Ethan had stripped down to his boxers and climbed in next to me. I hadn’t even had a night terror, but still, he’d fused to me without so much as an explanation.
Ollie had gotten to him.
The same way Ollie always got to me.
We’d fallen asleep, and when I’d woken a few hours later, Ethan’s hand had traveled down to my inner thighs, softly gripping as he mumbled in his sleep. His hard erection had pressed into the space between my legs. I had every reason to wake him up and pull away, starting with the most important reason—Ollie—but I couldn’t.
I desired to be needed and wanted by Ethan in an unhealthy way that never made sense to me. So, I’d fallen back to sleep, allowing his hands to roam and length to stay as he repeated words in my ear I couldn’t piece together.
Each night after that had been the same routine—Ethan and I not on speaking terms, but his hands on claiming terms. I’d fallen asleep in his warmth, pretending it was Ollie. It always had been easier to pretend, and Ethan continued to touch me in his sleep like he had something to prove.
“Every year we dress as Morticia and Gomez Addams from the Addams family. The newer generation of kids don’t get it, but it’s a hoot with the parents,” Dr. Conway rambled on as my attention steered back to the boring conversation.
“Nice,” I faked an interested voice, pretending I had been listening.
Dr. Conway shot me an all-knowing look and removed her pad of paper from her desk. Crossing her legs, she returned to her title as a doctor from a friend. “How are you coping with the visit from your father?”
“You mean the man who never was my father and lied to me for twenty years? I’m doing fabulous.”
Her face fell. “A million questions must be running through your head.”
“Not about him … ”—I turned my attention outside the window and followed the rain from the sky to the ground— “Honestly, I have so much going on right now, I haven’t even had a second to stop and think how it affects me.”
“You have every reason to feel hurt.”
Hurt? I was hurt, not by the man who claimed to be my father then took it away from me, but at the friends who neglected me. Jake. Bria. Tyler. With one mistake of writing down their secrets in my journal that had been stolen from me, the three of them were quick to up and cut me off like it was easy for them.
October meant I had six more months until I was released, and I couldn’t enable my attacker by showing I was hurt. They could display the pages of my journal all over Dolor, hide dead animals in my dorm, put glass into my mattress, but they would have to kill me before I submit to their pathetic games.
Still, a part of me believed it was Jude, the other part of me was leaning more towards a female. Guys would mutilate a cat. Girls would steal a diary and paint the walls with its contents. Am I dealing with two different people?
“Mia?”
“Yeah?” I responded automatically, snapping my eyes back to face Dr. Conway.
“Your dad … how are you taking it all?”
Great, we were still on that subject. “Don’t call him that.”
Her brows pinched together as she slumped her shoulders. “What do you want to call him?”
“Bruce,” I stated, and the word sounded so foreign rolling off my tongue. There was no room in my mind to think about Bruce, or who my actual father was. All I needed to do was survive the rest of my time sentenced here. Pushing it away seemed like a better plan until I could gain access to my records … and a computer. “I’m a dual citizen, you know. I could stay here in the UK.”
“Is that what you want?” Dr. Conway asked, and I nodded, knowing it was the only thing I wanted since I left Pennsylvania. “I can help you make that happen, but you still have to return to take care of some loose ends with the judge after your release. And you will need a plan after Dolor. Will you continue in school? Where will you live? Will you work? Dolor has a great release program—
“Okay, okay … ” I cut her off and dropped back into the warm leather. Too many questions, too fast. “I don’t know. I need time to figure it out.” A year ago, I never cared where I ended up, whether it be jail or six feet under. I called that progress.
“I’ll help any way I can.”
On my way back to my wing, I passed by Jake and Tyler. Slowing my pace, hope sparked inside, thinking today would be the day they’d speak to me. But they passed by with only a look of disgust to give.
Out of nowhere, Maddie appeared, trapping me in. “How was counseling?” she asked, chewing on a stick of gum. The mint smelled like Ollie’s, and I instantly grew jealous.
