by Leanne Davis
“I know.” Ally had expected her mother to say that too. Since it was Kylie, Ally was embarrassingly green with envy. A business trip? Meanwhile, Ally was freaking out over imaginary bad grades she didn’t even receive.
“Well, I’ll let you get back to it. See you in a few weeks, sweetie.”
“Sure, Mom.”
Ally hung up with a desolate feeling. Somehow, she felt abandoned. Her own life was leaving her behind. Her younger sister was on a business trip with an awesome, rich guy while she was… what? Worried about failing again. To the point it kept distracting her from even doing her normal work. That deep down, hollow, gnawing feeling had returned. So soon? Why so soon? Maybe it was because of the added stress. Unfolding her legs, she stood up and let the circulation return before grabbing her keys and exiting her apartment. Choosing a store where she was sure no one would recognize her, she bought all the foods that made her feel a little better. Comfort food. Nothing wrong with seeking a little comfort now and then.
Chapter Three
THEIR PROJECT PROGRESSED WITH surprising speed and accuracy. For once, Ally wasn’t doing all the work. She begrudgingly gave Nate her respect since he could carry on an intelligible conversation and managed his assigned parts. He came to their prearranged work sessions on time and fully prepared. They were more than a quarter done by the end of the first week. And each time they met for two hours or more, she found, to her surprise, she didn’t hate his company. They didn’t talk about any personal things, but established a mutual rapport that wasn’t based on Vickie or constant bickering; and that was progress for them.
By the time the weekend came, Ally was ready to relax. Her sister finally called her but seemed to be acting kind of… off. More like the old days, pre-Tristan, when she did something wrong that she was ashamed of and didn’t know how to tell Ally. What could it possibly be? She refused to talk about it. Kylie barely provided the minimum details of her trip to Vancouver, and in fact, seemed almost frantic to change the topic. She sounded rude and short and was in an obvious hurry to get off the phone from her. Disgruntled by being blown off, yet again, by her little sister, Ally soothed her frustration by agreeing to go to a fraternity party with Janice when she asked.
The party was already in full swing when Ally and Janice walked in. Ally hadn’t been to a good, raging college party in more than a few months. She used to go quite often, mostly when babysitting her little sister during her girl-gone-wild phase. Now that Kylie had calmed down since Tristan came into her life, Ally was finally free to enjoy her own college experience without worrying if Kylie would end up strung out on drugs, or accidentally jumping from the top window of a building. Really, there were times when she was so erratic, Ally didn’t know what to expect. In a way, the stable, older, interesting, seemingly pretty cool boyfriend that Tristan embodied might have suited Kylie’s inconsistent behavior. He wasn’t what anyone foresaw for her, so sure, why not let Kylie suddenly date a guy that Ally would have picked for herself? Ally detested the spark of jealousy that tainted her brain as if an arrow pierced it. It was insulting, really, to be so jealous, first of Nate for his grades, and now of Kylie for her boyfriend. Ally almost bit her tongue. No one could know the swirling, juvenile feelings that kept washing through her. Jealous of Kylie. As if, for any reason, she had a right to be jealous. No. She was happy, and relieved, even heaving a big sigh of relief that she no longer had to take care of Kylie. Her role as the sole person who knew what Kylie was really doing had finally come to an end. She didn’t have to be “it” for Kylie anymore. Kylie wasn’t asking for her advice, her guidance, or her ear so she could confess what she just did. Hurray for Ally. That meant she was finally free to live her own life, focus on her own problems and find new solutions. Now she could go to a party free and clear of the responsibility for babysitting anyone.
But it all felt hollow.
She desperately missed her little sister and the significance she held in her life. Kylie didn’t need her anymore and Ally didn’t realize how much she’d gotten used to her sister needing her. Kylie spent all her time with Tristan. And that meant a lot less with Ally.
Despondent and ashamed of herself, Ally was determined to have fun tonight. She would even drink because she could. She wouldn’t have to drive Kylie home or be the designated driver. She also didn’t have to cringe with disgust over whom Kylie chose to have sex with or where.
After her most recent disappointment in herself, a little fun seemed in order.
