“Wait a minute,” Brad said. “I hooked you two up on the Internet more than a year ago.”
“Right,” Kenton said. “To clarify, I bought the paper before we met face to face.”
“So what you’re telling me is that you two didn’t really plan to end up together in Glenbrooke?”
Kyle spoke up. “To use our friend Teri’s expression, it was a God thing.”
Alissa had to agree. It sure sounded to her as if Kenton and Lauren’s relationship fell into that category. The answer seemed to satisfy Brad’s brotherly concern, too.
Slipping her first bite of marionberry pie into her mouth, Alissa thought of how someday she wanted that in a relationship with a man. She wanted to know in her heart that their coming together was a God thing. Until then, she decided, she ought to concentrate on enjoying the wonderful friendships God seemed to be bringing into her life.
Chapter Twenty-Two
About halfway through their long drive home Alissa went fishing for an opinion from Brad. “Would you ever want to live in a place like Glenbrooke?”
He paused before answering, “I don’t know. Maybe.”
Alissa had heard Brad telling his sister he thought she had made a wise choice. She had asked if he meant regarding Kenton or Glenbooke, and Brad had said, “Both.”
“Why? Did that place capture you the way it did my sister?”
“Maybe a little. Do you think Lauren and Kenton will marry soon?”
“I hope not,” Brad said. “They barely know each other. The only way to have a good marriage is to start with a long friendship. I think they should wait at least two years.”
“Two years! That’s ridiculous. What would they be waiting for? They’re established in their careers; they’re old enough to know what they want. I think they should get married at Christmas. Why put that extra pressure on their relationship when they obviously are right for each other and deeply in love?”
“It’s not the being in love part that matters. It’s the being ‘in commitment,’ ” Brad said, driving past an off-ramp on the freeway. “Remind me to pull off at the next one. That’s where I stopped to get gas. We’ll put up a sign for Chloe.”
“What are you saying?” Alissa asked, noting his concern for her cat but wanting to get back to exploring his philosophy of relationships. “Is the commitment more important than being in love?”
“Of course. You can be committed to someone and be faithful without ever being in love. Look at all the arranged marriages in the world.”
“You know, you just take the romance right out of it. How will you know when God brings the right woman into your life?”
“Oh, I’ll know.”
“And then what will you do?”
“Here’s the off-ramp,” Brad said, turning right and avoiding her question. He pulled into a small gas station with an even smaller garage and office. “Do you have some paper? Write down your phone number at least.”
Alissa scrounged in her purse for something suitable while Brad filled the tank and washed off the windshield. They went into the garage together, looking for the manager so they could give him the lost cat information.
He took it willingly, but Alissa didn’t feel hopeful that the man would actually post the information or do anything with it. They drove on to the next place where Brad remembered stopping for gas. This one was a large station with a convoy of trucks lined up waiting for diesel. Alissa felt sick to her stomach as she thought about Chloe meeting one of those eighteen wheelers head-on.
“Just forget it,” Alissa said when they pulled back on the freeway. “I’ve accepted that Chloe is gone forever. Don’t even bother to stop at the next place.”
“I’ll probably have to anyway to get gas,” Brad said. “Besides, I’m not ready to give up. Have a little more hope, Alissa. She’s probably made friends with some gentle soul who has fed her so well you’ll never be able to unspoil her.”
Alissa appreciated his optimism, even though she knew it was pointless. It made her realize that even though Brad wasn’t afraid to pick a fight, he was also a fighter in the good sense of the word: he never gave up.
The final exit Brad took was called Kettleman. Several gas stations and a variety of fast food places greeted them. He drove past them all and headed down a two-lane road toward Fresno.
“Where are you going?”
“I got gas off the beaten path here. Sometimes the prices are lower if you drive a mile or two off the freeway and into the town.”
