlight up on his face. “We’d hear the bloodcurdling screams.”
“And the ripping of flesh from bone,” Casey added, with a disturbing horror movie chuckle.
I glanced at Kyle, who was obviously not finding this as amusing as the rest of us. I hooked my arm in his to show my support. Although we had survived the elements on the island, we’d never encountered a dangerous animal.
“You’re not worried?” he asked me.
“Not really. Bears are pretty common around here. If you leave them alone, they’ll usually leave you alone.”
“Usually?”
“I mean, there have been instances…” I hesitated, recalling a recent bear attack.
“Instances?”
“What do you want her to say, Kyle? It’s a bear. Sometimes they eat people,” Jake answered, helpfully. “Besides, I don’t know what you’re worried about. With my luck, if that bear attacks, we all know who’ll get ripped to shreds.”
“No, Jake, with your luck, you’ll be the only one to survive.”
“The media would go wild. Jake McKallister, bear-attack survivor,” Casey teased.
“Right, because they’ve got nothing else exciting to write about me.”
“Can you guys be any louder? Jesus. You might as well be calling them over for a nice meaty snack,” my irritated boyfriend complained.
“So Kyle,” Jake asked. “On a scale from one to ten, how much do you want Mom right now?”
A low, rumble of hysteria burst forth from the four of us and we had to hush our laughter so as not to beckon an angry bear.
“Honestly, I’m at, like, a twelve. That furry-assed fearmonger has nothing on our mom.”
Our tormentors didn’t wait long to amble into our camp. We sat in tense anticipation as the bear and her cub tried to force open the lockbox, and when that didn’t work, they ripped open a plastic bag filled with beer bottles. Then, as quickly as they arrived, the bears moved on, hoping to find an even less-prepared group of campers than us.
Once they were long gone, Jake and Casey left for their five-star resort. Kyle had zipped our sleeping bags together and we both climbed inside. He held his arms open for me and I snuggling up to his warm, inviting body.
“I thought they’d never leave,” I whispered in his ear, as I nibbled on his tender flesh.
“It’s so nice, isn’t it?” Kyle reminisced, a happy smile on his face. “Just living off the land like old times?”
“It is,” I answered, not really paying attention to his Bear Grylls fascination with the wild. I was only interested in one thing, and that was him. Dropping my hands below the waist, I unbuttoned his jeans. That was all it took to curtail his nature ramblings and get focused on me. And the lustful look in his eye was all I needed to throw myself at him. We were grinding into each other and kissing fervently when a loud vacuum sound emitted from the adjacent tent. Kyle looked at me in confusion. The ruckus went on for at least a minute, disturbing the peaceful quiet that could only be experienced on a night spent in the wilderness.
“What the hell was that?” Kyle called over to his brother.
“Sorry, we were filling our bed with more air,” Casey answered.
Kyle rolled his eyes in disgust. “Well, are you done now?”
“Yep. Sooo comfy. Thanks for asking.”
I laughed and said, “You guys enjoy your high thread count Egyptian cotton sheets, you hear?”
“Oh, you know we will, Kenzie,” Jake answered, in a suggestive tone. “And you be sure to enjoy the cold, hard ground.”
Kyle’s face took on a wicked grin. “Don’t you worry, Princess, we will.”
Once quiet had returned to the campground, Kyle regained his composure and asked, “Where were we?”
“About here.” I smiled back seductively, brushing my hand past his dick.
“Oh, yeah.”
We gleefully resumed where we’d left off. Kyle flipped me onto my back and hovered over me as we continued our make-out session. As he laid his arm to my side, he flinched in pain. “Ow!”
“What?”
“A rock or something. Damn, that hurt.” He sat up and rubbed the spot, but just then his knee smacked into an embedded tree root. “Ow, shit.”
“Let’s scoot over,” I encouraged, not yet willing to give up on our tent sex. We both moved further into the tent, and then, regaining some of his lustfulness, Kyle lowered himself over me once again. But while I was running my hands up his back, I felt a sharp pain pinch into mine. “Ow… rock… Kyle, get off, there’s a rock. It just stabbed into my back.”
We both sat up and he pulled my shirt up to reveal a little bloody puncture wound.
“Dammit, where’s that first aid kit?” he asked.
“In the truck, I think.”
Kyle trudged out to get the kit for me, and by the time I was all patched up, neither one of us was in the mood anymore. We moved the sleeping bags again and found the least offensive spot possible, and even that was incredibly uncomfortable. As we lay awake, staring up through the mesh ceiling at the stars in the sky, Kyle mumbled, “Well, this sucks.”
“I know,” I giggled. “How did we ever manage to survive over a month in the wilderness?”
“No clue. Honestly, I’m so frickin’ jealous of Jake and Casey right now.”