The house was a split level and very dark inside. It was illuminated by a black light so everything that was white glowed. A huge pot of jungle juice was readily available. Ally rarely drank from something like that. There was too much risk in it for her taste. Kylie, on the other hand, survived on it sometimes for weekends on end. Ally stuck to beer she’d brought and opened herself. The music was pounding and making the outside of the house bounce and bump. She followed her friends inside. She hadn’t been out with any of them since before Christmas break. They were thrilled when she called, and good and ready for some fun.
She downed one beer and quickly moved onto the second. The hiatus she took in going out resulted in a flurry of squeals and hugs from the girls as they all greeted her. She smiled, appreciative of their attention and the general mood of the crowd. Kylie did a lot for her, reputation wise. Everyone, at one time or another, knew Kylie. So, as her sister, Ally got attention too. Except it wasn’t the same kind of attention.
Partying was a rare opportunity for Ally. It was a good cover for her predilection. It was super easy to slip into the bathroom and vomit. And it was that cut-and-dried for Ally when it came to alcohol. No way would she bear the burden of calories from it. And since everyone threw up when over-drinking, no one cared or noticed if it happened to her. When she came out, she would simply grin and blame it on too much to drink if anyone mentioned it. Most were too inebriated themselves to care.
Ally started to enjoy herself. The stress of the last few weeks lifted from her shoulders and the disappointment of her B+ seemed to fade away like fog in the bright sunlight. She smiled and laughed, happy finally to quit being so responsible and so damn well behaved. She was young again and it felt nice. That role was usually reserved for her sister. Ally drank without worry or concern because she had no one to take care of. Her group of girlfriends were eternally faithful to each other when it came to safety. Tabitha volunteered to be the designated driver and accepted responsibility for getting all of them home safely and together. Kylie usually didn’t seem aware of where she was or how she would get home if Ally wasn’t there to provide it. Ally had all the bases covered with Kylie. But now that Kylie wasn’t there Ally was free to party now and rightfully so because she wasn’t stupid or reckless or a train wreck.
The train wreck known as Kylie was now dating the guy that Ally should have been.
Ally clasped a hand over her mouth. No. She didn’t mean that. She didn’t secretly sexually desire her sister’s boyfriend or anything. No! Gross. She never once pictured Tristan naked or wondered how he was in bed. Not ever. No way. But she couldn’t in all honesty understand why a guy like Tristan would be so smitten and loyal and well, hell, so into her messed-up sister. Why wasn’t Tristan attracted to Ally after they met? But there was nothing. Tristan did no more than eye her up as if he were memorizing what she looked like so he could recognize her if he had to. He showed no other interest in her. None. Zilch. Ally was absolutely the perfect mate for Tristan Aderly but all he wanted was her messed-up, wild-child, and pretty slutty little sister. What could they even talk about?
Ally shook her head. That wasn’t her talking. That wasn’t how she really felt. The alcohol was just making her nasty… and wrong. She was so wrong. That wasn’t how she felt about Kylie. She was very happy for her sister. It just seemed unfair that Ally did everything right in her life, from her work, to her homework, to her studying, to how she treated people, and even how she took care of Kylie; and yet, Kylie gets the
awesome guy? The guy every woman would want? The guy everyone admired? Students, friends, their family, even Nate seemed kind of impressed by him.
She was starting to loosen up. The alcohol was well into her system and making her thoughts errant and sluggish.
A hand came around her waist before resting flat-palmed on her stomach. Jumping with surprise at the audacity, Ally was ready to turn and blast the stranger/pervert with her indignation. She intended to inform him that no one, absolutely no guy could cop a free feel from her, no matter where they were or how easy she may have been acting. She turned her head up sharply only to find Nate Stratton behind her. He was smiling down at her. Instead of tersely instructing him to take his hands off her, along with the smirk on his face, she was momentarily struck silent. The angle she had to tilt her neck up at placed the back of her head until it was almost resting on his shoulder. They fit together comfortably, she noted. He was a few inches taller, and his mouth was just above the top of her head. His dark eyes studied her face and as much as he could see of her body before returning to her gaze with a soft smile.