“Go away, Maddie.” Taking a side-step away from her, I tried to escape her bubble. Maddie took a step out in front of me, blocking my every move. “What the hell do you want?”
“I just wanted to thank you.”
An ambiguous laugh sauntered between us. “Thank me for what?”
Long fingers pushed my hair off my shoulder before they skimmed along my face line. My arms were occupied with books, so instead, I wiggled out of Maddie’s filthy grasp when she smirked. “For making it so easy for me. You were exactly who I thought you were, a cold-hearted slapper. It makes sense now why your mother killed herself.”
My last straw blew from my grasp, and my books dropped to the floor. “You bitch!” I screamed out, hurling myself at her. I was only a few inches shorter than Maddie, but still managed to knock her backward to the ground and throw my fist into her face.
Maddie’s eyes went wild, and she snatched my wrist as I straddled my legs around her. “Ya hit like a bloody girl, princess,” she said through a laugh. “I’m surprised ya have what it takes to take the beating from Ollie, knowing how rough he likes it.” My adrenaline overpowered her, and I threw my elbow into the side of her jaw.
Arms snaked around my stomach, swiftly pulling me off of Maddie, and my frantic gaze skimmed the hallway to see a crowd gathering around. Hands gripped my cheeks and directed my gaze. My eyes met two green ones as Ollie brushed the hair from my face. “It’s not worth it, love.” My breathing was erratic, yet his voice was calm. Soothing. I wanted to drink from the tranquility rolling from him. “That girl right there,”—he pointed over to Maddie still lying on the ground with her palm over her jaw— “She’s not worth destroying your future for, alright?”
My Ollie.
“Breathe, Mia,” he added, and I hadn’t realized I wasn’t. Returning my attention to Maddie, she looked almost scared. Ethan helped her up from behind while his eyes stayed fixed on Ollie and me. “Hey, look at me,” Ollie whispered, and I faced him again. His eyes scanned over my face before he offered me a small smile. “Better?”
“Yeah.” The one word was a struggle to get out, and it came out more like a sigh of relief. “Yeah,” I said again with a convincing nod. Ollie’s sudden appearance stunned me into submission, and I was scared for it to leave me.
He kissed the side of my head, before taking off in the blink of an eye.
Ollie was gone.
“Alright, everyone break up and go back to your dorms,” Ethan called out with a clap of his hands. “Jett, I need to see you.”
And just like that, it was as if Ollie never appeared at all.
Ethan waited until it was only the two of us remaining in the hall. He stood on the opposite end, and when the last lingering soul dispersed around the corner, he took two long strides over to me. “Don’t fucking do it, Jett. I know what you’re thinking, but don’t you dare start pushing me away because he’s slowly coming back. He’ll only bring you down with him.”
“I never said anything.”
“You didn’t have to. I see it all over your face. He comes to your rescue once, and like quicksand, you literally sink into him. I saw what happened to my sister, and I’m not going to let that happen to you!”
“I’m not your si
ster, Ethan!”
“No fucking shit! You think I slept beside my sister every night? You think I touched my sister the way I touch you? Don’t be fucking stupid.” Ethan darted his gaze around and calmed himself before his eyes found mine again. “He’s not right in the head. Meds or no meds, he’s been messed up his whole life.”
“I’m messed up, too, yet you still sink your hands on me like quicksand,” I spat out. “Take your own goddamn advice.” With that, I blew past him and never bothered to turn around when he called out for me.
Stupidly, I sat at my desk to write in my journal without remembering it was gone. Stolen. Vanished. Out in the world for all eyes to see. Slumping back in the chair I threw my pencil at the wall, remembering times I used to throw my fist in it.
Again, progress.
Over the last few months, the walls in the room turned their back on me. Finally, I’d reached the point where I was itching to get out of here, even the walls whispered through the night, reminding me I was trapped—taunting me like this unknown prankster.