The “town” they entered wasn’t much to speak of. Graffiti etched the wall of the corner liquor store. Black wrought iron bars were on the windows of the small houses along the road, and the gas station that supposedly had the great prices was tiny and had no business.
Alissa and Brad got out of the truck and felt the rush of the afternoon heat rise from the pitted blacktop.
“Hello?” Alissa called out when she stepped into the garage. “Is anyone here?”
A faint “meow” echoed from the shade beside a stack of tires.
“Chloe?” Alissa raced to the tires. A big black blob of a cat lay with her belly against the cool cement. She had a white patch on her nose. “Chloe!” Alissa cried out in disbelief, scooping up her cat. “I can’t believe we found you.”
“Me either,” Brad muttered.
A guy in coveralls stepped in from a back room and said, “That your cat? She’s been hanging around here for a couple of days now. I tried to feed her, but she didn’t eat much.”
“Thank you for looking out for her,” Alissa said, holding her thin cat close. She smelled like transmission oil and rubber tires. “Come on, you wayward little girl, you. Let’s go home.”
Chloe slept most of the ride home. It was seven long, hot hours. Alissa convinced Brad to run the air conditioner at least part of the time. They talked about their favorite movies and songs and sang along with some of the numbers on the radio. Their conversation didn’t turn back to relationships or anything heavy. Instead they skimmed the surface of who they were in a companionable way. It was nice just being buddies together on the road, with Chloe making little snoring noises every now and then.
By Friday of that week Alissa’s poison oak had toned down, and she had caught up on her sleep. But Chloe didn’t seem to be able to stop sleeping, and she ate little. Alissa started to worry about her. When Chloe didn’t snap out of it by the next Monday, Alissa called the vet and made an appointment to take Chloe over after work. The vet suggested Chloe stay overnight so they could observe her and run some tests.
On Alissa’s way home, she stopped for Chinese food, this time trying Brad’s Imperial Palace. She bought extra just in case he hadn’t eaten yet and wanted to join her. Not that he would want to. The truth was, she wanted him to.
“Am I getting out of balance here, Father?” Alissa prayed as her car wound its way to their quiet street. “What am I supposed to do with these feelings that keep resurfacing? I convince myself he’s just a guy. A grungy, outspoken guy who has absolutely no interest in me. And then … I don’t know. He’s back in my mind somehow.”
That weekend she had seen Brad coming and going but hadn’t stopped him to see if he wanted to talk. She had been on the go, too, shopping for some clothes in the next size smaller since everything in her closet was starting to feel baggy. The scale reported a loss of eleven pounds. Consistent exercise and a change in her diet seemed to be having a slow but lasting effect.
She pulled up in front of the duplex at the same time Brad pulled up. He got out of his truck wearing a cotton shirt and shorts—his work clothes—and holding a large white bag.
“Hi,” he called out. “Have you eaten yet? I was in the mood for Chinese so I succumbed to your Red Dragon.”
Alissa reached inside her car and pulled out her matching white bag. “And I thought I’d give your Imperial Palace a try. Looks like we have enough food to feed the neighborhood. Is Jake home?”
“No. He’s testing for a walk-o
n part in a sitcom. I don’t expect to see much of him this week. You want to eat at your place or mine?”
“How about the backyard? Nice compromise, don’t you think?” Alissa asked.
“Fine with me, as long as we can talk. I think we need to work through something.”
Alissa couldn’t imagine what he was being so serious about. She met him out on the back patio a few minutes later and opened her bag of goodies. “Sweet and sour pork,” she said. “And I don’t remember what else. It all sounded good.”
“Do you have chopsticks?” Brad asked. “I picked up extras.” He handed her a pair and loaded up his plate with the bounty of food arranged on the table. After giving thanks, Brad said, “I’ve been thinking through some things, and I thought I should talk with you about them.”
Alissa nodded, taking a drink of water. “What’s up?”
“I want you to know we’re not having a relationship.”
Once again Brad had managed to shock her. “We are so having a relationship!” she shot back.
