by R. R. Banks
Caleb gives me a half-smile. It's a shy smile – almost like he's ashamed to say what he's about to say.
“Part of it's because he's a dick to you,” he says. “And part of it is because maybe – I was a bit jealous too.”
I look down and realize that he's still holding my hand. I look at our fingers that are intertwined and I'm again struck by a wave of nostalgia, recalling all of those feelings from the past. His large hand encompasses mine completely, and he gently strokes my fingers – just like he used to do all those years ago.
“Jealous? Of James?” I feel my cheeks start to flush. “Why on Earth would you be jealous of him?”
“Because he has you,” he says softly. “Or rather, had. Past tense now, thankfully.”
“So, there's still some small part of you that cares for me, huh?”
I find myself smiling – and find it more difficult to hold on to that righteous anger I've been nursing. The idea that he still cares for me, even a little bit, fills me with a thousand different emotions – joy among them.
“Abby, I've always cared for you. I didn't leave because I didn't love you,” he says. “I had to leave because I did love you. And in my own way, I never stopped loving you – which scares the living shit out of me.”
My heart skips a beat – maybe three or four of them – as I process what he just said. He still loves me. After all these years. He still has feelings for me.
We stare at each other for a long moment, and I dream of kissing those soft, luscious lips. But that dream is ripped away when a drunk falls onto our table, spilling his beer all over the front of my shirt. Caleb's bottle goes flying and shatters when it hits the floor. And my lemonade glass meets the same fate.
I stand up, in shock and to prevent the drunk from rolling off the table and onto my lap. Caleb, on the other hand, yanks the man up from the table and into a standing position.
“Fuck, man, I'm sorry,” the drunk says, his speech slurred, his eyes glassy, and a goofy grin on his face. “My bad.”
“It's not me you should be apologizing to,” Caleb says, his face darkening with anger as he turns the man to face me.
“I'm sorry,” the man says. “I didn't mean to.”
“It's okay,” I say, trying my hardest to dab off the beer that has already started soaking into my blouse. “Just be more careful next time.”
Caleb lets the man go, but the moment was ruined. I feel tears in my eyes again as I thought about everything we could have been. But he was leaving town again soon and I know I can't get attached. Not again. I'm not going to set myself up for more heartache. I tighten my grip on that righteous anger within me – and pray that I can keep hold of it until he leaves.
“Let's get out of here,” Caleb said, dropping some cash on the table.
“Where to?” I ask.
“Somewhere we can get you a clean shirt,” he says.
“I can just go home.”
Caleb shakes his head. “I'm only in town for a few more days,” he says. “I'm not letting you walk away that easily. I think we have a lot to talk about still.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Because I need a new shirt, we go back to my place. I'm nervous as hell when I open the door to my home because here I was letting Caleb back into my life. The man who destroyed me all those years ago.
But we're older, wiser, things are different now. We've grown, matured, and moved past things. Or so I tell myself.
Besides, I can't let him go that easily either. I want to catch up and hear about his life. I want to get to know the man that he's become over the years. He's obviously grown-up, a lot. And so have I. And most of all, I want to know why he thought running away to join the Marines was a good substitute for the life we'd been planning together.
“Nice place,” he says, looking around as we step inside.
“Thanks.”
I hang my coat in the closet and think of James – half-expecting to feel him pressing himself against me from behind. Being free of that routine is so freeing, and I can't help but smile. Not just because I was free, but because Caleb was here with me too. It's like a missing piece in the puzzle of my life has finally been snapped into place.
Turning to Caleb, I ask, “Would you like something to drink? A glass of wine? A beer maybe?”
“Nah, I'm good,” he says. “But thank you.”
Suddenly, I realize how close he's standing to me. He's staring down at me and I look up, realizing that this is my Caleb. I just want to reach out and touch him, to make sure he's real. I want to kiss him, to feel him kissing me. But I take a step away and resist the urge.
