by Leanne Davis
“I care. Okay? I just don’t want to talk about what’s between us with them.”
“Them being… Vickie?”
Ally unplugged the curling iron, nodding. That name. That woman. She gnashed her teeth. “Yes, okay? Mostly Vickie. She’s my aunt. It’s just so…”
“I know. I know what she is to you,” he muttered, his eyes rolling as he heaved his handsome body upwards and passed by her, kissing her shoulder casually before sauntering into the bathroom.
Nate couldn’t understand Ally’s obstinate reluctance to share their developing relationship with her family, never mind it was also his surrogate family. Sure, “their” family was extremely convoluted. And Vickie would have eaten their secret up like a fudge bon-bon. Oh, Ally could just imagine how Vickie would drool over that news. It would have given her free rein to make overt digs to Ally about Nate. And her time with Nate. Especially her carnal knowledge of Nate, and what she did with him. Ally shuddered as she imagined Vickie’s red lips in a sensuous, cocky smile as she relived her fondest memories with Nate. Ally could simply not tolerate hearing her aunt’s report on the sexual prowess of her boyfriend.
And that was Ally’s real reason why no one could know.
Slipping on a skirt and a matching shirt with a pair of flats, Ally waited for Nate. He came out freshly showered, his hair slicked back, and his shirt on, but unbuttoned and untucked. His pants were just barely hanging onto his slim hips as he tried to button his sleeve cuffs. “I think you overestimate the thing I had with Vickie. It’s ancient history. She’s married to my father now. It’s not like I ever even recall her brief fling with me anymore.”
“Maybe. But if I slept with your father, would you have a problem watching us together in the same room?”
Nate stopped dead before his entire torso trembled and he shook like a dog shaking off water from its fur. “That’s just gross. Why would you say such a thing? Or put that image in my head? It’s not the same thing at all.”
“Yes, it is. He and I are the same age difference as you and Vickie, and he’s related to you, just as Vickie is related to me. What you’re imagining now, is just how it feels to me.”
Nate finished doing his cuff and straightened his shirt before buttoning it up. His dark skin beckoned Ally and she had to physically pry her eyes away to avoid staring at the thin strip of skin lest she go over and begin to lick it. While tucking his shirt in, Nate lifted his gaze to hers. “Okay. I guess that’s pretty bad. But try to remember this: I didn’t know you. Vickie was the vehicle for how I met you. She is the only reason I ever found you.” He finished his physical grooming and stepped closer to Ally, wrapping his arm around her and sliding his hand around her waist. He pulled her tightly to his chest. She fell against him, deeply inhaling the clean smell of his neck. Nate added, “And for that, I’m grateful I slept with her if only because it made our paths intersect.”
“That’s a screwed up sense of destiny or fate or God’s plan… if that’s what you’re suggesting. That you sleeping with Vickie was how you were supposed to be brought to me.”
He smiled, kissing her head with loud smack. “No, I’m just saying: who are we to judge how or why it all happened? I’m just extremely glad it did. But fine, we’ll take separate cars. I got it.” He let her go, smacking her butt as he passed, and finishing, “That means I have to go now. See you there.”
Ally walked into the family reunion after giving Nate a good head start. Kylie was already there and Ally hugged her while hanging her coat up at her grandparents’ house. A ripple of cheery hellos and heartfelt hugs traveled throughout the hall and dining room as Ally made the rounds. She fell into conversation with her aunt, Gretchen, about next year’s start of law school and why she’d picked UC Davis.
Eventually, Nate entered her line of vision as Ally made polite conversation, while her insides zinged. Her stomach filled with butterflies when his sexy gaze landed on her. There was no way she could help it. Ally blushed right up to her hair line and Nate smiled as widely as his lips could stretch. His eyes were freaking undressing her again. She wasn’t wrong about that. She watched the way they devoured her slowly and kept moving down. She glared at him, trying to admonish him from across the room, but he only responded by lifting his eyebrows suggestively and wiggling them at her. She pursed her lips, and was almost ready to stomp her feet, widening her eyeballs and mentally insisting that he stop. Oh! But he didn’t. And oh! How hot and bothered that made her. Here. At her grandparents’ home. It was nearly sacrilegious for her to have wet panties while conversing with her entire extended family and her freaking mother embracing her in a bear hug. All the while, Ally couldn’t break their extended eye lock or stop Nate from smiling, which made her smile too. Her mouth refused to listen to her brain’s command that she frown instantly while Nate purposely flirted with her to make her do just the opposite.