“I know. I don’t think we’re cut out for rustic living.”
“No, I think you’re right,” Kyle agreed. “I just like my housecat lifestyle too much to put up with this shit.”
“Promise me tomorrow night we’ll get our very own noisy air mattress.”
“Only the finest for you, Babe.”
Kyle: Epilogue
Driving over the bridge on the way into Kenzie’s hometown, it was clear something was up. Flags were festively attached to all the posts.
“What’s with all the decorations?” I asked.
“I have no idea,” she answered, and abruptly changed the subject. “I’m so excited to see my family.”
Her face was alive with joy, and as always when I looked at her nowadays, I quaked a little insi
de. Every cute little thing she did gave me that strange tingling feeling. Although I’d been slow to recognize what it was, now I understood. I was in love. The only thing left was to tell her. For whatever reason, the time never seemed right. And the longer it went, the more nervous I became. How hard could it be to utter three little words? I loved her; yet I kept it to myself, waiting for something… although I wasn’t sure what.
I watched out the window as we drove the long road into town. Flags and ribbons also adorned the countryside. It seemed they were having some event. That would be fun. Maybe it was a fair. Then it hit me. I turned to Kenzie.
“No!” I blurted out dramatically. “Please tell me… oh, god, Kenzie. Could it be?”
The smile on her face was as wide as it could get. Her eyes sparkled as she nodded her head joyfully.
“But you said it was in June.”
“I lied.” Kenzie grinned.
“Oh, my god!” I screamed, slapping my hands on the ceiling of the truck.
“What is your problem?” Jake asked irritably. “You’re going to cause an accident.”
“It’s Udder’s Day!” I sang out. “It’s frickin’ Udder’s Day. Kenzie, you’ve just made me the happiest man alive.”
I seriously could not have been more excited to experience Udder’s Day for myself and was feeling like a kid at Christmas. Since Kenzie revealed its existence to me all those months ago, Udder’s Day had become a running joke of ours. I swear I knew all the ins and outs of this unique festival.
We pulled into the driveway of her one-story Victorian-style home.
“Ahh, this is cute, Kenz,” Casey complimented. “This whole town is so cool, like going back in time.”
“Yeah, it’s back in time, all right,” Kenzie answered, clearly not as impressed as we were. I could hardly blame her. As fun as it was to visit, I wouldn’t want to grow up here either. I needed a little more action than this place had to offer. And besides, when I was home from tour, I had a strict rule that wherever I lived needed to be within a seven-mile radius of a Taco Bell.
Kenzie’s dad, Bruce, and her siblings came out of the house when we pulled up. Aside from meeting them briefly at the final taping, we hadn’t seen each other since Kenzie and I had gotten together. And we certainly hadn’t seen each other since I’d moved in with his daughter. I wasn’t sure how much her dad would appreciate that little tidbit. Nervously, I stepped out of the car and was all ready to greet her family when I saw where their eyes were focused… on Jake, and they were sufficiently awed.
“Did you not tell them he was coming?” I asked.
“No. I knew they wouldn’t be able to keep a secret, and then the whole town would have shown up… you think I’m kidding but I’m not.”
Kenzie jumped out of the truck to facilitate the introductions.
“Guys,” she called out. No one turned to her. “Guys!” she shouted a bit louder, shocking them from their trance. “This is Jake and his fiancée, Casey. Be nice and close your mouths. You all look like Venus fly traps.”
“Nice to meet you.” Jake stepped forward, extending his hand.
“Oh, geez, sorry, we’re being rude,” Bruce said, grasping it. “We just, you know, don’t have celebrities visiting very often.”
“What do you mean, Dad? Kanye was here last week,” Colton joked.
We went around doing the introductions before following the Williams into their modest home.
Bruce, still seeming stunned, stammered, “I wasn’t expecting four of you, especially not… uh… you,” he said, staring again at Jake as if he still couldn’t believe his eyes. “We’ll, um, figure out sleeping arrangements.”
“They’re staying at the bed and breakfast,” Kenzie said. “It’ll just be Kyle and me, as planned.”
“Oh, that’s good,” he sighed, and then caught himself. “I didn’t mean you weren’t welcome to stay, I’d just… you know, have to clean the toilet…”
Casey giggled.
“Dad, it’s okay. Relax. Everything’s covered.”
I saw her mouth to Bruce, ‘You didn’t clean the toilet?’ and he shrugged his response. Jake, Casey, and I exchanged amused glances. Apparently I wasn’t worth a clean toilet, but Jake certainly was. Maybe Kenzie should have thought through her surprise visit.
“Thanks for having us.” I stepped in, in an attempt to stem the awkwardness.
“Oh, yeah, yeah. Of course. It’s great to see you again, Kyle. I hear you’re a fan of Udder’s Day?”