“I don’t want you to think of it that way,” Brad said.
“And how do you want me to think of it? We travel thousands of miles together, share deep secrets from the past, and both come home with Chinese food after thinking of the other person before buying it. What do you call that?”
“Dinner. We’re just friends having dinner.”
“Friends qualify as a relationship,” Alissa stated. “Or are you saying you don’t want to even consider me as one of your friends?” She began to wonder if he had been plagued by some of the same strong feelings that she had felt for him. This could be his way of trying not to let them get a hold of him.
“Let me qualify that,” Brad said. “I’m not looking for a relationship. I don’t see myself getting serious about anyone for at least another ten years. I just don’t want you to get any wrong impressions.”
“Wrong impressions from you?” Alissa wanted to laugh. “You are so verbal and honest about everything, how could I get any wrong impressions?”
“The trip to Oregon,” Brad said, with a chunk of lemon chicken pinched between his chopsticks. “Everyone in Glenbrooke thought we were together.”
“How did they get that impression?” Alissa challenged. She didn’t want to let him off the hook so easily. He needed to make some defining statements here.
Brad popped the chicken in his mouth and chewed it thoughtfully. “Can I be honest?”
“I don’t think you know how to be anything else.”
“I had a long talk with my sister. I told her if, and that is a hypothetical if, I were looking for a relationship, you would be the kind of woman I’d be interested in. You are genuine and steady. You trust God in a big way, and you’re beautiful. But then, you know all that. What I find intriguing is that you face me head-on. I don’t know another woman who can do that. You take what I give you, and you dish it right back. That makes me think. It allows me to be myself, which is rare in my relationships with women.”
“So what I hear you saying,” Alissa repeated, “is that you like me. You like what our relationship—that we’re supposedly not having—is doing in your life. But you don’t want to have this relationship.”
“Something like that.”
“Am I supposed to understand this?” Alissa asked.
“I think you already do.” He looked relieved now that his big speech was over.
“Then let me add something,” Alissa said. “I didn’t come looking for a relationship with you. It just started, and there it is. I think you should know that you have a powerful effect on me, too. I’m sure you already know that. Just don’t get any ideas that I’ve been trying to trap you or something.”
“I didn’t say that,” Brad said. “I hear what you’re saying. I think considering the factors involved here, you and I should keep an amiable distance and not let our feelings take off on us.”
Alissa couldn’t believe how matter-of-fact he sounded. Was this the computer-geek side of him kicking into logic mode? What about emotions and seizing the moment? She thought of Chet and Rosie. What if they had been this phlegmatic when they first realized they had strong feelings for each other?
“Brad, do you think maybe instead of being practical all the time, it might be good and healthy once in a while to let down your guard? I mean, what if a person you cared for was only going to be around for a short time? Would you put all your emotions on hold?” She was thinking of Chet and Rosie and how it must have been for them right before Chet went off to war. They had spoken their hearts to each other, and the result was a relationship that endured for half a century.
“I don’t see any reason to give in to emotions,” Brad said.
Alissa knew he wasn’t trying to do an impersonation, but he sure resembled Spock at that moment. She thought of what to say and realized there was nothing she could say. If he had spoken to her differently, stating that he wanted to follow his heart and see what God had in mind for their relationship, she would have responded in kind, saying she felt something deep and wonderful for him.
But she didn’t even want to respond to this logic-oriented presentation. She didn’t feel like eating anything else. Quietly excusing herself, Alissa said, “I’ll see you around.”
“Thanks for understanding,” Brad said. “I knew you would.”
“I never said I understood,” Alissa said, turning sharply. “I’m just not into playing evaluation games. I believe things should be what they are, and that’s it.”
She went inside and slammed her back door. Turning on the TV and pulling down the shades so he couldn’t see inside, Alissa tried to block everything out from the past hour. She missed Chloe. And she felt insecure and sorry she had ever opened herself up to a friendship with Brad.