Cleverly, Nate managed to sidle up closer to Ally, pretending to talk to her grandfather. He rubbed alongside her, mumbling, “Excuse me, Ally.” His tone was polite and vague, as always, but his gloating smile and sensuous gaze stayed riveted on her. He deliberately rubbed his chest against hers when he pretended he had to slide past her to get to the trays of hors d’oeuvres that he wanted to nibble on. Ally glowered at him, but her traitorous nipples hardened and the middles of them turned all pebbly. Nate’s eyes lifted off Ally and he continued his conversation with her grandpa. Ally released a sigh and had to refrain from socking him in the gut with her fist.
Dinner was a casual buffet. Everyone filled their plates and ate wherever they could find a spot to sit, balancing their paper plates on their laps or the convenient TV trays that were situated around the room. Ally stared at the food. Her grandmother was the best cook and Ally really wanted to stuff it all into her mouth at once. All of it. Not just her own portion, but also Nate’s, Kylie’s and the entire spread. She shook her head. No. Not now. What she felt was totally inappropriate and she had to end it immediately.
Ally nearly lost her appetite, however, when she observed Nate, who was discussing something with his dad, dump his second plate of food into the garbage after two huge helpings. Now, he was nursing a drink and Vickie came up to him and slid her arm around his shoulders. Pushing her ample chest against him, she squeezed his arm and said something into his ear. He smiled and shook his head to the negative as he turned towards her.
Ally was nearly seething inside. But her face had to remain completely impassive. Her stomach bubbled with an abundance of acid. Now? No. Not here. The need to get sick after eating so much food and what she saw happening between Vickie and Nate made her wish she were gone. She pushed the TV tray away and rushed to her feet, hurrying down the narrow hallway to the guest bathroom.
Courageously facing the familiar urge, she did nothing, although she thought very hard about it. Staring at the clear water in the toilet bowl, she struggled not to fall onto her knees right before it. She imagined the relief, and the relaxation of the knot that churned in her stomach. But she didn’t vomit. Instead, she simply flushed the empty toilet bowl. When she opened the door, she was startled by a pair of hands that grabbed her unceremoniously and pulled her down the hallway into a spare room. She gasped when he shoved her, albeit gently, against the now closed door of the bedroom. Nate’s mouth descended on hers in a quick, hot kiss, his tongue diving deeply inside her mouth. Thank God she didn’t get sick in there. She clasped her arms around his neck. His lips tasted so good on hers before his head turned and one hand cupped her breast as he stroked and petted the straining nipple that was eagerly aiming for the heat of his hand. Ally moaned with excitement into his mouth.
No. Her freaking mother and her grandmother were only about twenty feet away. She shoved Nate’s chest and his lips left hers for split second before he kissed her more passionately. He did it again but eventually stopped with a big smile.
She glanced over his shoulder. They were in her grandma’s craft room. Knitting needles were jammed into colo
rful balls of yarn, and a trusty sewing machine sat idly covered by a cloth draped over it. The room could not have been more unsexy, but Ally’s insides were strumming in a fervid reaction.
“Vickie asked me if I had a girlfriend because I hadn’t been around the last few weeks.”
Ally’s thoughts were still scattered from Nate’s sudden assault. “Huh?”
“Vickie asked me where I’ve been. That’s what she leaned in and whispered.”
“After she rubbed herself on you.” The old bitterness crept into her voice.
“Okay, after she hugged me.”
“How did you know I saw?”
“Because I can’t avoid noticing you. That’s why I followed you down here.”
She forced him to step back. “This is my grandma’s craft room.”
