Heart Thief

by Peter de Sade

  “And beer for Gerry.”

  Bucky stopped. “Gerry? Does that mean that you two are lovey dovey again?”

  “Yes it does, Bucky” Gerry said walking up to the bar. “And lovey dovey? Have you been watching black and white movies again?”

  “The mouth of the south,” Bucky said shaking his head as he placed a Budweiser on the bar. “Is he so mouthy at home?”

  “Yes, but when he gets that way I have something to sick in his mouth,” Dan said.

  Bucky held up his hands. “Inquiring minds do not want to know.”

  “You don’t happen to have a good pool stick behind the bar do you,” Gerry said. “I lost mine.”

  “I have Betty, my own stick,” Bucky said reaching under the bar. “You mess it up and I’ll break it over your hard head.”

  “Wow, it’s a beauty. You want to sell it?” Gerry said as he pulled the pull stick out of its carrying case and screwed it together. “Cherry wood?”

  “Yes, cherry wood. And yeah I’ll sell it. I hardly every shoot pool anymore.”

  “Terry has been trying to get me to sell it to him, but I can’t place such a beauty in the hands of such a so so pool player. Betty deserves better.”

  “Speaking of which, I didn’t see his name on the chalk board for the tournament,” Gerry said.

  “Shit, I knew I was forgetting something. He’s sitting at the end of the bar kissing an old man and told me to write his name on the board. I guess he’s afraid if he gets up one of you studs will take his place and ruin his chances of getting some old nookie!”

  “Really, as good looking as he and he has a hard time getting a date?” Dan asked.

  “You have heard him talk?” Bucky asked with raised eyebrows.

  “Well there’s that,” Dan said with a sigh. “Poor guy,” he added.

  “Bucky, where’s Spike?”

  The bartender nodded his head toward the door. “Speak of the name of a gang banger and voila!”

  Everyone turned to look.

  “He’s limping,” Dan said. “Oh, my god, he’s limping!”

  “That he is,” Gerry mumbled as Spike slowly made his way through the crowd.

  “You guys are staring at me like I’m the second coming! What is it. Do I have shaving cream on my neck?”

  No one spoke.

  “What?” Spike asked.

  “What happened to your leg,” Dan finally spoke up.

  “Oh that’s it. You guys are concerned about my health. How touching.”

  “Yeah, what happened to your leg, Bro,” Gerry asked.

  “I finally got up the nerve to get in one of those long bike races. A biking buddy talked me into going with him to LA yesterday for the race. I didn’t even make to the five klick marker. Slipped on a spot of grease and took a tumble. Fuck up my two thousand dollar bike and my leg! Spent the night bar hopping and just got back. Should never have gone. I could have gotten drunk here and spend a lot less money. Anything new happening here?”

  If they had been balloons and someone had stuck pins in them Dan and Gerry couldn’t have looked more deflated.

  “I’ll tell you what those two have been up to?” Mathew said as he shouldered his way up to the bar. “They been trying to get me arrested as the La Jolly Cat Burglar! That’s what Cagney and Lacy have been up to!”

  “Mathew,” Dan said. “We are so sorry . . .”

  “Yeah and you should be. I thought you and I were tight, Dan?”

  “Right, Mathew, as tight as two thousand dollar a pop could make you with anyone,” Gerry said. “Get down off your fucking high horse. You were the only other person we knew that had been in all of the homes that have been robbed. We had reasons . . .”

  “They called me into the police station and interviewed me just after Gerry, you jerks.”

  “You never said anything about that?” Bucky said. “Oh, got some paying customers that needs attention,” he said and hurried away.

  “I don’t usually tell my business. I have to be discrete. Do you know who I had in bed with me last night when those two dodo birds came barging in?”

  “Let me guess? Gerry Falwell?” Gerry asked.

  “You twit, he’s dead,” Mathew said shaking his head at Gerry. “I had councilman Fernandez in bed.” Suddenly Mathew laughed. “You should have seen the faces of those two detectives. Hell they wouldn’t have been more shocked if Gerry Falwell had come through the door.”

  “All’s well that ends well,” Gerry said.

  “No, no you two don’t get off the hook that easily!” Mathew glanced at Gerry. “I thought we were friends?”

