by Leanne Davis
Ally reached up and took the ticket. Something stabbed her heart when she pictured Nate all alone and missing his mom. He was graduating without her and that must’ve hurt a lot too.
Ally stared at the thick, fancy paper the ticket was printed on. Crimson and gray, with black lettering. The logo from the same college Ally desperately wanted to graduate from and the same school of environmental studies.
She fingered the ticket, her mind reeling. Finding such comfort from a woman Ally often wrote off as being flighty, and a waste of space and air, Vickie was also the one woman Ally was most jealous of, but who totally understood what Ally was going through. Crazy. It turned out Vickie was the one person who could most sympathize, understand and help her.
But Nate was graduating. And he needed someone close to him to share in the event. His mother was dead; but Ally wasn’t. Vickie’s words rang powerfully true in her mind.
And Ally held the ticket to see him.
Chapter Sixteen
NATE SAT GLUMLY WITH his class of graduating seniors. As per the usual, he was sitting up front with the students who earned honors and the perfect grade point average. A few others wore the honor badge too with their own crimson caps and gowns. Nate glanced around. Where were the feelings of satisfaction? Accomplishment? All the other seniors around him were happy, smiling, and waving at people they recognized in the crowds. There was a gentle roar of cheerful voices melding together. Yet all Nate felt was crushing disappointment. So what if he graduated from college? It wasn’t real life. It was just a reflection of grades and credits. Lots of people accomplished what he had. Lots of people would follow after him. It wasn’t as meaningful now as life or death or sickness or health. It was totally lacking. An anticlimax of what he hoped it would be.
Of all people, Ally should have been there, clad in her cap and gown and proud of her perfect grade point average. It would mean so much more to her than it did to him. Nate almost felt like he’d stolen the accolade from her. Yet, really, his grades had little to do with hers. He just realized how lackluster they were without special people to share them with. Meaning his mom, of course, and now, Ally. His dad would be there, and Vickie too. They were delighted to host a big dinner in his honor and they rented the pool and adjoining gardens at the condominium complex where they lived. Friends and family, mostly all of Ally’s family, in fact, were invited to celebrate the event. Jolly great, Nate thought sarcastically. What a way to celebrate. With the people who were almost his family.
There was the perfunctory line-up of graduation speakers ending with the valedictorian of the class talking about the students’ futures and dreams and saying it starts now, along with the rest of the banal, generic crap meant to inspire everyone. Then came the list. The long list of graduating seniors that really showed how ordinary Nate was.
When Nate’s name was called, he crossed the stage, shook hands with the faculty, enjoyed the applause, and then it was all over. There was the plastic cover with the school’s name and logo, but no degree. Unexcitingly, the degree would be mailed out after graduation, and was not actually distributed today. After everyone threw their square caps into the air, it was over. Nate had graduated. His four-year college education was over and done for him. He was ready to hit the work force, start his real life, or pursue graduate studies. All the stuff that would distinguish him and make him appear successful to outsiders who were easily impressed by his grades, pedigree and education.
He flipped the fake degree around in his hands and turned from the crowd of friends and classmates to look for his family members. The gymnasium was flooded with other families congratulating their graduates amidst fervent hugs and handshakes.
Nate’s dad and his crazy hot stepmom, whom he once slept with, along with his step-sister, were the only ones out searching for him. Nate sighed. It did sound tawdry and lame. Maybe Ally was right all along. His dad was probably destined for heartache as soon as Vickie grew bored and moved on and Nate would deserve half the blame. If he’d warned his dad not to date Vickie, he probably wouldn’t have; and it would have been better for his dad in the long run, no doubt.
A moving sea of bodies jostled and shoved around him. He was tossed this way and that, but he didn’t see anyone. Friends kept yelling out and hooting praises of how awesome the newest graduates were, but Nate didn’t feel any of it.