“Do you remember our senior year?” he asks. “That Homecoming when we –”
I finish his sentence for him. “When we skipped the dance and sat by the river instead? My dad was so pissed at us.”
When I mention my father, I can see Caleb tense up very visibly. His face grows darker – a little more somber. I see a genuine anger in his eyes. I have no idea why he'd have such a reaction. But then the moment passes – and just like a cloud passing by the face of the sun, Caleb's face brightens a bit again.
“Yeah, I remember you were grounded for a month,” he says. “All because Jessica told her mom, who told your dad and, well, the rest is history.”
“She's such a bitch,” I say, rolling my eyes, but laughing just the same. “Speaking of Jessica though – did you really go home with her the night I saw you on the street?”
He looks away and I see color flaring in his cheeks. It's confirmation of what I already suspected.
“Seriously?” I ask. “You slept with Jessica?”
He gives me a small shrug. “Just kind of happened.”
“Yeah, just kind of happened,” I say. “Right.”
Sometimes, looking back on the past made things sting less. Like Jessica's betrayal. Not that night, but the first time Caleb and I went out. It was almost like she was trying to break us up from the start. She was always going to my parents and snitching on us.
“It's not like we had sex or anything,” I say, thinking back to that night by the river. “I tried to tell him, but my dad wouldn't believe me.”
Caleb and I never slept together in the traditional sense back then – even though we both wanted to. I was a virgin, scared and unsure of myself and the whole idea of sex. And he wasn't about to pressure me into doing something I wasn't ready to do. And so, it never happened. We never consummated our relationship.
It's a fact I regret every single day. And for a long while, part of me wondered if perhaps that wasn't the reason he left – because I didn't sleep with him. It sounds crazy as I think about it now, but back then, it seemed like a very legitimate question.
“Why did you look so pissed off when I mentioned my dad?” I asked.
It was a curious reaction from him and it made me curious. And since we were working on being honest with one another, I thought it was a fair question.
Caleb sighs and scratches at his thick beard. “Your dad hated me, Abby,” I say. “He said he knew my type inside and out. Said I'd amount to nothing and would lead a sad life anyway. He said I'd do nothing more than bring you down and ruin your life. He told me that you deserved more. Better than I could ever give you. Said I wasn't good for his little girl. He was probably right.”
I reach out and grab him by his shirt. “No, he wasn't,” I say. “My dad didn't know you. He knew your family, but he didn't know you.”
I can't believe what I'm hearing and it makes me feel sick to my stomach. I cannot believe my own father had done that. For so long, I thought it was something I'd done or said that had driven Caleb away. Come to find out, it was my own father. I'm in shock and can't believe it. But in a way, it makes a lot of sense.
“Maybe, I dunno,” Caleb says, running a hand over his head, much like he used to do when he had hair. “I thought you'd be better off. Honestly, he was just saying things I already thought about myself anyway. He was just confirming my own f
eelings. I did believe you deserved better than I could ever give you. Still believe that.”
“And you were wrong,” I say softly.
“Was I though?” he asks. “Who knows what could have happened.”
“Exactly, who knows? But I do know one thing – my life isn't all that great anyway, and I can't see how you'd have made it worse.”
Caleb looks around. “Seems like you're doing pretty well for yourself, Abby.”
I sigh. “Career-wise, sure,” I say. “But happiness-wise? Relationship-wise? My life is a mess. A total and complete disaster.”
“I'm sorry,” he says, placing his hand softly upon my cheek.
I lean into his touch and close my eyes. We still haven't left my foyer and I don't know why.
“We should go have a seat –” I start to say, but Caleb cuts me off with a kiss.
When his mouth touches mine, I feel a surge of electricity tear through me. And then I feel like I'm floating. His soft lips feel the same as I remember them. And when his tongue pushes past my lips and into my mouth, it's like he literally takes my breath away. I feel like my knees might go out on me, but Caleb is there, holding me up with his strong arms as he kisses me deeply for the first time in twelve years.