“I am, and I hear you own a cow costume.”
“I do.” He grinned, looking more relaxed. “Just say the word and it’s yours.”
“Ooh, wow, such a nice offer. Actually, I was thinking Jake could wear it.”
Jake whipped his head around. “Wait, what’s a cow costume?”
“Pretty much exactly what it sounds like,” I answered, and then turned to the others. “Sorry, he doesn’t get out much.”
I got a good laugh at my brother’s expense. Always my favorite kind.
“Why should I wear it?” he complained.
“So no one will recognize you.”
“I’d actually rather take a thousand pictures with fans than wear a cow costume.”
“And so you will,” Kenzie patted his shoulder. “It should be a fun day for you.”
“As long as we can pull him away from the crowds long enough so I can get a picture of him milking a cow,” Casey said.
“Okay, I don’t understand how Kyle’s special day has suddenly become my nightmare.”
Since none of us had showered in two days, Kenzie and Casey went off to clean up first, and something told me my embarrassed girlfriend would be doing a quick toilet scrub while she was at it. Bruce hung around talking to us for a few minutes and then excused himself to go pick up lunch. That left Jake and me to fend for ourselves with the three C’s. Caroline talked non-stop and would just randomly snap photos of us and send them off right in the middle of the conversation. Not to be outdone, Cooper and Colton were one-upping each other in an attempt, apparently, to impress us. Moments later the argument started. First came the f-bombs, and then came the fists. The boys tumbled their way through the living room, knocking over a side table in the process. Jake and I watched wide-eyed and entertained as the boys went at it. I’d never seen anything escalate that quickly.
Kenzie, her hair wet and tangled, rounded the corner with an angry look on her face. She got right between the two boys, grabbed their arms, and, without saying a word, marched them to the front door and pushed them both outside. Then she turned around and walked back to the bedroom without even glancing in our direction.
Caroline, who’d been forced to stop talking during her brothers’ brawl, continued her conversation the minute Cooper and Colton were safely killing each other outside.
“So do you mind, then?” she asked.
Jake and I exchanged a look.
“Mind what?” I questioned. I couldn’t recall her asking us anything before the MMA fight began.
“If my friends come over? They just want to meet you guys.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” I said. “Maybe you should ask your sister first.”
“She won’t care.”
“How about we meet them later at the festival? Your dad’s bringing back lunch, and he probably doesn’t have enough for everyone,” Jake reasoned.
“Oh. I already told them to come.”
“Okay, then.” Jake looked my way, grinning.
I was trying to come up with another excuse when the knock came at the door and four teenage girls filed in. Damn, that was fast. People sure hustled in small towns.
Jake and I spent the next few minutes talking to a bunch of giggly girls and snapping selfies with each and every one of them before Bruce walked through the door followed by the boys, who were sporting grass stains on their identical faces.
“What is going on here?” he bellowed. “Caroline!”
“What?” she asked, feignin
g innocence.
He shook his head, looking at us apologetically, and then opened the door wider and shooed the girls out.
“Sorry. Now that Kenzie’s gone, they’re out of frickin’ control.”
Yeah, it was clear Bruce was in way over his head. Taking pity on the poor man, Jake and I pretended like nothing had happened, but our alone time with Kenzie’s siblings would go down as one of the highlights of our trip.
We wandered through the old Victorian street taking in the sights, sounds, and cow manure smells of Udder’s Day. Jake, as always, was quite a draw, but instead of the thousand pictures he’d predicted, only a few dozen people actually stopped him. The same couldn’t be said for Kenzie and me. Marooned was a popular television show, but certainly being a cast member didn’t bring instant recognition in the general public – unless that public lived right here in this little village. We were like veritable celebrities in these parts. It appeared everyone, and his or her cow, had tuned in to watch the hometown girl compete on the show.
To my complete surprise, strangers were coming up to me and quoting lines I’d apparently said on the island. Half the stuff I didn’t even remember, but they sure as hell did. So bombarded were we with well-wishers and picture-takers that Jake and Casey slipped away to wander through the general store undisturbed.
Kenzie was welcomed home with open arms. The love and warmth surrounding her gave me a clearer picture of how she’d come to be the woman she was today. It would have been easy for her to fall through the cracks after her mother passed away, but by her own admission, these people had lifted her up. For all my wisecracks about her lifestyle, I finally got the appeal of growing up like she had. I still wouldn’t want it for myself – because, you know, of the Taco Bell issue – but I certainly wasn’t going to knock those who chose the quieter way of life.
As I watched her interact with the grace and ease I’d come to admire and love, I felt myself turning all mushy again. Kenzie had that effect on me. I needed to just tell her how I was feeling and get it over with. The anticipation was killing me.