Not until everything stilled. The people, the bright colors, and all the loud voices faded away for Nate in a split second as soon as he found her. Ally. She was standing alone with a simple, soft beige sundress on that hit her mid-calf in a draped layer. Her back was exposed, and she wore spaghetti straps on her shoulders, her long hair cascading down and in carefully formed curls all around her head. She was on her tiptoes, looking all around and trying to see over the crowd… trying to spot him.
Nate swooped in from the side, without Ally realizing he was there. He instantly had her up against his chest, wrapping his arms around her, and lifting her off the gymnasium floor as he nearly tried to twirl her around. His mouth found hers and he kissed her while squeezing her close to him. He could feel her mouth smiling under his and he nearly devoured her laugh. She threw her head back, dislodging his lips. “You’re okay that I came?”
Cupping her face in his hands, Nate was staring into her eyes, his gaze absorbing her forehead, cheeks, nose, lips, down the front of her dress… all of her in one delicious package. “Okay you came? I was wondering what the whole point was and was nearly ready to leave. I was so depressed. And thinking this all was just a waste of time. But when I saw you… you were the point.”
The crowd jostled them from behind, pushing Nate into Ally and nearly knocking her over. Nate almost had to hold her up. He glanced to the left and spotted his dad…. Along with the rest of Ally’s family.
Nate let Ally go instantly. What the hell? “Why are you all here? How did you get tickets?”
His dad stepped forward and hugged him. “Ally. She’s why. Vickie gave her ticket to Ally and Ally convinced us that we all needed to come for you. All of your family. So she bought up the extra tickets and… well, I have no idea how she actually pulled it off. But she did. And I’m so glad she did. Look at this. An entire family is here for you, son. Congratulations. I couldn’t be prouder.”
His sentiments were echoed by Vickie, and Tracy and Donny shook his hand, while Kylie slugged him on the arm. Tristan nodded his approval and Gretchen hugged him before Tony added his sentiments. And then, came Julia. She was almost hiding from the rest of them. Julia, his little stepsister.
He strode toward her, parting the throng before lifting her off her feet as he did Ally, and spinning her all around. She shrieked and squealed, drawing attention to herself like Ally would not have dared and making Nate’s heart swell until he was bursting with happiness. Finally, the excitement he saw on most of his classmates’ faces started to percolate into his bloodstream. His stomach got the butterflies most seniors had before the ceremony, and they besieged him now.
Ally showed up along with her entire family, a family who should not have included him but did. Nate turned back to Ally and asked, “How did you do this?”
“Lots of phone calls, favors and paying too much.” She glanced at his dad, and added with a smile, “Your dad paid a lot to do this.”
His dad touched his shoulder with his hand and squeezed it, saying, “Worth every penny. If only your mother—” Dane’s voice choked up and he smiled, looking chagrinned. “Well, you know what it would mean to her.”
“I do, Dad,” Nate replied quietly. Vickie touched Dane’s arm softly. That brazen woman who first slept with him, somehow managed to find a way to comfort his dad. Dane nodded and cleared his throat. “Anyway, we have a party to host. But first, some pictures.” They took a ton of them, with their arms around each other, and grins and high fives to more formal shots. Everyone took a picture with Nate until Ally and he were clasping hands and smiling at all the cameras and phones pointed at them.
&nb
sp; Nate snagged Ally’s arm as she started to leave with the dwindling crowd. “More importantly, why did you do this?”
“I thought you might miss your mom a lot today. I remember the first years after my dad left, I missed him most on those big moments, the times that your loved ones are supposed to share with you. You know? Those rites of passage in life where most parents celebrate their kids’ achievements. They’re very important, no matter what people say about the little things… sometimes the big ones count for a lot more.”
“I’ve never heard you call him your dad before.”
Ally’s expression changed from caring to startled. “Who? Micah?”
“Yeah. You called him your dad.”
“He was. I’m still trying to come to terms with that.”
“Are you thinking about seeing him?”
Ally hesitated. “No, not ready yet. Maybe never.”
“But you knew how I was feeling today.”