“Hey, sunshine. What dragged you out to mingle with the common people?” He leaned down so his mouth was beside her ear. It was hard to talk in a normal voice over the bumping music and crowds. Something uncanny stimulated her nerve endings and the hairs on her arms stood up as if she were suddenly chilled. He was close, and his lips were almost touching her skin. He had such interesting lips, much darker than hers, and plumper. Why would I notice his lips?
She shook her head. He just insulted her yet again and here she had her eyes fastened on his lips? Admiring them? She thought they looked like two toasted almonds in color… Again, she digressed. He was amused and smirking at her. She shook her head and tried to push his hand off her waist. When she succeeded, she turned towards him with her hands on her hips and said, “What do you want, Nate?”
“I haven’t seen you out dancing in ages.”
“Well, now that I’m off babysitting duty, I guess I finally can.”
His eyes showed confusion before clearing up as he shook his head. “Ah, let me guess, you’re referring to Kylie.”
“Yes, Kylie. She has Tristan now and has stopped all that ho-ing around. I don’t have to collect her off the bar room floor or from the nearest frat boy. Which means, I can finally get out and party a little. I can stop taking care of her at last. Now she’s Tristan’s problem.” Ally stared up at Nate, her mouth dropping open in shock when she realized what she said out loud. Nate’s smile slowly faded. Ally slapped her hand over her mouth and began shaking her head while mumbling quickly, “I didn’t mean that.”
“Maybe you did.” Nate put his hands on her arms just below her shoulder and held her. “Maybe you really did mean that. But are you disappointed you’re not taking care of her anymore? Or relieved? Are you angry she’s Tristan’s problem now? Or are you hurt?” Ally shrugged her shoulders despite the awkward grip of his hands. She let her gaze drop onto the white carpet. What a stupid choice for a college rental, she thought. It wouldn’t be the same after tonight. She shook her head, wondering if she had drank more than she intended to. She began to feel a little unstable on her feet and worried, did that show? Is that why Nate grabbed her? Was he trying to stabilize her? He never actually grabbed her before. She lifted her head up.
“I’m not jealous of Kylie. Or her boyfriend. Or that she has a boyfriend.”
“I didn’t say you were jealous. I said, maybe you feel a little hurt, after all you’ve done for her in the last few years, and now she seems to no longer need you suddenly?”
Maybe. She couldn’t decide if that were true or not. Still, why was Nate touching her like that? It finally occurred to her to ask. “Why are you holding on to me?
Nate smiled as he glanced down and his face seemed to register surprise. “Sorry. I’m a little… well, no, I’m a lot drunk, and the room’s spinning a little.”
“I thought you were holding me up.”
“Not you… me. I’m holding myself up.” He grinned with a wicked gleam in his eyes and lifted his hands off her arms before raising them up in the air as if he were under arrest by her. “To be honest, I was over there.” He waved towards the far end of the room where Ally saw a group of guys playing beer pong. She rolled her eyes. Stupid game for stupid people. Kylie used to be a freaking champion at it. That was the only sport her sister ever excelled at. She stiffened. Why all the latent anger? Where was it coming from? How could she be so disparaging toward Kylie? She didn’t deserve it.
“I was over there, getting drunker, hence the spinning room, and to my disbelief, I saw you dancing with Janice Myersfield. I was… intrigued, to say the least. Ally McKinley acting drunk and seeming to have fun? At a college party? I thought maybe I was hallucinating. But then, here you are.”
“It was a stressful week and I had more than the usual amount of steam to blow off. What’s your excuse?”
“Ah, Ally-cat, were you trying to insult me? I’m the source of your stress?”
Rolling her eyes she answered, “Yes, you are. And your sad family stuff. Learning that you’re not a total loser and slacker, well, it was confusing to me.”
“Hmm. I could work with confusing you, over you outright hating me.” His eyes suddenly lit up. “Oh, man, I love this song.”
“I’m not a man.” Ally might have said it automatically, her tone prissier than the situation warranted. He slid forward, circling his arms around her waist.
“No. No one could accuse you of that. Not with tits like yours.”