“I see that. And a first for me.” He glanced around, a smile curling his lips, and making her stomach flutter with butterflies at the boyishness of his comment.
“You and Vickie didn’t ever sneak in here?”
Nate stiffened. Her evil, rude tone instantly killed the moment like ice water being tossed over his head. “No.” He pushed past her to reach the door handle. “You just can’t let it go, can you? Everything is always black and white. Grudges last forever. Don’t you ever get tired of being so goddamned perfect? Sorry, but I have a history of being human. Sorry, but I am not perfect and therefore, I won’t even try to live up to your impossible standards. No amount of apologies can ever be enough, can they? Technically, I should not feel the need to apologize. But I do. Only because I know how much it bothers you. And if you can’t trust me, then what the hell is the point of pursuing this?”
Ally was shoved off to the side. Stunned, it took her a moment to react. “Nate!” she hissed. “Nate, wait, please.”
Nate paused, one hand on the doorknob, and his back still to her. She stepped forward and threw her arms around his trunk, pressing her face against his back, and pulling herself tightly against him. She kissed his back multiple times. “I’m sorry. I’m just—”
Jealous? Green with envy? Sickened by insecurity?
“You’re just what?”
“Jealous. Of her. My stupid, old aunt. I know you don’t want her. I really believe that. I just see her, and my brain short circuits and I say stupid things. I’ll try harder. I swear. I do trust you. And knowing how much this bothered me, your first thought was to make me feel better. Thank you.”
He slowly withdrew his hand from the doorknob and dropped it to his side. Then, sliding it up to her hand, he fisted it around hers. “I don’t want anyone else, Ally. Just you. And I’d scream it out to the world from every single rooftop, if you’d let me.”
She sighed. She really liked him, for she was taking the chance of her secret eating preference being discovered. By sharing her life with Nate all the time, she was at risk of being exposed. It wasn’t anything that came lightly or easily to Ally. When he turned towards her and kissed her mouth, she leaned back and admitted, “I really like you, Nate.”
His smile was softer and sweeter when he touched her hair. His gaze followed his hand while it stroked her hair and then the side of her face. “I really like you too, sunshine.”
A smile instantly appeared. Nate could always make her feel better. She’d be damned if anyone, as in Vickie, or anything, as in bulimia, could make her stop seeing the person she now knew in Nate. She clung to that thought as they kissed one last time before they both left the room. They were careful to avoid any further eye contact before meeting up at her apartment. Without even a greeting, they found themselves instantly in her bed without any clothes.
****
Calling a truce on the Vickie issue, they agreed to avoid their family. They continued to do their homework together and often slept at each other’s places, usually spending all of their free time with one another.
Then one Saturday morning, Nate came stomping out to where Ally was curled up on the couch, reading her textbook. He sat down solemnly across from her, not beside her. Surprised, she glanced over at him. “Something up?” His face was intense and unsmiling.
“I—I don’t know if I should say anything.”
She closed her textbook and leaned forward. “What is it?”
“I know your secret, Ally. I know what you do.”
Fear contorted her gut as badly as if he took a meat cleaver and flung it at her. No! Oh, God, no! She couldn’t explain it. She definitely could not handle Nate knowing. How could he know about it? She had barely done it since their first night together and that was easily explained away with the alcohol. She licked her lips and rubbed her now sweaty hands together. “What? I’m not sure what you mean.”
Leaning forward, he withdrew a little bottle from his pocket and set it on the coffee table. She stared at it for a second before it registered. Then, she nearly got up and danced with glee. Oh, God! That’s what concerned him so much? She could handle that. Pills? Pills that everyone used, pills she didn’t use very much.
It wasn’t like she abused them. Not like the relationship she had with food.
“You take those?”
She stared at the little brown bottle. “Sometimes.”
“How did you get them?”
“You can buy them from almost anyone. Anyone who has a prescription. Most will sell at least a pill or two. Good God, Nate. You’ve been here for four years, and you’ve never bought any? They’re like, five bucks a pill. What? You’ve never taken them?”