When he pulls back, he smiles. “You have no idea how badly I've wanted to do that,” he says.
I'm a stammering fool with wide eyes and weak knees, but I manage to say, “The feeling is mutual, Caleb.”
He leans down and kisses me again, this time a softer, more lingering kiss as he presses me against the wall. My hands move over his chest, feeling his firm muscles beneath his shirt. He filled out nicely in the Marines, and I am dying to see the tight, toned body beneath his clothes. It's killing me – the yearning – but I know I have to be careful. Having some fun with him is one thing. Having a one-night stand is another. But I can't let myself fall for him again.
He kisses down the length of my neck as I work at the buttons on his dress shirt one-by-one, my fingers stumbling as I struggle to undo them. My hands are shaking. But then, I realize that my whole body is, actually. I'm nervous as hell and I know that this is a bad idea. Nothing good is going to come of sleeping with Caleb. And yet, I can't seem to stop myself.
Caleb presses himself against me, and I feel his erection through his pants pressing against my midsection. He's most definitely hard and ready to go. I slide my hand down and rub him through his pants. Even though we never had sex back in the day, we still did some things. And for some reason, his cock feels larger than I remember it being. So large, so hard, and so ready to go.
His shirt finally falls to the floor once I remove the last button. After that, I move down to his pants. But Caleb grabs my hands, pulling them away. I stare into his sultry eyes.
“We shouldn't do this,” he says, whispering the words I'm hearing echoing around all too clearly in my own head.
“No, we shouldn't,” I say, biting my lip. “But I want you, Caleb. I want you so badly, I don't know if I can wait any longer –”
He kisses me long and hard again, holding my face in his hands. When he pulls away this time, he smiles at me.
“And I want you, Abby. God, I want you – but seriously, this is a dangerous game. I'm leaving in a few days, and I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already have.”
“I appreciate that,” I say, nodding my head.
Deep down, I know he's right. We shouldn't do this. But damn it, I've been dying for some closure or some answers – or something – for so many years. And now, here we are – finally able to be together. Maybe for the last time, but at least I'd know what it's like to make love to him. That's something, right?
“I appreciate your concern for me,” I say. “But I'm a grown woman, and I can handle it, Caleb. I've already been through so much and survived, whatever happens between us will be okay. Just give me this night, please? I think you owe me at least that.”
His eyes soften as he stares at me. My hands move down the length of his chest, sliding down to his belt again. As I unbuckle his belt, my hands graze his hard cock and his breath catches in his throat. I give him a salacious little smile. I kiss his chest, the tattoos that cover it, licking the scars along his collarbone. I'm sure there's a story there, one I'd love to hear one day, but for now, I'm content just kissing and exploring that amazing body – that body I never had a chance to experience all those years ago.
“Please just fuck me, Caleb. Please?” I beg. “Don't worry about anything but right now. This moment.”
“I'm afraid –”
“You? Afraid?” I laugh. “You don't seem like the type to be afraid of anything.”
“I'm not. Except when it comes to certain things. Feelings and women tops among them,” he says.
“I promise, I don't expect anything from you after this,” I say.
“That's not what I'm afraid of,” he says.
“Then what is it?”
But he doesn't answer. Instead, he lifts me up off my feet and I wrap my legs around his waist as he carries me, kissing me and holding me firmly against his body. He carries me out of the kitchen and out into the living room – and for a moment, I expect him to carry me into the bedroom. Which would be fine, but part of me yearns for something different. Something wild. And Caleb is just the man to give me what I want, I know it.
Although I expect him to, Caleb doesn't go to the bedroom. Instead, he lays me down on the plush rug in front of my fireplace. He's so gentle with me, even when he lays down on top of me, kissing my lips, my neck and down my collarbone. My legs are wrapped around his body and I feel him pressing into my body. So close. So very close. There's just a small strip of fabric separating me from him.