  “Hey, I could say the same thing! You thought I was the La Jolly Cat Burglar? Remember?” Gerry declared.

  “So, you to call the cops on Mathew?” Spike said. “What am I missing here?”

  Gerry nodded to Dan. “It was your plan, you get to tell them.”

  “Talk about someone getting thrown under the bus!” Dan said.

  “Well, hell, someone tell me why I got rousted out of bed a little after 3 a.m.?” Mathew said as Bucky came back and put a Budweiser on the bar for him.”

  “Have you told him how you set the trap for the thief?” Bucky asked. “Of course Dan told me the trap was to catch Gerry and not you, Mathew,” Bucky added.

  “Trap what are you talking about?”

  “Roger’s beach house,” Gerry said.

  “What about it?”

  “It was the trap,” Dan added. “Ah, Mathew, Roger is only the caretaker he’s not the owner of the house.”

  “Really! Okay, now I get it. You set it up for me to meet him so I would see him buying painting that I like and then have him invite me home with him,” Mathew stopped. “You bought painting specially to entrap me. Oh, my god, you gave Roger the money to hire me too.”

  Neither Dan or Gerry would look him in the eyes.

  “Hell, the joke was on you two. I had the best night of my life with Roger. Oh, did he mention that I didn’t take the two thousand!”

  Gerry glanced at Dan and laughed.

  “That rat!” Dan said. “He didn’t mention that!”

  “Anyway, that still doesn’t explain why you sent dumb and dumber to my apartment at 3 a.m.”

  Dan glanced at Spike.

  “What are you looking at me for?”

  “Dan caught the thief in the act of breaking in and sprayed him with pepper spray. . .” Gerry started.

  “He ran out of the house and twisted his ankle in the drive way,” Dan finished.

  “So if I had limped out of the bedroom I would be in jail now, correct?” Mathew asked.

  “Yeah,” Dan said.

  Spike raised his hand like a school boy in class. “Hold everything. So, that’s why everyone was looking at me when I limped into the bar? You suddenly thought I was the thief.”

  “Well . . .” Dan said.

  “I can prove where I was yesterday and last night,” Spike snapped.

  “Mathew, they are calling yours and Terry’s name. It’s your turn to play.” Bucky said.

  “Where’s the stutter bag?” Mathew asked.

  “He’s at the end of the bar smooching with an old bird like they are going to devourer each other. You go get him. I hate watching two guys kiss,” Bucky said.

  “Bucky!”

  “Well, I’m old school. Kiss and fuck at home and not in public,” the bartender said.

  “I’ll go,” Gerry said. “I’ve been a little nasty toward him lately. I think I owe him an apology while we are handing them out,” he said as he slid off his stool.

  Wow, Bucky was right. He’s turned into a kissing bandit, Gerry thought as he pushed his way through the men and boys standing in front of the bar. Terry and a small Latino older man that Gerry had never seen before were in a major lip lock as he approached the end of the bar.

  “Come up for air, Terry, before I have to call 911,” Gerry said.

  As they parted the handsome older man blushed.

&nb
sp; “Wa . . . Wa . . . What do you want?”

  “You and Mathew are up to play, Bro.”

  “I . . . I . . . I decided not to play tonight?” Terry said.

  “What afraid you can’t beat Mathew? Hell, I could beat him blind folded.”

  “I . . . I . . . I’m not afraid to play Mat.”

  “Yeah so why are you hiding at the end of the bar playing suck face?”

  “Yo . . . Yo . . . You’re an asshole, Gerry. Yo . . . Yo . . . You are just upset I have found a nice handsome man that you haven’t been to bed with.”

  “Hey, I came over here to be friendly, Bro. I’ve been treating you a little rough lately. But if you are going to be a douche bag then I go and tell Mathew that you are too chicken shit to play him.”

  “I . . . I . . . I’m not chicken shit you fucker,” Terry said getting off the bar stood. He grimaced for a second. “I . . . I . . . I’ll beat him and you too.”

  “Lead the way Paul Newman! Let’s see the color of your money!”

  “Al . . . Al . . . Always with the smartass remarks!” he turned back to the older man. “I . . . I . . . I’ll be right back Jose.” Terry took a step and grimaced again but kept walking.