He frowned, his eyebrows furrowing as if he were totally perplexed; how could she be so casual about this? “It’s a drug, Ally. You don’t just start taking it.”
“It’s Adderall, Nate. It barely gives you a little boost. Everyone takes it sometimes. During finals, mid-terms, and pulling all-nighters requires that you take it sometimes. Shit. How can you maintain that 4.0 without doing it occasionally? I mean, I don’t take it all the time, but sure, I have to, sometimes.”
Nate stood up and started pacing anxiously. Puzzled at his complete and utter distress over the small bottle of harmless study aids, Ally had to bite her cheek to keep her amusement in check. Meanwhile, on the inside, her heart was twisting with joy. She feared he figured out what she did with food, not these silly little pills. Seeing what a big deal it meant to him was good for Ally because it kept him from knowing what she really did in secret.
“No. I don’t buy other kids’ ‘scripts. Duh. I know it goes on; I just never dreamed it would be you, of all people. You’re so concerned with always following the rules and excelling in whatever you do, and yet, you pop pills meant for other people’s real conditions? These aren’t prescribed to you. You’re fine, you certainly don’t have ADHD or any form of it. It’s a damn stimulant, Ally. How could you be so blasé as to take them? It’s like taking speed.”
“Honestly? How do you not? What do you do on the nights when you have to study all night or when a paper is due or you have a huge test? Come on. We’ve all been there. It’s just a boost. It helps you concentrate to the best of your ability, no matter how tired you are. I don’t take a lot either. I only take half a pill and what I can get done in that time is pretty phenomenal.”
Nate stopped pacing to cross his arms over his chest. “Then why don’t you just take it every time you study? Hmm? If it’s so harmless as a study aid, why not do it all the time? Where do you draw the line? Who sets it? How do you know when or if you cross it? It’s such a stupid thing to do, Ally. Why would you even mess with drugs? You don’t need them.”
“Um, I doubt I ever analyzed why I take them. Well, I only ever use them if I have to pull a long night or have a lot of stuff due or an important test I need to review for. And I don’t need them, no, I am not an addict. It just boosts my stamina and energy.”
“It’s cheating, Ally. Flat out cheating. You take those for a test, and I don’t take them and you’re giving yourself a chemical advantage. It’s just like a baseball player who uses steroids versus the players w
ho don’t. Why not just go and buy your term papers online? Or do you already do that too?”
Ally stood up, her mouth dropping open in true surprise. He was really upset about this. She stepped forward, feeling totally unsure how to approach him. “Uh, Nate? I don’t buy term papers or plagiarize anything. It’s all my work, just…”
“Chemically altered?”
“Okay, maybe it makes me stay up longer than normal and keeps my mind fresher than without. But it’s still all my work.”
Nate kept his arms crossed as he frowned and glared at her angrily. Ally sucked on her lower lip to keep from smiling. Oh, dear God, he was so offended. It was adorable, really. Especially considering what she feared most he was planning to confront her about. She stepped towards him, her smile properly stowed away and her face neutral. She tried to look like she considered his concerns carefully with the same amount of importance he obviously wanted her to feel. She rested her hands on his shoulders. His mouth twitched as he glared down at her, but his eyes widened when he swallowed. Ally tried to explain again. “I didn’t consider it cheating, like athletes who use steroids; but I swear, I won’t take them again. You can flush all of those down the toilet. I don’t care about them. I simply considered them a harmless pick-me-up. But now I think you’re right, and it is unfair when you compare us and what we’re both doing.”
His head tilted. “Really? You mean that?” His voice was tainted with disbelief.
“I mean it. I honestly don’t care about them. Go on, toss them. No stress or anxiety even. I don’t care. But since you do so much, I want to make you feel better.”
Nate spun on his heel and headed straight into the bathroom. He tossed the little white pills down the toilet bowl. It was all freshly scrubbed with bleach since Ally scoured it early that morning. She always cleaned the toilet, unwilling to risk the chance of leaving evidence. With one glance back at her as he pressed the handle, the water carried away all the Adderall.