A movie played in the background while I listened to Scarlett chat away and catch me up on what I missed. Although we texted every now and then, she didn't mention Adam or anything of importance. I was informed of the tattoo shop getting an extension, the paintings she sold to a gallery, and some gossip on the people I knew from the diner.
After Scarlett yawned for the tenth time, she stood up and stretched. "I have to open in the morning. You want to wait for me to get off or do you want Ryder to take you up to Cleveland?"
"Um, I'm sure I'll be fine to drive," I insisted. I didn't want to get in that late, and I didn't want to spend hours confined with Ryder if he was angry with me.
"Yeah, right," he scoffed from next to me. Leaning over, he peeled back the ice pack to reveal that the swelling had barely gone down. "I'll drive you."
With that, he got up and left the room. I gave Scarlett a hug before she retreated to her room, and then I settled in on the couch. I’d spent so many nights on the couch that you’d think I would be used to it. But knowing that I had once upgraded to Ryder's bed, the couch seemed lumpier and more uncomfortable than before. I watched the time pass on the cable box before finally drifting into a restless sleep.
I woke up when I heard Scarlett bustling around the kitchen. She tiptoed around, trying to make coffee with her eyes closed. She swore under her breath when she opened the fridge to find the creamer carton empty.
"Glad to see nothing has changed," I mused, making her jump. "Still not a morning person?"
She laughed and clenched her chest. "Nope, but I drew the short straw and have to open this morning."
She poured two cups of coffee and brought one over to me. She pulled back the covers to examine my ankle. It was still swollen, but not as bad as the night before. The skin was purple with tints of black and blue. I winced when I tried to roll it around.
"You aren't driving anywhere," she told me, like I didn't already know.
I moaned and wondered if I could really delay the trip home. I didn't have any clothes with me, especially a pair of sensible shoes, and I really did need to get the work stuff to Ivan. It seemed like I was in for a very long and uncomfortable day. As if sensing my thoughts were about him, Ryder came sauntering out of his bedroom.
He was topless and wearing only boxers as he ruffled his messy hair. He took a quick glance at us on the couch before heading to the kitchen. Scarlett gave my knee a sympathetic pat before rushing out the door, claiming she was going to be late. I brushed out my hair with my fingers while I waited for Ryder to drink himself awake.
"You don't have to do this," I finally told him.
"I know," he deadpanned. "It's fine. Let me get dressed."
He avoided looking at me while he disappeared into his room. I pushed myself up and tried to hobble to the kitchen to grab my phone, which was probably blown up with messages already. I put the minimal amount of weight on my leg before crying out with pain. I hissed and held on to the coffee table while hopping on the other leg. Finding my balance, I braced myself for one good leap that would reach the counter.
I lunged forward, coming up too short and landing just out of the reach of anything to hold on to. Before I fell to the ground, strong hands wrapped around my waist to keep me upright.
"Easy there," he cooed gently. Ryder helped me hop the rest of the way until we reached the breakfast bar holding my purse.
"Thanks," I mumbled, frustrated with the limitations and pain. To hide the wetness forming in my eyes, I busied myself with checking emails and messages on my phone.
"You ready to go?" he asked me.
I nodded and he quickly came to my side. I shook my head at him, wanting to avoid his hands on me again. His touch stirred up feelings I shouldn't have anymore. They would only lead to heartbreak, and I wasn't sure if I could take much more. He ignored me and stood close, linking our elbows together. He used his free hand to grab mine and waited until I felt balanced enough to give him most of the weight I couldn't bear.
As we made our way down the stairs, I couldn't help thinking of the night Ryder and Logan brought Scarlett and I home from the bar, drunk. It took longer for us to get up the stairs than humanly possible. I shattered that record trying to get down them and to my car. I paused on almost every step. If we both weren't so stubborn and trying to avoiding more touching, it would have been easier for him to carry me. When Ryder tried to turn toward his truck, I pulled back.