“Please, Caleb –” I beg. “Please.”
I reach for his pants, sliding my hand down under the waistband until I feel his cock swelling in my hand. I gasp at how thick he is and surprise washes over my face. He gives me a knowing grin as he slips his pants off the rest of the way.
Caleb takes his time removing my clothing – which drives me crazy. I want him – need him – inside of me so badly, the ache down below is almost too much for me. But he takes his time. It's almost like he's savoring the moment – or is just enjoying tormenting me.
He slips my blouse off over my head, then removes my bra, exposing my breasts. He'd seen them way back when – once when we got frisky and fooled around, not long before he left – but they are rounder now. Fuller too. He takes my nipple between his lips and sucks on it, making me arch my back, thrusting my chest upward toward him.
My head rolls side-to-side and I'm moaning as he teases my nipple. He's not touching any other part of me but that and I'm already moaning and my body aches for him. The pressure between my legs is growing by the second and I so badly want him inside of me.
But Caleb isn't rushing things – and it is nice.
He slips my panties down, and hikes my skirt up, exposing me to him. Lowering himself between my legs, I gasp when his mouth touches my most intimate parts. Slowly, he circles my clit, teasing it with his tongue and I'm taken aback by the intense pleasure I'm feeling.
He slips his tongue deeper inside of me, making noises as if he's savoring the taste of me. My hands are in his hair and I'm pulling hard on it as he licks me up and down, teasing my clit and then burying his tongue deep inside of me again.
“Caleb,” I moan softly. “Oh God, Caleb.”
The sensations ripping through my body are intense. Unlike anything I'd ever felt before. His tongue is moving harder and faster and my heart is thundering within my chest. I grind myself against his mouth, taking his tongue deeper into me. I feel the pressure building up low within me and I grit my teeth, determined not to give into it just yet.
Knowing I'm not going to last much longer if I let him keep going, I pull Caleb up so that he's on top of me. He looks down at me, the question in his eyes more than clear.
“Yes,” I say, my voice breathy. “I want this. I want you.�
��
He leans down and kisses me deeply as he slides his cock inside of me. I gasp and feel my eyes grow wide as he fills me up and stretches me open. My every nerve ending feels like it's on fire and my body is buzzing with sensation.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
I nod. “Yes, baby,” I say. “Don't stop.”
He slowly begins to move his hips and with each thrust of his glorious cock, a wave of pleasure goes rolling through me. I dig my nails into his shoulders, eliciting a gasp from him. I wrap my legs around his waist and try to take him deeper into me. Caleb responds by thrusting his cock deeper and deeper inside of me. I'm so warm and so wet that he's sliding in and out of me with ease.
“Yes, baby,” I gasp. “Yes.”
He increases his rhythm, driving himself even deeper into me. His body is starting to tense up and I can feel his cock swelling inside of me. I know he's getting close.
The pressure inside of me is building – and building quick. There's a strange feeling in my stomach and I'm feeling sensations I've never felt before. Caleb moans, softly calling my name as he thrusts himself deep into me over and over again.
And that's when all hell breaks loose inside of me.
My body starts to shake and tremble. I cry out, nearly screaming Caleb's name as my body is spasming and an orgasm – a powerful orgasm – tears through me. I'm quivering and the warm, wet center of me tightens around Caleb's cock. He grunts and a moment later, I feel his warm seed shooting into me, filling me up.
Tears fill my eyes and roll down my cheeks. I've just had my first orgasm and it was intense. Far more intense than anything I'd ever felt. It's like finally uncorking that bottle seemed to make other bottles overflow – like my emotions.
I've lived a life free of orgasm. Not for lack of trying, but I was always bound up – orgasmically constipated – as Dana said time and time again. But Caleb is obviously, the missing piece. The key that unlocks the box that has been holding me prisoner. He somehow managed to punch through all of the barriers and walls I constructed and was the first man who sexually satisfied me.