  “You are walking like you have a stick stuck up your ass,” Gerry said.

  Terry turned his head to answer Gerry and tripped over the extended leg of a fat man sitting at a nearby table. Terry screamed so loud as he fell that everyone in the bar stopped talking and glanced in his direction.

  “M . . . M . . . My leg!” Terry screamed as he reached down and grabbed his leg. “I . . . I . . . I hurt it. It . . . It . . . It hurts!”

  “Let me see,” Gerry said kneeling down beside Terry. “Move your hand!”

  Gerry pulled up the leg of Terry’s jeans.

  “Fuck me! It was you!” Gerry shouted as he saw the ace bandage wrapped around Terry’s leg. “You are the fucking La Jolly Cat Burglar! You are Crayon Boy!”

  “Yo . . . Yo . . . You are crazy. I fell and turned my ankle.” Terry started moaning in pain. “I . . . I . . . I think it’s broke!”

  Gerry took the clamp off the bandage and unwrapped it. “Fuck me!”

  A jagged end of a bone was stick out of side of Terry’s leg just above the ankle.

  “Yeah, Bro, I would definitely say you broke it!” Gerry stood up. He glanced over the bar at Bucky. “Better call 911. He needs to go to the ER!”

  Chapter 26

  Gerry and Dan look at each other in shock as the paramedics roll Terry through the crowd that parted like the sea for Moses to make way to allow them through to the door.

  “It’s him!” Gerry said in astonishment!

  “I’m shocked. It is possible that he is the La Jolly Cat Burglar?” Dan asked. “I just don’t see how,” he added.

  “He’s been with some of the guys that were robbed that’s for sure. But the German, Dieter, told me he’s drop dead handsome but he just couldn’t take the stuttering,” Gerry said. “And your friend Jack said the same thing to me. But I bet they lied about having sex with him!”

  “Please don’t remind me that you’ve slept with all those men?” Dan said shaking his head.

  “You guys really believe that Terry could be the La Jolly Cat Burglar?” Mathew said. “Terry?”

  “That might be a stretch guys but I do know for a fact he does a lot of rock climbing more that Mat and me. I’ve seen him wall climbing at the Sports Depot. Hell, he can scooted up their wall faster than a squirrel. I could see him climbing up to the second floor window of houses.”

  “Yeah, but most of the break-ins been by someone using the houses’ security codes.”

  Bucky who was wiping condensation off the bar from Mathew and Gerry beers suddenly got a funny look on his face.

  “What’s that look for?” Spike asked him.

  “You guys realize that Terry works for La Jolla Home Security Systems, don’t you?”

  “No!” Gerry said. “I knew he did something with computers but I thought it was repairing them.”

  “That the company that installed my alarm. Jack recommended them. He said they were the best and installed home alarms in most of the homes in La Jolla,” Dan said shaking his head in disbelief.

  Bucky shook his head. “He’s not only installs for them but he’s their chief consultant. I think he troubles shoots their systems and does special installations for smart homes.”

  “He probably helped install most of the security system in the homes that were robbed?” Mathew said.

  “Fuck me twice!” Gerry said.

  “Not even once,” Bucky said shaking his head at Gerry. “You’re not my type.”

  “It’s got to me him,” Dan said giving Bucky a dirty look. “And he is my type.”

  Bucky laughed. “That’s your problem amigo.

  “So,” Mathew said. “What do we do. I don’t want people thinking I’m the thief. It would hurt my business.”

  “All you guys can do is confront him,” Spike said. “Seems, I’m the only one thinking straight here.”

  “A gang banger that thinks straight. Now that’s a new one,” Mathew said.

  “Up your preppy boy butt, for free!” Spike snapped.

  “Gerry, let’s go to the hospital and confront Terry! Maybe he’ll confess?” Dan said.

  Gerry shrugged. “It’s worth a try,” he glanced at Spike and then Mathew. “Are you two coming with us?”

  “Not me. Me and police work are like oil and water,” Spike said holding up his hands.

  “I’m not going either. I want to keep my distance. Something like this could result in a court appearance and there’s a couple of judges I know that could start masturbating under them robs at the sight of me.”

  “I doubt that. It would be more like throwing you in jail for over charging,” Spike said and winked.

  “Everyone envies the king,” Mathew replied.