I ran my fingers through my messy brown hair when I heard sounds coming from outside. The clock above the door read midnight. Jumping from my chair, I rushed to the window to see two figures out in the distance. One was Ethan. I could pick his shadow out in a line-up. Ethan towered over the other man on the lawn. From Ethan’s face, I could tell they were yelling back and forth at each other, but I couldn’t hear anything. Ethan faced the building. He stared right at me, but there was no way he could really see me, was there? The other man turned his face, and I recognized him instantly.
Dean Lynch.
Did he know Ethan crept into my room at night to calm my terrors?
Was Ethan in trouble?
Dean Lynch marched away, leaving Ethan standing under the night starry sky on the lawn. The light from the moon reflected off him, and the red tint glowed from his hair. I would be lying if I said he wasn’t beautiful, but looking at him didn’t affect me the same way Ollie did.
Ollie had the ability to eradicate and piece me back together in one single breath, and with one look, he had the power to erase the world around us. I felt his words when he spoke, vibrations to the cracks of my bones. His love pumped through my veins, even when he was gone because we were bound together by something much bigger.
Ethan was beautiful, but Ollie was something else entirely.
My gaze followed Ethan’s movements back inside the building, and after he disappeared, I crawled into the bed.
It seemed like an hour passed as I waited for him to walk through the door and sleep beside me, but he never showed. Slowly, my eyes closed conceding to the exhaustion, preparing for a night terror to soon wake me.
Movements from behind stirred me back to life, and the familiar smell of Ethan’s cologne filled my senses. He didn’t wear it often, but whenever he’d come from his home, he smelled so distinct—like spices and woods. “I couldn’t sleep,” he spoke softly into my ear as he climbed in beside me. His bare chest warmed my back as his body fused to mine. “I tried to sleep in my own bed, but I couldn’t sleep without you.”
I pretended to be asleep, and Ethan sighed, believing my bluff. “I don’t know why, Mia,” he continued to say, “but you’re the one good thing that’s happened in my life since she passed and I’m not letting you go without a fight. Ollie may be your number one, but you’re mine. And if you were awake right now, I’d never admit to it.”
I laid still, quiet, keeping up with the charade. Ethan’s hand slipped under my tank and flattened his palm against my bare stomach. “Like quicksand,” he whispered, lips and stubble brushing across my back. “Mia … ” his hand raised to my rib cage beneath my breast, “can I have one night with you?”
My eyes snapped open. I couldn’t speak, think, or breathe, for that matter. The only thing I could do was pretend a light snore, feeling like a damn idiot.
Ethan exhaled, and I don’t know why, but I felt selfish at that moment. He’d been nothing but good to me, and I couldn’t man-up and give myself to him for one much-deserved night. A single tear rolled down my cheek, and I’d realized this was the farthest point Ethan and me could ever reach. It could never go past this. I would never know what his lips would taste like, or what it felt like with him deep inside me because I didn’t want to know.
Ollie was all that mattered. Rock-bottomed-messed-up-mind-fucked Ollie.
Ollie.
“Oliver, you have a visitor” Jerry called out, tapping his hand against the door frame.
I gathered my things and sent a wicked smile over to Mr. Mahoney, and he shook his head at the front of the classroom. Mr. Mahoney didn’t like students disappearing from his class and denied every request to use the restroom since the year had started.
Dolor had visiting hours posted outside campus walls on the gate and, I was sure, online. But if someone made the gruesome drive out here, Lynch had trouble turning away a family member.
People like us rarely got visitors.
If someone came, it was either because there was a death in the family, or an urgent matter that needed to be rectified face-to-face.
Having no family left, I had no idea who was waiting for me.
Jerry walked silently beside me as we made our way downstairs and toward the visitor room at the front of campus. “You have an hour,” he stated, then opened the door and guided me in.
Standing beside a window was none other than Travis himself, my mate from my seven months in lock up.
“Ah, look what the cat dragged in,” Travis said with a massive goofy smile on his face. Our hands shook before he pulled me in for a half hug, and I gave him a pat on the back.