"No, my car," I said through clenched teeth.
"What? No."
"Yes," I snapped. "My trip, my gas. Plus, my car has the key pass to get into my garage." I shot him a pleading look and he gave in. Ryder got behind the wheel after getting me placed in the passenger seat.
"What made you want an M5?" he asked as he ran his hands over the leather of the steering wheel.
"Because that’s what was in my driveway one morning," I said bitterly.
"Well, you got lucky," he said, distracted with buttons and moving the seat. "This is one bad ass car, even for an import."
"Well, knock yourself out," I waved my hand in the air dismissively. I never really cared about the car, let alone how fast it could go or how much it had cost. I had been furious to find out my parents had gotten rid of my old car and replaced it with this. It didn't matter how much everyone gawked at it.
Ryder pushed the start button and the engine roared to life. He backed out of the parking lot a little too fast and made it to the main highway. My stomach churned as we neared the familiar stretch of road. I knew Ryder knew it as well because I saw his body tense as the deadly turn came into view. I held my breath as the car slowed and the maple came into view.
Ryder drove slightly onto the soft shoulder and stopped the car, but he didn't put it in park. I closed my eyes and said some silent words to Carter. I still thought of him everyday. I visited his grave on his birthday last month. After saying my peace, I turned and nodded slightly to Ryder. Slowly pulling away, neither of us said a word about the silent exchange. Word weren't needed between us at that moment.
The drive was made in comfortable silence. I gave him directions when needed, and I didn't shout when he went too fast on the highway. Several times, I knew he was just testing the power of the car, passing cars and weaving quickly in and out of traffic. He wore a slight smile while he did it, so I couldn't bring myself to reprimand him and make him stop or slow down. Besides, despite our complicated status, I trusted him enough to know he wouldn't let me get hurt. Too bad he wasn't there when I walked to my car yesterday.
My feet were resting on the dash to keep my ankle elevated. Ryder almost looked like he was going to scold me before he saw my glare. It was my car and I would scuff up all the leather I wanted. I couldn't care less how it looked inside. Expensive leather and high-end technology in a car didn't matter to me.
As the scenery flew by outside, I ran through a mental list of the items I would need to gather. I needed my computer to keep up with the little little things I would need to pass on for work. I would book a hotel before I left and decided to just bring all the clothes and shoes I owned. That was all I had in the apartment anyway.
I took in Ryder's profile as he drove. He was concentrated, but calm. His face showed some slight stubble, and I remembered what it felt like to run my hands along the roughness. Underneath his concrete shell hid the hurt I caused him. I knew I blew my chance and it sickened me. Could everything we had, something I was so sure that could withstand anything thrown our way, was it really gone?
My heart hurt when I thought of never kissing him again. I forced my eyes shut to keep the tears in when I realized that, after the wedding, I would be forced with a very similar situation as months before. I was going to have to leave, and this time, I wasn't sure that Ryder would want me to stay.
I felt so alone. I was always alone, especially the last six months, but the feeling sank in. Now that I pulled my head out of my ass, I could clearly see how utterly alone I was. Ryder may be sitting beside me, but
it wasn't the Ryder that loved me in this car. I’d scared that one off. Scarlett would always be my friend, but I couldn't go to her with what I was going through now. She had her own life to start; the last thing she needed was more drama between her brother and me.
Scarlett had the biggest heart and she would cry with me, hold me, and comfort me if I needed it. She would lecture her brother and pull Logan and Caleb in for some top-secret matchmaking operation. She would selflessly push herself aside to see Ryder and I happy. I wouldn't let her do that. If I learned anything in the past year, it was that very few people stuck around when things got really tough. Scarlett was someone that stuck with me through it all.
Once the skyline of Cleveland came into view, I sat up straighter in the seat. The feeling of unease sat in a ball at the bottom my stomach. It was a feeling I was accustomed to; it was always there when I was in the city. I pointed out directions off the highway and through the one-way streets to my parking garage. The gate opened automatically for us as we pulled up.