  “You want me to book you two clowns at the comedy club?” Bucky asked.

  “Come on, Dan, when the two starts with their slapstick it never ends,” Gerry said grabbing Dan by the arm. “Let get to the ER while Terry is juiced up with some class A narcotic and on cloud nine and talking his head off.”

  “This is the room,” Gerry said nodding to room 102. “You first, Dan the man!”

  “Why me?”

  “Because you are going to play the good cop. I come in a little later and play the bad cop,” Gerry said.

  “So I’m Laurel to your Hardy,” Dan said with a disapproving look.

  Gerry shrugged. “You want me to call Moor and Blaze before we have any proof.”

  “No, no!”

  “Then hop to it, Daddy. I’ll give you a reward when we get home,” Gerry said.

  “As though I’m not going to get it anyway,” Dan said as he walked toward Terry’s room. He stopped and knocked lightly.

  “Co . . . Co . . . Come in.”

  Dan forced a friendly smile on his face. This is the fucker that probably caused all of Gerry’s troubles. “Hi, Terry,” he said softly as he walked into the room.

  “D . . . D . . . Dan, I didn’t expect to see you here,” Terry said in a dreamy voice.

  “Are you in pain?”

  “N . . . N . . . No, they have me on some great meds. I just came down from getting X-rayed. Ho . . . Ho . . . How do you like my hospital gown. I . . . I . . . It is almost like a dress. Ma . . . Ma . . . Makes me feel like I’m going to a Halloween Ball.”

  “What happen to your ankle?” Dan asked.

  “I . . . I . . . I twisted it or so I thought. Wh . . . Wh . . . When I fell tonight the bone must have pushed through. “Da . . . Da . . . Damn it hurt like hell before they gave me the meds.”

  “Yeah, I know how and when you fell,” Gerry said as he stepped into the room. “You were at the beach house last night and Dan sprayed you in the face with pepper spray. You twisted your leg running for your bike.”

  “N . . . N . . . No, that’s a lie. I . . . I . . . I’m n
ot the La Jolly Cat Burglar,” Terry said shaking his head. “It . . . It . . . It’s you!”

  Suddenly the theme song from Happy Days started playing.

  “Ta . . . Ta . . . That’s my cell. It . . . It . . .It’s in the pocket of my jeans under the bed.” Terry said glancing at Dan.

  “Yeah, I’ll get it for you,” Dan said as he bent over. He reached into one of the front pocket of Terry’s jeans. His fingers touched a ring as he felt for the phone. He pulled out the phone and handed it up to Terry and then reached back into Terry’s pocket. His eyes widen when he pulled out a ring. His star sapphire ring! The one he had accused Gerry of stealing.

  “He . . . He . . . Hello,” Terry answered the call. Then he suddenly saw Dan holding the sapphire ring in the palm of his hand. The cell phone slipped out of Terry hand and onto the hospital bed.

  “You! It was you?” Dan shouted! “You sneaked into my house after Gerry left and stole my rings! Why? Why in the world would you do something like that!”

  Gerry stepped forward to look at the ring. “Are you sure it’s yours?”

  Dan show him the inscription inside of the ring. Murphy, that’s my name.”

  “N . . . N . . . No, I didn’t,” Terry said shaking his head.

  “Hey, what’s going on in here,” a nurse asked opening the door and looking at them.

  “Is there a policeman on duty in the hospital?” Dan asked.

  “Yes, of course.”

  “Please have him come here.”

  The nurse looked surprised and nodded her head. “Okay I’ll call him.”

  “Thanks,” Dan said.

  “You know asshole. When they search your apartment, they are going to find any of the painting you haven’t pawned yet. And probably some of those god awful crayon sketched you have been leaving in place of the painting you stole.”

  Terry shook his head.

  “What wrong. The cat’s got your stuttering tongue,” Gerry teased.

  Suddenly Terry’s face turned red.

  “Yo . . . Yo . . . You are just like my little brother always doing everything perfect. Wel . . . Wel . . . Well I fixed him. I . . . I . . . I pushed him down the stairs. H . . . h . . . he wasn’t so perfect with both legs in traction.”

  “Wow, you are a sick little fucker. Something is really screwed up in your head,” Gerry said.