“I’ve felt that crushing loneliness, and the pathetic sense of everyone else being happy but you. And wanting to scream at everyone What was the fucking point? So what if you accomplished this or did that? What did it matter when your own father, or in your case, mother, wasn’t there to witness it and share in your accomplishment? Yeah, I get that.”
He nodded. “I was thinking the same thing. But also because you weren’t here.”
Ally shook her head. “Let’s just be happy, Nate. And celebrate what you did today, I mean, these last four years. It’s your party. Your accomplishment. Your celebration. Your family.”
“You did it too. Are you sure you want to celebrate?”
Ally touched her fingers to Nate’s face, rubbing his mouth. “I’m not that selfish, am I? That I couldn’t wish you all the happiness in the world? Or celebrate your achievement? I can, Nate. And I do. Besides, I’m going back this summer. I should be graduating near the end of August.”
“Really? Ally, that’s wonderful. But what about… us?”
“Let’s just enjoy today. Okay? This is about you and your life-changing accomplishment. We’ll talk later.”
She started to head towards the door, but Nate stepped forward and snagged her arm again. “Wait. First tell me, did we break up?”
She laughed. “That’s an odd question that I think we both should know the answer to. But honestly? I assume no, because we didn’t officially do anything about it. We acted like two babies who weren’t mature enough to even address it. We’ll get to that too. But not right now.” Then, her face softened, “Okay? Believe it or not, I’m trying not to be so authoritative… you know, so much a know-it-all, organizing everything in black and white.”
Nate cupped her face, ducking down to kiss her lips in a long, lingering taste. He’d almost forgotten the chemistry that existed between them. And the feel of her. Closing his eyes, he nearly sighed with longing and satisfaction that she was pressed against him. Instead, he let her go. “Maybe being not so black and white is good.”
The afternoon was spent in the hot sun, beside the condo’s pool, which gleamed in turquoise glory and golden-laced inviting ripples. The scent of barbecued hamburgers, hot dogs, and steaks filled the air, along with the sounds of conversation and laughter. Nate received more than a truck-load of gifts. Most significant to him of all was the card he got from his dad. Not from his dad and Vickie, but just his dad. It was a fully prepaid trip to spend a week at the ocean, in a familiar place that he used to go to with his parents. They stopped going there the year his mom died. Spending their vacation there right before her death, it was their last trip together as a family. His mom was nearly bedridden and not well at all, but she insisted they go, so they did. He nodded at his dad, tears filling his eyes as he blinked back the burning sensation. His dad hugged him.
“Take someone special with you, Nate.”
Nate glanced at Ally, who failed to grasp what his quick look meant. She didn’t know that his dad was referring to her, but Nate did. They had a lot to talk about, and work out, but she was here. Ally came there today. Perhaps, Ally finally opened the door to give him a second chance. He saw it as a huge opportunity, an invitation, and a beacon of hope.
****
Ally followed Nate into the small house his dad rented for them. Nestled in a little ocean-side community along California’s northern coast, it was a place where she’d not been before. In accordance with the homeowner covenants, there was absolutely no visible garbage, litter or trash. The yards were all very tidy and pristine. There were several community parks, tree-lined walkways, public pools, and several paths to the local beaches, the town’s crowning glory. The small town’s residents all rented out their houses when they were not there, so it seemed like a total vacation hub. Unlike a huge, mega resort, however, it was comprised of quaint, cozy houses and friendly neighbors. In the center of town sat a grand, old building that housed ice cream and candy shops, a bakery and coffee house, two pizza parlors and an old-fashioned soda fountain. It was adorable, thought Ally, gaping as she looked around when they were checking in. It was almost like she stepped onto one of the empty sets at Universal Studios or inside a slice of America as painted by Norman Rockwell.
“Is this place for real?”
“Now you see why my mom loved it so much. While we were here, we could pretend the world was still a perfect place. Here? Everything you see is beautiful and enriching. It’s easy to pretend real life doesn’t happen while here.” He grinned, and his eyebrows waggled, so Ally had to agree.