I directed him to my designated parking space. Ryder shut off the car and was quickly at my side to help me get out. Snaking my arm around his neck, I let him basically carry me to the elevator. After I hit the button for my floor, the elevator quickly made its ascend. We limped down the hall and I used my key to unlock my door, letting us into my apartment.
"You don't have any ice?" Ryder asked with his head in my freezer.
"I guess not," I mumbled. I never really needed it before, so I never noticed.
I got down on my hands and feet and crawled to my couch. I leaned my back against it and put my foot up on the glass coffee table. Ryder came in with a smirk, obviously seeing my pathetic mode of transportation. He knelt in front of me and placed a bag of frozen broccoli on my ankle.
"You sure you don't want to go to the hospital?" he asked with a concerned look.
"No," I insisted. "It hasn't even been twenty-four hours. It'll be fine."
"You sure?"
"Yep," I nodded. "Could you do me a favor?" He nodded. "Hand me my laptop."
Ryder grabbed the MacBook Pro and placed in my hands. "Anything else?"
"Thanks. Make yourself at home. I shouldn't be too long," I told him, shooting him an apologetic look. I knew he didn't want to wait around for me, but I had to send over the files to Ivan while I still had Internet.
Ryder sat next to me on the couch, and I wordlessly handed him the remote. He flicked on the big TV and surfed through some channels. I clicked through my emails, forwarding anything of importance over to Ivan. I setup my account to automatically forward emails over to him and my dad's secretary so I wouldn't need to do this again.
Ryder sat next to me quietly and watched the TV. I liked his silent company. I was used to doing my work on my couch, but normally I was lonely. Having Ryder next to me, in love with me or not, made me feel a little better.
CHAPTER FOUR
Ryder
Kallie worked on her laptop while I browsed through the billion channels she had. I doubted she had time to even look through all of them, let alone watch them. I tried to stop glancing at her ankle. The swelling went down a little, but it was starting to turn purple and blue. I wished she would get it checked it out, but she wasn't going to do that. I listened to her tap away at the keyboard before finally settling on a Batman movie. She clicked and typed away, while simultaneously texting on her phone and going through piles of papers.
Since I've seen this movie a hundred times, I got restless and took the time to swap out Kallie's "ice pack". I put the broccoli back in the freezer and brought out a bag of carrots. She thanked me and I nodded back in response. We didn't have much to say to each other. Most of the long drive up here was in silence. I had so much I wanted to say, but didn't want to at the same time.
I walked around the apartment, giving myself a tour. It was modern with lots of black and white, clean lines, and minimal decoration. It had an open and modern style to it. The only photos on the wall were black and white landscapes. She didn't even have any photos of friends or family hanging. Scarlett's room was plastered with candid photos and little souvenirs. Kallie had nothing.
The sun was starting to set, and I approached the windows that spanned the entire wall facing Lake Erie. The apartment was on the top floor, giving a clear view of the lake and some city lights. I stood, staring at the water as far as you could see, tinted with purple and pink. I turned back around when I heard movement to find Kallie standing by the couch.
"Wow," Kallie said with wide eyes, looking over at the same sunset I was.
"You live here. You've probably seen it a thousand times," I laughed.
"I haven't," she admitted in a small voice. "I never paid attention."
I shook my head at her. "Well, you've been busy." I didn't hide the hardness in my voice.
"I hate it here," she said in a dead voice that scared me a little. "I hate it all. It kills me. It eats me alive and sucks the life out of me. I have nothing left. I lost you. I lost my mind."
If it weren’t for the trembling I could see in her body, I would have seen no emotion. Her voice was calm and her face was neutral. In a swift movement, she bent down and flipped the coffee table over. Glass shattered everywhere. She stepped over the broken shards and swiped the photos off the wall. They fell to the floor, breaking before she moved over to the built-in entertainment stand.