When she stopped by the vet’s on her way home from work the next day, he gave Alissa some news she didn’t expect. “Chloe has cancer. It’s quite extensive. It’s not uncommon for cats her age. It’s too risky to operate. We can put her to sleep, or you can take her home. She has perhaps a month to live. Maybe two.”
Blinking back the tears, Alissa said, “Are you sure?”
The vet nodded.
“I’d like to take her home,” she said. “Is that cruel?”
“No. I can give you some medication for her so she won’t be in any pain. I’m sorry.”
Alissa drove home with her dear, sick Chloe on the floor. After all they had been through together, including Chloe’s most recent escapade, who would have guessed this would be the end?
They went inside, and Alissa fixed Chloe a special dinner of white tuna. Chloe licked it and walked away.
There was a knock on her door, and Alissa opened it up to little Anna, who had a plate of cookies in her hand. “My mom and I made these, and I brought you some.” She looked up and added, “Are you crying?”
Alissa wiped away a tear and invited her little friend inside. Without meaning to, Alissa poured out her heart. “I just found out Chloe has cancer. They can’t operate on it, so she’s going to die, and I’m really sad.”
Anna glanced at Chloe, who was curled up by the foot of the couch. “When is she going to die?”
“The doctor said she has a month or maybe two to live. That’s all.”
“That’s so sad,” Anna said. “First Shelly leaves and now Chloe.”
“I especially appreciate your cookies, Anna. They’ll cheer me up. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. I have to go now. Bye.” She slipped out the front door. Alissa wondered if she had scared away Anna with the confession about Chloe. Maybe it would have been better to say nothing.
Three days later, she was getting ready to run to the vet’s to pick up a different medication for Chloe since her cat wasn’t taking the first kind he had sent home with her. That’s when Alissa discovered that Anna had taken the news of Chloe’s illness to heart.
Anna was in the backyard playing with her little sister. Through Alissa’s open window sh
e heard Anna say, “She’s going to die. She told me. I don’t think she has told anyone else. She has a thing called cancer, and the doctor said they can’t operate on it. So I think we should be really nice to her, because she only has two months to live.”
Mallory had taken in every word wide-eyed and solemnly. “Okay,” she agreed. “We’ll be real nice to her.”
Alissa heard the back door close on the other side of the duplex. She couldn’t see if it was Brad or Jake. She had kept her distance and brushed from her mind any lingering thoughts of Brad. Grabbing her shoulder bag, she headed out for the vet’s. As she opened the door, Brad stood on her doorstep, hand poised, ready to knock.
“Hi,” he said slowly. There was a long pause. He didn’t seem to have anything else to say.
“Excuse me,” Alissa said, pulling the door shut and walking past him. She still felt angry with him and was in no mood for more spewing of his hurtful logic. “I’m in a hurry.”
“Where you going?”
She answered, “Out,” because she knew if she said “vet,” she would have to give a long explanation about Chloe, and she would be late to the clinic. Perhaps Brad had overheard Anna and Mallory, and in his own, unemotional way, he was trying to offer his condolences. It didn’t matter. He was the last person she wanted to talk to right now.
After the vet’s she stopped by the dry cleaners and then went to the pharmacy for some more lotion for her nearly cleared up poison oak.
When she arrived home, the sun was setting. The sky was aglow with soft pinks and gentle, fading blue behind the bending trees. Summer was tiptoeing out gracefully and doing so with a radiance that filled Alissa with awe for the beauty of God’s creation. For the few weeks of late summer that remained, there was a promise of many more elegant sunsets.
Alissa loved them. Sunsets meant a gentle quiet between the bright glare of day and the deep silence of night. If she had her choice, she would live her whole life in the sunset hour.
With her arms full, she turned the key in her front door and stepped inside. The sight that met her eyes shocked her. The plastic wrapped dry cleaning slid from her arm into a puddle on the floor.
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