She started to react, dropping her mouth open, her eyes widening, and her voice ready to blast him into the next century, but he folded her up in his arms. “I was kidding, sunshine. Don’t blow your top at me. I would hate to cause a stroke in you. I was kidding, I swear to God. Joke. Ha. Ha. I’m drunk and you can blame it on that. I forgot my manners. All my charms. Come on, dance with me. For real.”
“You never had any charm.” Ally rolled her eyes at the slinky song that coaxed her hips to undulate towards her partner, and seemed to vibrate through the speakers in sultry, hot notes. She let his hands stay where they were. He dropped down closer to her, inhaling a deep breath. They moved together with surprising synergy for a few moments as the song overtook them.
Then he leaned even closer and ruined it all by whispering, “But they are really nice.”
“They?” Ally frowned, unsure which thread of conversation he was referring to.
“Your tits.” He grinned, his front teeth gleaming and his dimples deeper than ever.
Pushing back, she planted her fist right into his gut. Not like a girl either. But with the full force of someone trained in martial arts.
He laughed with a loud “oof” in response and grabbed her hands before she could fully turn and stomp off in a huff. “Okay, I deserved that. Don’t run off, Ally. You’re always running away from me. I just like to see you react. You’re always so inflamed when you’re mad at me, which is not the usual for you, so I like to see it.”
Ally didn’t run off right away. She stared up at him, trying to calculate his sincerity but was unable to gauge it. He pulled her against his chest when she didn’t move to leave while the crowd moved and sensually bumped and ground to the next song. His hips were wedged against hers and she was very conscious of how he felt against her. He had a nice physique, the body of a runner, lean and fit. Ally knew he was an attractive, hot and sought-after guy. But how could she fantasize or have sexual thoughts about a guy who slept with her aunt? That was always what kept his physical appearance from appealing to her. With her inhibitions down and being pressed against him, she suddenly felt something warm beginning to bubble in her stomach in response to him. He was really a beautiful man. Different, exotic, and yet, so familiar to her.
“What are you?” burst out of her lips. She bit down on her tongue. Was she being too forward? Too rude for asking? Was it appropriate?
“As in…?”
“As in ethnicity. I know Dane’s white, so obviously, your mom wasn’t.”
“No. She was from India. At least, her family was. They brought her here when she was two years old. So if you asked her, she’d say she was Californian.”
“Her name…”
“Kallolee.”
“Yes, Kallolee. It’s like a song. Does it mean anything?”
“It’s a Hindu name that means full of joy.”
She tilted her head, and stared up at him. His dark hair fell over his forehead and she had an almost irresistible urge to sweep it back. “That… that actually kind of fits you.”
“What? A female Hindu name?”
“No. Being full of joy. You project that, actually. As much as you annoy me, I still feel like you always find peace or satisfaction in your life, no matter what the day or what you’re doing.”
“Must be due to your presence.”
She rolled her eyes. “How come they didn’t name you something more exotic?”
“Do you know what my full name is?”
“Nathan?”
“No. It’s actually Elnathan. It was my dad’s mother’s family name. She was Jewish. And that’s why I simply go by Nate.”
“I had no idea you were so… interesting. Your name even. And your mom didn’t want to name you something from her culture?”
“My dad’s mom was an Orthodox Jew, my dad’s dad was Christian, and Mom’s from India. It could have made for some pretty odd combinations. They just went with the family name for tradition, I guess. I’m the third Elnathan.”
“It’s your dad’s name too?”
“Yes, Dane came about as a nickname.”
“Interesting. So you’re part Jewish? And Hindu? And Christian?” Ally’s head was spinning from more than just alcohol now. How could she have missed his religious background?
His grin was quick and comforting. “Well, I’m all of them and nothing. Half Hindu, quarter Jewish, quarter Christian. I’m still searching for what appeals to me, exactly. I don’t know yet. My parents were kind of their own private entity; and always off to themselves. They weren’t close to either of their own families and seemed to mesh perfectly despite different cultures and religions. They encouraged me to explore both, or anything else altogether, and decide for myself. They were pretty amazing like that. Anyway, we celebrate Christmas with your family purely for Vickie. And because it’s family. It’s just a nice celebration to us. And something to do. But honestly? My only reason was to see you more than anything else.”