When she started to rip cords out of the wall, I broke out of my frozen state and rushed to her. Grabbing her arms from behind, I lifted her off the ground. Kallie kicked and squirmed in my arms as I backed us into the kitchen.
"Kallie, calm down," I said in her ear. She snapped and I wasn't sure how to get her back.
I wasn't sure if there was anything that could be said to make it better. She was right, in a way. She lived a different life, one that I wasn't convinced she wanted or fit into. I held my arms around her body, keeping her feet off the ground until she grew tired and went limp. She was still shaking as she started to cry.
I sank down to my knees, taking her with me and situating her in my lap. Part of me knew I shouldn't be comforting her when she was so upset and vulnerable, but I couldn't let her breakdown alone. I promised we could be friends, and this is what a friend would do. Although, I am sure Scarlett would be better in this situation.
Kallie's body stopped convulsing, and a little while later, she stopped crying and sniffled a few times. Her wet blue eyes looked up at me and I swear my heart ripped in half. I hated seeing her hurt. She gave me a sad smile before pushing off of me and scooting a few feet away on the floor.
"I'm sorry," she mumbled while wiping the tears off her face.
"It's okay." It's not.
"I never meant for all this to happen," she gestured around her. "I never meant to ignore you. I never meant to make you think that I didn't love you."
I swallowed the lump in my throat. I shook my head at her and closed my eyes. I wanted to believe her more than anything. She probably even believed herself, but I couldn't risk that she wouldn't hurt me like that again. After being deemed not good enough for my own mother, I never allowed myself to rely on someone else's love and approval again. Until Kallie.
We sat in silence on the tile floor. She didn't apologize again, and I didn't have to push her away again. I wondered how we would get through the upcoming weeks and play nice for the wedding. It was becoming obvious that both us wanted what we had, but going back to that wasn't as easy as it sounded.
A knock came at the door, and Kallie called for them to come in. The door opened and Kallie's Dad’s pet stood in the doorway, taking in the sight of the trashed living room.
"What happened here? Are you okay?" he asked as he rushed over to Kallie's side.
"It's fine," she said, brushing him off and glaring until he backed away. She used the counter to pull herself up. "I lost my temper."
"What did you do to her?" he growled at me. I raised my eyebrows, almost impressed. Yesterday, this guy loo
ked like he couldn't get aggressive with a kitten. He seemed genuinely pissed at me now.
"I didn't do shit," I said in a warning voice as I stood up.
"Ivan," Kallie said to get his attention. When he looked at her, she limped into the living room, moved a chunk of glass from the table, and handed him a thick file. "Pandora and Gala."
"Why are you limping?" he asked her.
"I hurt my ankle yesterday. Here are all the contracts. I sent you the electronic copies as well. The product list and pricing is in here. Here are all the Gala plans I have so far. It's pretty much done already. I suggest Amanda to finish this up. She's pretty creative and planned the Christmas party. She's good."
Ivan held the files in his hands and stared blankly at her. Kallie stood up straight and didn't retract her arm when he made no effort to take the work. She looked completely serious, and it was sexy as hell. The prick finally sighed and accepted the papers.
"Kallie, I can't do all this without you," he whispered, probably hoping I couldn’t hear.
We both waited for her response in suspense. I wanted to shove him out the door and tell him fuck off, but I needed her to do that. She had to make the choice. This was her chance to give in and stay where she was or stand her ground and tell him no. Kallie needed to do it for herself, not for me and not for Ivan.
I never wanted for her to turn her back on her family and life for me. I wanted her to be happy and to do whatever it took to get there. When she fell into her old ways, I wasn't upset just because she basically forgot about me. I was upset because I knew she was doing something she didn't want to.
"Yes, you can," she finally told him. "Amanda will do great with the planning. Pandora is pretty much in the bag. My dad hired you for a reason."
Impacted (Conflicted Encounters #2) Page 3