“Good to see you, mate.” I rested my hands on his shoulders and held him out at arm’s length.
Travis was a good-looking chap with blond braids running along his scalp and a tattoo crawling up his neck. “Being a free-man looks good on you,”—I patted his stomach— “I see you picked up a few pounds. You’ve been eating proper, yeah?”
Travis pushed my hand away. “Wait until you’re out of here. Six months and I’ll be having a nice fucking filet waiting for you at your new house.”
I took a step back and raised my brows in the air. “You found one?” Travis and I made a deal in jail. I’d take care of him, pay him as my assistant as long as he handled my finances. After I was transported back to Dolor, I’d sent him on a mission to find me the perfect house. Two bedrooms, a master bedroom with a bay window, and a beautiful view overlooking water. All Mia ever talked about when leaving here was putting her toes in the water, and I was going to make that happen. I’d give Travis the tools he needed to make the purchase, and he could live in the house until I left here. My weekly phone calls have been spent with the bank, setting up a separate bank account and making transfers for the purchase.
Despite how fucked I’d been in the head, my heart could never give up on my dream of a life with Mia and Zeke.
Making a deal with Travis was risky. He could have taken the money and run, but he wouldn’t have. His only goal was to turn his life around for love. I’d never discussed Mia with him, but Summer was all he talked about.
And I knew from experience that love could change a man.
“Yeah, mate. It’s all right here. Just needs your signature,” Travis said with a ridiculous smile and a hand pointing over to a file lying on the table beside us. “Eighteen properties. Eighteen fucking properties me and Summer walked through to find the one, and I really hope you’re not disappointed … ”
I opened the file, and the first page that stared back at me was a one-story cobblestone house, complete with a creek running through the front lawn. My heart pounded in my chest. “ … it’s not on the coast, but there’s a lake in the back with a dock. As soon as I stepped foot on that dock, it had your name written all over it … ” I continued to flip through the paper
s as he rambled on.
Fully furnished, the main bedroom looked like it had escaped from my mind and painted over the paper. A bay window took up one side of the wall, complete with a fireplace, and unwelcomed tears pooled at the corners of my eyes as my knee picked up a bounce under the table.
I closed the file and leaned back into the chair. Pinching the bridge of my nose, I fought the emotions threatening to consume me. It was all I ever wanted—a home. But what I never expected was for him to find the home. The same home I’d imagined for Mia and I so many times. I’d sent him on a ridiculous goose chase, believing the chances were slim to none. But he found it.
“Bloody hell, you don’t like it … ”
Running my hand over my face, I collected tears in one swift move. “No, mate. I fucking love it. It’s perfect.” Leaning forward, I opened the file again and fingered through the paper until I reached the contract. “I need a pen.”
Mia talked highly of Dr. Conway. I’d never directly spoken to the doctor before. This was our first one-on-one session. I entered the small room, and my gaze touched over the posters, the window with the view of the front of campus, and the large brown couch, thinking how many times Mia had been in here.
“Do you prefer Oliver or Ollie?” Dr. Conway asked as she walked behind me and closed the door.
“Doesn’t matter.” My body sunk into the leather in the corner, and I stretched out my legs.
Dr. Conway took a seat in her office chair and turned to face me. “Oliver it is. I have a thing with nick-names, never liked them.”
“Fair enough.”
“Looks like Dr. Butala referred you to me. How are things going with the medication?”
“Quite frankly, I need to get off them. They’re not working like they’re supposed to, or not like they used to, anyway. This void is inside as if I’m missing something. I’m incomplete. They turn me into a hollow-horny-wanker, and I don’t want to feel like this anymore. You understand what I’m saying?” The second I saw what I’d done to Mia, I’d realized none of this was worth it. When I’d told Butala to make me feel everything or nothing, I wasn’t in my right frame of mind. I wanted to feel everything. Mia deserved everything.
Even When I'm Gone (Stay With Me series Book 2) Page 15