Their little vacation house was a one-bedroom, two-story little bungalow with a balcony. The view overlooked the small town and not far off, the crash and roar of the ocean waves hinted at how close the beach was.
It was the day after Nate’s graduation party and he had asked Ally to come there, just as Dane planned. She hesitated at first, because of her bulimia recovery, but after speaking with her mom and figuring out how to deal with it while here, she agreed to come. So here they were, alone for a week-long vacation to commemorate his graduation from college, but not hers. Ally was on a two-week break before the summer session started.
But at least, she was there. Trying to deal with real life and a relationship. Like an adult. Recovering, still floundering, unsure what to do with it all and still be in a healthy relationship. Or if there was even a relationship left. Perhaps this week they could figure that out.
Throwing her luggage down, she glanced around. So did Nate before they stared at each other, standing beside the bed, in front of the sliding door. There was no one around. No crowds. No family. No friends. No schoolwork. It was simply the two of them.
Ally swallowed hard and turned towards the window to observe the view. Clearing her throat, she said the obvious. “This is so pretty.”
“It is. And it’s much nicer having you here.” His voice was soft and quiet behind her. “And a bit surprising.”
She glanced back at him. He averted his gaze and folded his arms under his armpits as if to trap them. He might have been agitated with nerves and apprehension as she was.
Their suitcases sat in the middle of the room. The old Ally would have already unloaded hers, and her clothes would have been hung up precisely. Her underthings would have been modestly folded in the little antique dresser with an ancient wash basin and pitcher on top of it. Lace runners decorated the claw-footed, ornate tables that featured a patchwork quilt in various hues of blue and gray.
“Um, should we unpack?”
“Let’s take a walk instead. We could catch the sunset.”
“Sure.” Grateful to have something to do, Ally nearly jumped up and began digging inside her tote for some sneakers. Nate seemed just as anxious and turned away from her to look for his own pair. Once they were both wearing them, they walked out, avoiding eye contact, as well as any body contact and conversation. It was that awkward. Neither one knew what to do about keeping their body parts from touching. Their hands brushed as they narrowly passed through a gate to the front street
and they each drew back as sharply as if the other was a leper and they didn’t want to catch the disease.
Maybe it had just been too damn long. And too damn strange. Ally couldn’t blame Nate for that. She had a major problem that quite possibly changed his view of who she was. That was normal since it must’ve changed everyone else’s view of her too. That thought made her eyes fill up with tears and she quickly blinked them back. No! It wasn’t fair. To finally find someone to love and then lose them because of that? No! But her relationship with food wasn’t normal or something everyone could understand or accept. And she was yet to determine if Nate could.
The June evening could not have been more pleasant. The ideal temperature, warm air that felt so luxuriant on their exposed arms and legs, but not too hot, combined with the coolest, salty breeze. They climbed down the stairs that traversed the steep bank, which nature erected against the monstrous power of the continuously thrashing waves.
Many families were out flying kites, and kids were playing in the sand, building sand castles and writing their names in the sand. There were old and young couples strolling, happy dogs bounding into the waves, and Frisbees flying erratically. Seagulls squawked and dived in the nearly blinding sunshine that hovered over the horizon. Ally and Nate started walking toward the pounding surf. They trod in silence and paused briefly to take their shoes off. The soft, wet sand squeezed between Ally’s toes and she relished the feeling. They exchanged small, nervous smiles at the curious sensation. It’s like they were both there, but not really together. They walked for a half hour up the beach and back. Laughing at the big, yellow dog that kept frolicking and biting the bubbling foam from the waves, as well as the birds that were fighting over food scraps, they picked up the sand dollars and seashells and gushed over the pretty colors of the sunset. They were as polite to each other as any strangers on the beach would have been.
After exhausting every banal subject they could, they fell back into the strained silence. It was so dominating it was almost like a physical person standing between them.